wooyoung san

the three of them sat together in another awkward silence, san picking at his food uninterestedly while jongho gobbled relentlessly and wooyoung slowly raised a fork full of unfamiliar textures to his mouth suspiciously.

he had no appetite, now even less so. partially due to his previous anxieties he had been unable to eat, but now he couldn't shake the underlying feeling of disgust with himself and his actions, causing him to recoil in his seat.

he had tried so hard to not let wooyoung get to him, because he knew he shouldn't. deep down, part of him was fighting against his growing feelings for the other, reminding him of the crappy things wooyoung had done to him in the past.

but here he was, succumbing to his touch once more and forgetting the shorter ever laid a harmful finger on him.

so he could not help but hate himself for crawling back to wooyoung so stupidly easily. i really am pathetic.

"so," his brother began in the middle of chewing, food spewing unpleasantly. "i take it the dinner didn't go well."

san began to nod his head in agreement, but wooyoung chose to open his mouth in denial. "in my opinion, it went spectacularly. san was amazingly brave and shit."

he raised an eyebrow at the lilac haired younger, looking at him for the first time since jongho intruded on them. "your idea of spectacular is a little different from mine. but sure, if my step dad attempting to save you from the ailment he sees as homosexuality floats your boat, not my problem."

"yikes." jongho whistled, only to shove another load of food into his face.

"that sucked, but the other bits outweighed it into merely a minor drawback." he continued suggestively, and san focused on the untouched food on his plate again, heat rising to his cheeks.

"you may have scarred dad for life." jongho agreed, swallowing down his latest mouthful. "sorry that he can be a little bit of an asshole, man."

wooyoung shrugged, patting the darker haired boy's wrist like 'no worries bro'.

it was weird seeing the two interacting again. san had forgotten that his brother and sort-of-boyfriend were good friends before he had even met wooyoung. another thing jongho had been first in.

"we should be getting back to campus." san announced half -heartedly, not looking forward to being alone with wooyoung again.

"yeah." the other agreed simply, getting to his feet after setting his fork down with a clatter. "the same car?"

nodding in confirmation, san shoved his hands into his pockets, walking speedily away from the two boys out of the dining room and towards the door. he literally couldn't wait to be out of this house.

without checking to see if wooyoung was following, he twisted the doorknob hastily and stepping outside, letting out a long breath and letting his shoulders relax.

while he stood collecting himself, the other boy strolled out and stopped next to him, not saying anything but stealing a quick glance at his tired face, dark lashes resting on his cheeks when his eyes fluttered closed.

when san opened them again, coming to his senses and realizing that wooyoung was within touching distance, he flinched instinctively and stepped around him nimbly, opening the car door and packing himself into the sleek backseat.

the confused shorter male made his way to the other door, getting into the car more slowly and shooting san a questioning look which he pointedly ignored.

the chauffeur revved the engine, and pulled out of the driveway smoothly into the road, beginning their journey back. wooyoung reached to pull the divider shut, perhaps for privacy, and san immediately panicked at the idea.

he grabbed wooyoung's wrist, pulling it away and pursing his lips before explaining flatly; "l-leave it open."

the other didn't question him, but took the hand that was holding his wrist into his fingers, grasping it delicately.

san jolted his head to look at their entwined hands in utter panic, hating the feeling of soft skin against his own, making him feel so safe.

quick. san thought desperately to himself, trying to ignore the other's soft subtle smile. list every bad thing he's done to you. don't lose to him so easily.

let's see... he punched me.

he beat up yugyeom.

he kissed hyungwon's boyfriend knowingly.

he kissed me against my own will when i asked him to stop.

he slept with that girl and left her alone...

good. keep going.

"san?" shit shit shit, his voice was so honey smooth and authentic- "what're you thinking about?"

just his voice was enough to jumble and scatter all of san's organised thoughts, crumble his walls, seep into his heart.

he apologized. he let bambam beat him to a pulp out of regret. he explained it was an experiment and didn't continue with him. he wasn't in his right mind. he said they were both drunk and he didn't leave her immediately. no one's perfect.

"honestly?" he bit his lip anxiously,  averting his eyes guiltily. "every reason why i shouldn't be with you."

wooyoung was stunned into a shocked silence, but it didn't last long. "well i hope you thought of a lot of them." he replied, squeezing his hand briefly.

"because i can think of twice as many why you should."

san's cheeks heated once more, and he blew the dark hair obscuring his vision out of his eyes. "cocky and confident." he mumbled.

"just how you like me." wooyoung smiled fondly at him.

"bold of you to assume i still like you." san replied, voice muffled by his shirt sleeve.

the other hummed dismissively, seeing right through him. "it's clear you do or you wouldn't still be holding my hand."

san scoffed in embarrassment, withdrawing his hand from the other's grasp.

"but seriously," wooyoung started, turning to look at him directly. "i want to be with you. but not if you don't want me. i just want- i just want you to be happy."

"don't get all soft on me." san mumbled, internally gushing at his honesty. "i need to think about it."

"i thought you liked soft!" he complained aside before cutting in, "haven't you done enough thinking?"

"there is no such thing." san replied matter of factly, drawing his arms around himself and fighting off the threat of a tornado of thoughts preparing to bombard him, proof of his words.

thankfully, the rest of the drive unfolded in silenced, his mouth wired shut and unwilling to provide another word, determined to ignore any that came from wooyoung's mouth.

when they arrived back, the other was first to exit the vehicle, pointedly walking off straight away, seeming to be deep in thought, leaving san by himself to give condolence to the chauffeur.

"thank you, mr kim." san repeated, about to turn and leave when the man caught his eye.

"if i may, mister." he suggested hesitantly, clearly having observed everything. "you have a good kid there. don't let him get away."

before san could say anything, mr kim smiled his funny smile, rolling up the window before driving off, leaving san speechless standing there on the gravel.

"okay then..." he mumbled, walking towards the dorms in no hurry, glad to be left alone and free from suffocating thoughts that germinated solely from social interaction.

he took his time, enjoying the cool night air, and when he finally arrived at their dorm's door he was almost surprised to see the chapped wood in front of him, as if his feet carried him here without the consent of his brain.

sighing lightly, he pushed the door open, revealing wooyoung standing there in front of the open curtains, shirtless as he must of walked on him mid changing.

moonlight illuminated his tanned skin, stealing san's breath and turning his legs to jelly, making his hands quiver as he closed the door, the sound alerting the other of his presence.

"san!" wooyoung exclaimed, facing him in surprise. "i thought you would go back to hyunjin's room."

"my- my feet had other ideas." he managed to reply, trying not to stare at the other's exposed toned torso.

"listen," he began more softly after pulling on a loose tank top and walking over to san. "i was thinking that i think you've had enough time to think."

"that's a lot of thinks." san whispered back, transfixed by wooyoung's calculating irises and the muscles under his sparse clothing.

"life is short." he elaborated with a pained smile, reaching up and brushing san's cheek gently with his hand. "there's no time to waste it on thinking. we're young, and we need to savour it with people that make us happy. you make me happy."

san said nothing, but didn't move when wooyoung's other hand found his face too, and he caressed both cheeks gently, not quite overstepping. "i've made mistakes. i know that better than anyone. but i won't make the mistake of letting you out of my life when you're the only good thing it."

a tear escaped his own eye, rolling down his cheek and onto wooyoung's hand. "i don't know what love is." the other continued, voice cracking a little. "there's still a lot we don't know about each other. i won't say that i love you when i don't understand what it means to receive or give it, but i will say that i need you. and i really fucking hope you need me too."

more tears cascading down san's cheeks, and he nodded through them, blinking them away as he drew his arms around wooyoung's firm shoulders. "jung." he sniffled helplessly. "we're nineteen year old idiots, and we have each other. and right now, nothing else matters."

wooyoung wiped his tears gently, the caress of his fingertips lingering softly. "you're right. shit will matter in the future. maybe tomorrow or the next day, but for now? i don't want to think about that."

with that, the lilac haired boy leaned in, connecting their lips in another dance of previously unspoken feelings. he angled san's head upwards to gain better access with his hands cupping his face, while the dark haired older drew him in closer, enjoying the proximity.

when they broke away, san smiled against his lips, keeping him close. "you're so cheesy."

"hmm." wooyoung hummed, kissing the corner of his mouth delicately and then brushing his mouth over san's jaw teasingly.

"easy there." san breathed, hands gripping the fabric of his shirt.

the other's hands left his face, instead finding his hips and brushing the material with his thumbs. he placed a long kiss first on his jaw again before moving back to his mouth, kissing him slowly, their mouths moving together in no hurry.

san opened his mouth willingly, sucking wooyoung's lower lip gently before allow his tongue to enter curiously, relearning parts of him he might have missed before.

still kissing, they manoeuvred to the bed, where wooyoung lay him down carefully and climbed over him, breaking contact with their mouths so he could attach his lips to san's exposed neck.

his hands thread themselves into wooyoung's purple locks, clutching his hair while the other began working on his buttons, placing feathery kisses down his chest.

"tell me the reasons we shouldn't be together." wooyoung breathed against his torso, lips moving against the cold skin and warming it with his breath.

"one... you punched me." san told, reciting the list he made earlier while his hands worked deeper into wooyoung's thickening hair.

"that's true." wooyoung replied regretfully, moving his mouth onto san's toned stomach, over the area that once sported a bruise inflicted by him himself, placing a kiss there.

san giggled at the ticklish feeling, causing wooyoung to smile unconsciously against his skin. "i'm sorry."

"it's okay, i forgive you." san quietly spoke with full honesty, untangling his hands and instead stroking the boy's hair gently.

wooyoung placed his chin down, looking up at san with a slight pout. "why?"

"because i can't help but really like you." he answered, eyes glittering down at the boy so many believed to be some stereotypical emotionless fuckboy when that was the last thing he was.

"i'm not confident when i'm sober." he continued with a shy smile. "so can we just.. sleep tonight? will you sleep with me again?"

"of course i will." wooyoung a answered, rolling off of him and letting him slip off the uncomfortable dress shirt.

they climbed under the covers, and wooyoung drew his arms around san protectively, pulling him close and holding him to him.

san had missed this. at last, he could sleep again.

-

something i wanna make clear is that soft is a cute college au. i'm trying to keep any smut to a minimum, and avoid extensive drama as that's not the story's focus. the focus is just on their simple love story, and sorry if that's not what you want but that's what this is. though worry not, dear  homies, my next woosan ff is planned to be slow burn, with more focus on a plot/drama and will have (to your delight) more smut

now that that's cleared thank you so much for all your messages from last chapter, they truly mean so much to me 😫❤

xxx