Don't want this night to end
Don't want her
To slip right through the cracks
~•~

Leo

"Leo, it’s fine,” Ivy says for the thousandth time.

“I got scared,” I explain staring into her eyes, partly hoping she can see everything in my mind.

She tilts her head. “About?”

“Losing him... you, all of you, everything?”

She lets out a breathy chuckle and takes my hands in hers. Her warm fingers envelop mine and I find myself calming down.

“I understand that. It does feel scary and sometimes it’s like you have no control over it.”

I nod. “And whenever I feel that fear... something in me is activated, something I don’t even want to talk about...”

She gazes at me curiously for a moment. “That’s fine. But if you ever want to talk, know I’m here.”

I give her a grateful smile. “Thanks Ives.”

“Anytime. Also now...your pain is mine and even if you don’t need my help, I still hate seeing you like that and I’d do anything to end it.”

My heart clenches in my chest at her words. I find myself liking her more everyday; it’s hard not to. Like I said before...she calms my soul. And heck, these days, I need that calming.

“We’re good. All of us...have you talked to Jeremy?”
A wave of sadness washes over me at the sound of his name.

“No...not yet. I think we need space.”

“Oh...well, that makes sense. But you guys should talk before the week ends though.”

“We will.”

She shifts on the bench and snuggles closer to me, her head resting on my chest. I pull her in, wrapping my arms around her.

“I’ve always had that need to be loved,” I start as a light wind brushes past, caressing my face with a soft whisper. The leaves above us rustle and whistle in response to the breeze.

“Growing up...I was never... most of the time, it was like I had to work for it.”

She nods against my chest for me to go on.

I take a deep breath before I do. “I knew I had to say things...or do things, or not do things so people will be pleased and then they would like me. If I didn’t, if I wasn’t careful all the time, I’d do something they won’t like and suddenly all the love is gone.”

“That’s unfair.”

“Yeah... because of that I never really knew much about myself. Like...the true me. Since I was always trying to be someone others will like...I left my real self behind. And it was working out...it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t want to be alone, so I had to be different people at once to different people, trying to please everyone I had so they’ll keep me around.”

She sits up and looks at me with a slight frown.

“And you knew that it was wrong right? At least you knew...”

I shrug. “I’m not much different these days. Just less pressure to please people.”

“Lee, it’s better to be disliked for being yourself than being liked for who you aren’t, you know that right?”

I purse my lips and look away, a familiar mix of feelings boiling in my chest.

“I don’t know...”

She sighs. “Leo I understand how it is to be alone...to feel like no one cares or loves you because you...are yourself. But let me tell you, if you keep giving and giving and moulding yourself into something you don’t even recognise... it’s gonna get to you in the future, hit you so hard and it will be really, really bad.”

“I know,” I mumble, my voice shaking. “but it isn’t just easy. My whole life... it’s been–”

“Hey guys!” I heard Rhea’s raspy voice call out from a distance up ahead. I can see that Asher is with her.

Well shit.

We both look up and Ivy waves at them while I try to give her a smile.

I take a deep breath and shake off the gloomy feeling that surrounded me from the start of the conversation, struggling to put up my nonchalant demeanour.

When they get to us, they make themselves comfortable on the bench with Asher by my side and Rhea at Ivy’s.
“What’s up?” Rhea asks.

“Nothing much. Just...here.”

Rhea chuckles.

“You haven’t been as excited as you used to be about the bucket list,” she points out. “come on Leo. Where did you go?”
They all laugh and I can’t help but join in.

I don’t know, Rhea.

“We should play truth or dare,” I suggest, mentally ticking it off the list.

“Fun,” Ivy says.

“Oh no...” Asher murmurs, causing me to break out into a grin.
“Oh yes. Asher truth or dare,” I ask with a smirk. He scowls at me.

“Truth.”

“What’s one thing you can’t live without?”

He pauses for a moment, stunned at the question.
“Um...my poetry.”

“Ah nice,” I say with a nod. “Ask me.”

He takes a deep breath and lets it out, “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“Okay...rap.” My brows shoot up.

“What?” Rhea sputters with a laugh.

“He should rap,” Asher clarifies with a satisfied grin. “I’d love to hear it.”

“Alright,” I begin with a terrible impression of a boom bap beat that causes them to laugh at me. “So...here we go
I’m loving the game, the games we play
I don’t like to lose, and I have so much to say
The days are nice, the guys are all fly
Some days are really shitty, but I ain’t gon cry
Cause there’s love as there’s life and there’s hope in all our eyes
So Imma enjoy it while it lasts cause I know the future is bright...”
They give me a round of applause amidst their laughter and moments after, Ivy is still giggling. I give her a side eye but it only makes it worse.

“Cause there’s love and there’s life,” she teases and I give her a playful eye roll.

“I’m more of a singer okay?”

“That was actually a bit poetic,” Asher points out. I shrug.

“Okay my turn, Rhea truth or dare?” Ivy says.

“Truth.”

“What’s one thing you’re secretly good at?”

Rhea pauses to think. “Um...I used to crochet all the time when I was younger.”

“Really?” Ivy asks, her eyes glowing adorably. I swear she gets excited for the littlest of things.

“Uh huh, I can knit a sweater if you’ll like.”

“Of course!"

“I’ll keep it in mind. Leo!”

I Jerk, turning to face her. “Yeah...?”

“Truth or dare?”

I gulp. “Uh...dare.”

She breaks out into a wide grin.

“I dare you to throw a party with at least fifty people invited.”

◑ ⁠◑⁠ ◑

Asher

Jeremy’s place is bigger than I thought.

Knowing he owned a Rolls Royce, I knew he was rich and all but...damn.

I walk slowly through the narrow, quiet hallway leading to the living room, where the main party is happening.

Loud pop music is blaring all around from speakers set at strategic points, green, red, purple and blue strobe lights shoot down from the ceiling in a million beams, illuminating the large room with a pretty, multi-coloured glow.

The laughter and chatter coming from the room and other parts of the house fills me with a sort of apprehension.

So many people.

I spot Leo as the others in a group, chatting with one another so I make a beeline for them, pushing through the dense crowd of college students filling up almost every corner of the room.

“Hey Ash!” Rhea spots me first and calls me over. As I stroll over to her, I notice she has make up on today. She looks even scarier than usual but in a good way.

Leo thrusts a cup of some liquid into my hands and nods at me.

“Didn’t expect you to show up so this is a pleasant surprise. Have a drink.”

“Thanks.” I take it from him, taking a swig immediately. I almost throw it back up but I only grimace, handing it back to a cackling Leo.

“What the fuck is in there?” I ask, reaching out to grab a bottle of water, downing it in seconds to get rid of the vile taste in my tongue and at the back of my throat.

“Vodka plus cranberry,” Rhea answers, taking a sip from the bottle of beer in her hands.

That explains the sliver of sweetness.

Just then, Ivy and Jade appear next to us. My breath hitches in my throat.

“Hi guys,” she chirps, suddenly meeting my eyes. “oh hi Asher.”

I nod at her, looking away instantly. She looks so damn beautiful tonight; she has on a tight black crop top that shows off her small waist and some baggy jeans. She even has some light makeup on, which she almost never wears.

The sight of her like that causes my insides to twist.

What happened to ignoring your feelings?

My guts twist even more as Leo reaches down to plant a kiss on her lips. “Ready for the game?” he asks.

She smiles up at him, her irises glowing under the pulsing lights surrounding the room.

“What game?” I ask, before Leo walks around the table we are leaning on to the other edges gesturing to a board sitting in the middle.

“SHOTS. It’s like any normal board game but... it’s different. It’s intense.”

We all move towards him, curiously. When I get to the board and my eyes roam through, my stomach drops.

Switch shirts with the person to your right
Never have I ever
Everyone takes a shot
Fuck, marry, kill

What the hell is all this?

“Looks fun right?” Leo asks, dropping two die in the middle of the board. I’ve been waiting to play this game for a long time. We just need a few more people and we’re set.”

He drops a tall, transparent bottle just beside the board on the table before walking off to recruit more people.

“Well, this will be fun,” Rhea says, taking a seat. I draw a seat backwards and sit down, wearily, my mind racing with the thoughts of the things I’m about to fucking do. I don’t notice that I take a seat next to Ivy.

“You look scared,” she says with a giggle.

My face heats up and I look away, meeting Rhea’s twinkling eyes.

The bitch. She’s smiling to herself, really enjoying this.
“You look pale,” she yells over the music booming from a speaker just behind us. I roll my eyes at her, wondering why I came here in the first place.

Oh yeah, bucket list oath.

Leo returns with about five girls and two guys who look just as excited as he is to be playing this game.

“Damn...drink if you’re single. Anna, hope you don’t land on that one,” one of the new guys says with a snort and the girl rolls her eyes at him.

“Say one more word and I’ll tell Mia you’ve been sleeping with me and then we’ll be in the same boat.”

I look back and forth between them and gulp.

This would be fun.

Leo rolls the die and it lands on three. He moves his counter to the spot and it reads everyone takes a shot.

Well fuck.

“Alright grab your cups,” he says, proceeding to pour tiny portions of the transparent liquid into the small cups we’re holding out for him.

I throw the liquid into my mouth and it stings as it runs down my throat. Several of us grimace and one of the girls begins to cough, earning laughs from the rest of us.

The next person lands on take a shot and do a lap dance with the person to your right. I have to peel my eyes away from the scene, sipping from the bottle of beer opened in front of me.

Leo lands on truth or dare and picks truth.

“If you could kiss anyone in this room, who would you kiss?”

“Ivy,” he says without missing a beat as she turns red beside me. I hold back my eye roll and grab the die, rolling immediately with some newly gained confidence.

Go into a closet and switch shirts with the person to your right.

Everyone cheers as I slowly turn to the right, locking eyes with Ivy who looks equally terrified.

I gulp as they urge us on.

“There’s a free cupboard over there. Go in there,” one of the guys say.

We both get up slowly and I don’t meet anyone’s eyes for a moment.

Leo locks eyes with Ivy and gives her a tiny smile, but I can see unease in his eyes. They suddenly trail far behind me, locking on to something or someone and he immediately gets up.

“Um...guys I’ll be back.” He rushes off, leaving us confused.

“Come on guys!” some of the girls say, urging us on, nevertheless.

We lock eyes again before heading down to the cupboard they direct us to.

We’re both surrounded in darkness and my heart pounds in my chest at a very concerning rate. I think she can hear it. Thank goodness I can’t see her face.

“So...” she begins, her voice quiet in contrast to the music booming outside the cupboard.

She reaches out in the darkness and gropes around, her hands making contact with my chest. I suck in a sharp breath at her touch.

“Sorry.” She withdraws her hand to my disappointment and relief.

Fuck, she can probably feel my heart beating hard.

Beads of sweat appear on my forehead and I want to reach out to wipe them but I fear that I’ll end up touching her. I can only handle so much contact in one night.

“Um...hey.”

“Hi.”

“This is crazy.”

She chuckles, a soft sound that causes my heart to flip.

“And really awkward. I don’t want to do it.”

“Me too.”

“Okay,” she says, letting out a sigh. “good. Cause of Leo and all.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I say, my tone slightly bitter. “it’s nothing though.”

“Oh yeah? I’m literally gonna undress in front of you.” Her tone is teasing and my face grows hot at the thought.

Fuck, stop thinking about that.

“Won’t be so bad,” I whisper with a smirk.

She chuckles nervously. “Won’t be so bad to see you either.”

My heart jumps.

“Why? You think I’m hot?”

She goes quiet at my question.

Shit. I shouldn’t have said that. I should get out of here.

“Sorry. That was stupid. I uh–"

“No it’s fine. I do think that. Like objectively speaking,” she adds quickly.

I actually laugh. “You’re cute.”

Fuck. Did I say that out loud.?

“Uh...we should leave then, since we aren’t doing this.”

I can hear the rhythmic badump of someone’s heartbeat and frankly, I can’t tell whose it is.

“Yeah,” I say and she pushes the cupboard open. We step out into the bright colourful lights and I’m suddenly hit with sudden overwhelm at the sound of the lights and sound and people and everything. My head is spinning.

Ivy walks off without saying anything more to me and my heart twists.

It’s fine. It’s easier this way.

I take a deep breath and stroll to the table, and I’m surprised to see that it’s almost empty. I spot Rhea and decide to walk over to her when she suddenly gets up and begins to head out of the house.

My brows knit together. She didn’t see me head over, right?

I decide to follow her as she quickly heads outdoors, pushing and bending through people dancing and chatting with one another, cups or bottles or tiny cups or shots in almost everyone’s hands.

“Rhea!” I call out but she keeps moving.

She finally gets to the front door and escapes out into the eerie quiet of the night. I step through the door and stalk behind her.

◑ ⁠◑⁠ ◑

Rhea

I suck in a breath of air as I step out to the chilly air of the night. I wrap my arms tighter around myself, the zipper of my leather jacket digging into my arms in the process. I look around as I walk for a place where I can sit.

“Hey,” a scrawny, dark haired guy calls out, flashing me a pathetic smile. I roll my eyes, and look away, marching further into the darkness before he can utter any more words.

I manoeuvre my way through a few people loitering outdoors and chatting between themselves, most of them holding a drink of some sort. My throbbing head relaxes once I’m a good distance away from Jeremy’s house. A raised platform at a secluded corner of the house catches my eye and I walk over, making myself comfortable on it.

My eyes shut tightly and I take in another deep breath, I can feel the ground vibrate as the bass of the song blaring in the house booms in a steady rhythmic beat. It’s almost comforting. The party was sick...for the first few hours but then I started to get sick, literally.

Staying around all those people, a mix of adults and people in their late teens, reminds me of my time back when I used to stay with the gang. The alcohol, the music, the lights... the red lights.

I shut my eyes tighter.

“Rhea?” someone calls out and I snap my head up immediately, expecting to see another of the guys trying to hit on me, also wondering how they know my name, when I see Asher clad in his brownish bomber jacket and skinny black jeans staring down at me in the darkness.

We stare at each other for a moment before I find my tongue.

“Asher? What are you–?”

“I... followed you.” He flashes me a smile, something I don’t usually see and I can’t help but give him one back.

“Why?”

“Well,” he says with a sigh and takes a seat next to me. “I just wanted to talk to you... about stuff...”

I chuckle knowingly. “Ivy?”

He looks away and I’m sure his cheeks are tinted pink. He’s lucky it’s dark.

“Yeah...kinda. But let’s talk about you. Are you okay?”

I purse my lips and shake my head, answering truthfully for once.

“No, not really?”

“What happened?” he asks, his brows knitting.

“It’s not really–"

“Hi there.”

We both whip out heads upwards to see a tall, blonde guy in a hoodie, staring down at me with a creepy smile.

I sigh. “What do you want?”

“Chillax babe,” he says with an amused smirk, stepping closer to me. I bend backwards slowly, shifting away from him. “I just want to talk."

“Well she clearly doesn't want to talk,” Asher mocks with a scoff.

The blondie steps back and regards the both of us looking back and forth between us.

“Oh I didn’t see you there, didn’t mean to interrupt,” he says and I narrow my eyes at him. Asher and I share a glance.

“We’re not together,” I clarify and Asher nods.

“She’s not even my type,” Asher states a bit defensively and my jaw slacks. The blondie chuckles.

“Yeah and I’m not even into guys.” Asher glances at me furtively.

Blondie’s mouth forms and O and he nods, stepping backwards. “Sorry for bothering you.”

“It’s fine,” I say with a tight smile and he walks off, his feet crunching on the pavement.

I look back at Asher with a smile. “Ooh what’s your type then? Pretty black girls?”

He raises a brow at me and lets out a chuckle. “Rhea–"

“Tell me, what happened?” I probe, placing my fist under my chin, staring at him to go on.

“Do you have a cigarette?” he asks out of the blue and I blink at him.

“What?”

“I need courage to talk about this.”

I let out a laugh. “This is shocking.”

“It’s not funny,” he says, running his hand through his hair and staring off into the darkness with a lost look in his eyes.

“Go grab a bottle or two,” I tell him. “Get one for me.”

He gets up in a beat and disappears into the night. A few minutes later he gets back, handing one bottle of beer to me.

“I feel...bad,” he murmurs, taking a sip of his drink.

I snort at him. “Bad is good, bad is fun.”

He shakes his head at me, a lazy smile playing on his lips. “You’re bad influence. We’re underage.”

“Meh,” I tell him, taking a swig of the beer. The nasty tasting liquid splashes on my tongue and dribbles down my throat with a slight sting. “So talk.”

“I almost died in there,” he starts, gaining a chuckle from me. “Her hands were over me for a moment, I thought my heart would leap out of my chest. And then she said I was...hot.”

The liquid in my mouth almost spills out as I hold back a laugh. “She said that?”

“Objectively speaking,” he says dryly shaking his head. He takes a swig of his beer. “You know, sometimes she acts like she...I don’t know, might like me. Calls me hot, flirts with me, there are these moments when we lock eyes and we’re just staring at each other. It’s like I can feel a...”

“A spark?”

He nods and then scoffs. “Which is stupid because she’s clearly in love with Leo. I mean who wouldn’t be? The other day she read my poetry journal.”

My eyes widen. “How?”

“The day we were having Chinese food, I accidentally left it at the table when we all went to the bathroom. I was mad at her for reading it at first...but then she said it was good, that I was talented and fuck, I wish I didn’t care so much about what she thought about me, about any little thing she does or says. She looked so beautiful tonight, did you see the way her eyes glowed under the lights?”

I let out a chuckle. “Asher I think you’re getting a little drunk now.”

He sighs, dropping the bottle by his side. “As much as I want to forget about her, to ignore my feelings and hope they die, it just... keeps getting stronger. It’s not fair, she barely even looks at me.”

“I told you,” I say smugly.

“Rhea I think I may have fallen in too deep and I’m scared.”

“Aww,” I say, wrapping my arms around his shoulder and pulling his head to rest on my shoulder. “I get it. You can’t control it, you can’t stop it and it just keeps getting worse and worse...and they don’t even care about you.”

“I’m gonna get hurt again. I’m always keep getting hurt,” he murmurs, reaching out to take another sip of his drink.

I pat him on the head. “You should tell her.”

“What?” he sputters, raising his head up from my shoulders and staring at me as if I’ve gone mad.

“You should tell her how you feel.”

“No way.”

“It helps, trust me. And who knows maybe she feels the same way.”

“What part of in love with Leo didn’t you get?”

“Doesn’t matter. Just do it.”

“Rhea...” he begins carefully.

I nod, staring at him knowingly.

“I can’t.”

A/N
GOT WAY TOO DRUNK OFF  A VODKA CRANBERRY
(you probably don't get the reference😭)

And this one...

WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES...ALL I SEE IS RED LIGHTS...

STREAM STRAY KIDSSSSS ANS CONANNN!!!