crushes are so strange.

like one day you might see this girl or guy and just go, "wow they're attractive." and then you get to know them. like their personality and what their lil cute quirks are. you start to notice what they look like when they daydream, and then you start to think it's beautiful, and then you start asking yourself what the hell? because you had no intention to fall for this person, this human being that has flaws and makes mistakes and maybe they cry themselves to sleep every night, but they would never tell you that because it's just a crush.

it's like an awkward line between friendship and a romantic relationship.

and then sometimes you fall in love with your best friend. you don't catch yourself doing it at first because they're your best friend and you're supposed to tell them how cute they are and how good they look in that outfit. you're not supposed to fall in love with them. that isn't the purpose of just a best friend. and then if you do fall in love with them, it seems like your heart is breaking because you'll never actually get to see what their lips taste like and it's just so annoying sometimes.

and then maybe you'll get a crush on someone miles and miles away that you probably have no chance of ever meeting. maybe those crushes are the easiest to get over. you just stop talking and drift away and forget each other' existence because you live on different continents.

sometimes I tell myself I don't ever want to fall completely in love with somebody. I don't want to know that person's favorite color. I don't want to know what that person's hair smells like after they shower. I don't want to know people.

people cause us to fall in love with other people, and sometimes it's the people who cause us to fall in love are the people we're actually in love with.

it's strange, isn't it?

this started out as crushing and turned into love. sorry bout that.