8. 

She was his soulmate, there was no denying that. But what did he have to do with her?

I didn't see him for four days. All I saw was the inside of the room a maid brought me to after he told her to give me a place in the castle far away from him. During that time, I didn't see anyone but the sweet and caring maids that brought me food I didn't eat, brought me clothes I didn't wear and brought me water I didn't drink. They provided me with kind words I didn't want to hear, told me that he would come around, that eventually he would knew what he would miss, that he would sweep me off of my feet and ran away with me to the land of the fairy tales. The happily ever after that every pair of soulmates got.
I didn't want to hear any of it.
All I did was laying down on the bed, staring at the brightly white ceiling. I never closed my eyes, but every once in a while I would sleep. The dreams I got were worse than reality.
My fairy tale would not happen.
My soulmate didn't want me as I wanted him.
The other half of my soul didn't fit with mine.
He would not be my prince in shining armour, waiting to take me on that white horse of his to watch the sunset.
I just lied down on that huge bed with its soft silken covers, not even bothering to take off my dress, to brush my hair or to wipe away the tears that had fallen from my eyes a long time ago.
The smell of the freshly made breakfast – or was it dinner? I couldn't remember the time any longer – made my stomach grumble like a monster, threatening it would eat me from inside out if I refused to feed it. I didn't move however, I didn't move a single muscle in my entire body each time the maids came into the room to bring me the food, to clean the room or open the curtains. I didn't move as they tried to console me, tried to lighten me up or to get me to shower.
I was numb.
I couldn't feel anything but the empty void of the unspoken rejection. I was supposed to be laying in his arms, cuddling as we told each other stories of our childhood. I was supposed to be falling in love, have the best time of my life, feel the love blossoming in my chest. My heart should be soaring with love, I should see how he cared about me in his eyes.
But that wasn't my reality.
All I could see was his cold eyes as he told me he wanted me far away from him. His dominating aura that engulfed my entire being like a nightmare.
I felt defeated.
I didn't even get to see my parents to tell them I was a true Amor, that I was like them, that the Amor quarter was the place where I belonged. That I had always known, but only now got some confirmation. And James must have been wondering where I went when he didn't see me at the party. I didn't even know if he found his mate or not. Same with Francis. Did he find his love? Was he happy? Or was he just as miserable as me?
Another sob wrecked its way through my body, another tear found its way on my cheek. I was a horrible sister, an awful friend, a terrible daughter. Wallowing in my self-pity I didn't know how my family was, how they felt.
How could I be an Amor if I didn't even care enough to find out how they felt? Yha'aera must have been wrong, for certain.
Even if she hadn't been right, I had to change my behaviour. This was absolutely horrendous. How could I lay here for over four days in the same dress, while not showering or cleaning myself in any matter? Of course, I didn't pee myself or anything, for that I did go to the bathroom, but I could have done a better job at keeping myself clean.
With these thoughts in my head I stood up from the bed – naturally, way too fast, so I had to stop in order not to blackout – but I stood up nonetheless. My aching limbs felt stiff from not moving for so long, and even after the black spots in my vision disappeared, I still felt dizzy.
I walked – or crawled, limped, pushed myself – to the bathroom that was attached to the room, and slowly but surely peeled off my dress. Even though it had made me feel beautiful, for my mate it hadn't been enough. He still didn't want me in his direct environment, as if I was a virus that would kill him within time. Maybe he had seen the remnants of hope in my eyes when he looked at me, hope that flared up like ash in a hearth if you blew in it. Only like the ashes of a fire that was long gone.
Maybe all my dear alpha needed was someone to push him. Maybe all he needed was a little love in order for him to be able to return it to me.
It was a possibility, and I just had to take every chance I got.
Determined I took off my undergarments as well and stepped underneath the shower. I hissed lightly as the first droplets of water were way too cold for my liking, even though it did wake me up from the slumber I had been in for four days.
I set the temperature to a scorching hot fire, burned away all the sadness and despair from the past few days, and let the water turn my skin slightly red. If my mate needed but a little love to bloom up to a good mate that would love me no matter what, I would shower him with my love. I would drown him in all the love I had to give, I would show him that I was a true Amor and that he needn't fear me. He would need me just as much as I needed him.
All it took was a little love. I could do that right?
After all, I was an Amor.