Chapter 2

(four years later)

"So if you're ever being pulled up, always remember," Ma repeats her eyes filled with worry on me. "Hands on the dashboard, don't speak until you're spoken to, try to be as calm as possible—"

"Oh come on Liz, he's going to be fine." Dad speaks in, walking into the living room with his newspaper and his dark hair poking out everywhere like a bird nest. "You're just scaring him."

Ma turns to him with a glare, "really Dave?"

"Or—" I dare chip in. "I could just drive with Nessa."

Dad is about to say something after Ma nods at my idea but Nessa speaks over him, walking out the kitchen with a mug. "No, please Is, I'm not going anywhere today."

"Vanessa, you won't speak over your dad." Ma snaps and I see Nessa pout.

"Yes mum," she nods at dad. "Sorry."

We all turn to dad to hear what he wanted to say and he sighs. "Well, I was going to say driving with Nessa isn't a good idea." Nessa pumps her fist, I pout and Ma frowns. "You have your license now Israel, if you keep postponing, you'd never get to drive."

"Yes," Nessa speaks before Ma could again. "And I can't keep driving you to school every morning, I start work soon."

Ma throws a cushion pillow at her in form of a last warning before her worried eyes return to me. I can tell she just wants to suggest driving me but we go opposite ways and dad is right, if I am ever going to get a hang of this, I have to start now.

"It's fine," I pick up the car keys from the coffee table, "I'll be fine, it's just school."

"You'd be careful?" Ma asks and I nod. It isn't my first time driving. I've passed all the driving lessons and I've driven Ma to the store a lot of times. But this is my first official driving alone and without anyone grading me.

To be honest, I am a bit scared of driving all by myself. Before I learnt, the thought always excited me until I actually got to the road and had a feel of it. The stories about the police and people of colour weren't helping either and I am so afraid of getting into trouble. Ma has never experienced it like the movies show it but she has heard enough stories to live it and dad knew nothing as Ma would say; he is white after all.

"I would," I say picking up my school bag and saying bye to them all before leaving. We've already said our prayers so I was good to go.

The ride to school really turn out okay. I am slower than the speed limit and at road bumps my hand shook a little and I am a bit slower in driving out of traffic but overall it was nice. I slowly find a parking spot and carefully park my car, giving God thanks for the safe ride.

The air conditioner isn't working so I end up a bit sweaty. It was Nessa's car before it became mine after she graduated from high school last year. The car is old and slightly in bad shape but it could drive well and it isn't that bad. Very manageable, better than walking or taking the bus or bicycle. I am too lazy for a bicycle ride every morning.

I pick at my curly hair before getting out of the car, locking the door and crosschecking it before walking towards the school double entrance doors. I didn't greet anybody and nobody greeted me. I didn't know much people and I only ever interacted with two people here. My sister — who just graduated, Jamal — the closest person I had to best friend and Darcy Pickett from church. Darcy is my friend because of our parents and the fact that we attend the same church. Our parents hold religious meetings and Vigils at each other's house and I think ma low-key wants me to date her. That is of course if I must date.

I hear a locker open up at the far end of the hallway and my eyes snap up on their own accord as if programmed to look. It was Lou's locker, as I thought and I smile for being correct. Actually I've either mastered the sound it makes or I've heard it so much, it was now a part of me. Before opening, I made a small rusty cry and then snaps open. It's okay to say I had a little crush on Lou, I've fought with it over the years and decided to let it be.

I am not gay, I've never kissed a guy or been with any in any suggestive manner and I just like Lou from afar, no harm being done. I like his fashion sense, accent and buzz cut. Nobody pulls it off as well as he does. I pause from retrieving my books and just watch him take his. Soon two of his friends come join him and they shake hands and share bro hugs and laugh together. A feeling akin to jealousy stirs in me and I wonder what it'll be like to be friends with him. Maybe then I'd be over this, maybe I just admire him a lot and wish to be friends and instead I see it as a crush.

But I've read about crushes and signs to know about a crush so much on Google, I don't even convince myself.

Lou shuts his locker and walks away with his friends, not once looking my way. I sigh and return back to my own bubble, bringing out my own books and going on my way. I wish Jamal was here, he would have served as a distraction at least but he went out of town to visit his mother and would be back tomorrow.

Today is going to be a very quiet day for me.

-----

"Ma said to check on you, baby," Nessa teases me over the phone as soon as I pick her call.

I roll my eyes, bringing out the car keys from my pants pocket. "Hello to you too and I'm no baby."

"Well, are you okay? Need me to come pick you up?"

I shake my head even though she can't see it. "No, I'll be fine."

"Sure? Don't let your hands shake too much." She is starting to sound like Ma and I briefly wonder if Ma actually asked her to call or if she did so on her account. Nah, Ma asked her. It's so like Ma and I'm the last person Nessa would call while at work.

"I drove myself to school unscathed, didn't I?" I pull the driver's door open, throwing my bag in.

"Fine, see you later." She cut the call before I could say anything else.

I get in the car, putting my phone away and shutting the door. Hands on the steering wheel I look out through the mirror and I can see students loitering around talking, some walking and many cars trying to get out as soon as possible. I decide to wait a little until the way was a bit freer. I don't want to cause an accident and I don't trust myself to join the race of leaving the school with people who have been driving for more than a year.

While waiting I start playing a game of chess on my phone. Jamal loves this game, always says it was for smart people and anyone who knew how to play it and win is a legend. He always made me play with him so he could get better at it and from the way he always ended up winning, I am bad at it big time. I won't mind winning one time or at least give him a run for his money.

Not that money was involved, I've just always loved saying that.

I get carried away in the game and by the time I look away from my phone most of the cars in school we're gone and I am significantly late. If they notice I'm not home, they'd start calling and panicking and I really don't want that kind of attention on myself right now. Tossing my phone away, I quickly start up the car and reverse but just right then I hear a smash before my car jolts forward coming to a stop.

At first I couldn't believe what just happened, I didn't even know what just happened but the last minute repeats itself in my head and my heart starts hammering strongly in my chest, a ringing going off in my ears. I panickly looked back and I could see a truck right behind me. My hands start shaking and I close my eyes trying to get myself together.

Inhale, exhale, everything is alright.

No, everything is not alright.

I grab my phone quickly and get down from the car. The other driver was already out and I could see his shadow cast on the floor where he was squatting to probably check how big the damage was.

"Calm down Israel, it's just a car accident," I wince and bit on my lip before the tears I feel burning behind my eyes make themselves known. A car accident?!

"Shit," I hear the other driver say as I start making myself walk over to his side. He had definitely driven a little bit forward because there was now a free space to walk through between our cars. His was a big black truck and I wasn't sure if he ran into me or me into him. One thing that was for sure was that we were both reversing.

"Fuck this," the guy swears, now on his feet and kicking a foot at his tyre. His back was facing me and I could only tell he was white, taller than me and had black hair.

I struggle to find my voice and raised my phone up a bit. "I— I should call the police?"

"What?" His head snaps to me in panic and he quickly snatches my phone out of my fingers like it's a second nature thing to him. "Please, no way."

I'm too shocked to reply. Not only because he took my phone from me and switched it off but also because I recognized him as quickly as one would recognize a splash of ice cold water. His hair was still the same black but styled different, his skin still glowed like that of celebrities and his eyes were still like Nessa's cat, Pounce.

He looks away from my phone and back to me again and I was back in church four years ago. Except now he doesn't smile at me like he did back then, his lip tilt to a side and he raises a brow. His expression looking like he was struggling to balance between shock and amusement.

"Israel?"

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