First Published: February 23rd 2018

Pairing: LAMP

Genre: angst, some fluff, human au, death cast au (in the same universe as They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera)

Word Count: 4177

Warnings: death mention, heavily implied character death, panic attack

Summary: Virgil gets a call from Death-Cast at 12:32 a.m. telling him he will die today. He's determined to have one last day with his boyfriends. (The only thing is, he doesn't tell them it's his last day.)

*I cried while writing this. That's how much I'm invested in this fic.

-

Virgil Sanders is going to die today.

He is not old and he is not sick, and he is certainly not a risk-taker. The most dangerous thing about him is that he has an anxiety disorder, but even that should mean he will be fine.

But he won't be.

Virgil Sanders knows he will die today, and this time he isn't over-exaggerating due to some embarrassing event or due to him forgetting to study for an exam until the morning before.

He knows because it had just turned 12:32 a.m. when his phone starts to ring.

At first this doesn't really register with him, and he takes his time in answering. He assumes it's one of his boyfriends. Probably Patton telling him to go to bed, he muses with a smile on his face as he pauses his show and performs the mandatory search for his phone. The object in question is tucked under layers of blankets.

He picks it up, brings the screen into view, and he doesn't realise why he's suddenly frozen until the time on his phone reads 12:33.

DEATH-CAST is calling.

Virgil's whole body shakes and his mind shuts down as he clicks "accept" and brings the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" he whispers, his voice trembling, except it can't be his voice when he doesn't remember opening his mouth. Maybe he's dreaming. That's right – he must've fallen asleep watching some Decker's End Day Documentary. This is not real. This is not happening.

And even if it is happening, surely they've gotten the wrong person.

Virgil had just turned 21 last week and had celebrated it with his three boyfriends, Logan, Patton and Roman. Patton had baked him a cake where each quarter was tailored to each of their personal likes and dislikes. (Roman's quarter was velvet, Logan's was vanilla, Patton's was chocolate and Virgil's was cheesecake. No one knows how Patton pulled it off.) Roman had presented him with their gifts, which was The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie that he was only halfway through (from Logan), four stuffed bears holding hands that were mini versions of themselves and resided on Virgil's bed (from Patton) and Roman presented him with a music box that had spinning figures of the four of them and played This is Halloween.

What Virgil means is, the life expectancy of your average USA male is 76.86 and he isn't even 21.1 years old. He is, statistically, too young to die. (God, Logan's been rubbing off on him.)

The Death-Cast employee (who in their right mind chooses to tell people they're going to die, Virgil wonders) speaks and Virgil holds his breath.

"Hello, I'm calling from Death-Cast. My name is Taylor. Are you Virgil Sanders?"

Virgil's next breath gets trapped in his throat. His eyes prickle. 4-7-8, a voice that sounds like Logan's reminds him. (But Logan's not here. Logan and Patton live together in an apartment on the other side of the city and Roman lives a few streets away. When you know something is going to kill you today, that is too far.)

"Virgil, please confirm if this is you," Taylor says, her voice indifferent.

His breathing picks up as his anger rises. He's 21 and he's going to die and the person who is assigned with telling him this doesn't give a single fuck. (But it isn't the caller's fault. She's just doing her job. No one knows how Death-Cast knows the day people will die, and no one knows why they are always correct about the inevitable.)

"I'm here," Virgil croaks out. It feels like he's signing a death contract now.

"Virgil, I regret to inform you that sometime in the next twenty-four hours you'll be meeting an untimely death." Taylor continues reading off what is obviously a script, listing possible activities Virgil can spend his End Day doing.

Virgil only tunes back in just as Taylor tells him to go to the Death-Cast website and basically plan his own funeral. He hangs up before she finishes.

It's 12:42 a.m. That's 42 minutes of his End Day wasted. That's 42 minutes that could've been spent with his beloveds. Virgil tells himself he won't cry but the tears are flowing before he even finishes the thought. He decides he won't lie from then on.

He has less than 23 hours and 17 minutes to live.

Virgil puts up his hood and grabs his wallet and keys as he makes his way to the front door and out into the complex's carpark, making sure to look both ways before crossing to his car.

He pauses just outside it. He's a Decker now. He's a ticking-time bomb. (Virgil thinks the term Decker is stupid. Not a single person who receives the Death-Cast call gets to deck Death in the face, even though many have tried hiding it out and being the one exception. Here's the thing about death – there are no exceptions.)

Virgil Sanders may be dying today, but he is not dying before he gets to see his boyfriends one last time.

He puts the keys back into his pocket and pulls out his phone.

[12:43 a.m.] virge of snapping: hey ro r u awake

[12:44 a.m.] New Romantic: Yeah, what's up Virgil?? xx

[12:44 a.m.] New Romantic: Is something wrong????

[12:45 a.m.] virge of snapping: just had a panic attack & was wondering if i could come over or smth

[12:45 a.m.] New Romantic: Yeah no prob! Do you want me to pick you up?? I'm not sure if it's safe for you to drive.

For a second Virgil is terrified that Roman knows, and he's about to start hyperventilating again when his phone buzzes with another text.

[12:45 a.m.] New Romantic: Unless you're sure your p/a is over?

[12:45 a.m.] virge of snapping: pls pick me up. i love you so fucking much ro

[12:45 a.m.] New Romantic: I love you so DUCKING much too!

[12:46 a.m.] New Romantic: FICKING***

[12:46 a.m.] New Romantic: ... I'm on my way. Be there in 5!! xxxx

Virgil makes his way onto the sidewalk outside his apartment – only after making sure there's no one on the street. Today is not a day to get mugged, thank you very much.

He wipes his eyes and realises he's still in yesterday's clothes, but then again this is Roman who's seen him in much worse. Besides, with the panic attack excuse, Roman won't be expecting Virgil to be put together. (And Virgil didn't lie – he did have an attack some time during the call. And he's called Roman or the others to pick him up at all hours before, so no one should be suspicious.)

While he's waiting, he pulls out his phone and logs onto the Death-Cast website and registers as a Decker. He considers what he wants his headstone inscription to say, but then he thinks that the others would have something more meaningful to say about him than "Here lies Virgil Sanders, who didn't really do anything."

So he logs out. As he does that, he hears Roman's engine drawing closer, so he turns off his phone and makes sure he's a considerable distance away from the curb even though he can see Roman's red car on the other end of the street. One thing he's going to make sure of today is that none of his boyfriends see him die, which means he should avoid accidentally getting run over by them at all costs.

It's 12:52 a.m. when Roman pulls up and gets out of his car.

"Can I hug you?" he asks, and Virgil's nodding before he can finish his question.

Roman steps forward and scoops him up, squeezing him in his arms. Virgil melts into them, and he breathes for what feels like the first time since the call. He tries his best to memorise Roman's scent and the way his back feels under his hands during the hug.

All too soon, Roman is pulling away. Virgil lets him go because today is not a day he can afford to spend hours on one single thing. (He desperately wants to though.)

"Let's go over to mine, yeah?" Roman says, as he leads Virgil to the passenger side of the car and opens the door for him. "Logan and Patton are already there. I called them – I hope you don't mind."

Virgil shakes his head and he forces a smile as he pecks Roman's cheek. "It's okay."

He gets in the car and waits until they're driving until he starts talking again. "Thank you for all that you've done for me, Roman." Roman looks over at him curiously, but doesn't interrupt. Virgil stares straight ahead, willing himself not to give away the fact that he's dying. "You mean so much to me, you know? I love how dramatic you are over small things and I love when you act things out just for Logan, Patton and I. I'm so fucking in love with the way you speak and the way you move and the things you create are so unique and beautiful. I'd say 'just like you' if I was a cheesy sort of person, but since I'm not, I'm just going to tell you that you're fucking great, dude."

Roman laughs. "Aw, Virge! If I didn't know any better, I'd say you liked me!"

Virgil clears his throat and swats his arm. "Whatever, nerd. Keep your eyes on the road!"

"I am not a nerd," Roman grumbles, but otherwise complies.

It's 12:59 a.m. when Roman and Virgil enter Roman's massive apartment.

Virgil's always wondered why they all didn't just move into that one, but he was too scared to ever bring it up. Now, though, he kicks his past self. He would've been able to spend precious time with his boyfriends (of five years, he reminds himself), but now the opportunity is gone.

He schools his face to look neutral when he remembers Logan and Patton are somewhere in the apartment. When he sees them sitting on the couch together, however, he doesn't fake the smile that beams from his face as he rushes over to tackle-hug them both at the same time.

Patton is overjoyed and Logan pretends to complain a little bit, but he knows they love him by the way Patton ruffles his hair and Logan presses a discrete kiss to his forehead.

"How are you, Virgil?" Logan asks, fixing his glasses and looking at him with concerned eyes. Virgil looks away because Logan's always been the smart one and he doesn't want their last day with him to be a sad one.

"I'm better now that I'm with you all," he says, and he means every word of it.

Patton pulls him in for a kiss. "Do you need anything?" he asks. "Or do you want to sleep?"

Virgil pauses. Right. The others don't know. They'll only get suspicious if he insists on having them all awake. "Can I be in the middle?" He avoids the question. Virgil Sanders is not lying to his boyfriends on his End Day.

"Of course," Roman agrees. He puts a gentle hand on Virgil's back and leads him into the bedroom. Virgil gets changed into some of Roman's pyjamas (though he knows his are probably here somewhere too) and gets into bed, with the others climbing in after him. Soon he is sandwiched in the middle and even though he tries to fight against it, the even breathing and loving embraces lulls him to sleep.

(Before he goes under, he takes a photo of the four of them looking peaceful and downloads an app called Decker Delay which sends messages to your loved ones at 12:00 a.m. the next day. It's for Deckers who don't want to tell people they're dying – and Jesus, Virgil's one of them now. He enters their numbers and uploads the photo, along with his goodbye message.)

It's 10:24 a.m. when Virgil wakes up to the smell of pancakes. He forgets that he's dying today and he scrolls through Tumblr for a while, taking his time. It's only until he reads a Decker's post does he realise.

He shoots upright.

"Virgil? Are you alright?" Logan asks from where he's sitting on the edge of the bed. Judging from the messy hair and lack of glasses, he just woke up too.

"I just remembered something," Virgil carefully phrases, "but we should probably go have breakfast."

Logan smiles at him. "If you say so."

It's 10:31 a.m. when Virgil has his last late-breakfast with all three of his boyfriends.

He tells them he's taking a photo and this time everyone poses. (Logan's pose is a good-natured scowl, but it's Logan and Virgil loves it so he lets it slide.)

He doesn't scoff down his pancakes like Roman, but instead spends his time trying to commit the texture and taste to memory. He can tell Patton made these pancakes, even though Roman insists he helped too. (Roman's version of help is usually dipping his finger in the batter and occasionally setting out the table and oh, that's just another thing in the growing list of things Virgil never thought he'd miss. It's right after Logan's morning coffee routine and the way Patton somehow gets syrup all over his face.)

It's 10:43 a.m. when Virgil suggests they spend the day together.

They all light up at the idea and Patton tells them about an aquarium that's opening up today, and everyone agrees to go. (Virgil feels a pang in his heart as Patton rambles excitedly about it, because Patton loves everything with all he's got and Virgil knows it's going to wreck him when he dies.)

They pile into Roman's car and they let Virgil take a pic of them goofing off as they argue over who should've gotten shotgun. Virgil doesn't join in as he uploads the photo to Decker Delay. Instead, he smiles at them, and tries to sear their happy faces onto the back of his eyelids. (If he could buy a music track of their happy bickering, he would without any hesitation, but he can't. And he won't get the chance to either. Because Virgil Sanders is dying today.)

It's 10:58 a.m. when they reach the aquarium.

Virgil can't help but to notice tickets are $43 per person but free if you're a Decker. Roman insists on paying for all of them, which makes Virgil feel worse. However, he will not spoil Patton's memory of this place by telling them he's dying today then and there. He will not spoil their last day with the news at all. Instead, he hands his phone to someone else so they can take a picture of them in line, and Patton convinces everyone to do a fish face for the photo.

They finally enter and Virgil tells them that splitting up would mean they won't share the same memories of this place, so they should all stick together. The others look at him weirdly, and Virgil wonders if they're starting to realise, but they agree.

They visit the tunnel where sharks and stingrays can swim overhead first, and then they go to the octopus area. When they start to grow hungry again, they make one last stop at the nocturnal area before they leave. (Virgil tried to keep them out of the nocturnal area entirely, because he wouldn't be able to see their faces in there, but Logan wanted to see this rare fish he heard they had and Virgil couldn't deny him that.)

It's 2:17 p.m. when they leave.

Virgil tries to not look panicked by how much time they wasted spent in there.

Next, Roman drives them to a fancy restaurant, and Patton half-heartedly scolds him for spending so much on them, but Roman waves him off. Virgil, once again, tries not to look at the Decker discounts, because he will not let the fact that he's dying today tamper his mood even more than it already has.

Virgil gets Logan to pronounce and describe the dishes that have names Virgil can't read (let along say) and he also lets Logan tell the waiter his order, because he knows Logan loves speaking French any chance he gets. (Virgil also knows it's mostly because Roman can't speak that language beyond the basics which infuriates him and amuses Logan to no end.)

Patton orders for himself and absolutely butchers the pronunciation and Roman just points at a menu item while ignoring Logan's smirk, and Virgil's heart swells even more. (If he doesn't die soon, he might die from his heart exploding from the love he feels towards them all. They better live long lives, he thinks.)

While they wait, Roman and Virgil tell inappropriate jokes that has Patton hissing at them to be quiet while blushing furiously. Logan calls them immature but he also jumps in with a joke of his own (which makes Patton happy) so neither of them can truly complain.

When the waiter comes with their food in the middle of a particularly dirty pun, Virgil takes a photo of the four of them with bright red faces and uploads that one too.

It's 3:02 p.m. when they leave.

The others ask Logan what he thinks they should do and he says star-gazing, but they have a while until then. (Virgil feels the coil around his chest tighten, and he begs the universe to let him stay alive for just a few more hours.)

They turn to him, and Virgil shrugs even though he feels like the weight of his own death is pinning him to the ground.

"I'm happy if you guys are happy," he says earnestly.

That makes Roman slap his forehead for some reason. "I forgot something!" he explains, then curses which makes Patton scold him. "How about we go home and meet up at our hill at six-ish?"

Everyone considers that a reasonable plan but Virgil, who knows he probably won't survive for another three hours. However, he lets Roman drop them all off at their respective homes and he doesn't even cry when he gets to his front door. (He does cry as he opens up the Decker Delay app to read over his goodbye. He deletes it and starts retyping it, only to delete it again. By the time he realises he should stop, he has to go if he wants to make it to their hill on time.)

Their hill is technically their old high school's hill, but the school never put up fences to keep them out. It's the hill were they spent their lunchtimes throughout high school and it's the hill they all got together on when they were Juniors. Since then, they kept sneaking back to it whenever they needed a break from adulthood (or adultery, as Patton calls it).

Virgil tidies the apartment as best he can. He takes one last look as he locks his door for the very last time, and drops off his house key at his landlord's door with a note that explains he's dying today.

Then, he takes a deep breath and walks down to the carpark.

It's 5:58 p.m. when he gets in his car.

Virgil double and triple checks everything as he leaves. When he's on the road, he goes slower than usual and takes the quiet streets. He doesn't turn on the radio so he can listen out for approaching cars. When he arrives at the school in one piece, he relaxes and plasters on a smile.

It's 6:21 p.m. when he reaches the top of the hill.

Already, Patton has laid out a picnic blanket and Logan is settled against a tree reading a new book. Roman is off to the side, sending fond glances to them. Virgil merges into the group seamlessly, and he can't help but to think this is exactly like old times.

It's 6:25 p.m. when Roman nervously asks for their attention.

He twists his hands and he can't meet their eyes. Virgil fears that he might be dying too.

It's 6:26 p.m. when Roman tells them he loves them.

It isn't as concise as that – in fact, it's a whole speech about each aspect he loves about each of them, and Virgil can't help but compare this to his own speech this morning. But Roman can't be dying today. Virgil won't let him.

It's 6:29 p.m. when Roman sinks to one knee.

"I know we're young, but I've been thinking about it a lot," he explains as he takes out a box with four personalised rings inside. "They're not engagement rings – well, they kind of are. They're promise rings. So, Patton, Logan and Virgil... do you think sometime in the future we could get married?"

(And it's funny. Because as good as Roman is with keeping a straight face, and as good as Patton is with emotions, and as good as Logan is with speaking, they're all so happy they're ineloquent. Patton and Logan nod their yeses furiously. Virgil, however, stays still.)

It's 6:30 p.m. when they turn their attention to him.

Realising he has an audience, Virgil snaps out of it and steps forward to take his ring. "Roman, Logan, Patton... I would love to marry you," he speaks, locking his eyes with Roman before kissing him deeply. (And he doesn't lie then either. He doesn't agree to marry them, because he knows he won't get the chance to, but oh god, how he wishes he could.)

He turns to kiss them all, and suddenly Virgil's crying again. (It's okay though, because they all are. The only difference is that Virgil's crying because he will never get to see them in their wedding suits, nor see them cut the cake, or kiss the groom, or move in together, or adopt, or, or, or.)

Eventually, they settle back down and Logan points out that the evening glow is finally giving away to night, but before the light goes completely, Virgil snaps a picture of their rings on their hands.

He hopes that when he dies, his life flashes before his eyes because then he'll only see their faces. Roman, Logan and Patton are the reason he doesn't want to die and without them, he never would've began living either.

It's 8:12 p.m. when Logan points out the constellations.

It's 8:42 p.m. when Patton makes his own constellation called "The Bees" which involves every star.

It's 9:01 p.m. when Roman instigates a cuddle pile.

It's 9:25 p.m. when Logan complains that his neck is sore but doesn't move away.

It's 9:56 p.m. when Patton makes them eat the sandwiches he brought.

It's 10:31 p.m. when Roman starts talking about his up and coming play.

And it's 10:52 p.m. when Virgil says he should get going.

He spins a tale of late nights, studying, and how the others are probably tired too, and it's the first time that day he lies to them.

When the others ask if he's okay, Virgil Sanders does not tell them he's dying today – or what's left of today. He's lucky enough to have gotten to spend as long as he did with them, but now he knows that he's pushing his luck.

No one is an exception from death.

And so he kisses them goodnight. He gathers them for one last hug (he doesn't tell them it's the last) and takes one last photo (he doesn't tell them then either). He tells them that he was lucky to have them in his life as long as he did, and when he realises he said was, he gets into his car (but he still doesn't confirm their suspicions).

They ask him to stay and tell them what's going on, but Virgil only smiles and says, "It's okay. Go and live your lives!"

It's 11:00 p.m. when Virgil starts his engine.

As Logan, Roman and Patton watch Virgil drive away, they put the pieces together. They look at each other and that's when they know. Virgil Sanders is dying today.

They hold each other as they weep, sinking to the ground, berating themselves for not taking photos and memorising Virgil's face, voice and gestures while they could.

They don't call Virgil for fear of causing him to crash, and instead sob as they force themselves to watch as he turns around a corner and disappears from their sight.

Roman, Logan and Patton are not dying today.

But as Virgil leaves, a part of them ceases to exist too.

(It's 11:13 p.m. when the local police department calls Patton to inform him Virgil has crashed his car. Patton tells them to fuck off through his choked sobs. Logan takes the phone from him and makes arrangements while Roman grips his and Patton's hand as tight as he possibly can.)

(And it's 12:00 a.m. when they all receive the photos Virgil took and they take comfort in his smiling face. The tears come out again when they read his goodbye message and they don't stop crying until there's no tears left to cry.)