dmalfoy:
i see we've matched again... have you matched with anyone besides me?

hpotter:
not yet. how many others have you matched with? ron's matched with both the patils, lavender, and of course hermione.

dmalfoy:
i've only matched with you and the one girl...

hpotter:
so it was a girl you matched with? i thought you were gay.

dmalfoy:
i am. that's just what the app's matched me with; it doesn't mean i like her or anything.

hpotter:
who is she?

dmalfoy:
it doesn't matter.

hpotter:
you're right, it doesn't matter... that's why you should tell me.

dmalfoy:
not happening.

hpotter:
and why not?

dmalfoy:
because it's none of your business.

hpotter:
you're a ponce.

dmalfoy:
and you're a closeted, destined-to-be-single queer.

hpotter:
excuse me?

dmalfoy:
i uh- i'm sorry, ignore that please.

hpotter:
i'm not gay.

dmalfoy:
i know.

hpotter:
then why the hell would you accuse me of being gay? i like girls!

dmalfoy:
yeah, but you can't seem to hold one down, can you?

hpotter:
you matched with ginny, didn't you?

dmalfoy:
oh merlin, no. i'd have unplugged my ears in front of fully grown mandrakes if i had.

hpotter:
you're an asshole, malfoy.

dmalfoy:
hey, at least i like assholes.

hpotter:
now you're gonna shame me for not being gay? what the fuck's your problem, malfoy?

dmalfoy:
i'm not shaming you, potter.

dmalfoy:
believe me, i'd love it if you matched with someone else... anybody else.

hpotter:
and why's that?

dmalfoy:
so you'd leave me the fuck alone.