I'm trying to understand the dynamic between us. I've changed. You've changed. 

The table was heavy laden with food.  I tried to smoothed the front of my dress for the umpteenth time. Mr Welwore glance at my actions and I realised he had noticed my fidgeting. My facade was slipping. I didn't want to be here.

"Katia, you must help yourself to more lasagna. I made an extra portion just for you. " Jane gushed. I was amazed at how her warmth spread accorded the dinner companions, making everyone feel at ease. I was still overwhelmed. I couldn't reply back so I smiled instead. 

"Jane, stop. You've drowned the poor girl in food. Rather leave the lasagne Katia. More for me for breakfast for tomorrow." David chided cheekily to his wife. The whole table burst out laughing. I returned to shuffle my food on my plate. I hoped to make it disappear but I struggled to eat a mouthful.

 I could not calm myself. My pep talks and musing couldn't be uttered around the table. I forced my turmoil to remain internal. 

 It was provident that Mr Welwore was the guest of honour. Mr Welwore was uncharaterictcally pleasant and I had no need to engage. Everyone sat in rapt attention so keenly focused on his stories. I lost track several topics ago. My smile was a farce, nodding and mirroring the social cues of everyone at the table. For the rest of the meal his tall and imposing nature hid me from the focus of the dinner.

Where was Lev?  All the place settings were full so he had no intention of being at this dinner. Why wasn't he here? The thoughts jumbled my confusion. 

Did he say away because of me? Or wasn't I a factor in his persuasion at all? The thought of being insifingcant to Lev startled me. I felt my mind recoil. The thought cause a physiological reaction and  body went stiff.  It forced me back to reality

"How is work? do you like Seattle yet? Does it feel like home?" Jane asked pulling me out of my stall revie.  It was the first question I'd been asked since I walked in. 

"It's Seattle?" I replied softly, unsure of how to respond. Mr Welwore's curiosity was palpable and it made the acid in my stomach churn.

My heart was not able to feel safe or welcome in the home of Lev. Despite his current absence. My being felt like a broken soulmate. 

"Of course, how can anyone live in the constant rain?" Jane returned, I unaware of what she was saying.

"I've aways found the rain refreshing. It eases my gout." A elderly visitor replied.  I forgot to focus on his name. 

"I find it depressing. I couldn't do it and it would mess up my hair in such a dreadful manner." Snarked Suzi.  The conversation once again ebbed away from me. 

I glanced up at my friends. I used to think I didn't engage in conversations because I was an introvert. Upon secondary inspection I realised they also didn't let me speak. 

 Whilst I knew Jane cared, I wondered if she could really see me. Why in, fifteen minutes didn't she ask me anything?  I began to observe her, to see her smile, her inflections, all searching for the glimmer to see if she was looking deeper.  She didn't. 

I glanced up and saw Mr Welwore was studying me. I was not acting approprielty. This wasn't how people reacted when they were around their loved ones. I tried to concentrate harder on what Jane was saying. 

Odd that the one who was seeing my internal conflict was my boss and not my affiliated sister.  

"So Katia, have you been dating anyone in Settle? I'm sure the men must be falling at your feet." Nicholas asked. He's eyes had a glimpse of cocky mischief and mirth. There was also a snark in his smirk and I felt him mentally undressing me. The question  was a vacuum that sucked the air out of the cells in my lungs.  I could smell his spit salivating. My eyes became strong and stared at him. I could not believe the audacity of someone, anyone to ask something so ridiculous. Nicholas was fishing to seduce me. 

My inner conflict of the night shifted into rage. It honed on Nicholas as the target.  

"You have the same look in your eye that those men have Nicholas. I am not your trophy. There is no easy win with me tonight. Stop your childish and flithy behaviour. You are a weak spoilt child that prances like a man. Stop before I embarrass you. " I replied softly. My abrasive, icy tone halted the conversation. No one had heard me talk so firmly out of character.  It was a quiet response that managed to drop the temperature of the room. 

It became profoundly awkward.

"Katia has not succumb to the plasid and vapid approach of the men in our firm. She has a reputation for having standards. You wouldn't be able to keep up with her." Mr Welwore replied with a touch of mirth in his voice. The manner cause an instantaneous reaction of laughter. He instantly warmed the temperature back of the room. 

 The tension disappear and the company returned to the jovial mood. I glance up at my boss, giving an appreciative nod of thanks for removing the focus. Mr Welwore returned the action. Mr Welwore salvaged a potentially unprofessional situation brought on by me. I needed to regain control but being in this house was drowning my emotions and causing fear and bile to rise.

The dinner proceeded with more mirth and cheer. I remained on the outskirts. After the dessert course, everyone had coffee. The guest split off into groups to converse. I, instead went outside, hoping the evening air would ease the migraine of the last two days. 

The cool breeze brushed over my skin. Resting my arms on the porch I held my head in my hands. I heard heavy footsteps behind me, knowing it was Mr Welwore walking excessively heavy for my hearing. He moved stealthy, so it was an international act for my benefit.

"It's a beautiful night out here." He said, observing the stars. He stood next to me, his sizeable height relaxed and composed.  

"I haven't noticed." I replied. I  didn't even lift my head. Why wasn't there a chair out here?

"I've always preferred the quiet evenings. I love how the clouds move over the stars. " He said, looking up at the sky respectfully. 

The stillness of the evening and his serene observation had a calming effect. For the first time I looked up. 

"It is nice outside." I replied back, recognising the moment I was in. Despite my turmoil the wold had moved and remained wonderful. 

"I don't get to see the stars in Seattle. Between the city lights and rain they are always hidden from view. Sometimes I forget to look up to see if they are out. I used to take night walks out here. Whenever insomnia kicked in. Can't do that in the city." I said. 

"No you can't." He agreed.  The noise inside the house became more distant as I surrendered to the tranquility outside. 

"What do you do in the city when you can't sleep?" He asked. 

"I don't do anything." I replied in confusion. I couldn't sleep and eating was unpleasant. The tv annoyed me and screens kept me awake. I could do anything. Mr Welwore smiled slightly. I think he understood from experience.

Mr Welwore looked out. 

"Jazz."

"Pardon?" I asked in confusion. My mental acuity was not able process observations after the gruelling evening. 

"Jazz for the insomnia. It doesn't help, but the music fills the room." He said

"I will do so sir." 

A car pulled up. The engine growl. My heart rate spiked. Only one person would be driving a customised engine to this house. My eyes narrowed and my fangs started to descend. I focussed in The sound was steady, strong and consistent. It used to be a drum that my should would dance. Now it just drummed my migraine harder. A heartbeat.

Lev's heartbeat.

I glared out in slits of focus as the car pulled into the driveway. My hands clenched as the anger began to pulse in my blood. My wolf ascended and my began to glow. 

He move up, pulled into the garaged, the door automatically closing after him. I stared intently at the at the garage, willing Lev to do something. I listened, intently following his actions.

The car switched off.

Lev got out, shutting the car door. 

He walked up the garage steps.

Lev entered the house through the connecting passage.

He walked upstairs into his room.

Then he shut the door.

I expected him to come out. To greet or confront me. Instead his footsteps and heart beat left me outside in the cold.

My heart thumped loudly. The ache in my chest solidify.  The air in my lungs exhaled sharply in the cold air. The migraine I had sychrozied with my blood pressure. Anger steeped into into  skull. Meanwhile, Lev just busied himself in his room and turned on some music. His heartbeat unchanged and unaffected by my presence.

"Katia." Mr Welwore called softly.  

I hated how Lev treated me. I hated how it made me feel about myself. The dismissive actions created a disproportionate self loathing. My fangs extended.

"Katia." Mr Welwore called. 

I dispised the effect his behavior had on me, and hated how it made me hate myself. 

"Katia, you are hyper focusing. Return." Mr Welwore said. His voice serene and words kind. The compassion was such a contrast from the abrasive and abuse way I had spoken to myself. 

It was an unexpected kindess and compassion. 

My fangs returned and my heart rate returned to normal. The night sky settled and the stars and moon  shone. The crickets and sounds of my heavy breathing was all I could hear.

"I wondered why you didn't act like this town was your home. The tension has a reason." He stated, bemused.

If he only knew.

Mr Welwore chuckled and instead of enraging me, it caused me to do the same. 

"Katia, could you call the driver.  It's time to leave. I will say goodbye to our host. This place is too stressful and our business has concluded. I see no reason to stay any longer. Do you?" He asked looking out across the night. 

"No Sir, I do not." I replied. I already had my phone out and was walking down the steps. 

"Very well. Tell the driver to head to the airport. We can leave for Seattle tonight." Mr Welwore greeting on our behalf, removing the need for me to go inside. 

The driver pulled up and we departed. We were at the airport within an hour. Jazz played softly in the background.

I slept on the whole flight home.

I had tried to force Lev out of my mind,  inadvertently forced everyone else out too. I lost my home. No, I left my home and the family that I made. Orphaned by my fleeing.