So, this is a purely self indulgent piece if I'm being honest. I haven't been sleeping well lately due to a lot of stress and another effect of that is bad nightmares. I began writing this at like 1 am when I couldn't sleep and it took my procrastinating ass like three days to finish but here it is! Angst and fluff, wrapped up in one. Also, Massive thank you for nearly 70,000 reads - my heart can't take it!

Army AU. Bits and bobs taken from Overwatch lore.

(Longest oneshot I've ever written.)

Being a solider isn't easy.

Jack knew what he signed up for; Intense training that tested all physical aspects of his being and emotionally too, being away from home sometimes ate him up but he always remembered himself why he did this and was grateful for his comrades that had his back at all times; comrades like - Mark with just as much drive as Jack, they bounded instantly. If Jack could sum Mark up in a few words it would be determination in a life form. He was relentless when he trained; relentless when he didn't. It really kept him going some days. And having him as eye candy was pretty nice too. But he never saw any other side of Mark other than the relentless, determined one.

Until now.

Its was roughly four forty seven am and Jack was in the kitchen which was normally buzzing in mornings between super soldiers chattering or the sizzling of a pan, boiling of a kettle and a pop from the toaster, it was unusual for Jack to see it deserted but it was very early hours and when you're a solider sleep is your best friend, it helps you escape the utter exhaustion of the day or the pain in your knee caps.

Well so Jack had thought. He had watched a younger solider go borderline insane with some of things he had seen on the field early this week, he had seen the true backlash that was brewing within the solider - the way the bags under his eyes seemed to get darker, he became twitchier, snapping at the other comrades daily then eventually he broke lashing out on one of the higher-ups and then got thrown out for being violent. Jack knew that throwing the young solider out was not an easy task but had to be done although he couldn't help but feel sorry for him, wonder how he dealt with going from all this odd reality to real life; to having family dinners and spending Christmas' together.

So, he found himself in the nearly deserted kitchen making a cup of coffee and stretching out on the cupboards. He didn't realize whom he was in the kitchen with until he looked over at them, sat at the table nursing a cup of tea like it was the answer to all his prayers - Mark.

He looked like Jack felt, tired and a little shaken from his nightmare. Sometimes the things you see or didn't see really messed with your head usually it wouldn't get to him Jacks days spent training, focusing on something else other than the reality of it all then his nights sleeping soundly - but tonight everything dawned on him suddenly leading to a nightmare, he never really dreamed since he had joined nor did he have nightmares until now.

The only noise in the kitchen to be heard was Marks slow breathing like Jacks own, and the almost soothing sound of the kettle boiling.

Jack made his coffee which you'd think would keep him up but the strong taste of it was comforting, reminding him of home of sorts. He missed his mother's coffee, she always made it better than him and always just seemed to know when he wanted a cup.

;

Sitting across from Mark who seemed lost in his tea, he sipped his coffee - okay with the silence in the room. It wasn't until Mark looked up and jerked back slightly, clearly unaware of the Irishman sitting across from him that he broke the silence.

"You okay?" Marks eyes seemed softer in the dim light above them, it was the first time Jack had seen him look anything but tough, it was endearing somewhat.

"Cant sleep lately." His voice was a lot rougher in the early hours, as though he'd just woken up but Jack had the feeling that he'd been up and alone for awhile, Jack was worried he was intruding on something but ignored the feeling because this was Mark and if he didn't want these moments to be shared he'd take the tea he was staring lovingly into and walk away.

"Me neither, had a nightmare." Jack shivered slightly at the memory of it but brushed it off as he sipped more coffee. Mark just nodded and the room settled into a comfortable silence.

;

The nightmares didn't stop, infact they only seemed to get worse and worse - more real, more detail - leaving Jack waking up startled or sweating and although he'd hate to admit it, scared. He felt like a young kid again when he had woken up early in the morning rushing downstairs into his already awake mothers arms and telling her about the dinosaurs in his nightmares that chased him then she'd sing him a song or two, and tell him to ask Chad - his little green teddy bear to protect him. He wished he'd brought Chad with him, actually. He also wished his nightmares were just about dinosaurs or werewolves, not what he'd seen or could see when he was on the field.

So, he found himself back in the kitchen at an earlier time and jumped slightly when he saw Mark at the back of the room with most likely tea, in the cup between his hands. Jack wondered if Mark was having nightmares too or if he was struggling to sleep due to reality dawning on him at night but, he thought it was best not to ask. Soldiers were usually private in those type of things, not that they didn't show emotion or anything but they'd rather keep their own feelings aside when on field and only let their guard down with close people and Mark seemed that way too, Jack didn't blame him though.

Jack sat across from the raven haired man just like he did a few nights ago - an odd sense of deja vu. However, he broke the silence more this time. Jack didnt really care if Mark was listening to him ramble out his nightmares, he just needed to get it out of his head.

"I understand, I have nightmares too." Came Marks deep baritone somewhat startling Jack because he really didnt look like he was listening but it was comforting to know that he was.

"I miss home." Jack mumbled, surprising himself that he did - it was one of those things he just wanted to think not say but Mark nodded nonetheless.

"Me too, I especially miss my mum's cooking, she makes the best chicken and dumplings." The raven haired man smiled fondly at the memory from between his cup, the only way Jack could tell that he did was the little dimple he hadn't noticed before on his left cheek, it stood out now he had noticed it.

"Yeah, they need to get better grub here and some better beer too." Jack grumbled, gulping his coffee as it was beginning to go cold.

;

The nightly meetings had become sort of a thing now, Jack wondering if Mark ever really did sleep at all and they usually past small talk before Jack mumbling a soft goodnight then went on his way but tonight, tonight was different. Jack stumbled into the kitchen, expecting to see Mark as he usually did around this time and he was right but not in the state he was in. The raven haired man obviously had not expected Jack to be up or to be here because he was startled, whipping his puffy eyes and sniffling, turning towards the window - clearly embarrassed. Jack stood still, frozen. He exhaled before taking a few silent steps toward the man. His brain would not function, words falling him as he stood behind the man, still distraught.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around Marks waist - his brain yelling at him telling him this was pushing the boundries and was unacceptable to Mark and just as he was about to pull away the man melted into his arms; his breathing laboured, little hiccups escaping him as he cried still.

Jack didn't know what he was crying or why but he knew it was best to let it out, being a soldier people drum it into you that you mustn't show emotion in the field and sometimes out of it - people were harsh; seeing the emotion made you vulnerable but soldier or not, they were all only human.

Minutes passed, it could've been hours Jack didn't care.

"You're still human." Jack mumbled into Marks back but saying it louder so it wasnt too muffled.

Mark turned around and Jack welcomed him with open arms - and as he embraced him it was everything he needed, like he was saying without speaking to Mark that it was okay and to let the weight off his shoulders.

;

Even though in those few moments the world did not matter - nothing did; not the fact they were soldiers nor who they were but Jack was worried he'd still cross the line that night. It felt like Mark was avoiding him too that was until, another different night came up - Again, Jack had had a nightmare and visited the kitchen, half not expecting Mark to be there but he was surprised when he was. This time, Mark was the one to speak up.

"Thank you." Jack nearly missed it and would have if the room was louder and he was glad he wasn't, pausing in his motions he turned to the American man.

"Its tough being here, being who we are and what we do - I understand."

Marks eyes softened and Jack felt warm, like he had when he hugged Mark. He hadn't noticed the man coming closer to him until he was there, arms open and he faced him Jack accepted it and the hug was all comfort all soft; a physical thank you.

"I've seen some horrible things, Jack. but you - oh god you make it all better." The words rang through the quiet room and into his soul, Jack didn't think he was the solution to all Marks problems but he could listen and give good hugs.

There was something between them, something Jack couldn't place or maybe he was afraid too. You lose so much here, people you are close too - people you aren't. Its hard to get close to people in case you lose them, the fear always at the back of your head. Surely purgatory. 

Yet he couldn't just ignore the comfort when he was with Mark, the intimate feel when they spoke at early hours when nobody was around.

;

Another different night, something which never happened in the many years he had spent in the army -- Jack had fallen asleep before he had a chance to finish his coffee, he had been speaking to Mark before that but it drifted into a blur. Mark had carried him to his room, quiet and tip-toeing up the stairs, placing him on his bed and he couldn't find himself to leave; falling asleep beside the Irishman, he hadn't intended too, he shouldn't have. Jack would probably freak out in the morning and Mark would apologies frantically but he was exhausted too bother right now, an ache in his bones.

When Jack did rise, early as usual - he was happy to see the american beside him still sleeping peacefully. Jack wasn't fully aware as to how or what happened between the two but he could get used to seeing Marks bed hair and face calm in the mornings. The man must've sensed his eyes on him as he opened his, a smile spread across his face.

Jack, had always been smitten by Mark from the moment Jack saw his baby face glory and a scowl grazed upon his features, but Jack was professional - he had to be. He didn't join the army to have a boyfriend but as time went on - seeing Mark vulnerable hearing him babble about his childhood at five in the morning; seeing him here, like he belonged; next to him like they lead normal lives, it brought everything he tried to bury out of fear of loosing him, back.

"This can be a thing yknow." Marks mumble, soft and everything he wanted to hear. The irishman raised an eyebrow, smirking.

"You bein' in my bed every night? Count me in." Mark shoved him but it was lacking the bite due to the smile on his face.

"You know what I mean."

"I'd like that." The Irishman murmed, shuffling closer.

;

Mark had been sent on a mission in Dubai whilst Jack had been assigned to help train new recruits, which he wasn't the best at as no matter how much he boomed he never sounded intimidating but still, he could get kids to stand up straight.

It was good to have something to focus on while Mark was away, trying not to worry so much -there was tension in Dubai and having soldiers there would only rise that, Plus they had lost many comrades this year. Many of which Jack had seen first hand.

But what Jack missed the most while Jack was away was coming down into the kitchen and seeing Mark stood there, clearly in thought and sleepiness on his features. He missed waking up beside him a few moments of normal before they went back to their anything but, lives.

It had been months, and Marks phone had been confescated due to suspcious activity in Dumbai and it was frustrating, Jack still visited to the kitchen, sighing like Mark would just be there returned from Dubai with flowers or something in his hands.

It had been months.

;

Mark returned though - however he wasn't exactly in one piece. Jack immediately ran into his arms, and he didn't see it at first but he felt metal against his back and when Mark pulled away he saw the arm glistening in the dim light and panic set in.

"What happened?!"

Mark didnt even have time to sit down before Jack was debreifing him.

"Grenade - But I'm okay! Whilst in Dubai we came across this crazy advanced technological lab who hooked me with up with this." Mark gestured, moving his prosthetic arm. Jack looked like he had seen a ghost which then morphed into complete shock and then he was crying. Mark was calm about it but he went through a lot of pain and it took along time to adjust - of course but he was wearing a brave face for Jack because he knew he'd be spooked by Marks new addition.

But Mark was still Mark, even with a new robotic part.

;

It was good to settle back into Jacks bed, wrapping his arms around him and everything catching up with him; Mark could've died in that explosion lost all of this - in a mere few moments and yet he had escaped with one less arm but he also escaped with the memory of what had happened, what could have some would argue that was worse.

Since it had been months Mark thought the nightmares would just ware off or that having Jack beside them would cure them; maybe he was foolish for thinking so.

--

The mission was going well, they had transported the goods to where they were supposed to be back into the right hands and it was nearly time to go. His comrades were patting him on the back, happy that it was effortless enough.

It wasn't.

A soft clink against the titles in the hallway they were in, a bit away from the exit. A harsh beep and everything went into slow motion or perhaps time went faster, Mark couldn't tell.

'Run!'

All Mark could hear was his heart thumping and feet stomping across the floor. Most, if not all of his comrades were in front of him; a panic in the air as they all run towards the door.

They had to slide underneath the door as it wouldn't just open and there was no damn time when the place was about to blow. Everyone was in front of him and he cursed himself - when he was younger in school he was never the fastest runner despite always trying and wanting to be; he even came second in a race of his and was still disappointed. he felt like the slowest runner in the class again.

So he was the last one under the door and it collapsed as the explosion began the little grenade sure had a punch too it - the door had landed on top of his upper arm, leaving him stuck and panicking. However, the comrades were determined - nobody gets left behind. They worked together to get the door off him but the damage was already done; he could feel the pain, the worst pain of his life. hell Mark even thought that being shot would be less painful than this, his arm nearly falling off and the bones there visible.

Everything from there was a blur of his soldiers speaking to each other mumbling things and bright lights from presumably a hospital.

It was all his fault, if he had seen it coming - acted quicker.

Mark startled awake, sweat upon his forehead and guilt in his gut. Jack was still beside him still and peaceful, he had panic rushing through his veins but it eased as soon as he saw him there, gone to the world and a peaceful expression on his face.

He glanced down at the metal arm he was still getting used too and sighed, it could have been so much worse. He was here, breathing - alive.

;

The months bled through, missions every now and then but nothing too grueling - Mark was getting used to his arm although sometimes it would snag on a shirt or two and that used to drive him nuts but now it made him chuckle. Jack and him were still together, a nice normality to what they did on the daily and during battle or in training they were professional. It worked.

But of course, it was time for Jack to go on a long mission and as they parted ways Mark tried not to panic, he prayed the mission went as smoothly as possible and everyone would come back in one piece, two arms included.

Jack would be back in no time.

;

But he wasn't. Weeks bled into months and Mark hadn't heard anything from Jack nor the comrades with him. The Commander had dismissed him assuring him they were all safe.

;BREAKING NEWS FROM ZURICH; It wrung throughout the base, the loud announcer in clear distress as Mark turned his head to the small tv at the back of the room hearing it better than he could see it among his soldiers who were having breakfast before training.

;LARGE EXPLOSION IN THE SMALL CITY IN SWITZERLAND, KILLING AT LEAST 15 PEOPLE MORE DETAILS TO COME;

Mark had hung his head low, sighing. What a world we live in, he thought as the room fell silent. Everyone here knew what it was like to lose somebody and every time a report like this wrung through - there was tension in the air, unspoken memories.

;THIS JUST IN - SOLDIERS AMONG DEAD;

It felt like the air had been stolen from the atmosphere in the room, felt like team froze as they all looked around each other, knowing and hoping to be wrong. Everyone's eyes were at the back of the room when the tv was switched off, a static noise following and then utter silence as the eyes fell towards the Commander standing straight at the back of the room.

"It is unconfirmed, however we fear that the soldiers sent into Zurich could be gone."

Mark felt sick, where was Jacks mission? Why couldn't he remember? Did he even say where he was going?

"We will keep you informed however, training is off for today."

Mark didn't move from his seat, shaking. This couldn't be happening.

;

Rain trickled down his back, thudding of his black coat that he bought for this - he didn't care. Not today. Little things like rain didn't matter when you were grieving. Its odd, he is surrounded by people but he hasn't felt so alone like this - in a long time. Jack never made him feel alone rather very much the opposite.

He was cold and it went through his soul, like he had lost all his warmth and he had, it was written there on the headstone. People were gathered round mumbling words but Mark didn't hear any of them, he did not want too. The only words he wanted to hear was 'This is just a bad dream Mark, you can wake up now beside Jack.'

But the words never came.

;

Mark left the army after the funeral, he couldn't really deal with this anymore - his normality was gone and he wanted to cope, try and live.

He fell into a rabbit hole instead though. Losing Jack had consumed his entire being, It wasn't planned but he was grieving and the article upon his screen caught his eye, appealed to his heart if anything.

'Soldiers in explosion in Zurich not really dead?'

And a few weeks later he had photos printed and locations taped to his wall, a new passion in his heart. Even though wrapped up in the possibility, the miracle of Jack being alive there were somethings that didn't link up exactly, for example - the rather large part being the news had confirmed that Jack and others were dead and the funeral.

But, Mark believed that the soldiers were sent on a goose chase and then were captured by a gang to manipulate them to do there bidding. As to why, Mark had no idea. Maybe he'd never know that fact.

Like Alice, as Mark fell deeper into the rabbit hole things got... complicated.

However, Mark couldn't be stopped now that he was onto this, call him crazy.

Call him love struck and grieving.

;

One shady private investigater later and a lengthy flight, Mark was standing in Zurich. A city that took everything from him.

He had a plan.

Mark needed to grab attention, so he did a little graffiti here and there and soon, he was on the news the hood of his jacket caught slightly on camera. He wanted to catch the attention of the gang, showing that there was another soldier back here - a monkey if they needed one.

;

It worked and after fighting his way through guards, he stood in a shady warehouse on the outskirts and was hunting.

He was so damn cold, had been since Jack left.

Mark kept fighting his way through the numerous guards and was faced with the missing soldiers in masks, but the way they stood posture that only soldiers could have he knew it was them and prayed his beloved was among them, one with prosthetic legs much like his arm, perhaps from the same place - one with a visor; they looked like they were all missing something and it was painful for Mark to look at them, the lost souls.

Mark wasn't going to lay a hand on them, even if they fought too. He didn't kill his own.

One of them, the one with the missing legs - dropped his gun and ran towards him wordless and it was like dominos falling as they all dropped their weapons and ran, and suddenly Mark had fifteen soldiers running away with him, he didnt even have to convince them.

Maybe they could commincate through something - Mark didnt care he was just running, his hood falling down and revealing his face. If he was going to known, he wanted to be known for this.

They ran into the moonlight, stars shining and felt turly like freedom.

Mark began shouting in German it was rusty and butchered he knew - he hadn't spoken it since years ago when he visited the country, grabbing attention from locals.

"Call the police! I have free'd hostages!" A gasp, and somebody was yelling on the phone.

;

Sirens in the distance, three police cars pulling up and a rush of police, getting people out the way and raiding the warehouse; some staying with Mark and the free'd ones. Mark hadn't seen their faces yet, unaware of who they were. He just prayed Jack was among them.

The night dragged out as Mark answered questions about it all, and the police thanked him for the biggest heist they'd had - completely unaware of anything and that they had once accepted the explosion.

Mark never did just accept things.

The soldiers were checked over and one stood in front of him, taking of their mask.

The first thing Mark saw was blue eyes. He didn't feel cold anymore.

"Jack." It was breathed more than said and suddenly hands were around him hugging him and knocking the air from his lungs. Warmth.

"What did they do to you?" He asked, still not letting go afraid the if he did Jack wouldn't actually be here.

"I tried to escape one time too many and I payed the price for it." Jack turned away, painful to remember.

"I knew you'd come." He looked back, a hand on his face soft, welcome.

Scars littered his face, a painted canvas - one that represented what he had been through how much of a hero he was.

;

Jack flopped onto their bed, removing his prosthetics and wrapped his arms around the shorter man.

"When I lost you," Mark began, his voice smooth in the dark.

"I was so, so cold. Mentally - physically - I was never warm but when you came back to me,"

"When you saved me you mean." Jack cut in, a quiet accented voice filled with emotion.

"I was warm again."

Warmth.

There story is far, far from normal - the lives they have lead anything but, yet here, the pale moonlight shining through that annoying cap in the curtains; wrapped up it - felt normal.

Jack was Marks warmth and normality, keeping him stable.

Mark was never good at accepting things but this, here, now he accepted more than anything.