The night was silent as if no one was alive but him. He shifts uncomfortably in his bed, from his right side to his back. He sighed as he drags his right arm to his forehead. His orbs stare at the ceiling above him. He has been doing this for the past three hours and still he cannot sleep. He turns to his left side where his study table and cabinets are.

His sight falls onto the several photo frames he has on the cabinets. One of them was in his first Inter-High volleyball tournaments a few months ago. Their libero, Nishinoya insisted to get one taken to commemorate their first win after getting the team back to where it once was. The first round of the tournament was nerve wrecking but his adrenalin runs fast and filled with excitement each time he toss and spike the ball to his teammates especially his former partner, Hinata.

In the picture was every one of them in the team, the teacher, the manager, and the coach. Each one of them had a smile on them for achieving their first victory after a long time. Hinata was standing in the front middle with a wide grin with a V- sign shown on his fingers.

Yes…they won the inter-high tournament with many obstacles along the way but they never gave up. Sure, there was a couple misunderstanding, arguments, hundreds of nerve wrecking seconds and what not but their center never stopped bringing them back together. Only Hinata can do that without putting more oil onto the raging flames.

.

.

It was 24 – 24. It was the most nerve wrecking seconds in their team life when the opponent libero manage to save the ball and it was the most nerve wrecking seconds for Kageyama when three of their spikers are moving towards him, preparing to jump and spike the ball. His mind runs wild and fast. The match has been going on and on for over an hour, and everyone in the team was at their limit. He knows this will be the last toss to decide the win and lose.

‘To whom should I toss the ball to? Asahi-san? Tanaka-san? Or Hinata? Who?’ from the corner of his eyes he could see the wall of their opponents preparing to block the spike as they did earlier. He could hear their opponents shifting their block to the team ace, Asahi.

“The last toss will always goes to the ace no matter what and that’s the best you can do for the team.” His coach once mentioned. Upon remembering it, swiftly with the perfect form he can do, his arms preparing to toss the ball. Second passed, the moment his hands touched the ball, another second passed when the ball flew into the air, and another second passed the moment the three spikers jumps up into the air.

Another second passed when one of the spiker palm touched the ball, “DO IT HINATA!!!” he shouted. There it was the freak quick spike. Another second passed when the libero and the opponent vanguards ran after the wall. It was too late. They have missed. 

They won by 27-25! 

It took them another second to register what just happened on the court. Everything happened so fast that all were speechless. “YEAH! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!!” Hinata shouted in excitement the moment the referee blew the final whistle.

The last point went to Karasuno. Tears of joy fell down onto each of them. It was too overwhelming. They struggled so hard to get this far. The third years were speechless. Nothing could describe what their feeling right that moment. Their hard work finally paid off. For three years, they struggled so much that they almost gave up along the way.

Kageyama and Hinata watched their senpai’s cried in joy. They both smiled. Hinata grins wide as he showed his right fist, “We’re going to the nationals together, partner!” his smile always has some affects towards others. Kageyama wonders if it had affected him too. He returns his smile.

“Yeah, partner.” He bumped fist with Hinata for the very first and it was the last time.

…

“By the way, you have a great smile. You should smile a little more than frowning. They said a smile uses less muscle than frowns.” Hinata added. Of course, being oblivious to what he said, Kageyama glares dagger at him. With a hit on the head, the spiker finally shut up. He sighed.

On their way back, before parting ways with the others, Hinata looked at him, “I really meant what I said about your smile, Kageyama.” Hinata rarely uses this expression other than that one time when they had the three on three to enter the team.

…

“Don’t you smile?”

.

.

His eyes wide open upon remembering the girls’ question. It was yesterday, he had a strange encounter with a girl with an uncanny resemblance with his former partner, Hinata. She has the eyes that he once saw in Hinata’s. The same tangy orange colored locks and the same smile he always saw on Hinata’s. Moreover, she has the same presence like Hinata’s.

He closes his eyes, ‘How someone can resemble so much like him?’ slowly he drifts off to sleep with the mysterious girl he met in his mind.

----

Days passed since his last encounter with her. Things have not changed for him in school or everywhere he went. They still looked at him as ‘the guy who caused Hinata Shoyo’s death’.

During break, he no longer stays in his class. He hates it. He HATES IT WITH PURE PASSION the way people whispers each other, casting glances at him, pity, hatred, and what not. He knew it was his fault. He knew he should have been more careful.

HE KNOWS! But why?! Why do they have to look at him like this?! 

He began to skip school and wanders off somewhere. He was at his limit. His teammates often approached him when they saw him but they couldn’t do anything. Without Hinata, Kageyama had lost his way. That day was the same, he skipped school again as he avoided everyone’s gaze. Nishinoya and Asahi were on their way to the first year block to have a word with him, when Kageyama quickly walked away from them.

From the third year block, stood the Captain of the volleyball team, Daichi and his vice-captain, Sugawara. They saw the setter ran off from the school ground without anyone noticing him. Daichi frowned, not only Kageyama has begun to avoid them but also he is skipping both school and practices. It worries them. His behavior had changed. He has become withdrawn.

“He’s destroying himself…” Sugawara mumbles as his grey orbs follows the raven-haired setter walks away from the school ground before disappearing from sight.

Daichi frowned, “I guess this is what they call self destruct when one reached his limit. We need to do something before he loses it completely.” He turns around and leans against the windowsill. He folded his arms and sighed, “But how is the question here. I really want him to take part in the practice match with the Neko’s but at this rate I really don’t care if he’s taking part or not, I just want him to return to his old self.”

Sugawara looks at his captain; he is also worried like him and the others. Their kouhai no longer interested in volleyball anymore. What happened to Hinata has taken a toll on himself. After giving it a thought, “Let me try. After all, I am a fellow setter just like him. Perhaps he will open up.” He shifts his gaze outside the window.

“We can only hope…”

---

It was later in the evening after school and practices out, Sugawara found the younger setter wandering around near the open field where some kids and junior high school students playing there. The setter did not notice he was there behind him. Kageyama was lost in his thoughts as he stares into the orange sky.

Gently, he tapped onto the boy shoulder. He turns around. Sugawara could see the surprise in those black orbs of his kouhai, “Sugawara-san…what are you doing here?” he quickly gets up as he grabs his school bag. His senpai smiled, “Don’t worry. I was passing by and I saw you sitting here.”

He leans against the large tree behind him. His grey orbs quietly watched the younger setter shifts uncomfortably on his foot. Clearly, Kageyama wants to leave and avoid him from talking. He sighed, he knows he shouldn’t touch any sensitive topic and so he picked another one, “Nee…Kageyama. We have a practice match with the Neko’s this Saturday. Wanna come?”

He can see those hesitant look on the setter expression, “It would be nice if you’re there.” The vice captain added. Kageyama looks away, “Is this a way of telling me to come back to practice?”

Sugawara chuckled lightly, “In a way but I’m not forcing you to come back neither is Daichi or anyone in the team.” Kageyama remained silent as he stares at the ground.

How long has it been since he last touched the ball? Or how long has it been since he last tosses a ball to someone? Or can he even toss a ball anymore?

Sugawara sighed. He knows he should not press on the subject anymore. He gave a firm hold on the setter’s shoulder as he smiled, “It’s okay if you can’t answer me now but I really did meant it, that it would be nice if you’re there with us. We’re a team no matter what happened.” Kageyama looked at him. Sugawara’s smile fell slightly; the way Kageyama is now…is just like a lost cat.

“Well, be careful on your way home. See ya tomorrow.” He walked past the setter.  Then he abruptly stopped as he shifts his gaze to the setting sky, where the orange looked like the color of their former spiker.

“The color of the sky right now, really reminds me of Hinata…it’s sad that he can’t join us playing against the Neko’s again. He was really looking forward to it…” he trails off. Sugawara stuffed his hands into his jacket and walks away. He did not notice Kageyama heard what he was mumbling about.

The younger setter shifts his gaze to the orange sky, “Can I do it again…?”

It was an unanswered question.

---

The next day, everyone in the team was surprised, the moment their first year setter shows up for practice. He still looks hesitated to enter the gym but after Nishinoya pulls him in, he had no choice but to face everyone. Daichi was the first one to approach him, “It’s good to see you’re here, Kageyama.” He gave a firm hold on his shoulder, letting him know that his presence brought great relieved to him. Kageyama nodded slightly but he avoided making contact with anyone eyes.

The practice resume. Everything went well until the 5 vs. 5 match.  Kageyama was the setter for the B Team. He was not focused. His breathing quickens. His hands were trembling. Cold sweats ran down his neckline. He tries to calm himself down but he could not. He could not hear himself breathing anymore. His chest hurts so much.

It was his team turn to do the first toss. He did as best as he could but everyone notice it was not his usual toss. Something about it has changed.

“KAGEYAMA! TOSS IT TO ME!” Tanaka calls out as Nishinoya manage to save the ball from the first team. It was then, something triggered him the moment he saw Tanaka jumped into the air, ready to spike the ball.

All eyes widen as they watched Kageyama trembling all over. His orbs were wide. It was then; Daichi knew it was bad news. He quickly ran over to the other side, when Kageyama falls onto his two knees with both of his hands on his head. The match ends abruptly when Coach Ukai blew the whistle.

On the floor, Tanaka was trying to calm the setter down but he was nowhere calm. He was mumbling something but with the commotion happening, no one can hear what he said. Takada-sensei was about to enter the gym once again when he heard a painful scream came from the court. Forget the shoes, he quickly ran towards the court where his players gather at one spot, surrounding someone, crouching on the floor.

“Takeda-sensei, call the ambulance!” The blonde haired coach urged him. Without seconds wasted, the teacher grabs his phone and calls but it didn’t help when the younger setter screamed painfully. When his players gave way to the young teacher, he was shocked.

Kageyama was an absolute mess. He was tearing up on the floor as tears after tears fell. He was trembling like the autumn leaves, he was holding his head with his face scrunched in pain, “S-stop…stop…it…I didn’t kill…Hinata!” he was chanting the same mantra repeatedly.

“He’s having a panic attack. Give him some more room!”  Takeda-sensei ordered. He tries to soothe the boy by rubbing his back but it did not help an ounce. He cursed inwardly as he looked at his watch; it has been over 5 minutes since he last called the ambulance and it still has not arrived, “Kageyama-kun, I need you to calm down. Take a deep breath.” He tries talking into the boy but the boy could not hear him. Everything fell onto deft ears, “Is the ambulance here yet?!” he asked, raising his voice in process. Everyone shook their head.

Suddenly, Kageyama pushed the teacher away before getting up to his feet and ran to a corner. His black orbs were not focus anymore as trails of tears fell down his cheeks. Never in their lives, they would see Kageyama looked so broken, “Don’t come near me!” he punched Sugawara away. Asahi and Daichi knew they must stop the broken setter before he hurts himself. He could not see anyone at this rate.

After several attempts, Asahi manage to get the boy into an arm lock but he struggles too much that it was hard to keep him still. Coach Ukai made the hardest decision as he stomped towards them. He bit his lower lips as his fists made contact with the setter stomach. Knocking out the boy in an instant as Kageyama went limp on Asahi holds.

He sighed. Never he thought he would have to hurt one of his precious players like this.

“The ambulance’s here!” Ennoshita shouted from the nearest open exit of the gym. On cue, a few medics enter with a stretcher. Carefully as possible, Asahi lowered the unconscious setter onto the stretcher with the help of the medics. After Takeda-sensei explained to the medics, they brought Kageyama away. The teacher orders that the evening practice have been cancel before he left along with Kageyama. The coach immediately left right after he dismissed his players.

Everyone in the team exchanged worried glance. Sugawara stares at his bottle as his grips tighten. He bit his lip as he frowned, “I shouldn’t have asked him to come…he wasn’t ready to come back and play…”

“It’s not your fault. We did not know it would come to this. Come on, let us clean up and we will go to the hospital. “Daichi tries to comfort him. Sugawara’s shoulder fell slightly.

“Hai…”

He shifts his gaze from the bottle to the court, where Kageyama was.

Were they too late to save Kageyama from destroying himself…?

__________________________

A/N - Another chapter is up! I'm sorry for taking so long to update this book! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry !

But I'm not sorry for what I did to Kageyama in this chapter! *Gets hit by a volleyball from someone among the readers* Who did that?!

Anyways, follow up for  next chapter! What happened to Kageyama? Will he retire from the sport or will he continues? 

Please review! It means a lot to me!