7

Jude

It was difficult to keep myself from reading the letter Elle wrote to me on the flight from Singapore to Sydney. Rob and I started the flight discussing which football teams we thought would qualify for the World Cup, though he quickly popped another sleeping pill, and I had to turn to the inflight entertainment. But watching yet another film made me want to tear my eyes out. Thirteen hours on the first flight, a layover, and then another eight hour flight made for nearly a full day of travelling. This was the farthest we've ever gone to film, and I was already hoping they'd never choose a location at such a great distance again.

When we landed, Rob jumped in his seat, the effects of the melatonin finally wearing off.

"Here already?" He rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"Already? It's been eight bloody hours."

"What time is it?"

"Pilot said it's a quarter past ten at night. You really shouldn't have taken that pill. You're never going to be able to fall asleep when we get to the hotel."

"We're not going to sleep. We always go out whenever we make it to our location. I'm primed and ready to hit Sydney's nightlife." There was an encouraging smile on his face, but I had my own plans.

"Not going. I'm knackered, so I'm heading straight to the hotel and sleeping well into the morning."

"It was worth a go. Don't plan on sleeping too late, though. We've got that interview at nine."

"Oh, fucking hell. It starts already." My thumb and forefinger went instinctively to the bridge of my nose. Not even a full day's rest before getting right into it.

When the fasten seatbelt sign finally turned off, I hopped out of my seat before anyone else. I needed to get off that plane and touch down on solid ground again. I'd forgotten how unsettled flying made me; whenever I'd traveled with Elle, that uneasiness seemed to disappear. Without her with me, it was a queasy nightmare.

As I made my way through the airport with Rob, Jess, and a few of our other cast mates, all I could think about was the love I was leaving behind. I desperately wanted to call her, but I didn't want to do it in front of everyone. I just wanted to hear her voice and not have it drowned out by all of the other ambient noise. After nearly losing her in December, the notion of never seeing her again became one of my greatest fears. Her voice alone was enough to calm the raging storm that preoccupied my mind at the very thought of it.

I brought myself back to the world around me and turned towards the signs that claimed they would lead us to the "Luggage Reception," but Jess pulled my arm towards the exit.

"Always the humble one, Jude, aren't you now?"

"Right. Forgot. Though they could probably save a few thousand dollars if they just asked us to get our own bags. We don't need people to collect them for us."

"No one needs half the things they provide for us, but it's a benefit of the job."

There was a man standing near the exit of the airport with a sign bearing our names. He would no doubt be our transportation to the hotel, bringing me one step closer to hearing her voice again. We followed him out to a large black 4 by 4. Once piled in, they were on me to come out with them.

"Joining us for a night cap, Jude?" Jess edged me with her shoulder.

"Don't think so."

"So there's a chance?"

"Let me be more clear: no." I couldn't help the eye roll that accompanied it.

"Don't bother, Jess. Already tried to convince him on the plane." Rob didn't even look up; he was texting away on his phone, and I was nearly certain I knew who was on the receiving end of his messages.

"She with Elle?"

"It's almost noon there. I imagine they're both at work."

"Sorry, it's going to take me ages to get used to this ridiculous time difference."

All I wanted was to lay down in a proper bed, call Elle, and sleep as close to nine as I could without making myself late for the interview. When we finally pulled up to the hotel, I was the only one to hop out of the car.

I looked back at my friends in warning. "Don't forget about the interview tomorrow. We don't want to leave a bad impression in the first twelve hours we're here. It'll be best for the lot of you to not show up hungover."

That earned groans, rolled eyes, and a few swear words from them, but I didn't really care. I'd made enough of a bad reputation for myself in my youth, and I spent a lot of time rebuilding it. I wasn't going to let their debauchery tarnish it.

Check in was simple enough, and when I got to my room, I saw that they went the extra mile for us. I walked into what could be mistaken as a fully functioning flat. Separate rooms and everything. Elle would've loved it.

I plopped down on the bed and pulled off my shoes, which, after having worn them for nearly twenty-four hours felt brilliant. I pulled the letter Elle had written me from my pocket and put it on the bedside table. Then, my fingers were tapping at her name on my phone. She picked up on the first ring.

"Hi baby."

"Jude." I could hear the smile in her voice. "You've landed in Sydney? Everything was alright? You didn't take another sleeping pill, did you?"

"One question at a time, love. I'm in my hotel room. The flight was fine, and I didn't take another sleeping pill. It's almost eleven at night here, so I'm just going to sleep and hope it wards off terrible jetlag. You won't believe the weather. It's a balmy 19 C even with the sun down."

"I'm jealous. It's about 45 Fahrenheit right now, so that's—"

"About 7 or 8 C."

"Jude! I was getting there. You didn't even give me a chance. Besides, I thought you sucked at math."

"I don't believe I used the word 'sucked'; that's very American. Temperatures are easy. Sorry, love."

"S'alright I guess. I can let that one slide." She sounded chipper, and I was grateful for that. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I'll admit that I was worried she'd take the distance much harder. Granted, we were only about twenty-four hours in.

She brought my wandering mind back to our conversation. "I'm just heading out to lunch now, so maybe this will be a good time for us to regularly chat? I'll be on a break from work, and you'll be done working for the day, right?"

"Should be, love."

"Good. I'm not sure how talkative I can be in the wee hours of the night." Her giggles brought a swelling warmth to my heart.

"Fair enough. But I want you to know that if you ever need me for some reason, you can call. Don't worry about the time difference or if I'm working. Just call, okay?

"Okay." The softness in her voice tugged at my chest.

"I miss you already, Elle."

"Miss you too."

The line was quiet for a few seconds, and I wanted to save the conversation before it had a chance to sour.

"I'm doing an interview on one of the entertainment channels here in the morning. It's supposed to start at nine, which is..." I tried to be quick with the calculation, "ten at night in London. They'll be live streaming it if you want to watch. I can send you a link before I nod off."

I felt the pickup in her voice. "I'd love that. It does cut into my pre-work night routine, but I think I can make an exception."

"I love you, Elle, quirks and all."

"I love you, too. Goodnight."

And after composing an email to her with the link to the interview, I was out.

***

I woke up to a steady pounding in my head. Must be the jetlag kicking in. But then the pounding was accompanied by a voice.

"Jude! Come on, open up! You trying to skive off this interview or something?"

I turned over to look at the clock in the room and saw that it was a quarter past eight. Shit.

I hopped out of bed and ran to the door before Jess could knock it down.

"Really, Jude? You weren't even the one to go out last night for fuck's sake." She stormed past me and when straight to my luggage, which had somehow magically appeared in the night. Five star service that is.

"Sorry. I forgot to set an alarm. I need to shower. I haven't washed properly since London."

"You have three minutes. I'll set up in here and have you ready so when we get there you can walk right on."

"Okay."

I had no time to wait for the water to warm up, and I had to shower with the little toiletries left by the hotel staff. I knew this would mean I'd have zero time to prep for the interview, which caused a bubble of anxiety to reside in my throat. I hated walking into an interview and having no idea what direction it was going to take, but I thought about the last year of my life, and there weren't really any surprises that could be thrown at me. The only shit they could possibly bring up is the mess with my ex, but I'd like to believe that's a dead subject.

My shower did the job of washing off the twenty-one hours I spent on an aeroplane, but it wasn't satisfying in the least. I ran a towel over my head while simultaneously brushing my teeth and then wrapped the towel back around my waist. When I walked into the main living area, Jess was still rummaging through what was left in my luggage. I'd say about ninety percent of it laid strewn across the floor.

"Have you gone mental? I could've had private things in there, Jess."

She pulled out a pair of jeans and a short-sleeved shirt.

"Sorry, mate. Desperate times. These seem to be the only things that don't need ironing, so they'll have to do. Throw them on and come back out here so I can clean you up."

She chucked the clothes at me, and I changed into them as quickly as possible in my bedroom. It was less than ideal for an interview.

"I can't go out in just this. Are any of my blazers wearable?"

"No. I'll text Rob and see if they can pull one for you at the studio."

"Why didn't he come get me when you all left? Didn't anyone notice I was missing?"

"We thought you were already there because you didn't answer when we knocked on your door. I came back when we realised you were still asleep. Tried calling you a bunch of times, but it went right to voicemail."

I picked up my phone from the island in the little kitchen area and realised setting an alarm would've been useless anyways; my phone was completely drained of battery. I went back into my room to grab a charger from my carry-on. Jess then spent less than ten minutes trying to make me look like I hadn't just traveled nearly seventeen thousand kilometers.

"This is as good as it's going to get. I told the driver who brought me here to wait outside. Hopefully he's still there."

"I'll tip him well if he is. Here," I handed Jess my phone and the charger, "please find somewhere to charge this when we get there. I want to call Elle when it's over."

She took the items from me and placed them in her handbag.

When we got to the TV studio, there were less than five minutes to spare. Rob met me at the entrance with a jacket in hand.

"Thanks. I needed something to make me look halfway professional."

I threw it on top of my t-shirt and followed him to where our interview was happening. As soon as I saw it wasn't in front of a live audience, I breathed a sigh of relief, but it was short lived. Once I walked through the door, I noticed where they'd sat me.

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to Rob. "A little warning that they were putting me next to Sophie would've been appreciated."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Didn't want to stress you further. I tried to get them to switch it, but they wouldn't."

"Fucking hell, I sent Elle a link to be able to watch the interview before I went to bed last night. What if she thinks I've sat myself next to her on purpose?"

"Do you want a Xanax or something? You need to relax. She's smart. She knows the media tries to play up the relationship rumors between you and Soph."

"Sophie," I corrected.

"Whatever. Listen, it's going to be fine."

He pushed me back into the room.

"Sorry, everyone. Jetlag must be catching up to me already." I was greeted with a rousing slow-clap. Such great mates I've got.

I was fitted for a mic and gave Sophie a quick glance before taking my seat. A mane of black hair flowed over her shoulders, and her brown eyes looked as dark as ever. Sometimes I wondered how it was possible that I had given her so much of myself just to have her tear me to pieces.

Elle's face popped into my mind, and I longed to be able to see her eyes in real time. They're a magnificent blue, dark around the edges and growing gradually lighter as they get closer to her pupils. But the blue colouring was only half of their magic. There was a sparkling of gold flecks within her eyes that could keep my gaze captivated for hours. She always jokes that when she tans in the summer she gets freckles on her skin to match the ones in her eyes. I regretted that London would never give us enough sun for me to see them.

My mind snapped back to the room I was in, and I considered how Sophie and I were extraordinarily good at maintaining civility in the workplace. In front of everyone else, we maintained our composure and kept things professional, though it probably wasn't an act for her. I wouldn't let people see the pain she caused me. The sheer humiliation I felt when the tabloids caught hold of what happened. Two fucking days before the wedding. It took me so long to turn off my feelings for her, and really, until I met Elle, she still held a bit of my heart. I wasn't thrilled that she continued to play my love interest, but I was at least able to finally feel zero emotional connection to her.

The interviewer walked over to me and shook my hand, giving me that coy smile interviewers so often wear. It's one that says, "I'll have you revealing your deepest secrets in no time." Don't know where they learned it, but they all had it mastered. Other than that, she was quite fit. Blonde curls were tucked back behind her ears, and her soft green eyes made her seem harmless.

From behind the cameras, someone shouted, "And we're live in 5, 4, 3, 2—"

And then it began.

The interview started off easily enough. Rosie, our Australian hostess, began with simple questions and addressed all of us individually. She turned to Sophie first, and I tried to keep my face from souring as she spoke.

"Tell us, why have they chosen Sydney as the filming location for this season?"

Sophie had this habit of clearing her throat every time she opened her mouth. I didn't recognise how irritating it was until I'd fallen out of love with her.

"Ah, yes, well, as I'm sure you know, we film in a new location every year. For this season, the writers wanted a more urban feel as compared to some of our previous ones, so we're bringing our band of special agents to Sydney."

"How else will this season differ?" Rosie had a devilish smirk on her face.

"Sorry, love, can't give out too much just yet." She concluded with a wink at the camera.

The interviewer moved on to some of the other actors with us, but I was having a hard time focusing, and I started to just listen for any mention of my name. My mind wandered back to Elle and the gold freckles in her eyes. It kind of always did if I wasn't focusing on anything else. I thought about where I could take her on holiday in the summer that would be sunny and bright and bring out those freckles in her skin I had missed this past year.

"Alright, Jude, got a question for you from one of our viewers."

That was my cue. I pushed the image of Elle in a swimsuit out of my head. "Fire away."

"What's one trait you wish you had in real life that you could steal from your character on the show?"

"Hmm. I do wish I could be as cool as Sam Kensington, you know? He's a special agent who's always saving the day and making it look effortless. I'm not nearly that cool in real life." That one earned laughs from my cast members.

"Is this true?" Rosie turned to everyone else.

Of course, Rob was the one to speak up. "Oh, absolutely. We tried to get him out last night and the bugger refused."

"Speaking of your personal life," she turned back to me, "you've been in a pretty serious relationship for the last eight months. Care to tell us about it?"

No. My relationship was none of her business, but in TV land, you must play the game.

"Sure, I've been dating a lovely woman since June of last year."

Rosie looked at me, then at Sophie, then back at me, seemingly dissatisfied with my lackluster answer. "Now, I must ask, because I'm sure our viewers are dying to know. Given the history between you two," she pointed at me and Sophie, "how do your significant others handle your onscreen romance?"

If I were to give a truthful answer, I'd say something along the lines of "Sophie's boyfriend had no problem shagging her while she was still my fiancé, so I'm sure it doesn't bother him to see us in intimate scenes on TV." But that would be inappropriate, and I would have to answer not only to my publicist, but to the production staff, the director, the shareholders, probably my agent, just the whole lot of them really.

So instead, my answer went more like this, "I think I can speak for both of us when I say that our significant others know that what we do is just acting."

"Even given your history?" Rosie pressed.

"Yes," Sophie had taken the reins, "Jude and I are more than capable of being professionals in the workplace." She smiled at me, and I returned it for the sake of not losing my fucking mind.

Rosie finally broke eye contact with me and looked directly at the camera to take us to a commercial. The moment the cameras stopped rolling, I got up and went straight for the break room. Rob walked in seconds after me.

"Alright?" he asked.

"It's bullshit. Why would she bring that up? We're here to promote the show, not talk about personal matters. She didn't ask anyone else about their relationships. You and Lily have gone public with yours, but she didn't ask about that."

"Like it or not, you're the one with the interesting storyline. Just ease back and let the questions roll off. I thought fire was about to come out of your eyes for a second."

Rob was right. I just had to play it cool. Embody my onscreen personality a little.

"You want that Xanax?" he asked.

"Have you gone dodgy on—you know what? I don't want to know. Just don't do anything stupid, okay?" I turned to get back to my seat with Rob following behind me whispering "It was just a joke" the entire way.

Rosie looked into the cameras once again. "And we're back with the cast of Geminus. I'd like to close this interview with a little talk about other projects some of you have been working on. Rob, I believe you have a romance film coming out this summer, right?"

"Yes, that's right. We wrapped up filming in late October of last year, and it's set to come out in July."

She then moved on to a few other of my cast mates who talked about different internet streaming shows they'd picked up or charity programs they were running. And just when I thought I was in the clear, she turned to me.

"Jude, I heard you've recently landed yourself a massive role in a London production."

I'm sure the shock on my face didn't go unnoticed. "Did you, now?"

How could it be possible that she knew that? My agent had left a voicemail on my phone when I was midair the day before to let me know I'd gotten the part. I hadn't even told Elle; I hadn't told anyone. I could feel the confused stares from my cast members.

"Yes, I heard you landed the role of Macbeth in the modern adaptation happening this spring in London."

Well fuck me. I forced the smile. "You must have a good contact in London, Rosie," I felt Rob put a comforting hand on my shoulder from his seat behind me, and I told myself to maintain my composure. What would Sam Kensington do? And then I had it.

"I've only just found out. It was going to be a surprise for Elle as it's her favourite Shakespearean play, and I know she's watching, so," I turned from Rosie and looked directly into the camera with a wink, "surprise, love."