A/n: TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION! If that will upset you either don't read it, or skip over it, I'll write when it's coming up. Other than that, please enjoy this imagine. Okay, without further ado, let's begin!

I sat on the couch in my bedroom, unsure of what to do. I've been dating the singer and songwriter Shawn Mendes for almost four months. We have yet to go public with our relationship, part of the reason for that being because we both know that I'm going to get hate. I sat on my couch, worrying if I would be able to handle the hate, worrying if I would be able to handle the distance of tour, worrying if I would be able to handle any and all of it.

My phone rang, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked at the contact name. My Love. Shawn's handsome face lit up my screen. I ignored it, not feeling up to talking right now. I silenced the call but stared at his face. He's the only one I want. He's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, the one I want to marry and have kids and grandkids with. He left a voicemail, so I listened to it.

"Hi darling, it's me. You didn't answer, which is a little odd because you always answer unless you're in class. I know you're not in class and I know you're not napping because you would've told me that. Alright, well, call me when you hear this please. I love you baby." He said before ending the voicemail. I could hear the worry in his voice. It wasn't like me to not answer his phone call. He texted me.

My Love: Are you okay sweetheart? I'm here, you can tell me anything, you know that. I love you.

I stared at the text for a couple of minutes, unsure of what to do, as he texted me a couple more times. Shawn is always telling me that I'm a strong person, but I don't believe it. I don't even understand what he sees in me. I don't deserve him. He spoils me with flowers, gifts, and so much love it's insane. But I don't deserve it. I can't even reciprocate it as much as I want to. I can't afford to give him expensive gifts. I started crying as I thought about my own insecurities. There was a knock on my bedroom door, but I didn't answer.

"Sweetie? What's wrong?" My mom asked as she sat with me.

"I don't deserve Shawn. I don't deserve him at all." I said as I cried.

"What are you talking about? You guys are perfect for each other." She said. I shook my head.

"No. He's always spoiling me with all these beautiful gifts and I can't afford to do the same for him. And what if I can't handle the hate when we go public?" I asked.

"You're strong. You can handle this. I thought you wanted to marry him." My mom said.

"I do. He's the only one I want, but I don't deserve him." I said.

"Well, he texted me saying he's on the next flight out here because he's worried about you. He said you didn't answer his phone call and you didn't answer his texts either." My mom said. I sighed and wiped my tears away.

"When will he be here?" I asked.

"Well, he's coming from Toronto, so probably about two hours." She said. I nodded my head, knowing that I couldn't avoid the love of my life forever.

"Okay. Yeah, I'll just... I'll tell him what's going on." I said. My mom nodded.

"You guys should really work it out. I can see the love between you two, and it's rare and true." She said. I nodded and she left the room. A couple of hours later there was another knock at my door.

"Come in." I said. The door opened and Shawn walked in. He looked like he had been tugging at his hair. He looked at me for a moment.

"Hi." He said.

"Hi." I said before moving my legs and patting my couch for him to sit down. He sat down and faced me, his eyes searching my face.

"You never ignore me, and then today... why didn't you answer? I was worried about you and I didn't know if I had done something wrong if something had happened or what." He said. I shook my head.

"No, this is, it's my fault, I um, I'm so sorry. I just... Shawn I don't deserve you." I said. He frowned.

"What?" He asked. Tears began to fall onto my cheeks as I spoke.

"You're so incredible and you're always showering me with these beautiful gifts and I can't afford to get you expensive gifts and I'm so sorry for that. I saw a beautiful ring online and I wanted to get it for you but I couldn't afford it. I wish I could get you beautiful gifts, I wish I could get you what you deserve but I can't." I said. Shawn held my face in his hands.

"Is that what this is about? Baby, I don't give a damn about gifts. You come up with beautiful gifts, I don't need an expensive ring or expensive anything. I just need you." He said.

"What if I can't handle the hate? What if I can't handle any of it?" I asked, still crying. Shawn pulled me in for a hug.

"You are so strong sweetheart, I know you, and I know you'll be able to handle it. If I need to, I'll make a post or do a livestream after we go public to get the fans to stop with the hate. You're so strong baby, you got this." He said. I pulled away from the hug and looked at him.

"I'm not strong. I don't get it. I don't get why you think I'm strong." I said. His eyes widened at my words. (A/N: Trigger warning for the next part! Mentions of suicidal thoughts!)

"Oh my gosh, babe, you struggle with anxiety every single day, you struggle with depression every single day, you've struggled with suicidal thoughts way too many times. But guess what? At the end of the day, you always have a beautiful smile on your beautiful face before you go to bed. You're still able to smile, you're still able to laugh, you're still able to live even though there have been so many times where you haven't wanted to. I'm so damn proud of you for that. I'm so proud of you for everything that you've been through, because whether you believe it or not, you've been through a lot. You inspire me every damn day. Not just with music, but as a person. You give me strength, you give me hope, and when I'm sad, when I'm upset, I think of you. I think of your beautiful laugh, I think of your beautiful smile, I think of your kisses, I think of your cuddles, and it helps me. So don't you dare for a single second think that you're not strong, because you, Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n, are the strongest person I know." He said. I hugged him, tears running down both of our faces.

"I love you. I love you so much. Thank you for that." I said as he held me close to him. He kissed my cheek before rubbing my back.

"You're welcome, I love you too sweetheart." He said. I pulled away from the hug a little bit and cupped his face in my hands.

"I'm so sorry I worried you. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I just... I wasn't in a good place mentally, I didn't feel okay." I said. Shawn kissed my forehead, and let his lips linger before placing a few more kisses there.

"It's okay. Just talk to me next time, okay?" He asked.

"Okay. I love you." I said.

"I love you too baby girl." He said. We cuddled for the rest of the day. I'm so grateful for Shawn and that he flew in to see me and talk to me.