an update bc i couldn't wait (:

wooyoung san

san's feelings where a mixture of anger, pain and a lot of disappointment.

there was sadness there, too, but it was more supressed. he fought the sadness, because he just couldn't handle any more. san felt like he was drowning, in betrayal, and in confirmation of what every logical instinct of his body had told him about jung wooyoung.

he felt betrayed because he thought wooyoung might be different from who he was made out to be; more than the rumours. some stupidly moral part of himself wanted to trust him, to give him a chance. but in the end, jung wooyoung turned out to be exactly who everyone said he was.

"are you okay?" the hesitant voice of so called brother snapped him back to reality.

"don't act like you care." san scoffed, keeping his eyes on the wrinkled white ceiling of the nurse's office that appeared to be in dire need of a paint job.

jongho's shoulders slumped in defeat, and something very close to shame reflected in his eyes. "don't be like, this san."

"like what, jongho? save yourself the effort of acting like you care. it isn't worth it."

"san, i'm your brother-"

"no. you're my half brother. it wasn't either of our faults my good for nothing pathetic excuse for a father did us all a favour and died. that my mom met your father. but what kind of a brother stands and watches while his brother gets punched?"

"san." jongho's soft guilty expression hardened. "i am your brother. in every sense of the word. blood doesn't matter. i love you like a brother, and i have for eight years, and that's never going to change. i will always be your brother. and i'm sorry."

san raised his eyes to the rigid figure standing over him, scanning his expression for a hint of authenticy. there was a lot of it. "apology accepted. i'm sorry for bringing up... the brother thing."

jongho sighed, sitting on the edge of the small infirmary bed. "it's okay. i didn't realise... that it bothered you. i've never thought about it, really."

san said nothing, waiting for the thoughtful boy to express what he never said before.

"i'll try harder, san. to protect you. i know i'm a dick, god, i know, but if anyone tries to hurt you again, i will not let them." he allowed a small smile, patting san's shoulder lightly in a gesture he figured was supposed to be brotherly. "i know it's hard for you, with everything you have going on up there. i know there's things from your childhood you've kept to yourself. i respect that. but if you ever want to talk..." he trailed off, looking at san doubtfully.

"don't push it." he shook his head slightly, but he relaxed, looking at his brother contently.

they sat on the bed together in an awkward silence, neither of them knowing what to say to make casual conversation of the infrequent sincerity just passed between the two. thankfully, they were saved by the loud intrusion of yeosang and felix, each looking worried.

"san!" felix exclaimed rushing over to his friend and beginning to check him over for injuries. "oh my god, he really hit you?"

"no, i'm just lying here for fun." san said flatly, but his eyes uncovered happiness upon seeing his friends.

"are you okay?" yeosang questioned, keeping a respectful distance from the bed due to a habit of the inability to display the affection he felt.

"yeah, i'm good. i'm going to kill wooyoung, though." he stated, sitting up in the bed easily as if to prove his point.

"forget it, choi." felix fumed, anger clouding his features darkly. "i'm going to kill that fucker for what he did to you."

"no one's going to do anything." jongho said airily, rising from the bed and regaining his usual cocky demanour. "wooyoung's my friend. i'll deal with him."

no one bothered to oppose his new found protectiveness, so jongho left the room with a small understanding nod of quiet understanding to his brother. he knew san didn't want anyone to actually hurt wooyoung. though his words were violent, he didn't support the physical sort; he had too much of that in his life.

"so... where's yunho?" san questioned expectantly, pursing his lips at the disloyalty of his supposed best friend. (an exagguration of course, but san was just punched. his emotions were sensitive.)

yeosang and felix exchanged a knowing glance, each overcome with uncertainity of whether or not to tell san the truth. "oh... um, i'm not sure."

san clicked his tongue in disapproval. "don't lie. i can handle it, it's not like i had a near death experience and i'm 'sensitive'. tell me." white lie. he could handle it, but his emotions were especially sensitive at the moment.

"he's with mingi. they're trying to convince bambam not to actually kill wooyoung. the guy doesn't understand wooyoung will only retort back with twice as many punches."

san immediately tensed, gripping the bedsheet anxiously. "what happened?"

felix bit his lip, glancing at yeosang to tell him. "wooyoung beat up kim yugyeom pretty bad. probably because of what he told you, but don't feel guilty. bambam tried to stop him but he didn't get there in time; justifibly, he's furious with wooyoung for punching his boyfriend to a pulp."

"he did what?" san practically jumped out of the bed, wincing at the new bruising to his stomach, but the pain was barely felt. it was replaced by a new jumble of emotions that were mostly made up of anger.

"i told you he was sensitive!" felix exclaimed, trying to get san to sit down again.

"i am not. but i am feeling particulary murderous-"

"that's it. i'm taking you home." yeosang said firmly, leading san toward the door.

"no, i need to give jung wooyoung a piece of my mind! asshole-" san struggled weakly to no avail.

"no, san, you need to rest. let's get you home."

•••

san wooyoung

wooyoung was driving with no destination in mind; his hands guiding the wheel without the advice of his brain.

he hadn't been using a lot of brain today.

after hitting san, he was blinded with rage; at himself, and at everyone, and in those blurry moments he had taken to beating the shit of kim yugyeom, someone from his past who was now shaping his future with his honest reveal of the truth.

the truth of the past.

this was the present, he reminded himself constantly to make himself believe it. he was different now.

wooyoung knew it was the middle of the night, but he couldn't face returning to the dormitories.

the boy, bambam, had every right to hit him, again and again, and he could, and it wouldn't be half as much of what wooyoung did to yugyeom. he was afraid if he faced bambam he would let him hit him. he knew he wouldn't fight back. he deserved it.

and while these thoughts spiralled with him, he knew couldn't stop driving, couldn't sleep, wouldn't rest, until he made something right.

something he desperately wanted to go back and fix, erase it and do it over, do it right. but he had to live with the consequences.

so somehow he ended up at choi san's house.

choi san, the boy he had only met formally shy of a week ago, someone he knew next to nothing of, but someone with an importance in wooyoung's life.

maybe that's what made him scale the sturdy brickwork of the house and let himself in through the upstairs window he knew was san's, because it remained open ajar for fresh air, slipping in none too quietly and removing all possibility of going back from this insane idea.

"wooyoung?" san hissed, shooting up in bed and boggling at the intruder in bewhilderment.

"surprise?" he gave a crooked smile, dusting off his knees and biting his lip guiltily.

"wooyoung." san breathed, as if his name was a poison it pained him to voice, "you hit yugyeom?"

"i spent the rest of the day hating myself, climbed your wall and broke into your house, just to see you, and that's what you say?" wooyoung shook his head in disbelief, really just dismissing his shame and not daring to present the guilt he felt.

"oh, i'm sorry, you're right. maybe i should be calling the cops. this is technically a break in-"

'wait no no no- let me explain." wooyoung pleaded, splaying his hands in surrender to the fuming boy before him.

"please, go ahead. though i don't see why it matters, because i'll probably never forgive you. we could just move on with our lives, forget we met-"

"no! no. see, that's what i can't do, little choi." wooyoung smiled sadly, walking towards him and gripping his shoulders softly.

"because i can't just act like i never met you. yes, i've known you for as long as two seconds, but does that matter? i still want to know you. i hate myself for today, i really do, and i can't- i don't expect your forgiveness. something like that doesn't just go away, i know. but i want you to know some of why i did it, because at least someone should.

"i'm scared, san. scared because you make me feel things i shouldn't be feelings, things i thought i left behind. things  i know are wrong, but feel so right. i'm scared of accepting who i might be, who you give me the potential to be, because i'm not sure i can sustain that person." he took a breath, scanning san's eyes frantically, but the if the other felt something, he didn't give it away.

"it isn't realistic," he continued, "to expect you to be okay with me. but i want you to be. i need you to be. because you're the only one who seems to understand. and maybe that's why i'm here. because i want to try." wooyoung pressed san against the bedframe, leaning in agonizingly slowly, afraid of what he might do.

"i want to see," he placed his hand gently behind san's head, drawing him closer so that every word he now spoke caused their lips to brush, sending his heart galloping. he was sure he could feel san's heart beating against his own chest, unsteady and with matching speed.

"-see if i can be who you make me. this is an experiment." he whispered, feeling san's quick breaths fanning his mouth. "so don't freak out."

he pressed their lips together, ever so briefly, testing, tasting, discovering, trying. when the other didn't pull away, he kissed him again, with a soft caution that only allowed minimum contact as their lips moved together slowly, becoming familiar with each other.

wooyoung's other hand found san's waist, drawing him in to deepen their kiss slightly, tilting the boy's chin up to him. their lips moved quicker now, dancing to their very own rhythm, slotting together perfectly as if they were always meant to be.

it felt like finally.

wooyoung pulled away, keeping his eyes closed in fear of san's reaction. he let go of his head, placing his other hand on his waist too so he wouldn't turn away.

"i was kind of waiting for you to do that." san whispered, causing wooyoung to open his eyes to find the other smiling shyly.

"but i'm fucking mad you did."  he pushed wooyoung away, his smile falling as he lay down on the bed.

wooyoung touched his lips lightly, the ghost of san's still lingering like the touch of an angel. he couldn't believe he just did that.

laying himself carefully next to san, he placed his hand behind his head, looking up at the constellations projected on the ceiling, which seemed quite a childish element, but wooyoung found it adorable for san to have.

"you punch me one second then kiss me the next." san mumbled, turning on his side to face wooyoung. "if that was an experiment, you better not do it again."

"i won't." wooyoung replied softly.

after a moment of silence, wooyoung turned over to face san, examining his softly defined features, which he found increasingly interesting with each look.

"stop looking at me weird." san demanded, turning over again with his back to wooyoung.

"do want me spoon you so you can sleep?"

"...yes."

wooyoung smiled, pulling the boy toward him and tucking him into his embrace. "sleep well, san." he whispered, encircling the boy with his arm.

san wordlessly moved a little further away, but just so they were barely touching, and to his pleasure he allowed wooyoung to keep his arms around him.

they stayed like this for the rest of the night: close enough to be personal but far enough to be careful.

-
that got a little out of hand

3k reads is unbelievable i never expected that thank you ALL 💕

xxx