For the first time in her life Cellese Lannister made peace with her body. She no longer had the will, the courage or the strength to fight anymore. Since the moment she bled, she had been in a constant battle with greedy men. Selfish men that treated her like the jester, a fool. A toy to break and damage while she was forced to pick up the pieces and force a facade because it is what the gods expected of her as a woman.

To be a dutiful wife, to be fruitful and disciplined. To obey the command of her lord husband. In reality she pondered the point of it all? Why be fruitful to men who couldn't produce heirs? Why be honorable to men that whore through the streets of Braavos lurking to find a child to bed? Why be a dutiful daughter when it's done is make her own blood loathe her so.

Cellese was ready for the currents to take her, in fact in the wake of Baelor Targaryens death she decided she would find a new god. The ocean. The vast stormy seas that has swallowed and killed thousands of men who set sail in their hopes of adventure, treasure and pleasure. Because the ocean like a woman is strong , untamable and vengeful. It asked no mans permission to move as the moon settled over its crest. She would now pray for the moon, in the hopes that it would crack in the nightsky and release her from the anguish that was her life.

That the legend Targaryens believed was true, that out of it would pool a thousand fires and dragons that would swallow her whole as she would die the death of a strong Targaryen woman.

She held her skirts and raised her chin with mighty dignity as she walked though the camps. She could feel their eyes on her. The lords, the whores and peasants that blamed her and Aerion for the heirs death. Because of their insolence and lust Baelor Targaryen was dead. But despite their glares, no punishment was worse than her own mind. In fact, Cellese replayed it over in her head. Had she just not suggested she and Aerion leave the castle, had she retired to their chambers instead. 

Baelor would still be alive if it weren't for her inability to control Aerion.

Aerion. A man her father swore would be the making of her ruin, and to her greatest irritation he was right. The damn fool who's skin seeped in arrogance and violence. When she entered their chamber she found her husband seated at his desk. She refused to acknowledge his existence.

She had given him one warning, one single warning. To not lose the trial and make a mockery of their marriage, and yet the task was too difficult for Aerion to persevere. No, instead like a cowardly child her husband laid in a bloody cesspool of mud and blood and he withdrew his accusation from the innocent hedge knight. 

She'd never been more ashamed to be his wife. The wife of a coward she was. Cellese walked towards a table and poured herself a cup of wine, alarming Aerion. When he threatened to open his mouth she held out her hand, silencing him as she took a whiff of the wine. If she could not drink of her cup , hopefully the smell of the fresh grapes would be enough to settle her carnage need to empty a bottle of wine.

"Cellese." Aerion mumbled, slowly rising from his desk. Hesitant to cross the distance between them. As Aerion looked at his wife he felt torn. Before him stood his wife who made his cock hard every time she threatened to skin him alive but in his presence also stood Cellese Lannister the Black bride, notorious for killing her husbands. Should it be that Cellese slit his throat that night, at least he'd have the comfort of leaving his imprint of her waist.

But Aerion recollected himself. Through torn and scarred he'd never allow her to see him as weak "Have you any idea of time it is? My guards tell me you've spent the morrow with my Dornish cousin. Have you no shame, still hopelessly chasing after him?" he spat 

"Unbelievable." Cellese rolled her eyes as she turned to him "You think after shaming me, this family, your house's name you have any leverage to levy insults against me? I should kill you where you stand, but the gods won't favor me if I take another life in one day."

"You should consider yourself lucky I allow you to speak to me li-"  Before Aerion could finish his sentence he ducked as a cup of wine as thrown near his head. The red contents spilling across the floorboards as he looked back at his wife.

"You insolent fucking child!" Cellese yelled marching towards  him. She could no longer contain her restraint as she felt her palms strike his scarred cheeks. Hitting him again until the wound bled again. 

"Cell-Arg" Aerion groaned as Cellese proceeded to grab him by his collar and kick in between the knees. As he groaned in pain, curling over himself he felt his wife shove him down. The only gift to his lips was her boots kicking him over and over again until she pushed distance between them circling back to his desk breathless.

"There are no words for my disgust you. I have done nothing but be a good wife to you, despite all your flaws and this is how you repay me?" Cellese shrieked "Have you any idea how lucky you are to be my husband? When I've had thousands of men throwing themselves at me I fucking chose you!" she screamed "I chose you despite all odd, despite the warnings and dutiful advice I chose bec-" she choked. 

Cellese shook her head, refusing to shed a single tear over Aerion anymore "Not only do I regret the day I met you, I loathe the day you were born Aerion Targaryen." She chortled before spitting on his face "Like most Targaryen men, it's a shame how you failed the woman that gave you life by repaying your wife with such shame."

Aerion's hands slammed against the wooden floors as he lunged towards her. Ignoring the gashing bleeding wounds on his body his fingers cruelly twisted into her arms. He dragged Cellese towards him, stinking of milk of the poppy and blood, enough till  her breath was on his "How dare you?" He hissed at her

"How dare you stand there and speak to me as though you are my equal?!" Aerion exclaimed as Cellese tried to get away from him, but his grip only tightened. The veins in his neck strained, only instead of it being a result of their passionate lust it was fueled by his rage. But not rage alone, something deeper and older.

The look in his eye as old as the Targaryen name. That kind of madness that was whispered as legends when dragons roamed the skies "You belittle me, attack me, and I give you the right to it." Aerions lips crept against her cheeks as his nails dug into her skin "Because I allow it. I permit it because I know it's what I have to endure to fuck you. But I will not have you spit in the presence of a dragon." Aerions fingers pulled at her hair and Cellese cried out "Whether you like it or not, you're mine!"

"Mine." he repeated, shaking his head savoring the tears forming in her eyes. As they slid down her cheeks, Aerion licked them away "You're mine no matter what I do or where I go. You don't belong to even yourself, do you understand me?" 

"Fuck you!" Cellese fired back as she stared at him in horror. There was a familiar fire in her throat. One that has kept her alive all this time as she held his gaze

"You think your shame is enough for me to let you go?" Aerion murmured "There's no ends of this realm where you can escape me. Not Braavos, the Reach, Castlery Rock or fucking Lys?!" he screamed as he held her against his chest. Cellese nails trying to claw away from him in a desperate flurry as she paused

"Wait.." she breathed "Lys? What are yo-" Cellese stumbled back when Aerion released her "What do you mean Lys? What are you talking about?"

Aerion laughed bitterly, though there was an emptiness to his voice. Exhaustion "Haven't you heard?" he remarked "My father has made his judgement regardless of the result of the trial."

"Judgement?" 

"He means to send me away." Aerions replied, though a bitterness remained on his tongue "Banished to Lys for the disgrace of Ashford. For all of it. I must say I'm surprised it took the death of his brother to get rid of me."

Cellese froze where she stood. Despite the facade, she knew her husband better than anyone. She could tell by the way his eyes shifted to the walls there was pain. The disappointment of never being enough for his father. It was the strongest thing they had in common. Being the family disappointment. Being the strain their fathers eyes.

"Lys..." she breathed 

"Yes." Aerion's eyes darkened at the pity in her voice "I told him no."

"You what?" 

Aerion arrogantly smirked at her, licking the blood from the corners of his mouth "I will not go alone. If he means to banish me, cast me aside like some rat then you are coming with me."

"Aerion..." Cellese sighed

"I will not go without you, dear wife." Aerion spoke as bile rose to Cellese throat "

"Aerion..." Cellese bowed her head, defeated in her attempts to fight against him. There truly was no limits to her husbands cruelty against her.

She turned on her heels and exited their chambers. Refusing to look back even it it meant she'd wonder the halls of Ashford like a ghost.

The heavy doors of Maekar Targaryen's solar room was violently slammed open.

The room was dimly lit that afternoon, and as the candles were rattled by the sudden air in the room a tired prince Maekar did not look up from his desk. Cellese halted at his desk, in front of him papers laid scattered all over with a cup of wine untouched to his side.

Grief had taken it's toll on the prince. Though Baelor's ashes were still fresh in the wind, perhaps haven't even carrying to Kings Landing, the prince's brother showed evidence of the impact of death. Within hours Maekar looked older than Cellese had ever seen him, not years older but decades. His eyes devoid of that familiar spark she once feared, now hallow and harboring a sadness wine couldn't soothe.

"Lady Cellese." Maekar's tired eyes met hers.

"Tell me it's not true. Is this some sick psychological plot to ruin Aerion's mind more than it already is?" 

"What is it he's done now to make you-" 

"I want the truth." Cellese's expression hardened, she could taste blood on the inside of her mouth from biting her cheeks.

Maekar sighed "Aerion will be exiled. I believe it to be a more generous and lenient punishment after what has happened." Maekar said flatly "This distance from the courts, from Westeros will do him good. Make him gain perspective for the consequences of his actions."

"You're such a liar." Cellese scoffed. Her words cut through his weakened attempt at a diplomatic answer. For the first time, Cellese saw restraint in Maekar Targaryens eyes. She stepped closer "After everything you know Aerion to be, after constantly cleaning after the slew of mistakes he's made in his life, why now? Why would you send the prince across the world, now of all times because it will improve his character. We both know it's not in his nature to think of anyone but himself?" 

"Cellese-" 

"No!" Cellese's tone sharpened. She was exhausted, more than just physically. Every waking moment in Ashford was a constant reminder she should have fought harder to stay in Summerhall. Had she fought harder to not be in attendance, Baelor would have never died! She would have never argued with Aerion, she wouldn't have snuck them out to the camps where Aerion found his way to Tanselle and attacked her. It was all her fault that Baelor died for Ser Duncan, and her body was too far in a state of shock to convince her otherwise.

The last thing she needed was Aerion receiving a so called diplomatic suspension, not from the man who's failed to make a man of him ever since he was a child.

She thought of the prince she met when being courted to. A conniving, cruel and manipulative prince who knew his family's name was enough for him to make, break and torment his subjects. An untamable fire that couldn't be blissed. A man so deluded in his family's legacy, forever upholding the name of legends and ghosts that he believed himself to be dragon. 

All signs of a father who failed his boy.

Because of Maekar's negligence and need to constantly over protect Aerion, now he was a man coddled in violence and cruelty. He was a man that could not stop until he would have the taste of blood on his lips. When she met Aerion Targaryen, she could not believe the length Maekar went through to protect and uphold the mad prince's name. It was a fatherly grace, nor she or her brothers had ever known from their father.

But as time continued, she realized their was no love to Maekar's care for his sons without neglect.

Then she realized the very reason for Aerions exile "You are ashamed of him. Of what he's done." Maekar's jaw tightened as her good father looked away "You loved Baelor, the trial of the seven...you knew you'd lose one of them but you never intended on it being your own brother, did you?" Cellese breathed in deep "You won't say it, not even to him but I know. It's because you blame him, Aerion for having a hand in Baelor's death."

Her words so cruel hung heavy between them. But as cruel as it was, it was true. Maekar made no attempt to argue against her. It felt like a relief hearing the words be said instead of arguing with himself in the dark corners of the room.

"For the first time, there is no limit to how Aerion has shamed you." Her eyes burned through him, whether Maekar was willing to meet her eyes or not "You look at him and all you see is what you've lost, isnt' it?" 

"Enough." Maekar's hands curled into a fist.

"Why?" Cellese's voice rose in challenge "Why should I when you make no attempt to discourage my claims? You know I'm right. As much as you want to blame Aerion for his faults, for his hand in Baelor's death you should consider looking into why Aerion has become the man that put your brother to rest." She narrowed her eyes "Why is it only when you've lost something, suddenly there's been need to intervene and question Aerion's character?" 

"Tread carefully." Maekar warned "You seem to be under the misunderstanding that you may speak to me, as though you are my equal." 

"I would never lower my ranks to see myself as your equal. Though this child of mine is not born yet, I would never even by faulty fail my child the way you have failed your boys." Cellese looked at him up and down, disgust in her voice at Maekars arrogance. She had a husband who was to be exiled, a father desperate to marry her off to the next highest bidder and a child doomed to inherit Targaryen madness. Cellese was far beyond the means of fearing Maekar "Why have you never acted before, especially towards Aegon who has suffered the most at Aerion's cruelty. If you think taking perspective of your son will fix the path you've set them on, my advice is to start with the oldest."

"Start with why Daeron drinks, why Aerion comforts brutality, why Aegon would find comfort and safety with a hedge knight than with his own family?" Cellese sharply questioned him "You are their father, but you never nurtured them into being good men and grief can not be blamed for that. It's not suffice to expect Dayana to carry that burden when they didn't have enough time with her. It can not be a wife's burden to make princes into good men all while you just hand them a sword for them to be good soldier. It's not fair."

Maekar stared at her. He couldn't muster enough fight to be angry, not with the toll his body and mind has taken during and after the battle. For the first time in years his body was aching of pain as he felt the fresh cut of steel on his skin. Gods, he was tired. His exhaustion now rested into this bones "What is it you want from me?" he asked defeatedly.

Despite her determination, Cellese couldn't see a prince, a warrior or the son of a king anymore. Now all she saw was a lonely, grieving brother, father and husband. A man drowning in his remorse.

She placed a trembling hand over her stomach "What happens to me, to my child? If Aerion is truly exiled, my father will see no need to halt his attempts in annulling this marriage. He'll find me a new husband before I show..."

Maekar nodded slowly, understanding the severity of the girls situation "You needn't worry about that. You can not and will not be punished for his actions." Maekar sighed "Neither I, nor your father is so cruel to put you through more than you've already suffered."

"You expect me to believe that?"

Maekar's voice softened "You, more than any lady in court has every reason not to trust the words of fathers but I assure, Aerion will leave for Lys as intended. Alone."

For a moment, Cellese felt something flicker over her face. Pain, relief but it quickly turned to disbelief "If that were true, what happens now?" 

"You will remain in Summerhall, if you wish or return to Casterly Rock. You will be cared for." He carefully glanced towards her stomach "You will not sacrifice a day's worth of comfort because of Aerions...decision making."

"And he agrees to this? Because Aerion is more than adamant of me joining him."

"What he wants is of no relevance to me at the moment." Maekar replied "When Aerion's exile ends, to which the kings council will decide on that matter, you may resume your duties as a wife and a mother."

Perhaps it was exhaustion or her nerves but Cellese found herself laughing bitterly "He does the unthinkable and suddenly I'm worthy of helping? After years of the expectations forced on me to keep him tame?" 

Maekar almost smiled, though it was closer to a grimace "I suppose I would need to start somewhere to correct my errors. You, much like the rest of us has endured far too much of that boys insolence. To exile you to Lys, when it has been accounted for that you tried to prevent Aerion from... Seems a pity to punish you."

"Is my father aware of this arrangement?" Cellese quietly asked.

"In the aftermath of Baelor's death, there was little choice left but discuss the matter with your father. Because of your condition..." Maekar nodded "He's agreed to falter his plans to see the king, you will remain a Targaryen wife, but Damon has made it clear what happens now is just as much your decision to make as ours. Should you feel the need to annull your marriage, return to Casterly Rock, or stay and raise this child, you have his blessing. Do you accept, our..." Maekar finally managed to spit out a dry and humorless laugh "An attempt to spare you any more pain that you've already suffered Cellese?" 

Cellese studied him, hoping to find a tiny glint of deception in Maekar's eyes. For some hidden trap that would tighten the grip around her neck. Her father and Maekar, deciding she's capable of making her own future? The lie screamed absurdity! But she needed a plan, and time. She was still adamant in making all the men in her life suffer for the constant and repeated disappointment she's faced. And she would start with the fathers that never saw their children as anything more than accessories to further their legacy.

"Though I doubt I could ever trust you, or my father I accept." Cellese's hand soothed her stomach "I never will. Both of you have acted far too late to expect of me to be gracious to your sudden kindness." 

AUTHORS NOTE:

we are so back ( i say to an empty crowd)

https://youtu.be/GvtPmX_3AFQ

chances are if this chapter doesn't get ignored, it'll be read by ghostreaders so if yall see this hiii, sorry for abandoning this book for so long <3