Maybe she could share his burden?

We decided to first both get dressed properly and meet in Vir's office afterwards. I wanted to refuse that, considering he might be triggered to start working again, but he convinced me by saying that he had always felt the most comfortable in his office. In his office he felt powerful, and he felt like he needed that for the upcoming conversation.

How could I ever deny him that?

Mostly because he was about to tell me something about himself that was clearly very personal. If he was to divulge something about his past and his feelings, then maybe we could get further in our relationship as soulmates. Maybe I could help him.

I walked into his office on my own, allowing Vir to get dressed without me staring. I think he also wanted to shower, and he would never be comfortable enough to do that while I was still in the room. He could barely be in one room with me together without blushing – although his stress did cause some progress in that area – let alone be naked in a room I was also in. Understandable... For now.

Vir's office had not been cleaned up yet. Clearly no one had regained access to it after Vir had refused them permission to enter in his feverish state. The room was still littered with papers, broken pencils and chalk powder, open books and maps of the city. I figured that since Vir was not going to be done anytime soon anyway, I better start cleaning some of it up.

At least there was no rotting food, so the smell was somewhat normal. Except for perhaps a slight sweaty scent that belonged to Vir, but I didn't mind that.

Beginning with clearing his desk, I collected all the waste from the surface and put it in the bin. Then I took the books that were lying about page down in the room. Using small, colourful post-its as bookmarks, I closed them and put them back in the large bookcase, ordered alphabetically. I folded the maps of the city neatly and stacked them on a pile at the far right corner of his desk, after which I also gathered all scrap paper to staple them together.

Even though this had only taken me ten to fifteen minutes, the room looked a lot better already. I made a note to myself to ask Vir to at least give his cleaner access to the office again, so that they could vacuum everything properly. I did the worst of it, but it was not nearly done yet. I was about to continue organising things when Vir slowly walked into his office.

He looked way more handsome than before. His hair was still wet, the now dark curls dripping a bit of water every once in a while. His light blue orbs seemed awake now, the shadows underneath his eyes less pronounced, though still there. His clothing was not too write home about however, but at least it was Vir's personal style. The too long and too wide khaki pants were not very charming, although the white shirt he was wearing was hugging his chest. I absolutely didn't mind that. "Do you have my glasses?" He asked with a low voice that was slightly raspy. It sent shivers down my spine.

I shook my head. Daniel had taken them, and I had no idea where he had hidden them.

"I should have my old pair in the top left drawer of my desk. Can you please check?" He asked politely, leaning heavily against the doorframe.

Even though he had not been out of commission for that long yet, it was obvious that he wasn't feeling optimal. "Are you okay?" I asked when I saw him stumble to the couch.

He nodded. "Just a bit dizzy, I'll be fine. Have you found the glasses?"

I opened the drawer, and there was a small case exactly as he said there would be. I held the case up in the air. "Yes, is it this?"

"Hmmhmm."

I walked towards him and gave him the pair of glasses that was put inside carefully. Unlike his usual pair, these glasses were rimmed, black glass and metal lining the lenses. When he put them on his head, he smiled, probably happy to be able to see. Only then he looked around the room, and started to get nervous. "Where are all the books, and my notes? Where is everything? Why is everything gone?" He started breathing heavily too.

"Sssh," I shushed gently. I sat next to him and put my hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look at me. "I marked all the open pages with post-its, and put the books back into the bookcase at the place they belong, don't worry. The maps are folded on your desk, and all your notes are stapled together. I merely cleaned a bit, I didn't throw anything of importance away." I looked into his eyes, and saw relief slowly filling them, although his shoulders remained tense.

"I have to finish it," he mumbled weakly, but made no effort of standing up.

"And you will," I reassured him. "After you have had your rest. For now, you have done enough. You have to take care of your own health now. Daniel, Willow, Betty and I will take care of everything else, okay?"

He nodded slowly and let the tension release from his shoulders. He then slowly turned towards me, but didn't say anything.

I looked at him expectantly, my eyes questioning, but I didn't dare open my mouth to push him. He said he was going to tell me, and he probably would. I saw him breathe in and out deeply a couple of times, his hand going to the back of his neck to scratch it. A nervous tick, I found out.

"I'm not originally from Sapientiae," he started. "I was born a Commutatio pack member, as you probably already knew."

I did. It was common knowledge. It had been on the news even in the Fortis pack when Sapientiae got a new Alpha, one that was not born there. There are only a few packs who would allow that, and even then, it was not common. Fortis and Commutatio were two of them, and apparently Sapientiae as well.

"What is not known by many is why I came to Sapientiae in the first place. Most suspect it was because I didn't fit in there, that the Pack of Change was not the right place for me. That is a lie, though. I actually liked it there. I had friends there, I was happy." Vir stared into space in nostalgia. He didn't stutter, maybe because he talked about his past in a manner that made it seem like he was not there. It appeared as if he was not even here with me fully. "The Pack of Change is peculiar, to say the least. Having a soulmate is frowned upon there, because that means that you can only have one partner throughout life after meeting them, and that is not the way of living there." He glanced at me, and apparently saw on my face that I didn't like hearing that right after he said that he liked living in the Pack of Change. "I presume that in that aspect, I didn't actually fit in there fully." He smiled apologetically.

"My mother met my soulmate a few years after I was born. They had been together for over five years before my mother dared tell him that she already had two children, both from another father." He locked his lips together in a grim smile. "He didn't even have a clue before that." He chuckled without joy. "I never even met the man throughout my life there. I have still no idea what he looks like. I did have a surprisingly good relationship with my mother, even though she never told me about her soulmate either. I thought she was alone, that it was just Willow, my mother and me."

I felt for him in that moment. I had lost my father, and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like not to have a father in the first place.

"We also changed locations every half year, moving across the continent or even further throughout the years." Vir continued with a detached voice. "Each time before a big move, before everyone would pack up their things and walk with the whole pack to a new destination, there would be a week-long party. A full week of feasts, with only beer, dancing, lights, noise and sex. Everyone would be drunk and stoned, and there would be no sense of order."

I had heard about these parties. The Commutatio Feasts were known throughout the whole continent. The packs surrounding the location of the Pack of Change were eager for the moment they would leave, because then they would be invited to join the massive festivals one could never forget.

"I was twelve when I was first allowed to be present at one of these parties. I remember that the day before, my mother had told her soulmate about us. It did not go well, and he rejected her, before going back to his own pack. Apparently he had been travelling from pack to pack to be close to my mother while she moved throughout the continent, but he never knew about us. When he found out, he was not happy, and left my mother." Vir looked away from me, putting his focus to the ground, where his feet were softly tapping the carpeted floor. I could sense that he was about to get to the hard part of his past.

"My mother was devastated, and completely plunged herself in drugs and booze during the feasts. She had managed to get to one of the backrooms of the large tent, hidden from the main room by only a few layers of dark red curtain. She sent for someone to grab me and bring me to her. Since it was my first year allowed in the party, I was not used to the noise, the smoke, the smell of beer and sweat, the bright lights. It was overwhelming, to say the least." He rolled his shoulders, as if to get rid of a tension that had slowly settled there.

"I had no idea what was going on, only that my mother had asked for me, so I followed without complaint. Once I was in the backroom, she was not there. At least, I didn't see her. My eyes were stinging because of all the smoke, my hair and clothes were wet from all the drops of beer that had splattered on me. Every once in a while a red laser came through the cracks to shine brightly in my eyes. All along there was a loud, deep base rolling through the rooms, causing my insides to tremble and my voice to be unheard as I called for my mom. And then, out of nowhere, a sharp piece of ice cold metal was stabbed in my left shoulder, from the back." Vir turned his back to me and took his shirt off, revealing what was done to him.

I was way too shocked by his story to even realise that my soulmate was sitting right in front of me, half naked. My eyes were trained on the scar right above his left shoulder blade. I slowly put my hand up to the area where he had been stabbed with a rather large knife. Trailing the ragged, pink skin with my fingertips, Vir shivered violently under my touch. The wound had obviously healed over the years, but the ugly scar remained. "Commutatio pack doctors were not so much known for their ability to neatly stitch up wounds," Vir commented dryly. "They pride themselves on efficiency and capability to save lives." He sighed deeply. "It left me with this scar as a reminder of what happened."

Vir then quickly turned back and put his shirt back on, effectively removing the butchered skin from view. "My mother blamed my sister and me for the loss of her soulmate, and hoped that by showing she had no love for us, she could get her soulmate to come back." Vir pretended not to care, but in his eyes I could see the hurt. I kept silent, not knowing what to say. He was betrayed by his mother in the worst way possible, and he had a large scare to remind him every single day.

"I was found half an hour later by a few others who wanted to use the backroom. I was provided the necessary care and transported to the closest pack to keep me safe from my mother, who had disappeared. Willow followed me a few years later. I was on my own when I had to accept what happened and learned to live with the trauma, but during that time I drowned myself in my studies to cope." He smiled softly, this time a bit more genuine. "I found out that I was really good at it too, and I was able to compete in the Alpha Trials a few years ago."

"Do you think you wanted to become an Alpha because then you would finally have control over everything, something you didn't have in that moment?"

He was quiet for a while, every once in a while moving his lips as if to speak, but never actually doing so. I let him search for his words. He clearly hadn't anticipated the question and was now unsure as how to answer.

"You don't have to ans-" I started when the silence started to weigh heavy on me.

"I-I suppose so," he interrupted. "I think I wanted to feel powerful once... In charge of what was happening around me and prove that I could do something. Th-That my past doesn't define me." He said the last words very softly, unsure if he was even speaking the truth.

"It doesn't define you, Vir. You went through something horrible, and you are trying to get over it. You will be fine," I reassured him.

"But I'm not fine," his voice cracked, finally realising the truth in his words. He let his head rest in his hands, his fingers pressing forcefully against his skull while also tugging at his hair. "I'm not fine."

I rest my hand on his back, and slowly move it up and down in hopes to comfort him.

"You were alone when you went through this Vir, but you have to understand one thing." I spoke softly, reassuringly, making sure that he understood my every word. "You are no longer alone. I'm here now. You have me, Daniel, Willow, and even Betty would give her life for you. We can fix whatever is happening right now, if you let us." I carefully gripped his wrists and moved them away from his head, clasping his hands between mine, forcing him to look at me. "You just have to accept our help."

He watched me, his eyes shining lightly with vulnerability as I looked at him with sympathy. I knew he wanted to say something, but he was still trying to gain confidence to actually do so. Still, I was surprised at the words that eventually left his lips. "C-can you h-hold me now? J-just for a wh-while."

***
Wow, this was a very long chapter... almost 2600 words, it's insane! I hope you enjoyed it :) Stay safe, everyone