A/N We'll just pretend I proofread this

Castiel's woken up the next day by the sound of his phone ringing. He groans and feels around for it, not even bothering to sit up. The caller ID says it's Jack. He probably shouldn't ignore it.

"Hello?"

"Castiel?" Jack sounds concerned, which is a good indication of how much of a mess a tired Castiel can be. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Castiel says, the last word cut off by a yawn. "Just tired."

"It's past noon," Jack says slowly. "Why are you tired?"

Castiel glances at the clock. Oh, look, it's past noon. Who would have guessed?

"Long story," Castiel lies. He pushes himself into a seated position, legs crossed in front of him. "What's up?"

"Well, I was gonna ask if you wanted to come to my house and see my dog and cat, but if you'd rather go back to sleep, I would totally get that."

Castiel sighs to himself. "No, I should probably get up. And I would love to see your dog and cat, but I don't have a ride —"

"I could drive," Jack offers. "I didn't get us killed last night. Hopefully today will be the same."

Castiel chuckles. "Sounds good to me."

"Awesome!" Jack says. "Want me to pick you up now?"

Castiel's about to object because he needs time to get breakfast until he remembers that his idea of a morning and the hotel's idea of a morning are not the same thing. He wouldn't find anything to eat here.

"Sure," Castiel says finally. "Call me when you get here."

"Will do!"

Click.

Castiel checks his messages, already prepared to put his phone away immediately, so he's surprised to see that he does have a  text.

Dean: Morning, sunshine! I know it's still really early in Cali and you're probably not going to see this for a couple hours, but I hope you have a great day, I love you, and I'll call you after practice <3

Castiel smiles to himself and clicks his phone off. He really lucked out with this boy.

He throws on some new clothes and his trench coat and waits by the phone until Jack texts him. He's out by the back entrance, which is a bit of a relief. Castiel really doesn't want to have to deal with the paparazzi more than necessary. Hopefully, if he's just going to Jack's house, he won't have to deal with any cameras at all. That would be a nice change.

Castiel makes it to Jack's car with no problem. Jack starts driving quickly, probably to avoid any paps that may show up, and the conversation doesn't start until they're on the road.

"Did I wake you up?" Jack asks.

Castiel debates lying to him to make him feel better, but instead just says, "Yeah, but it's probably better that I don't sleep through the whole day, so thank you."

Jack chuckles. "Okay, that's good. I felt kinda bad."

"So, what's your dog's name?"

"Peanut," Jack replies. "And, on a completely unrelated note, he's really cute when he eats peanut butter."

"Does he stick his tongue in it and lift up the plate?" Castiel guesses. "And then eventually realize it won't work and then hold the plate down with his paw?"

Jack gapes at him. "Yeah! How did you know that?"

"It's what my dog used to do, too," Castiel says with a fond smile.

"Isn't it adorable?" Jack says excitedly.

"It never gets old," Castiel agrees.

Unfortunately, Misha couldn't say the same.

~~

As soon as Jack opens the front door, a pug runs up to him. He's an adorable pug, not just because he's a dog, but because he's so small but so chubby.

"So, that's Peanut," Jack says, crouching next to the dog to scratch his head.

Peanut seems content with Jack for a few moments, then leaves him to jump up on Castiel, who leans down to pet him. Again, Peanut only accepts it for a few moments before switching people, back to leaning against Jack's shins.

"Alright, Peanut, at least let us in the house," Jack says, amused. He steps over the dog, who follows on his heels.

Castiel trails after them, looking around the house as he does. It's a nice place. It's big, maybe even bigger than Castiel's house in New York, but he's sure it's not too hard to find big houses in Los Angeles, so he's not too surprised.

Kelly is standing at the kitchen counter, a few cans of various tomato products in front of her. She gives the two boys a friendly smile. "I see Peanut gave you a nice warm welcome."

Castiel chuckles. "He's the cutest little thing."

"Oh, don't say that too loud," Kelly says teasingly. "The cat won't like it."

"Where is the cat, anyway?" Jack asks.

Kelly gestured to a nearby room. "Last I checked, on a chair in the living room, but don't quote me on it."

"Awesome, thanks!" Jack says with a grin.

Jack gestures for Castiel to follow him, so he does. Sure enough, there's a fluffy cat sitting in a fairly expensive-looking chair.

"Castiel, meet Tyrion," Jack says. "Tyrion, Castiel."

The cat meows at him.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Jack says sarcastically. "This is Lord Tyrion."

Castiel chuckles. "He's a lord, huh?"

"Oh, definitely," Jack says. "All he does is sit around all day and look judgmental."

Castiel eyes the cat suspiciously. "Can I pet him?"

"Unless he meows, go for it," Jack says.

Castiel runs a finger down the cat's head. He's absolutely the softest thing Castiel has ever had the pleasure of touching in his whole life.

"Hey, can I send my brother a picture of him?" Castiel asks. "He's kind of an animal addiction."

Jack shrugs. "I think Lord Tyrion would love for you to help build his kingdom."

Castiel laughs. "I kinda love him already, just because of that."

Castiel crouches down in front of the cat and takes a picture of him, then sends it to Lucifer.

Castiel: My new best friend.

Lucifer: I can't believe you replaced me with a judgmental little fluff ball! Et tu, Brute!

Castiel smiles to himself and shows the text to Jack. "I guess you're not the only one that thinks he's judging everyone.

"I don't think he is," Jack says. "I know he is."

Lucifer: Wait it occurs to me that you're in California making new bops and most bops don't involve cats and now I'm confused.

Castiel: It's Jack's cat

Castiel: His name's Tyrion

"That's Lord Tyrion to you," Jack says teasingly.

Castiel shakes his head in amusement. "You're right. I'm so, so sorry."

Castiel: Correction: his name is Lord Tyrion

Lucifer: I love him

Lucifer: But I also think he's preparing a murder

Lucifer: So I probably shouldn't associate with him or I might be the one who dies

Castiel and Jack both laugh at that.

"Tell him that Ty's only killed two people, and they both deserved it," Jack says.

Castiel: Jack says he's only killed two people and they totally deserved it, so as long as you don't piss him off, you should be safe

Lucifer: Dude stop you're missing a wonderful opportunity to cheese it up

Lucifer: Like

Lucifer: Our Lord has only executed two of his people, and both had committed egregious crimes.

Lucifer: You gotta play it up

Lucifer: Otherwise why would you even talk about a cat

Lucifer: It's only worth it if they're medieval murderers

"Your brother is the best," Jack says.

"I know, right?" Castiel agrees. "I don't know how everyone else survives without his weirdness in their life."

Lucifer: WAIT

Lucifer: YOU'RE WITH JACK RN RIGHT

Lucifer: I mean if you're not it doesn't matter cuz you can text him

Lucifer: BUT YOURE WITH JACK RN RIGHT

Castiel: ... yes?

Lucifer: Tell him to make Lord Tyrion his own instagram and just post pictures of him looking judgmental with sarcastic captions about how he's better than everyone

Castiel looks over at Jack. "What do you say?"

Jack hesitates. "I don't know. I feel like not a lot of people would be interested in it."

Castiel scoffs. "Dude, I haven't used Instagram in months — I don't even have the app anymore — and I would still check that account every single day. Plus, I bet it would be really fun to run, and it'll keep people interested in you even when you're not doing anything worth noting, which is good from a business perspective. It's basically a win-win-win situation."

Jack thinks about it for a moment, then says, "You know what? Why not? I think it would be fun."

Castiel grins. "Text me the username when you do it. I'm gonna make Dean turn on post notifications so I can see."

Peanut walks into the room, probably following the two boys when he decided Kelly wasn't interesting enough. He looks up at Castiel and Jack for a moment, and his little flabby face is just so cute. Peanut puts his front legs out in front of him, stretching his back before plopping down on his stomach.

Lord Tyrion looks down at the dog in his usual judgmental fashion. After a short staring contest, he meows. Peanut immediacy stands up, walks a few feet away, and lies down again.

Castiel can't help but laugh. "I've never heard of a cat intimidating a dog before."

"I'm telling you, Lord Tyrion takes his title very seriously," Jack jokes.

"I can see that," Castiel says, amused. "Can I send a picture of the poor peasant Peanut to Lucifer, too? I think he'd like him."

"I think Peanut would like being the center of attention, too," Jack says.

Castiel crouches in front of the dog and takes a picture of him, and he's never seen a happier-looking dog. He sends the picture to Lucifer, then stands back up so Jack can read over his shoulder.

Lucifer: I LOVE HIM

Lucifer: LOOK AT ALL HIS FLAB

Lucifer: HES SO CHUBBY AND ADORABLE

Lucifer: Wait does Jack also have a dog?

Castiel: Yep. This is Peanut.

Lucifer: Gtg my baby's being a baby but TELL JACK TO MAKE ANOTHER INSTAGRAM THATS JUST PICS OF PEANUT WITH CAPTIONS THAT ARE JUST SUPER EXCITED OUTLOOKS ON LIFE

Castiel looks at Jack expectantly. "Are you thinking of making a third account?"

Jack shakes his head. "I posted a picture of Peanut a few months ago, and everyone said I was a horrible dog owner because he's kinda fat — which isn't even my fault, for the record. He has a disease called hyperadrenoco— hypera— called Cushing's Disease, and it's known to make dogs gain weight, and since he was already kinda chubby when we got him, the best we can do is keep him from gaining more weight, ya know?"

"Yeah, people jump to conclusions way too quickly," Castiel says. "It's cool that you still adopted him, though."

"Well, I wasn't going to let one little disease stick him in a cage the rest of his life," Jack says. "He'd already been at the shelter for six years, and I guess people don't usually adopt older dogs, so I decided I would." He crouches down with the dog and scratches his butt. "And it may have been the best decision I've ever made."

Lord Tyrion meows.

Jack chuckles. "Or maybe the second best, after adopting him."