Bakshi Bano P.O.V

I rushed out of the eating room,as the message passed before my eyes and my own voice echoed in my ears.My heart felt as if it were going to run out of my chest as my ears thumped with heavy storms.I begun to run through the corridors,I finally reached my khwaab-gaah,falling on my knees as tears blurred my eyes,falling down my face.

"Bakshi." I heard as arms wrapped around me,holding me close as my cries begun to sound around the khwaab-gaah,"Nahi,meri bachi.Esa nahi rohte." Ammi-jaan's voice soothed my sobs as I latched onto her arms,"Kuch nahi hoga,they are just coming for the wedding.She cannot do anything to you."
(No,my child.Do not cry like this.
Nothing will happen)

I continued to sob in her arms,the last memory that my younger self has of Masuma begum was not one that haunted me but it was of Hafeeza bano,that made me tremble.

It had been months after we had moved to Hajjat Fort,I had been suffering from nightmares of what had happened and a fear of going even near any water,including the water in the hamam-khana.I finally worked up the courage to tell ammi-jaan what had happened that day.

I remember standing at the edge of the lake with Hafeez Khan next to me,we were throwing rocks into the water trying to make it skip,when Hafeeza bano joined us.She stood away from the water,the next thing I knew that Hafeez Khan turned to find some more rocks and I felt a hand on my back,a slight push and I fell into the water.The cold water enveloped me as I tried pushing against it,the weight of my clothes not allowing me to and then being pulled out of the water.

It had taken me months after that to bath in the hamam-khana then followed by mamu-jaan taking me to the nearby lake to help me get over my fear of being even near the water,eventually going into the water and then learning how to swim.

Hafeeza bano coming to Hajjat Fort had made me tremble because I knew what she could be capable of.I did not want to see Masuma begum because I knew somewhere within me that she knew what had happened at the lake but kept quiet for Hafeeza bano.I also held a dislike for the fact that ammi-jaan had to leave abu-jaan all because Masuma begum could not control her spoilt daughter.

"Bakshi,meri bachi,look at me." I pulled away from ammi-jaan's embrace,lifting my head so I could look at her,her eyes filled with tears and worry,striking my heart harder than any weapon could,"I know that you are afraid,my child.I cannot expect you to not be afraid because the person who haunted your dreams for years is going to be in front of you soon.But,Bakshi," Ammi-jaan wiped her tears away,her shoulders straightening as she looked me in the eye,her eyes changing from worry to darken,hope.

She cupped my cheek before reaching out to hold my other hand,"You are no longer that small child,standing on the edge of the lake,Bakshi.You are no longer drowning in the water,waiting for someone to save you.You are a warrior,you are the leader of a great cavalry and you are my daughter.You are proof of my upbringing and love.You are Bakshi Bano and you only bow before Allah."

I felt a hand on my shoulder,I turned my head to see Nusrat Bano's ring filled hand and I felt her tighten her hold,"You are the daughter of this fort,a magnificent burning fire that gives heat to those who know how to keep their distance and you know how to burn the one's who come too close.You are Bakshi,my parents third child.You are mine and Hakim Alla's sister.You have grown up around the bandi,khwajasara,urdubegis and soldiers of this fort.You have your cavalry a call away from you.You are not alone.You have always been our strength." Nusrat bano moved so she sat next to ammi-jaan,her hand now on my arm as looked at me with a burning gaze,that shone with her protectiveness for me,"Today,let us be your strength."

My emotions that had overtaken me at the moment of the realization that I would face my biggest nightmare had made me forget just who I had become.Ammi-jaan was right,I no longer would be able to be pushed into a river.I had ammi-jaan who loved me and had never made me feel like I am not her own.I had mamu-jaan who had tried day after day,week after week to be able to help me get over my fear of water.I had mami-jaan who had taught me how to wield a sword,so that if need be I could protect myself.I had Hakim bhaijaan who had taught me how to wrestle so that I could get out of situations that were harmful to me.I had Nusrat who had been a sister and friend,she had taught me that not every women in my life would put a sword through my back.

How could I forget who I am compared to who I was,the little girl drowning and waiting for help.I could now push myself to the top and swim to the river bank.I have more then what I had lost on the day we had to pack and move to Hajjat fort.A family who would put themselves behind me because they knew I could defend myself.

I wiped my tears away,standing up and I lifted my head,pushing my shoulders back.I looked at ammi-jaan,reaching out I held her hand,"I will make myself strong enough.I am your daughter,ammi-jaan,I will prove that tomorrow." I hugged ammi-jaan who hugged me tighter,holding me to her chest.My heart thrummed in my chest,as I held onto ammi-jaan before pulling away.I braced myself with a smile when a tear slipped down aammi-jaan's cheeks,I wiped it away.

"We will be fine,Allah will take care of us." She shook her head as if shaking away the heaviness that she felt,her hand tightening around mine and she pushed her shoulders back,her chin tipped up,"Rest until the midday prayer,then we will meet for the midday meal."

"Jee,ammi-jaan." I looked at Nusrat bano who touched my arm,her eyes clouded with sadness,"I will be fine,where do you have to be after the morning meal?"

"I have to take Shahensha Haider and Malika begum to the stables."

Ammi-jaan shook her head,"Hakim Alla can take them.Nusrat bano,you need to go and sort out your clothing chests with your ammi-jaan."

My turn came to shake my head,"Hakim Alla has to go patrol,I will get myself ready and take them to the stables."

Ammi-jaan gazed towards me,eyebrow lifted,"Are you sure?"

"Jee,I am sure.That way I will be able to check on Shifan as well."

"Then we will leave you." Nusrat bano said as she embraced me,"We will be here even when you do not think you need us.If anyone thinks that you are alone and that they are able to harm you,they will be wrong."

"I know." I pulled back smiling at her as she walked out,ammi-jaan next to her and I turned,taking a deep breath.I heard the patter of feet as I called out,"Khaazra,Talwar."

I looked towards the entrance of the khwaab-gaah as they came in,Khaazra at her young age,her eyes widened at my sight before lowering as they came to a standstill,"Jee,Bakshi bano?"

"Please help me redo my jewellery,hair and duppata." I made way to sit down on the chair in front of the mirror,the bandi and khwajasara getting to make my hair right.Khaazra grabbed a comb as Talwar moved my mang and passa off my head.

By the time they were done,I could hear the faint sounds of mami-jaan talking to the bandi in the courtyard as I heard mamu-jaan's heavy footsteps coming towards my khwaab-gaah and I stood up when he announced himself.

"Bakshi,can I come in?"

"Jee,mamu-jaan." I walked towards the entrance as he pushed the curtains aside and immediately embraced me.I could feel his chest heave up and down,as he pulled away from me,looking me in the eye as his own filled with worry.

"I do not know what to say to you,Bakshi.I knew that one day we will be faced with a situation where you will have to face Masuma begum,I just did not know when that time would come." His worry filled eyes darkened as his jaw tightened,"I know that you will be able to face them,I also know it will not be easy for you.I could ask you to leave but I know that your heart will never find peace with that."

I smiled at mamu-jaan,hoping my smile would give him some peace,"I will be fine,I will have my family as my strength.No one would ever be able to hurt me as long as I have all of you around me.I will be just fine,mamu-jaan.In fact,they need to fear me because they do not know a thing about me,even though if I know them."

"That is my daughter." He put his hand on my head,giving me a nod of his head,"If you do not feel like dealing with your father's family,I would gladly allow you to move to patrolling and staying at the market area."

I chuckled at mamu-jaan's words,I am a lot of things but a coward is not one of them,"I will be fine,if I do need to get away I know where to go." I looked at the moving shadows of the morning sun before looking at mamu-jaan,"The darbar will start soon,please leave for the darbar now."

Mamu-jaan gave me a nod along with some instructions for the day before leaving.I gave myself a look in the mirror before walking out of my khwaab-gaah,Talwar immediately falling in step with me as she always did.

I begun to make my way towards the guest quarters where I found Malika begum's bandi outside of the khwaab-gaah.

"Adab,Bakshi Bano." They greeted at which I greeted back.

"Adab.Please announce my presence to Shahensha Haider and Malika Begum."

"Jee,Bakshi Bano." Gulzar walked towards the entrance of the khwaab-gaah before calling out,"Shahensha Huzoor,Bakshi Bano requests permission to enter the khwaab-gaah."

After a few moments of silence a voice announced from inside,"She has permission to enter."

I begun to walk to the entrance,Talwar waiting outside as Gulzar moved the curtains aside and I stepped into the khwaab-gaah.

Malika Begum sat on the cushion seat,a few grapes in her hand as Shahensha Haider faced me.

Malika begum stood up as I came close to the seating area,her eyes searching my face that had been rid of all the evidence of my cries,"Kya tum thik ho,Bakshi Bano?"

I gave a smile as I bowed my head,"Jee,Malika Begum,mein thik ho.I apologize for leaving the eating room in such a hurry,I did not mean to offend Shahensha Haider or Malika Begum."

"There is nothing to apologize for,Bakshi Bano." Shahensha Haider assured me,"It must be hard for you,we cannot tell you how to feel about it nor can we tell you how to behave towards it."

I gave a nod of my head,"It will be fine.Please come,I will take you to the stables."

I begun to walk out of the khwaab-gaah with Shahensha Haider and Malika begum following me.As we walked into the corridors,our bandi begun to follow us as well.I pointed out the security messures that had been put into place for their stay.

When we came to the stables,I smiled when I heard Shifan grunt from his stall as soon as I walked in,his stall being the one closest to the stables doors.

"Adab,Shifan." I greeted him as he came to the door of the stall,I reached out to rub his head and he nudged me with his head,causing me to move my upper body,"You missed me,Shifan." I reached into the bag on the side of the stall,picking out an apple that I held forward,"Accha bacha." I rubbed his head once again before turning to Shahensha Haider and Malika begum who had moved onto Shahensha Haider's stallion stall.
(Good boy)

I entered Shifan's stall,I begun to inspect his coat and I rubbed my hands along his body as he begun to move forward and back,"You are getting anxious?I will take you out for a run tomorrow." I rubbed his head once again before checking on his hay and water.I rubbed his head once again before walking out of the stable.

I waited by the door as Shahensha Haider and Malika begum begun to walk my way.We begun to walk back to the fort when Malika begum spoke up.

"I have heard many good things about the Hajjat bazaar,are you going there tomorrow?"

I looked at Malika begum,nodding my head,"Jee,I go to the bazaar once a week to check on the merchants and ensure they are not having any problems."

"Would it be okay if I joined you along with my bandi?"

I contemplated the security logistics we would have to use to ensure Malika begum's safety.If I were to take a quarter of my cavalry with there should be no issues,"Of course,you can join me,Malika begum.I will sort out the security arrangements."

"Haider,is it okay with you that I go with Bakshi bano to the bazaar?" Malika begum asked Shahensha Haider who had been listening to us talk.

"Jee,you may go,Begum sahiba.I trust Bakshi bano to keep you safe."

"Shukriya.Just tell me when you will leave for the bazaar,Bakshi bano." Malika begum requested as we came to the courtyard where ammi-jaan sat on the cushioned chairs as she gave the bandi instructions.

"Adab,bari chachi-jaan." Shahensha Haider greeted ammi-jaan as did Malika begum.I had forgotten just how closely we happened to be related to Shahensha Haider,that abu-jaan is his uncle.

Ammi-jaan dismissed the bandi who walked away,standing up,"Adab,Shahensha.Please sit."

Shahensha Haider and Malika begum sat down opposite ammi-jaan as I made my way to sit next to ammi-jaan who ordered the bandi to bring sherbet for us,"Bari chachi-jaan,you have always had the right to call me Haider.I have grown up in front of you.There is no formality for family."

Ammi-jaan smiled as she looked at Shahensha Haider,the sides of her eyes crinkling as she tapped her fingers on her knee,"It has been years since I have seen you but you have not changed,Haider.How is Jahan-appi?"

"Ammi-jaan is well." He looked at Malika begum who gestured at her bandi before turning to ammi-jaan.

"Ammi-jaan has sent gifts for you and Bakshi bano.She has also sent a letter for you.She send her greetings and love with these gifts."

Ammi-jaan shook her head with a fond smile on her face,"Jahan-appi has always spoiled me,she has always been the elder sister that I never had.It is good to know she is well."

Malika begum's bandi brought two trays which Malika begum took from them,handing the first one to ammi-jaan and the next one to me.I waited as ammi-jaan uncovered her tray on which a jewellery set laid along with some dry nuts,"Jahan-appi has never forgotten my love for dried nuts.You must take back the letter that I write for Jahan-appi,Haider."

Shahensha Haider nodded his head,"I will take it for you,bari chachi-jaan." He then looked at me,"Will you not open the gifts ammi-jaan sent for you?"

I shook my head as I put the tray on my lap,"I was waiting for ammi-jaan to first see her gifts." I uncovered the tray,smiling when I saw the light coloured clothes and jewellery set,"MashaAllah,this is so beautiful I lifted the necklace gently,running my fingers along the diamonds,"So beautiful." I looked at Malika begum,"I will send a letter along with ammi-jaan's for chachi-jaan,to thank her for the gifts."

"You should wear this set for the wedding." Ammi-jaan said as she touched the clothing,"The colour will suit you well."

"Jee,I will." I gave the tray to Talwar who knew to take it to my room as ammi-jaan begun to speak with Shahensha Haider and Malika begum.I looked around the courtyard,I saw Rukhsaar Mirza walk into the courtyard,heading for us and I got up,walkinhg down the stairs of the sitting area.

"Bakshi bano," She nodded her head at me.

"Rukhsar Mirza,is everything alright?" I questioned after she greeted Shahensha Hiader,Malika begum and ammi-jaan,her attention turning to me.

"Jee,all is well.I just wanted to find out will we still be going to the bazaar tomorrow?"

I nodded my head,as I begun to plot out who should accompany us for security reason,"Yes,I will.I was about to call for you."

"What orders do you have for me,Bakshi bano?"

"Malika begum wishes to join us tomorrow so I want the first battalion to be with us,tell the last battalion they need to follow us from a distance and I want them all armed."

"Jee,Bakshi bano.I will ensure that everyone is on alert tomorrow.I suppose you have decided to change the time?" I gave a nod and smile,"We will leave before the afternoon meal then."

"You read my mind,Rukhsar Mirza.I shall see you in the morning to go over the details once again before we leave."

"I shall see you at the training field."

Rukhsar Mirza walked away,I turned to go and sit down with the others.I sat down as Shahensha Haider.

"Bakshi bano and her cavalry were extremely brave on the battlefield.She did not shy away from protecting not just me but my army as well.You have raised a wonderful warrior."

Ammi-jaan put her hand on my knee,squeezing as I looked towards her to see her eyes shining with pride,"I am glad that she protected you,Haider.I have not raised her alone,Jahangir bhai-jaan and Naseera appi have a hand in raising her with me." She turned to smile at him,"Her very purpose is serving the King and empire,I am glad she has done both."

Shahensha Haider sat forward,his eyes shining with respect for ammi-jaan,"Bari chachi-jaan,you are an example for others.Your upbringing has made a wonderful,loyal warrior."

"But an even better daughter,bari chachi-jaan." Malika begum added on as she looked at me,"I am very sure that she will continue to be a source of pride for you."

My cheeks begun to heat up as I looked down.Ameen,I hope I would never disappoint my ammi-jaan so that she would never have a reason to bow her head in front of others.

I lifted my chin a tad bit more,as I gazed at ammi-jaan who spoke with them.

If it came to it I would give my life for her.