━━ chapter eight.
❝ convenience stores. ❞
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NATSUKO LIKED HER RAMEN SPICY.

Natsuya wondered why these thoughts were still plaguing his mind after she left him behind in that coffee shop. He thinks that she likes that, leaving him behind. Maybe leaving Natsuko behind to go to all of those countries was a bad idea. Maybe this was her way of getting back at him, leaving him in stadiums and coffee shops.

He sighs. Did he make the right choice?

Ritsu had called him up again, asked him where he was. He told her the truth and even over the phone, he can envision her disappointed face.

"I thought we've established the fact that your friend is toxic," her voice is cool and composed. "You want to get another dose of poison?"

"She's still my friend, Ritsu," he tells her. He doesn't like the way she's calling his Natsuko poison.

"That doesn't excuse her behavior," she replies, there's a hint of laughter in the way she speaks. "Is she still in there? You sure she hasn't left you behind like what she's done every single time?"

"Ritsu," he said sternly and a laugh was her only response. Laughter came easy to Ritsu and just about any other girl he's met. The ones who asked for pictures after he won competitions. He wonders why it's different for Natsuko.

"It's true, Natsuya," her voice turns soft. When Natsuko's voice turns soft, there's a certain sort of something that makes his heart race. In other people, it just sounded... normal. "I just care about you, okay?"

"I appreciate it," he says and means it. Ritsu's always been someone he can lean on. "Thanks Ritsu."

"So... where is she now?" she asks, her voice has a certain coldness to it that he fails to notice. Ritsu has always been kind in his eyes, he's built her a personality in his brain that no matter what she does or acts like, Natsuya will always know Ritsu as that kind, cool girl that always thinks for his best.

"Drinking coffee," he answers after taking a peek at Natsuko who's busy emptying the cup of macchiato she ordered. Natsuko probably doesn't know, but she has a bad habit of puckering her lips whenever she eats something bitter. Natsuya thinks it's cute.

He's interrupted by Ritsu sighing. "Natsuya, I think that maybe you shouldn't fall for her whims just like you've always had. Ask for an apology. It's her wrong that you guys fought for six years, she overreacted, didn't she? Before she tries to establish anything again, make sure you hear an apology because if you don't, she'll just keep doing it."

Natsuya sighs. "What if she doesn't apologize?"

"Then cut her off forever."

He had followed her instructions to the letter, except for that tiny bit at the end. Cut her off forever? That was preposterous. He couldn't even bear the thought of her walking alone to her apartment, peppering her with text messages and calls if she had finally arrived home. He had asked Nao for her number and although Nao was a loyal friend, his loyalty to Natsuya in comparison to Natsuko was greater.

It only took a single text from her to spin his senses into action.

I'm okay.

Was she certain? Was this Natsuko who had texted? It was so short? But then, he had introduced himself as Natsuya? Was this her being cold on purpose? He sent more texts, and even attempted to call once or twice, but she only responded with an even colder text.

Please stop bothering me.

He sighed. This was just typical Natsuko behavior, combined with that annoyed face he found joy in seeing, but times have changed, they weren't best friends anymore, their status had been reduced to strangers with a past.

He strolled through another aisle of canned goods, finding himself in an aisle with shelves stacked with spicy Korean ramen. He picked three, headed to the counter, asked for a paper bag and paid for it.

Natsuya even had the guts to borrow a pen from the cashier and said woman was nice enough to lend her a marker. He wrote on the bag, walked to the gates of her apartment and tossed the paper bag over it so it'd at least find a way to her house. He sent a text. After waiting for minutes, she still didn't go out, so he went home and decided to rest.

It was Ikuya's face that he first saw when he opened the door to their house. "I know that you're a grown adult, but mom still worries so could you please stop going home late?"

"What time is it?" he asks.

"An hour before midnight," Ikuya replies. "Nii-san, you've been acting strange for the past months, did something happen?"

"Strange?" he clarifies before he hangs his coat on the rack. "What do you mean?"

"Well..." Ikuya starts off hesitant, unsure if his observations were correct, but he knew that Natsuya trusted him enough to take his words seriously. "You've been going home later and even since a couple of months ago, I haven't heard you mention Natsuko-san. And the way you look when her name is mentioned, it changed."

"Tsu? Why is she a part of this?" His eyebrows furrowed.

"You don't notice?" Ikuya clarifies. "When you talk about her, nii-san, there's always a smile on your face, but during the last couple of months, I've barely heard her name from your lips. Not to mention that pained expression haunting you when someone mentions her name. Did you two fight? Did she dump you?"

He shakes his head. He didn't notice that. "Dump me? Ikuya, Tsu's my bestfriend."

"But aren't you in love with her?" The bluntness of his brother's words strike at him. The honesty, the sincerity, they all pile up and he can't do anything but reciprocate with the same.

"I am..." Natsuya answers. "I'm in love with her."

"Then... you got dumped?"

"It's not that!" He's starting to feel annoyed at the mention of the word dump. Dump this, dump that. Natsuko wasn't dumping him! He was important to her and he will be again! "We're just in a rocky situation is all. Someone told me that maybe I should forget about her because both of us aren't right for each other."

"Someone did... and you believed them?" Ikuya asks. "Nii-san, I've seen you fall in love with her ever since Middle School, trailing after her and looking at her whenever you think she isn't looking. Will you really let someone else dictate your feelings for someone you've loved for almost half of your life?"

His hand reaches for Ikuya's mop of green hair, patting it softly. "You're all grown up, Ikuya," he says with a gentle smile. "I'm so proud of you. Thanks for the pep talk."

Natsuya laid on his bed after that, thinking. Ritsu had told him to stop obsessing over his bestfriend, to finally make him let go of the girl who's done nothing but hurt him. Her words were unkind, he thought and now that he was thinking clearly thanks to Ikuya's guidance, untrue.

It was partially correct, the idea that he had hurt her, but Natsuko had done more things, done more things for him.

He can still remember how many times she brightened up her day. When he had encountered so many issues over his strained relationship with his brother, it was Natsuko who offered a shoulder to lean on, who told him to be patient and understanding when it came to Ikuya. Sometimes, he found himself frustrated and annoyed at the first years. To Haruka's stubbornness, to Ikuya changing from the little brother he once knew, to Asahi and Makoto and their insolence, their refusal to cooperate with each other. He had found himself stressing over those kids and it was Natsuko who guided him through that stressful path.

During the first time he travelled, when he headed to St. Petersburg in his search for Mikhail, he had been overcome with homesickness and it was Natsuko who woke up at ungodly hours to answer his calls and video chats, talked to him until the loneliness lessened. It was like they were children again during those times, having sleepovers at one anothers house, holding each other's hands to ward the ghosts and nightmares away.

And during one of his worst breakups during Middle School, Natsuko sat with him and consoled him as he sobbed like an idiot after he found out that Mitarashi-senpai was breaking up with him because she would be going to high school and wouldn't date someone 'immature' anymore.

He had low alcohol tolerance so during the times he bought beer over to Natsuko's apartment and got himself drunk, Natsuko cleaned up after him and made him sober.

That was barely the tip of the iceberg. Natsuko had done much more, more things that made him fall in love, more things and feelings that made him fall so hard that he refuses to stand back up. Tsuchiya Natsuko was an irremovable part of his life, and cutting her off felt like cutting half of him off.

And wasn't love like that? It wasn't supposed to be sweet all the time. There was pain, but you endured it and overcame it together.

Time's changed, he remembered telling her. I have too. What a liar, he thinks to himself. He was still obviously smitten over her and if his rapid heartbeats weren't proof, he doesn't know what else is. He hauls himself to a sitting position when he hears the small beep from his phone and he opens it, expecting a text from Nao or Ritsu, but it's Natsuko's number (yeah, he memorized it).

Thanks for the ramen, I appreciate it.

Natsuya? Changed? Who was he kidding?

He remembered his favorite quote, the one spoken by Mikhail.

Victory only comes to those who believe in themselves. He'd always interpreted that as the results depended on what you did and in order to gather good results, he thought of Natsuko and her smile that reminded him of sunflowers, he'd do his best.

━━ to be continued.
🌻 | the sunflowers that last forever.