Lucifer: Castiel

Lucifer: CASTIEL

Lucifer: C A S T I E L

Lucifer: Ugh

Lucifer: Tell Dean to check Jack's twitter

Lucifer: If you ever see this

Lucifer: And if he hasn't checked already

"Dean!"

"What?"

"Lucifer told me to tell you to check Jack's twitter!"

"Yeah, I'll just do that now. Who cares if my phone gets wet? It's just a shower. It won't hurt it, right?"

Castiel shakes his head, amused. "I'm just relaying the message." He sits down on the couch, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. He might as well text Lucifer back some he waits for Dean to get out of the shower.

Castiel: Dean said he'll check when he's out of the shower.

Lucifer: Probs didn't need to know that he's taking a shower but k

Lucifer: At least he's clean

Lucifer: We stan good hygiene

Castiel: ...

Lucifer: Alex is taking her 1:00 nappy nap and I am le bored

Castiel: I feel your pain.

Castiel: Not about Alex but about being bored.

Lucifer: Yeah actually why is Dean taking a shower at 1:15 in the afternoon? Did he just wake up orrrr

Castiel: No, he just decided to take a shower at 1:10 and now here we are.

Lucifer: Well to each their own

Lucifer: Anyway

Lucifer: How's life

Lucifer: You know

Lucifer: In the two days since I've seen you

Castiel: Absolutely nothing has happened.

Lucifer: Oof

Lucifer: Can't relate

Lucifer: Perks of having child

Lucifer: Child do stuff

Castiel: Lucky you.

Lucifer: Ikr

Castiel: Dean's out of the shower. Gotta go.

Lucifer: Bai

Lucifer: Don't let Dean murder me plz

Castiel: ?

He doesn't get a response, which is a bit disconcerting. He waits for a few moments, then gives up and puts his phone down. It's not long after that Dean appears, wrapped in his bathrobe and looking much too comfortable in it for the middle of December. It's way too cold for that.

"Wanna check Twitter?" Dean asks.

"That's what I've been waiting for," Castiel replies.

Dean sits down on the couch, water dripping all around him. Castiel subtly scoots away, just enough to keep himself dry. Dean must notice, because he scoots in and pulls him into a big, wet hug.

"Ew!" Castiel whines, pushing him away.

"You can't escape the hug monster," Dean says with a teasing smile.

"But the hug monster can apparently escape his towel," Castiel says. "You're so wet!"

"That's what she said."

Castiel rolls his eyes. "You really just ruined my entire day right there just for kicks, huh?"

"Fuck yeah, I did," Dean replies. "Now come on, let's see what Jack said."

Castiel snuggles against him, carefully avoiding his skin in hopes that his bathrobe is a little less wet than he is. He looks over at Dean's phone, watching his fiancé as he pulls Jack's tweet up. It's a retweet of Dean's tweet calling him out for telling John Mulaney about his secret obsession.

"Almost like how you conveniently ignored the part of the Ellen Show where I said 'Dean, if you're watching this, don't show Castiel.'"

"Oh, shit, I've been exposed," Dean says. "Twice. Wow, it's really been a day, huh?"

"Did you tell him that you showed me the Ellen clip?" Castiel asks.

"Wait, no, I didn't," Dean says. "Did you?"

"Nope."

Dean pauses, thinking about that. "Okay, so, today's discoveries — John Mulaney knows I exist, and Jack is psychic. Not sure which one's more surprising."

"Ask him who told him," Castiel says.

"Good plan, good plan."

Dean retweets his retweet, with, "Okay but Cas thought it was adorable so your opinion is kinda irrelevant :) Also how the fuck do you know I showed Cas I was v secretive about it."

"When he answers, I'll tell you," Dean says.

"You'd better," Castiel replies.

"Until then," Dean says, "wanna look at gifs of Benedict Cumberbatch with me?"

Castiel groans and walks away, ignoring Dean's laughter from behind him.

~~

"Cas, Jack answered!"

Castiel immediately pauses his movie — Frozen this time; not Aladdin — and hurries to Dean's side. Dean already has twitter loading, and his tweet appears just as Castiel sits down with him on the couch.

"@YourFavSatan told me. Satan is the greatest snitch."

"Of course it was Lucifer," Dean mutters.

"On the bright side, Lucifer is the reason you know John Mulaney knows you exist," Castiel says.

"On the dark side, Lucifer is the reason John Mulaney knows I'm obsessed."

"Touché," Castiel says. "But I'm sure he'll take it as a compliment, not something weird. Besides, realizing you're the Dean Winchester's only passion in life? Iconic."

"Right, because I have no other passions," Dean deadpans.

"Well, none that people know about," Castiel says. "I'm assuming you don't brag about your love of Benedict Cumberbatch on Twitter a lot."

"No, and if anyone tells him, I will personally be the one to murder them," Dean says immediately. "But you're absolutely right. I've got no other passions. Definitely not related to athletics. No sports hobbies whatsoever."

"Oh, right," Castiel says. "Okay, but in my defense, you haven't played football in a while, and you can't expect me to remember that far back."

"And by 'that far back,' you mean less than a year."

"It's been a really long year."

Dean shakes his head, amused. "You have the memory of a goldfish."

"I wish my memory was as good as a goldfish."

A/N Y'all Taylor Swift just killed it at the Prime Day concert (and this is my happy time rn so if anyone makes a negative comment about her today I will delete it immediately), and if you have Amazon Prime, you have to watch it, at least for the bridge of Shake It Off (you'll understand why when you see it) and her acoustic version of Welcome To New York (I don't know if you'll actually like that one but I love her acoustic performances because you focus more on the lyrics and the emotion). Also I got this one really sweet comment on my old fic Supernatural House Arrest and I had kinda reread the last few chapters along with that person because they were being awesome and commenting a lot, and that one person accidentally convinced me to start writing it again as if I didn't abandon it over a year ago, before Strings Attached even had a sequel, and I've been spending all my time working on that, so basically the point of this whole paragraph is that the reason I'm shit at updating is House Arrest and Taylor Swift.