Janet

I followed her into the living room.
"Shawn, please don't walk away from me like that."

She stood with her back to me.

"Can we at least talk about this?"

"J, what is there to talk about?" Her irritation was clear now, and I didn't want to fight.

"We need to talk about this... about us."

"Us?" She turned to face me. "Janet, I don't even know how you feel about me. First you won't give me the time of day, then you tell me you're jealous when you see me with another woman. That's confusing."

I lowered myself onto the couch, trying to catch my breath. The pain in my side was getting harder to ignore.

"Shawn, I'm married."

She folded her arms and shook her head as I continued.

"I know exactly what kind of man my husband is, but I took a vow in front of God. Even when he didn't deserve it, I tried to honor that vow."

"And I understand that, J, but—"

"No, Shawn. You don't." My voice cracked. "You want me to change everything overnight. You want me to just say fuck my husband and choose you. But I had to try. That's ten years of my life I'm never getting back. You have to understand that."

She sat down beside me. "Janet, I'm—"

"Just listen, please." I paused, choosing my words carefully. "I'm confused and scared too. I've never felt this way about any woman—except you."

She reached for my hand, but I pulled away. I was tired of her turning this into something about her.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I never meant to pressure you."

She dropped to one knee in front of me, lifting my chin until I had no choice but to look at her.

"Please don't be mad at me."

I rolled my eyes and looked away.

"You know you're sexy when you're mad, right?" she teased, brushing my cheek.

I smacked her hand away and laughed despite myself.

"Don't be mad," she said again, smiling—that smile, the sweetest one I'd ever seen.

"I can't do this on your terms," I said seriously. "It has to be when I'm ready. Do you understand?"

"I do," she said quietly.

She took my hand and kissed it, her lips lingering. I ran my fingers through her curls, and she looked up at me.

"Can we take that nap now?" she asked.

I laughed. "Tired?"

"Exhausted." She held out her hand. "C'mon."

⸻

We lay close while she played with my hair in comfortable silence. I closed my eyes, listening to the steady rhythm of her heart. Her hand rested near mine, and I slipped my fingers into hers. I lifted her hand and kissed her fingers gently.

I felt her heart start to race.

"Do I make you nervous?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Why?" I traced my finger lightly across her bare stomach. She was impossibly soft.

"I'm always nervous around you—especially when you're this close."

"We've slept in the same bed before," I said, lifting my head to look at her.

"You slept," she laughed. "My adrenaline was way too high."

I yawned. "I never meant to make this so hard."

"You didn't," she said. "It already was."

She pulled me closer, and God—it felt so good to be wrapped in her arms. We drifted off, but not for long. Her FaceTime rang.

"Can you grab that, boo?" she mumbled.

I reached for her phone and froze when I saw Amelia's name. Shawn noticed and didn't answer.

"Sorry," she said.

"Do you like her?" I asked.

"I don't know her."

"Do you like what you know so far?"

"Yeah... she seems cool, I guess."

"Was she good in bed?"

She lifted her head to look at me. "Wow. Straight to the point, huh?"

I shrugged. "We're adults."

"Well, I wouldn't know—we never made it to the bed."

I smacked her stomach.

"Ow!" she laughed. "It was fine. Just sex."

I hesitated before asking the next question.

"Will you see her again?"

She stared at the ceiling for a long moment before answering.

"I don't know. I guess it depends."

"On what?"

She looked back at me.

"Us."