Spiderpaw felt his heart racing, but he knew he couldn't give in to the overwhelming amount of fear that was consuming him. He felt as if he was about to drop to the floor, but instinct forced him to keep himself erect. Ashpaw had blurted something to the figure, but Spiderpaw was too dizzy to make out the words he said. All he could see was the grey fur, the stubby tail and the permanently unsheathed claws, long enough to rip a badger with a single blow. He felt for a moment that he couldn't see the walls of the den behind the figure, his gaze was too dizzy, his eyes were too dull. All he could see was the torn, red body of the tiny kit --
"Spiderpaw, did you even hear me?"
At the very question, Spiderpaw's senses zapped back into his pelt. He tried not to shake his head to show that he had been lost in his panic, and eventually he managed to meet the eyes of the warrior. He felt as if he was being pierced, as if his gaze had opened up his pelt.
'Mouse dung!' Spiderpaw snapped to himself. "I-I'm sorry Rocktail, I didn't quite make out what you said."
The grey warrior didn't speak for a moment. His gaze was narrowed, but Spiderpaw still felt the same pain. Rocktail lowered his muzzle for a second. "You're acting very worn out," he spoke. Spiderpaw shuddered at the tone of his raspy voice. But he wasn't fearful because he sounded angry, he was much more discontented by how cool and crisp his voice sounded, like he was being washed away by the icy chips.
"I wasn't able to shut my eyes for long enough last night," he murmured.
Once again, Rocktail stayed quiet for a few moments, and Spiderpaw felt even more fear just when the warrior opened his mouth to speak to him. "Being so far away from your camp isn't what any cat is used to," he murmured chillingly. "But you know that we all want to make you feel as comfortable as you possibly can during your visit. If you ever have any concerns you aught to let me know. I can sort things out very quickly around here."
"I-I have no doubt you can," Spiderpaw stuttered, panicking as he realised he had taken a few steps back away from the CedarClan deputy in full fear, and he was looking at him with eyes of an emotion he wasn't able to tell. Instead of pressuring him further, Rocktail sat himself down at the entrance, and Spiderpaw felt a rush of relief within him when he was convinced that the warrior would not choose to pounce now.
"Have you noticed any improvements within Ashpaw?"
Spiderpaw took a moment to collect himself, gathering his thoughts together and breathing out steadily. "Ashpaw has not been acting up as much as Oceanfur was worried, but his infection is not going away. Although fortunately," he took a breath in before continuing. "He does not seem to be in as much pain as he was when I first arrived."
To seemingly both of the cat's surprise, Ashpaw was the cat who spoke next. "I'm going to wail if I'm cooped up in this den for any longer. I can't stretch my legs or anything!"
Spiderpaw only half turned to face him. He did not let Rocktail escape his line of sight. Satisfied that the deputy wasn't moving, he spoke again. "I know you want to be free to roam the camp again, and we all want that for you. But if we don't cure this infection," Spiderpaw tried to honeycoat the truth as much as he could. "You may not be able to roam the camp at all."
Rocktail did not seem angered by the response at all. In fact he simply dipped his head. "I must be on my way," he spoke coldly. "I have a hunting patrol. Don't you worry you both, I'll make sure the two juiciest pieces of prey from the patrol come straight back for you two."
Spiderpaw dipped his head anxiously whilst Ashpaw gently cheered his gratitude. Spiderpaw felt as if the panic within him could melt away a little. But as for the food, Spiderpaw felt as if he wouldn't be able to eat anything for more moons than he could imagine.
Rocktail turned away, and Spiderpaw watched him cautiously until the last fur on his rounded tail was out of the medicine cat den. He drew in another sigh, turning to Ashpaw and settling besides him. "About time you had more marigold on that," he uttered, turning to the small pile besides him and picking up a wad between his paws. Ashpaw said nothing, he seemed to just roll his eyes as he gave Spiderpaw his arm.
Spiderpaw began to press the herb together, rubbing his paws until he had a fine paste. He wiped the herb onto one paw, and with the other he unsheathed his claws and picked the cobweb from Ashpaw's wounds. He shuddered when he saw the infection, the way his fur had fallen off his arm to reveal his severely irritated skin which gave way to thick dark brown discharge.
"You didn't seem thrilled when Rocktail same to see you," Spiderpaw meowed, looking carefully at the wound as he began to rub the herb into the cracks.
"I was thrilled," Ashpaw whined in reply. "I just wish another cat would see me."
Spiderpaw dipped his head. "Since I have been here, the whole Clan has checked up on you. Even Muskstar, despite her busy schedule. I know you must feel lonely, but -"
Ashpaw cut him off. "I am the centre of attention at the moment," he murmured. Just as Spiderpaw thought he was starting to sound self centred, he spoke again. "But I don't want to be. I just want the attention of only one single cat who I can't even see."
Spiderpaw lowered an eyebrow, pulling away from his wound. Surely Ashpaw hadn't been meeting with a cat from another Clan?
"Ashpaw, what are you on about?" Spiderpaw questioned. "All the cats you care about are around you, all the time."
Suddenly Ashpaw turned to him, and his eyes narrowed to slits of sharp flint. "You know nothing," he murmured, his voice turning low and raspy. Suddenly Spiderpaw began to feel very confused, and he even checked behind him to make sure Rocktail hadn't made his way back inside.
But the space behind him was empty, and the only two cats inside the den were him and Ashpaw.
"I don't understand," Spiderpaw uttered. "What are you on about?"
Ashpaw's gaze hardened. Spiderpaw didn't think he had ever seen the apprentice so serious before. "What would you do if you were sick, and your whole Clan came to see you?"
"I'd be grateful," Spiderpaw sneered, surprised by the cat's sudden selfishness. But Ashpaw's gaze did not flicker. "Your whole Clan except Honeyflower?"
For a second, Spiderpaw felt uneasy and a little suspicious of the apprentice. "Why wouldn't she visit me?"
But Ashpaw didn't need to say anything more, and Spiderpaw's heart fell into guilt when he realised what the apprentice meant.
"I'm so sorry..."
"You have nothing to be sorry about," Ashpaw hissed. "In fact, you have no right to feel sorry."
Spiderpaw flicked his head back. "If there was anything I could do -"
Once again, the apprentice cut him off. "She won't even visit me in StarClan. Every moon, Spiderpaw. Every moon when I go to the Pool of Stars, I hope that I can see her. I love her, and I thought she loved me. I remember her soft pelt, her warm eyes and most importantly her love. But apparently, that has faded away."
"You can't say that," Spiderpaw replied, his voice shaking slightly.
"I can," Ashpaw assured. "I've never seen her. Not since her battle. She doesn't even want to see me or check up on me, and I don't know what I have done."
Spiderpaw felt as if nothing he could say would be able to fix the apprentice's broken heart. And he knew this was the truth. "Maybe she has just been busy."
Ashpaw's voice softened, and his eyes seemed to dull. "Too busy to even see me? Not likely."
Spiderpaw turned his gaze to the lichen over the entrance of the camp, deep in his thoughts. "You're a medicine cat. When we next speak with StarClan, there is nothing stopping you from asking where she is, and if she can come and see you."
For a moment, Ashpaw was silent. "Who knows if I am even going to survive long enough to travel there again?"
"You can't say that, Ashpaw." Spiderpaw wanted to argue further, but he had to admit to himself that the apprentice may have been right. Even if he had strengthened up by the time the next half-moon had come around, Muskstar would never let him out of the camp.
Spiderpaw fidgeted quickly as he heard the lichen swing over the entrance. He turned to see Oceanfur, strolling into the den with a mouthful of berries and herbs inside of his jaws. "We need to talk to you," Spiderpaw meowed.
Oceanfur seemed uneasy. "Yes?"
Reluctantly, Spiderpaw explained the situation. His ears tipped down to the sides of his face as he imagined Oceanfur's response. Guilt engulfed him when he realised Ashpaw was looking at him with distraught, the only little shine of hope left in his eyes.
Spiderpaw stood in front of Oceanfur a few seconds longer until the medicine cat finally spoke up. "I don't know what to say," he blurted. "The half moon won't be shining for a while yet, and Spiderpaw and I already have a lot on our paws. Who even knows if your wound could be injured even worse on the journey?" He paused, and he heaved out a sigh and his voice softened a little. "I'm sorry Ashpaw, but I can't let you take this risk."
"This is a risk I need to take!" Ashpaw exclaimed. "I don't think you understand. If I go to StarClan, I at least want to sort things out with her! Please Oceanfur, put yourself in my paws!"
Spiderpaw could tell that Oceanfur was starting to feel uneasy over Ashpaw's demands. "I'll talk to Muskstar," he meowed. "But you can't blame me if she wants you to stay here with her in camp."
Ashpaw dipped his head, and Spiderpaw almost felt like he should have turned away, as if he wasn't meant to see the apprentice this devestated. "Please Oceanfur," he spoke. "I just want to ask Redshade if she still loves me."