As she left, there was no one to comfort the chaos in his head. No one to relieve the tension in his muscles with their presence alone. 

***

Before I knew it, the day of my fathers anniversary came. It had been nine years now since he died. He had always been my rock, my hero, my teacher. Then at once, one day, he was gone. I was twelve when it happened. He was on patrol at the eastern border of the pack, the border that separates us from thousands of kilometres of wilderness. It was the night of a large event at the Fortress, so most of the security guards of the pack had been reassigned to help there. Not my dad, though. He, and four others were in charge of keeping the borders safe that night.

Normally they would have at least thirty men and women for that job.

That night, when no one noticed, they were ambushed by a group of rogues that wanted to prove a point. Prove that they were not incapable. Prove that they were just as strong, if not stronger than the Fortis Pack.

All five of them died. My mother was left without a husband, I was left without a dad. That was the point when my motivation to learn started to decrease drastically. My dad was a smart man, he had always explained me the things I didn't understand. When he was gone, my mother wasn't even able to comprehend what I was talking about – she is not the most intelligent person, though she makes up for it with her intuition – and I started cheating at school.

Every year, my mom and I would go to the graveyard where his body was buried, have a picknick, reminisce about our lives when he was still around, and tell stories about our lives right now, to keep his soul updated or something.

Usually it was a very sad, yet lovely day. I would have loved for Vir to be here today, because I could have used his support, but he was too busy, and too much of an ass.

"My little flower, are you ready?" My moms voice was a little shrill, but that was to be expected on a day like this. I walked down the stairs and hugged her tight. "Yhea," I answered. "I just zoned out a little."

"Let's go then," she smiled weakly. I offered to carry the basket she had in her arms, but she shook her head. "No, darling, I can do it." She walked out of the door, before turning around all of a sudden. "Oh wait, I forgot something! Wait here for me flower, okay?"

I nodded, and watched her as she put the basket on the floor of our front yard before walking inside quickly. Tapping my foot on the floor, I waited until she came back. My phone started vibrating in the back pocket of my black skinny jeans, so I took it out to take a look.

Daniel.

It wasn't the first time he had called in the past three and a half days I had been here. He had left me a ton of voicemails, and I had listened to all of them. They mostly consisted of him telling me to come back, that he missed me, that Vir probably missed me too, that he needed me. He often spoke that he was worried for Vir, but also for me, and he hoped that I was feeling better now that I was back home. Once he told me that he asked Rosie out on a date, and that she had accepted, and he was wondering what to wear. If I had been back in Sapientiae, I would have had to tell him what he should wear to the occasion, so I should just come back soon.

I rejected the call and put the phone back into my pocket. Daniel could wait. It wasn't as if I had answered before, so he could wait another couple of days

Before I knew it, my mom came back, waving around my dad's picture in a frame. "Almost forgot it," she said, breathing heavily. "Ready now?"

This time I picked up the picknick basket as I nodded. "Yep, lead the way."

***

"Hey papa," I whispered softly to the gravestone. "It has been nine years now, since you died. I'd like to think that we manage just fine without you, though I miss you a lot. I've won the intelligence competition of the Fortis Pack this year – by cheating, sorry, I know you didn't like that – and I've gone to the Sapientiae Pack. I kind of live there now, because I met my mate there. I think that maybe you could like him, if he would just get over it and start acting like a man or something." I grinned, though it was a bit of a pained one, and my voice almost cracked as I said the next few words. "I wish you could have met him, papa. I wish you could have given me some advice." I sniffled, as one tear found its way onto my cheek. "I wish you could have been here, still."

My mom took me in her arms as I said those last words, and together we cried silently. Even after all those years, it still hurt. The pain had dulled over time, yes, but it had never gone away. And I suspected that it never would. Not completely.

"Shall we go home now?" My mom asked me, her eyes puffy and bloodshot, most likely mirroring mine. I wiped the last tears from my cheeks.

"Yes," I said as I looked over to dads gravestone, which was now slightly less depressing, seeing as there were lots of flowers that decorated it. The white jasmine flowers were draped over the top, cascading down the sides and back. It made dads last resting place a lot more alive, happier, as he would have wanted it. We did this each year. First the picknick near his grave, then the decorating of his gravestone, then at last we would watch his favourite movie together: Notting Hill. Maybe it was weird, this big, bulky man, working as one of the guards near the borders, who loved a cheesy rom-com as much as any typical school girl. I remembered that each time it would be on tv, he would watch it, underneath his blanket, with a big bowl of sweetened popcorn.

To honour his memory, we watched his favourite movie each year on the day of his death anniversary. And we went all out; the movie, the blanket, the popcorn. Even though this day was incredibly sad each year, I always felt a weird kind of happy when I watched this movie with Mom. It made me feel as if my dad was closer to me than ever.

So when that night, after the movie, I went to bed, my heart felt light. Despite all the sadness and the tears, I fell asleep feeling stronger than I had for a long time.