A/N bet y'all didn't expect to see regular updates any time soon, huh?

There are three (3) text conversations after this, all at the same time. The easiest way to look at this, it would seem, is to look at each chat individually.

Let's start with Dean and Castiel, because they're the two we're really here for. Of course, because they're the two most important people in the fic, we're gonna look at this through both their perspectives at once, just to make it a little more confusing!

Dean: Hey man, I'm sorry for bringing up the idea of you spending the holidays with us. I couldn't tell what was real and what was a cover story, so I wasn't sure if you really did have a friend to spend Christmas with, and I didn't want you to have to spend it alone.

Dean spent a long time drafting that text. He knew he had to apologise. It was pretty obvious that Castiel was not looking forward to this, and he was the one that mentioned it. He doesn't want Castiel to think he just didn't notice.

Meanwhile, Castiel is sitting home alone and contemplating whether his life is worth living or if he should change his name and his face and move to Alaska. Getting a text from Dean makes him think he should hold off on that for a while. It was really sweet of him to follow up on that mess.

Castiel: I appreciate that. I could tell you were a little confused, but it was nice of you to try to help me out when you figured it out.

Dean: Of course I did. I didn't want to force you into something you didn't want to do. I'm sorry it didn't work out, though. You can always fake sick in a couple weeks if you really want to get out of it.

Castiel can tell Dean's thinking long and hard about these texts. He never texts with this much grammatical skill. Hell, the guy barely even uses periods on a normal day. Since nothing good can come out of complaining, Castiel decides he might as well try to make the guy feel better, if only because the grammar here is slightly disconcerting.

Castiel: It's fine. Charlie seems really excited, so she'd probably drag me along even if I was sick. She'd probably thank you if she could.

Dean raises an eyebrow. So this is about Charlie? Did he not want to give Charlie the option of meeting them? She seemed overjoyed at the idea, and Castiel seems to maintain the position that she wasn't faking it, so it definitely looks like Castiel was the only hesitant one. He's not sure why that would be if it wasn't for Charlie, so he has to ask.

Dean: What's up with Charlie, anyway? You've never mentioned her.

Again with the punctuation. Disgusting.

Castiel: As far as most of the world is concerned, she doesn't exist. She usually tries to stay out of anything celebrity-related. I figured she'd say the same thing about Christmas, but apparently not.

Huh. So maybe Charlie was supposed to be his escape plan. That makes Dean feel a little bit worse, in all honesty. He really made Castiel go all the way to Plan Z, and it still didn't work.

Dean: I'm sorry. I hope your Christmas isn't going to be too bad this year.

Damn, Dean really isn't getting the point, huh?

Castiel: It's okay, Dean. I promise. I think it'll be a lot of fun.

Dean: So you really don't mind?

Castiel: Of course not. I'm a little wary as to how Charlie's going to fair when she's in the same room as both you and Jo, but otherwise, I can't wait.

Dean breathes a sigh of relief. So maybe he didn't fuck up too much.

Castiel is less okay with this than he lets on. His simultaneous conversation with Charlie will explain why.

Castiel: I swear to god, Charlie, if you breathe a word of my sexuality to anyone, I will kill you.

Charlie: Relax Cas I'm not exactly in a rush to out myself either

That's a fair point. They're both very gay and very secretive about it. She's not going to tell Dean anything because she knows he could tell Jo the same thing. Sure, Charlie isn't anywhere near as into Jo as Castiel is into Dean, but it's the principle of the matter. Still, he'll be surprised if she makes it through the holidays without dropping any hints.

Castiel: You better be on your best behavior or you're never meeting any of my celebrity friends ever again.

Charlie: Chill out Cas

Charlie: I don't want to mess this up for you any more than you want me to mess it up. This is your crush and your fake girlfriend we're talking about and I don't want to be the shitty one that fucks it all up

Charlie: Although I might die when I see Jo in person

Charlie: She's really fucking hot

Charlie: And I might die when I see Dean in person because you think he's really fucking hot and you're low-key not wrong like for a dude he ain't half bad

Charlie: But my lip are sealed

Charlie: Scout's honor

Castiel pauses for a moment. Does he believe her? Should he? He'd like to think she wouldn't mess it up on purpose, but that doesn't mean she won't slip up at some point.

Charlie: Come on Cassie I already said yes so you can't back out of it now

Charlie: (please?)

Castiel sighs. She has a point.

Castiel: Why do you even care whether we go? You never want to hang out with celebrities.

Charlie: Well you've never given me the chance to hang out with Jo Harvelle

Castiel: You never cared about meeting Meg. Why do you care about meeting Jo?

Charlie: Because I doooo

Charlie: And because I wanna meet Dean bc I wanna know if he's worthy of you

Castiel: Why does that matter? We're never going to go out. He's straight, I'm in the closet, and we're supposed to be feuding. Besides, I like him because he's hot, not because of his personality.

That last part is only partially true. Yes, he did originally decide that he liked Dean just because he was hot. That's just about all he had to go on for a while. That's why he decided to talk to him at Jo's party a few months ago, which basically started this whole mess. And, of course, the feeling of Dean's body pressed against his as Dean tried to teach him guitar wasn't a deal breaker in any sense of the word.

But it's a little different now that they've been talking for a while. He really does like Dean. He thinks Dean's cute and sweet and funny and he could listen to his voice all day. He really considers Dean a friend now, possibly more than he's ever considered any celebrity to be one. He doesn't want to risk messing that up by bringing Charlie into the picture.

Meanwhile, Dean is also having a text conversation on the side, this one being with Jo. It's once that she initiated, and one that Dean didn't see coming.

Jo: What do you think about Charlie?

She genuinely could not be more vague. Dean isn't quite sure how to answer that, so he just wings it.

Dean: I think she's probably a cool person, and I can't wait to meet her

He really does want to meet this mysterious Charlie. Even in the brief minute or so that she and Castiel spoke on the phone before he put it on speaker, there was a side of the guy that Dean's never seen before. He was obviously so uncomfortable in the situation, between being forced into a holiday that he didn't want and putting his secret friend on speaker in front of his not-as-secret friends, but at the same time, he seemed more comfortable than Dean has ever seen him. He always sounds so uptight when they talk. He wasn't like that with Charlie.

At the same time, though, Castiel doesn't seem to want to come to the Harvelle's for Christmas, and he doesn't seem to want Charlie to come, either. Dean isn't sure he's supposed to want to meet Charlie, because Castiel obviously doesn't want him to. He doesn't know how to feel about this.

Jo: Do you think they're just friends?

Apparently Dean gave that question too much thought. He should have guessed that this is where the conversation was going.

Dean: I would be surprised if they're anything else

He just can't picture Castiel having a real girlfriend. It would explain why he seemed so relaxed in what he said to her — they're obviously very close, which doesn't seem to be true of Castiel and anyone else — but he still can't see them dating.

Jo: Are you sure?

Dean: I mean I haven't asked him but I can take a guess

Jo: Can you ask him for me?

Dean sighs. If she's going to be this paranoid about him dating every girl he knows, she might as well ask him out now and get it over with.

Dean: Why would I do that tho like if you want to know then you can ask but I'm not

Jo: Please? For me?

Dean: Ask him yourself if you're not sure

Jo: But you guys are bros it's normal for bros to ask bros about girls

Dean: No it's really not

Dean: Why would you even think they're dating anyway?

Jo: Because he's never mentioned her before! Has he mentioned her to you? Because he's never mentioned her to me!

That's a good point, and it just so happens to come right as Castiel is mentioning his friend in the conversation you just read at the beginning of this chapter. He doesn't want to ask if they're dating. That's just weird. If Castiel wanted to tell him, he would, right? But he does want to know why he's never mentioned her. That one's intriguing him, so he asks that. But he's still talking to Jo, too, so he needs to come up with a response that will calm her down, not raise questions.

Dean: He doesn't have to tell us everything. Charlie's probably just some friend he has who doesn't want to spend Christmas alone. I think it was sweet of you to let her spend it with us, and I bet Castiel thinks you're sweet, too.

Jo: Do you really think he thinks I'm sweet?

Dean: He'd be stupid not to

Jo: I hope you're right

Jo: I just really like him and I know this is my fault for not telling him that but I don't want him to have a secret relationship

Dean: I know

Dean: Don't overthink it

Dean: If they were together I think he would have told us already. They're both going to come to your house together. If he thinks they're going to be holding hands and making out under the mistletoe the whole time, I think we would've gotten a heads up.

Jo: I guess so

Jo: Thanks Dean

Jo: I needed that