(Still same POV change thingy)

((Saviour by BVB always seems to be on when I start these chapters ffs))

"Hey, Phil!" Jamie chirps from the living room as I enter my house.

I don't say anything but fake a smile as I walk into the living room. Jamie sits on the sofa while Jaxon plays with his toys on the ground. I don't know why he still hasn't warned up to her. Jamie's amazing. She's kind, caring, gorgeous. Honestly, Jamie reminds me of Dan but there's still something missing about her that makes me chew my lip whenever Dan and her are in the same room with me.

"How was Dan, today?" She quietly asks, snapping me out of my confused thoughts.

"Hm? Oh...he was, um..." I trail off as I'm still befuddled by the actions of earlier.

"He's not doing well, is he?" She asks and stands up from the sofa, standing in front of me with an almost scared expression.

I slowly nod my head and she sighs, removing my fringe out of my eyes and placing a soft kiss onto my lips, "I'll go make dinner, okay? Jaxon's missed you." She lightly smiles with sympathy.

I nod and she walks out of the room, going into the kitchen. Jamie knows about how I deeply care about Dan. Hell, he's the one that helped me out of my own dark time. The thing is, is that I got out of it so quickly. Just by Dan being Dan.

At least Dan says differently. He keeps going on about how he's not the same person, but I know that Dan's wrong. He's still the same lovable Dan that I fell in love with- wait.

My eyes widen and I stumble back a bit at what my mind has just decided to say. Do I really love Dan? Well, yeah, of course I do. I mean, who wouldn't? His smile lightens up my mood. His laugh could cure cancer. The way his eyes sparkle when he's intrigued and how he pronounces words differently with his posh voice that always annoys him. But...I don't love him in that way, right? Of course not. He's a guy. I don't...like guys.

I shake my head and chew on my lip a while longer in deep thought before I feel a tug at the hem of my shirt. I look down and see a smiling, yet curious Jaxon, "Hi daddy." He happily greets me.

A smile breaks onto my face at the adorable child that stands next to me so I crouch down and engulf him into a tight hug.

"How's Danny?" Jaxon asks as I pull away from the embrace.

My heart skips a beat at his name, my face turning grim. How do you explain to a 2 year old that your best friend- that you may be in love with -looks like he's withering away, and is more than likely back to a highly depressed state of mind?

"He's not doing too well, Lion." I whisper.

Jaxon tilts his head to the side, "What's wrong?"

"He's...sad, and sick." I explain the best I can.

Jaxon frowns, "I don't want him to be sad or sick." He quietly says, his bottom lip quivering.

I don't think you understand how much my chest pains at the sight of 2 year old son crying over someone else who's feeling sad and sick. It's an awful sight yet it warms your heart that someone at his age has such strong feelings, "I know, Lion. Neither do I." I quietly say, my voice slightly cracking.

Jaxon tightly hugs me the best I can and I move my hand up and down his back to soothe him. Jaxon's head fits perfectly in the crook of my neck and his tears soak my exposed skin at the top of my shirt, "C-Can you tell Danny th-that I love him? It m-might make him f-feel better." Jaxon tells me between hiccups.

I sadly sigh, "I'll tell him the next time I have the chance to see him, okay?"

"O-kay." He says and pulls away from hugging me.

"Dinner!" Jamie calls from the kitchen.

I kiss Jaxon's cheek and stand up, grabbing a hold of his tiny hand that grips around 2 of my fingers. My index and middle finger to be exact.

We walk into the small seating area of the kitchen together, Jamie placing down the last plate of pasta, "I decided to make your favorite since I know you're not feeling your best." She sadly smiles, her curls slightly bouncing as she speaks.

"Thanks babe." I gratefully smile at her and kiss her cheek, making her blush.

Is it wrong that it feels weird saying babe now? Something just feels...off. Dan's really getting to me and I dislike it. He's supposed to be a friend, not a partner.

Jaxon sits at the seat next to me, but quickly gets off of his chair, running out of the kitchen, "Jaxon hunny, where are you going?" Jamie calls after him.

I look over at Jamie with my a peculiar look, but stay sitting down, awaiting for Jaxon to come back into the kitchen. As I presumed, a few seconds later he does come rushing back into the room while clutching Pooh, the stuffed animal that Dan gave him.

Jaxon smiles as he squeezes Pooh tightly and cuddles into him before placing it on the empty seat next his, "It's Danny." He informs us, making me widely smile in awe while Jamie chuckles, finding it silly.

Jaxon climbs back onto his seat and carries on like nothing's different, taking a sip of apple juice out of his Peter Pan sippy cup, "Be carefully not to get food on Dan, we don't want him to get messy." I tell Jaxon, playing along.

"I won't. He's not hungry anyway." He simply tells me, but this makes my eyes tear up a bit as a twinge of something goes through me.

~

We all finish our dinner, me being the last to finish as usual. I wonder who would finish our food first between Dan and I. Probably Dan. He's a hound when he's hungry.

Dan. Dan. Dan. Dan.

He's all that goes through my mind, it seems. Sure, he's clouded it before but not this much. Not in a long. Not since the night we kissed. I know that these are multiple red flags that I view him as more than a friend, but the thought still alarms me in some way.

"I'm going to take Jaxon to bed, okay?" Jamie quietly tells me as she looks over at his sleeping figure on the couch.

If Dan was here, I bet you that Jaxon would be cuddling between him and I like that one time. I think with a light smile and nod at Jamie's words. She lightly stands up and grabs Jaxon who slightly shuffles in her arms as she walks into his blue room.

Jamie comes back in moments later. I'm sure that Dan would've sang Jaxon a lullaby to help him sleep. Sadly, Jamie doesn't sing. Her voice doesn't sound as beautiful as his either.

She sits down next to me, closer than usual, and places her hand on top of mine. Where's the spark that I usually feel when she does that? It's like it's gone. To test my feelings for Jamie, I turn my head to face her, placing my lips firmly onto hers.

Jamie instantly complies and happily kisses me back. Nothing is all that races through my mind as we continue to kiss each other. Jamie's arms snake around my neck but they don't feel the same as Dan's arms do around my neck. I slowly and cautiously wrap my arms around her waist, bringing her closer.

I still don't feel anything. Why don't I feel anything?

I begin to worry and quickly deepen one of our many kisses, trying to form some kind of spark. Something. Anything. I run my hands up to Jamie's curled hair but it doesn't feel the same as Dan's. His hair is fluffier and thinner although it looks like the same, just less shiny.

I feel Jamie beginning to tug at the hem of my shirt and that's when I know that I need to stop. I abruptly stop kissing Jamie, catching my breathe, and she looks at me with concern.

"What's wrong?" She breathes, her arms still around my neck as she now sits in my lap.

"I-I don't-" I stop speaking, not being able to form any words.

All of my thoughts go at a million miles per hour. Feeling nothing but heartache and more nothingness. Slowly and carefully, I place Jamie off of me and at her side of the sofa.

"Phil, you're worrying me." She says as I hunch forward, my head in my hands, "Please, say something." She begs, and I rub my temple.

"I've come to a certain realization..." I poorly explain in deep thought still.

I love Dan. I'm in love with Daniel James Howell.

It's so easy to say in my head, and it makes my heart speed up.

I-I'm in l-love with Ja-Jami-

I can't say it. It's too much of a struggle for me. I thought that I was in love with Jamie but my mind clearly thinks otherwise. I scoff at how blind I've been all these months. How stupid I was to not realize that all this time, Dan was the one who I've wanted, and needed to stay sane.

"What's that realization?" She quietly asks.

I slowly sit up and look over at Jamie with a saddened expression, "That I'm in love with Dan..."

*

Mathew sits across from me in my hospital bed with his signature smile that somehow warms my heart every time.

Unlike Phil who makes your heart melt.

I squeeze my eyes shut and lightly shake my head, trying to clear my mind. I need to stop thinking about Phil.

"Is it Phil again?" Mathew sadly whispers.

I told him about earlier...and everything else. That's where I also found out that Mathew is in fact straight, but he can be highly platonic with a lot of people, and he finds it hilarious that Phil would ever be jealous of him. I'm honestly relieved the Mathew's straight. It makes my confused feelings for him instantly drop. It showed me that I didn't really care for Mathew in that way because I still love Phil even though he has hurt me enough as it is.

"You need to stop thinking about him, Dan. It's not good for you." He tells me, sympathy clear in his voice.

"I know but it's hard. You don't understand how hard I'm trying to block him out and hate him, but it's simply impossible. He's all I think of. Everything I do is because of him." I explain with pleading eyes in hopes that he'll understand.

"Yeah, and he's the one who landed you here in the first place." He snaps in annoyance at my stubbornness.

I sigh, "I wanna be left alone for a while. I need to...think." I whisper and look down, fumbling with my white duvet.

Mathew's eyes soften and he nods, "Arrivederci." He smiles, trying to lighten the mood a bit and I sadly smile back, knowing that it means goodbye before he walks out of the room.

*

"Y-You're what?" Jamie asks, eyes wide in shock.

I let out a frustrated sigh, "I know that it's ridiculous but it's true." I say, biting my bottom lip.

Jamie just looks down and lightly shakes her head, "I don't understand. You told me before, you don't like Dan." She says, repeating what I've told her once before.

"And I know that I said that, but I was lying to myself. Basically trying to convince myself that my thoughts weren't true." I explain with a calm tone.

"How do you know that you're in love with him?" She whispers and squints her eyes at me.

I bite my lip, "Do you want the truthful answer?" I ask her.

She nods, making me loudly sigh and look in the other direction, "Because as I was kissing you...I felt nothing. I tried everything I could do to test my feelings without regretting anything, and I just couldn't do it."

Jamie doesn't say anything but instead stands up and walks out of the room. I've upset her. I know I have. Of course she'd be upset. Hell, I'd be upset.

She comes back into the room moments later and places my car keys into my hand without another word, "Go." She finely tells me.

"Wh-What?" I whisper in a scared tone.

"Go..." She sighs, "Go, to him." She adds, making me realize what she means.

She wants to me to go to Dan.

"Are you serious?" I ask in astonishment.

Jamie warmly smiles at me, "Yes, I want you to go. Now that I think about it, I've known all along that you've liked Dan. Even if it was just a stupid little crush. It was just too obvious. The way you two act with one another, it's like you've been a couple this whole time." She goes into depth, telling me what's going through her mind.

I smile once she finishes and shoot up from the sofa, engulfing Jamie into a tight hug, "Thank you." I whisper into her ear as we stay in the embrace.

Jamie chuckles, "You better get him because I want to give you up for a good cause." She says, but with a hint of a joking tone, making the comment less sad.

I slightly frown as we pull away, "I'm really sorry about all of this. I hope you know that I wasn't using you." I tell her with sorrow.

She shakes her head but smiles, "You can tell me that later. Now, you need to get to the hospital before visiting ours are over." She rushes and begins to push me out of the house, "Good luck." Jamie adds before closing the door.

*

My mind spins, and I begin to feel faint. Probably from the lack of nutrition. The doctors warned me that if I kept up my eating habits, they'll start feeding me via IV. Which I'd honestly be fine with. Of course, they're giving me just enough nutrients to survive as of right now, but it still doesn't solve my hunger.

My stomach rubbles as the tray of food that still sits next to me continues to heat from being freshly cooked. I've realized that that the more I don't eat, the better the meals get. It's kind of sad that I have to be at this health to get good food. Good, not great.

I find myself inching my hand forward for a bright green green bean, and when I do, I don't stop myself. Feeling not so scared anymore, and with my stomach screaming for food like nobody's business, I quickly eat it and struggle to keep the food down as I dry heave. The dry heaving stops after a couple of seconds and I curse my body for not being used to consuming anything. Well, I guess it is kinda of my fault.

Then, the unexpected happens, I begin to eat more.

*

I don't think I've ever driven so fast, and I'm also surprised that I haven't been pulled over for speeding. 10 miles over the speed limit. But I don't stop because getting to Dan faster is worth the danger of getting pulled over.

The butterflies in my stomach seem to flap faster as the hospital looms into view, making goosebumps form, and a smile spread.

I'm going to tell him. Is all I think as I thunder down the road, not giving a care in the world. Only focusing on a boy with brown hair and brown eyes. Someone so much like me yet so different at the same time. Someone who seems nearly perfect, even with every imperfection. I'd love being cheesy and say 'perfect imperfections' but I'm not the cheesy type...usually.

I find myself already in the car lot of the hospital and I park in front of the building next to a handicap spot. I'm surprised that it isn't even more crowded. Then again, visiting hours end in 45 minutes.

My feet begin to jog- no -sprint to the hospital doors, and I burst inside, startling a few people. Jasmine sees me and instantly drops her pen as she was filling out something, and rushes over to me.

"Phil, what are you doing?" She loudly whispers.

"D-Dan." I pant, and she knows exactly what I mean.

"I'll try to persuade him but he's not in the best of moods." She explains as we walk over to his section of the hospital.

We make it up to his door, my heart rate increasing by the second and I know that Jasmine can hear it. That must explain her smug smile...or it may be the fact that I can't stop fidgeting around.

*

A light knock is heard from my door, and I put my fork down, "Yes?" I call out in a weak sounding voice and curse myself.

"Dan...Phil's here."

"Have him leave." I instantly say without any hesitation.

I hear shuffling and a few mumbles are exchanged, "I'm afraid that I can't do that since he's literally right here."

"Dan." Phil's voice echoes from the other side of the door.

He sounds so scared, and worried. It honestly makes me want to swing the door open and engulf him in the tightest hug I can muster which I presume isn't very tight.

"Can I come in...please?" The added please at the end makes me seriously think. He's practically begging.

I look down at my hands, "Yes." I say, barely audible.

As soon as those words leave my mouth Phil slowly opens up the door with such a determined look. It honestly complexes me on what he's so determined to do.

Phil steps into the room, and quietly closes the door. His eyes stay glued onto my form, not wavering for a second. It almost looks like the intense stare he had the other day.

I'm still mad at him, and Phil needs to realize it. If he asks for forgiveness, I'd probably say that it's fine because that's the kind of person I am, but really I wouldn't be, "Phil?" My tiny voice asks as he quickly walks over to me without saying a word.

One second, he's at the doorway, the next he's standing in front of me, lightly cupping my face in his hands, "Phil?" I whisper again, staring at his blue eyes.

He warmly smiles and moves a piece of my long fringe out of my eyes, before placing his lips firmly onto mine. It feels like déjà vu which really worries me. This could be the Phil from the night at my house, the one that merely used me.

Although, I do kiss back, with all of my might in fact. It's absolutely exhilarating, the rush. I soon find myself gripping tightly to his shirt as he continues to cup my face in his hands.

He pulls away all too soon for my liking, and that makes my heart drop. It's another one of his acts. He doesn't actually have feelings towards me. He's with Jamie, they're together. Not him and I. I don't want to be hurt, not again.

*

"Stop." He firmly tells me and let's go of my shirt.

I look at him, puzzled. Why would he want me to stop? Does he not like me now? Has his feelings for me completely flip from only a few hours ago?

"Wh-What?" I whisper, and inch closer to Dan, but he only shakes his head, "I'm...confused." I inform him.

Dan scoffs as he looks up at me, "You're just using me because you're either curious or confused..."

What?

I am not confused, nor am I curious because I felt that spark, and it was the strongest spark I've ever felt.

"You're wrong." I tell him with clouded vision, "Oh my god, you're so wrong." I say with a smile, and continue to inch forward.

*

I look at Phil with weary eyes. Maybe he his telling the truth...just maybe.

Phil sits down in front of me, and cautiously grabs my hand. He puts it up to his own and lifts them up. His hand is somehow longer than mine so he bends the tips of his fingers with a light smile.

Still confused by his actions, Phil then decides to intertwine our fingers. Although he still doesn't speak, "What are you doing?" I whisper, still staring at our intertwined hands.

"I hope you know that what I'm doing is in no way connected to harming you." Phil tells me in almost a hurt tone. I nod, still not fully convinced, "How can I convince you?" He whispers like he can read my mind.

My eyes finally look up at him, making him smile, "I can see a spark in your eyes." He breathes out.

Really? I don't feel any different. Is Phil really that affective on me?

"How can you tell?" I ask.

"I don't know. I just do." He chews his lip, making me somehow blush.

I lightly smile at him as my heart flutters. Such a strong affect, "I don't know how, but you always seem to somehow control my emotions." Phil's head perks up, "It's weird." I add with a light laugh.

Phil smiles and slowly leans in. My heart begins to beat at 100 miles per hour, and I know that I shouldn't let him kiss me, but it's been all I've wanted to do for months. So I let him kiss me. I let him hold me, me and my bony body.

His hands snake under my shirt, but I slap his hands away and Phil flinches back. I know that he wasn't going to remove my shirt or anything, but I don't want him to be touching my bare skin, especially when I'm like this.

"What's wrong." He asks with concern.

I bite my lip, and look the other way, "I want to get a few things out of the way." I say and thickly swallow, "We're, uh. We're not a thing, at least n-not fully. It's just...hard for me to believe that you actually want this." Phil nods in understanding, "Second thing, I just don't want you touching me like that. Not when I'm looking like this." Tears form in my eyes. I've always been self conscious towards myself but never this brutally.

"I won't push you into anything." He says, making my heart warm, "And you still look beautiful. I don't think that can ever change." He adds, making my breath hitch in the back of the throat.

I shyly smile at him with a clear blush on my face. I feel like my whole body was turning red, "Thanks." I mumble.

Phil's warm chuckle fills the room as he opens up his arms. I instantly crawl into them and curl up into a ball in front of him, feeling safe and warm. More safe than I've ever been. His fingers begin to run through my slightly curled hair, making me let out a happy sigh.

A knock his heard from the door, but I don't bother to get up and answer it. I'm too content with the current situation, "Who is it?" Phil asks.

*

Mathew stands in the doorway with flowers, and my mood instantly changes. My hand unravelles from Dan's curls as my expression turns cold and hard. Is Dan not telling me something? Are him and Mathew a thing?

"What are you doing here?" He spits at me from the doorway.

"Same goes to you." I snap back, unable to hide the boiling jealousy I hold inside of me.

I hear Dan lightly whimper which completely stops me from saying more, my attention completely turned to him, "Are you okay?" I quietly ask as my fingers find their way back to his hair.

"It doesn't concern you." Mathew shoots.

I turn towards him, Dan now sitting up from the comfortable position he was in and his face is full of annoyance and fear.

"Mathew." Dan whispers, annoyance clear in his tone.

"Don't Mathew me." He tells Dan, "This guy practically tore your heart out a couple of hours ago, and as soon as he comes back, you're back to being his little puppy. Don't you see that he has you wrapped around his finger?"

"That's enough!" Dan shouts and tries to stand up but struggles, and ends up giving up in the end.

Tears form in his eyes and I can't help but wrap my arms tightly around him. It's my job to keep Dan safe. Always, "I think it's best that you go." I whisper, looking over at Mathew.

He gives me a death stare and places the flowers down on the table next to him, "I'll be here the next time that he hurts you. As usual." He tells Dan with a monotone voice, and walks out, slamming the door shut.

Dan flinches at the loud sound, his tears coating my white shirt, "What he said...are those things true?" He asks with a quite and small voice.

I firmly shake my head before planting a kiss onto his forehead, "Far from. Like I said, I'll never push you into anything."

Dan nods and grips tighter to me, burying his head into my chest.

"5 minutes until visiting hours end. Please begin saying goodbye." A professional lady's voice booms through the room over the intercom.

"That's my cue." I whisper and plant another soft kiss to Dan's head, not wanting to go.

"Stay with me." Dan quickly says without hesitation and grabs my wrist, keeping me from moving, "Please." He adds in a pleading tone.

I lightly smile, "Of course, but if we get in trouble I'm blaming you." I joke, making Dan slightly smile, "Do you want to go to sleep now?" As if on cue, Dan loudly yawns with a nod.

I let out a happy sigh from his cuteness. He truly is a cute person. Some people would disagree and call him highly attractive- I agree of course -but when it comes down to the bone, he's just a small, cute 17 year old who wouldn't cause harm to anyone.

Dan tiredly crawls to one side of the bed, and I crawl next to him. We're side by side at first but I slowly find Dan slowly coming closer.

"Are you sure that the doctors will be okay with this?" I whisper as Dan places his head into my chest, and pulls the duvet over us.

"I don't care." He mumbles.

I smile and look down at him, placing a kiss on his temple, "Can I tell you something really sweet?"

"Hm?" He asks, beginning to fall asleep.

"I told Jaxon that you weren't feeling well, so during dinner he grabbed Pooh from the other room, and placed it onto his chair. After he did, he informed me that it was you, and I've never felt so warm. I just stared in awe at my 2 year old son who's absolutely obsessed with Winnie The Pooh, and...and the person I madly fancy."

I feel Dan's cheek puff out against my best as he widely smiles. Although he's too close to fully sleeping to say anything.

"Can I ask you a question?" I ask.

"Mhm." Dan hums.

"Did you eat today?" I ask with a knowing tone, finally seeing the half empty tray of food.

Dan looks up at me with a happy yet tired smile, "Yeah."

My smile widens, and I lean down as we leans up, meeting half way for a soft, and heart felt yet quick kiss that leaves me stomach in knots. Afterwards, Dan shuffles back down and places his head onto my chest once more.

"Nightynight Bear."

"Nightynight Sunshine."

~

Is this story going by too fast? I feel like it is.

Anyway, woWIE A LOT OF GOOD STUFF HAPPENEd. Sorry about that little scene with Jamie. It was honestly really uncomfortable to write oh my. It's weird writing Phil with someone other then Dan.

Quick question: How did you find my account/this story? I think it'd be really cool to know. <3

OH OH AND I WANNA START THIS THING WHERE I LEAVE A SONG LYRIC AND WHOEVER FINISHES IT FIRST GETS THE NEXT UPDATE DEDICATED TO THEM:

Kiss me on the mouth, and set me free ___ ______ ____ ____.

Yes, that is to celebrate Troye's EP Wild, aND I'M SO PROUD EHEJKSKSICVLG.

Ok before I go ballistic and rant about how amazing and adorable Troye is, tell me what you thought about this update. -J