"I don't really want to go Dad."

"But I want you to go Zaria. So - who gets veto over this?" Dad says, warm tanned face winkling up in all his smile lines as he teases me.

I sigh, loud and clear, just so he can tell the amount of upset I am right at this moment as I refuse to look at him, my short red hair falls over my eyes. "You always cheat."

He laughs at me, he always does when an argument goes in his favor. "Well, I am at least twenty-five years older than you Zee, I obviously get the decision making power."

Forget that he's my dad.

I force back a smile threatening to ruin my upset face. "I'm not five anymore Dad. That 'You have to listen to me because I'm older' thing doesn't fly anymore."

He laughs again and reaches a big hand to scruff my loose hair making me scowl. "Worth a shot. You're still going though."

And just like that, the conversation was over and he pulls up to Mz. Santafords ridiculous gnome lined driveway.

That old lady loves her garden gnomes - they creep me out though.

I swear - she's got the ashes of her five husbands in some of those things - their beady eyes just scream haunted.

I never asked though - mostly because I'm afraid of the answer and I don't want a curse on me because of the knowledge - I'm already plenty cursed.

I'm a shrimp.

Yep - that's my curse. Everyone around me is a giant and I am barely four and two inches. I am a shrimp. Most twelve year old's are taller than me and - I'm fifteen. So yah - plenty cursed.

"Have a good lesson! Say hi to Mz. Santaford for me." Dad calls from the window of his beat-up Cadillac.

I roll my dark eyes at him. "Um - Dad, you sure you want me to? You know she's husband hunting - again."

The look of sheer horror that flashes on my fathers face is worth all this nonsense.

He stutters something I don't catch and waves before shooting off at fifty miles per hour on a fifteen speed limit road.

I laugh under my breath. Me and Dad had fun antagonizing each other. It's how we show love to others.

Suddenly a sharp high pitched barking that should have been illegal to exists nearly breaks my ears as the front door of the condo bursts open and a tall - to me anyway- woman with fading box blond hair piled in hair curlers and vampire red lipstick smeared on her mouth comes flying down the walk. Her furry yellow bathrobe flinging open as her sippers slap the asphalt, her tiny pet rat dog thing squeals and nips at them.

I cringe when she throws her hands out and starts yelling something in French.

Ah yes, Mz. Santaford - my piano teacher - She was a sight.

"Woah, woah -Slow down Ma'am - I'm sorry I'm late - my dad's car broke down." It was a lie - but at least it was believable. That Cadillac was so old anyone would believe it's capable of breaking down.

She rattles a breath and shakes her head at me. "You know how I feel about zee lateness Zaria." She slurs in her Frenchie English.

I sigh, "Yes Ma'am. I'm sorry. Won't happen again." Maybe I could talk my dad into signing me up for archery or something instead of these piano lessons.

"Come, come! Your fingers need to warm up!" And that's her cue to grab my skinny arm with her long boney fingers and drag me inside her powder smelling house to play chopsticks and probably Bach.

She thinks I could be Bach.

I think not.

~~~~~~&&&&&&&~~~~~~

My fingers were stiff as I finally, finally, got to the end of the final piece - the grand pianos' sound dies down and the old house becomes still and musty again.

I'll admit, even though the lessons can be tedious and I'm not crazy about the teacher or her weeks old snickerdoodles - when I do get started, I like to play the piano. Even if I'm not up to Bach standards.

"Bien fait! Brava! Very well done Zaria, I must say, You've come a long way from your petit piano days!" She smiles at me, wiping tears from her glassy eyes and I smile back.

I don't want to hurt her feeling with my obvious doubt so I stand and bow to make her clapping sound worthy.

"I'll see you again, same time next week - no, earlier zan the time you arrived today." She gives me a knowing look. "On time."

I give her a sheepish laugh and nod. "Right. I'll let my dad know."

At the mention of 'Dad' the woman brightens. "How eez your dear father? Still single?"

The interest was unmistakable.

"Um - yah - no! He has a girlfriend and- " The sound of Dad's old Cadillac saves me from impending humiliation and awkwardness. "That's him, Gotta go!" And out I run as fast as my short legs can carry me.

"Heya Zee ready for-"

I practically dive into the car cutting him off as he gives me a 'have you gone bonkers' look. "Cougar on the prowl. Drive. Drive!" I gasp and clip in my seatbelt.

His eyes widen comically and he steps on it. Once again breaking the speed limit rules for the area.

"You think she followed us?" Dad whispers suddenly.

I can't help it. I burst into a fit of giggles. "She can't, she's doesn't drive." Dad flashes me an uncertain look.

"You're sure she doesn't have a chaperone or something. Isn't she rich?" He asks, the concern mostly for comedic effects now.

I tease. "Yah - she does and she is . . .hmm - ya know - she's pretty old - maybe you should marry her, she can't have that long to live and if she dies after you marry her, we'll be rich!" I practically sounded like a vicious moneygrubber.

Dad stops at a red light and turns a shocked face at me.

We stare at each other for a beat.

Then explode into teary laughter.

"What have I raised." Dad says through his laugh.

I flash him a grin. "A monster sir, a monster."

"At least you're cute."

I groan and roll my eyes. "You mean cute as in small." My good mood never fails to be ruined when someone mentions my curse.

Dad chuckles and ruffles my short hair. "Yah - cute and pocket sized."

I growl. "Don't rub it in."

He laughs again and opens his mouth to reply when the my phone rings. I pull it out of my pocked and look at the number, my eyebrows furrowing.

"What's up?" Dad asks, eyes back on the road.

I sigh. "It's Mom."

He doesn't say anything else.

My parents were divorced about two years ago - Mom got married three months after and now - she's pregnant. It was a sore subject for Dad because - he still hasn't really moved on and Mom just went and married again barely waiting and now she's having another kid.

I was still sore about that. I wasn't hating on the kid but - she was supposed to be here, having a kid with Dad so I could have a sibling that was entirely related to me - she'd promised.

But no, she had to go and marry again to someone else and-

It still hurt.

I swipe to answer. "Yah?"

"Hey hun!" Mom chirps on the other end. "How are you? Missed you this weekend."

I bit back a sigh. "Yah - sorry about that." I really wasn't. Dad had taken me on a work trip and our plane got canceled on the way back, the next one was on Monday so - I didn't see Mom last week.

Which I guiltily decided was ok - because every time I see her, that - Drew guy was always there fawning over her, making her laugh and - touching her ever bloating stomach. Possessive bastard - he always gave me the 'back of' look. Well, screw him - I didn't like visiting anyway.

"Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to come over later today - we can talk Baby room décor!" She squeals as I cringe.

Dad's eyes flicker over at me, he heard that.

My heart tightens as I grit my teeth. "N- no - thanks Mom, I - " Dad suddenly reaches over and takes the phone out of my hand pressing it to his own ear.

"She'd love to Dorian. I'll drop her off in a few." And he hangs up handing me the phone in silence.

I scowl. "Why? I didn't want to Dad!"

He doesn't answer. But I can see the way his brows are lowered - Moms excitement hurts him. He still loves her and - he was trying to hide it.

I hated that - I hated that . . . maybe even her.

"Whatever." I slide lower into the chair if people looked inside all they'd see is a sad and lonely man.

Whatever.

"Zaria!" Mom says, her excitement so loud my eyes hurt. She was in yellow - A yellow pregnancy dress that hung loosely over that baby boulder. I cringe when she side hugs me tight.

Dad was still in there when my eyes flicker to beg for a rescue. He shakes his head. I love my dad but - but this was cruel punishment.

Mom notices the Cadillac, her face drops - she doesn't say anything until it pulls away. Then she straightens, forces a smile on her face and pushes her long - like back length long - red hair out of her face.

"Come on in and see what we've done to the nursery."

'We' being Drew and her. Not Dad - I force back a scowl. "Yah - ok Mom." And she drags me inside her little rich entire quarter piece of a house.

Did I mention Drew was loaded? Yah - totally loaded.

"Tada!" She really should not be moving around like that in her condition.

Obnoxious amounts of greens and yellows invade my eyes as I take in the room for the new kid - it's bigger than Dads entire apartment - the one we all used to live in until Mom left. Now it's just me and Dad.

"Um - it's great Mom - " I try to start, a loud bang cuts me off and I bristle as Drew the Jerk walks in, pressed grey suit and all.

"Dori - oh." He stops mid smiley words when his sharp blue eyes land on me. The guy was by no means ugly - just - I hated him because he wasn't my Dad. And he hated me because I wasn't his kid.

Jerk.

"'Sup Drew." I drawl, because he hates it when I purposely do that.

He pushes back a grit. "Zaria, nice to see you. But it's Tuesday." His eyes flicker to my mother who doesn't ever seem to notice our unpleasant exchanges.

I shrug, indifference annoys him even more. "Mom wanted to see me early, so I popped by." My eyes flash at him, clearly telling him 'she was my mom before she was your wife.' I clench my teeth and force a smirk.

"Drew Baby, what color should the crib be? Red oak or black?" Mom suddenly pipes up, she's holding up two pictures she cut out of a catalogue.

I almost roll my eyes at this as Drew blinks, obviously having no clue how to answer this unimportant question.

"Go with black, Mom, it's more original." I say, just because I know Drew likes tradition and boring.

She smiles widely. "Great idea! I agree, I'm so glad you came today!" She starts chattering on, ignoring both of us and the semi hostile aura we are emitting at each other.

"When do you leave." Drew hisses at me. You know - for a thirty-five year old successful business man he could sure be petty.

"When I feel like it." I sass.

"This is my house, you can't just - "

"She's my mother - so pick? Wanna keep my Mom or the sanctity of your house?" I cut in, I was so not in the mood for this.

His mouth clicks shut, I would have laughed if I was feeling up for it.

I just wanted to go home.

But Mom - she just kept prattling on in her blissful ignorance.

Dinner was worse than the afternoon had been.

Drew kept giving me glares over the meatloaf and every time I asked for extra, he'd scoff or shake his head and - I just hate this guy. What Mom saw in him - I don't know. I don't think I'll ever know.

"Maybe Haley or Andrew - wouldn't that be cute!" Mom was saying, she's been talking to herself for the most part unless she asks a question or something.

"I like Zorro, That way I can call him Zoo." I say between bites of salad.

Drew glares at me again. "Andrew sounds lovely Dori." He smiles at her like a movie star.

She gushes and starts rattling on about why she totally agrees.

"I'll still call him Zoo." I mutter just to spite him.

"You won't call him anything if you're going to be disrespectful." Drew suddenly snaps. Mom actually shuts up for a second and blinks as if she's just noticed the unpleasantness of us.

I narrow my dark eyes at him and try to sit up straighter, my shortness didn't make for any scary aura's. I had to force it through my attitude. "You saying I can't be the kids sister, Drew."

I dared him to answer.

He bristles then pushes back hair that wasn't there, it was way too gelled back to have strays, and adjusted his tie as if he was remembering who he was supposed to be.

"Surely even your mother can agree that that bad attitude of yours wouldn't be good for the baby." He tries on a lawyer like voice.

Mom blinks again. Man - being pregnant turns her into a slow witted air-head.

"Don't worry Drew, The kid won't need me to teach it a bad attitude - not if it has you for a dad." I lost my cool.

Mom gasps. "Zaria!"

Drew seethes. "Are you going to let her talk to me like that Dori?" He snaps at her.

What a jerk.

I glare at them both, Mom was stuck - that hurt - I should have been the first person she defended without hesitating - but I was. 

I can't deal with this stupidity.

"Forget you. Have a nice life. I hope the kid hates your guts!" I yell and stomp out of the dinning room, which isn't all that threatening since I probably look like a toddler.

I slam the door and breath in the cool air. It was quiet out here. I could hear my anger.

The city was alive at night - cars flash by, window lights flicker, streetlamps lined the road. Yells, curses, laughter, music - everything - I loved the city. 

But here - here in these boring suburbs? Everyone was slow and boring, the most exciting thing was the occasional Audi driving by from a younger rich person. Most were old and where in bed by six.

I quickly dial my Dads number, it rings once before he answers.

"Yah?"

"Pick me up."

That's all I needed to say. He hangs up and before I knew it, the old Cadillac was bumping down the road.

I left the steps and climbed in, releived to be surrounded by the familiar scent of coffee and old leather.

"Thanks Dad." I sigh as we drive off, I don't even look back.

"No problem Kiddo."

He doesn't ask why I was upset. He knows - and he hates he can't do anything about it. Adults are hard to figure out sometimes.

"Buy you an ice cream?"

I smile. "I love you dad."

He smiles back.

The next morning my ears were ringing.

No wait - that was my phone - I groan and roll over, my short hair sticking on all ends as I reach for the dumb thing. I blink at the screen trying to get the sleep out of my eyes. 

Then I gape.

Moms calling.

At four in the freaking morning!

I didn't even know there was a four in the morning! What is she thinking! I swear if she's calling me for advice on diaper brands -

"Hello?" My voice was foggy but whatever.

"Zaria."

I cringe. It's Drew. That was not a voice I wanted to hear directly in my sleepy ear so early in the morning, my brain was too muddled to steel itself against the sound.

But wait - what was this bastard doing calling me from my Moms phone?

"What do you want? Where's Mom?" I snap, sitting up and rubbing down my hair.

I can hear him bristle. "She's gone into labor, we're at the hospital - how can you be such a brat this early in the morning?" He throws in at the end.

I scowl. "How can I not? Do you know what time it is? Couldn't she wait till later? Jeez."

"Funny." He says flatly, voice crackling over the line.

I decide it's time to hang up. "Well, thanks for the heads up - have fun."

And that's it. I click off and roll back over.

Back to sleep like a sane person.

Having babies at this hour. Man.

Anyway, the day goes on. It's summer vacation so - no school which means no homework which is typically a good thing but - I'm bored.

Dad's out - he has the early shift at the office and I am stuck here all alone listening to the neighbors blast some Mexican music from downstairs.

I'm pretty sure someone was yelling outside at them, but they didn't care, it was kinda catchy at least.

But still - I was bored.

The hours tick by. I read. I watch some really blurry tv, I play cards with myself. I sigh loudly and try to recreate a drama I saw once. It's hard being all the characters by yourself.

After twelve I got this weird feeling inside. Like I'm supposed to get something - but I can't remember what.

My brain mulls over what it could possibly be. But it doesn't cross my mind.

Three rolls by - Dad hasn't called - he's not home yet.

Five - I eat a boring sandwich. My stomach is tightening - where's dad?

I pace and look and listen for the Cadillac - nothing yet. Seven - nine - Twelve.

I'm panicking.

I called - three times in the past fifteen minutes.

Nothing - nothing, nothing!

I swallow my fear, my stomach threatens to choke me - I start thinking up every horrible possibility, every awful situation. Where's my dad? Where?

The phone rings - I gasp, swallow down tears that are threatening to drown me and answer without looking.

"Dad I-"

"Are you Zaria Flores?"

I swallow at the unfamiliar voice. "Yes. who are you?"

"I'm nurse Ann -I'm - I'm sorry dear - but you're listed as the only family member here and - Mrs. Carson died this afternoon."

I go numb. "What?" I sound like a robot.

The nurse mutters something about unfair labor and comes back on the line. "She died during childbirth, I'm - very sorry for - for your loss." The woman sounds like someone is strangling her.

I don't feel anything. But where's my dad?

"Um - did - did the baby live?"

"I'm afraid not - "

I swallow, my dry throat clicking - "I -I see - thank - thank you."

I hang up and sit down.

Mom was gone. She was dead.

Yesterday she was happy and weird and airheaded and annoying.

Now - she was gone.

So was the kid - that was . . .I wasn't sure how to feel about that.

Mom is dead.

Mom is dead -

Why can't I feel anything?

I realize in a sharp panic that - that I don't feel anything!

I just want dad - I - I don't feel anything!

The knock on the door was unfamiliar - was odd - I should have known before I opened it. Dad doesn't knock like that.

The guy on the other side was a tall - everyone was to me - man in a black uniform and badge. He looks down and his face crinkles up like he's forcing himself to keep something back.

"Yah?" My heart is in my ears - what is an officer doing here?

Where's dad? What's going on?

"Ms. Flores?"

I nod. Someone is grabbing my lungs and squeezing - why - why - my brain is empty but whirling at the same time, I don't remember what I was thinking about.

"I'm officer Jackson - I'm regretfully sent to inform you - " he takes a deep breath. "Your father was just found, shot after a robbery in the thirty sixth store -"

I burst into tears before he finishes - my heart shatters, I can't breath - the sobs won't stop, I shake, my lips turn blue as I choke and cry and choke again - everything blurs and I can't - I can'tIcan'tIcan't-

Dad - my - my dad - gasps sound harsh and I hack, someone was moving me, forcing me to breath - I can't see - everything blurs and I scream.

My dad is dead - my dad has been killed and - nothing else matters.