I had just left the library, walking down the steps that were usually crowded with student bodies but weren't now, to go and submit the form in my hand--the one for the Christmas Orchestra volunteering--when I encountered none other than Soren himself.

I'd been relieved when I saw the grounds almost empty and would've gone straight for the offices if I hadn't seen him looking around, blond strands tugged by the wind, before his gaze found me.

And then he was hurriedly walking towards me.

I stumbled to a halt and my eyes widened in surprise when I saw the unmistakable giant purple bruise just below his right eye. Nico had been exaggerating but not so much.

"Soren," I spoke quietly and worriedly, eyes scanning his face, his beautiful alabaster skin marred with the ugly bruise, and only then noticed the tiny scabbed-over wound near his jaw as well.

"Alice." He gritted out. His eyes were dark with an emotion too...hateful. I blinked in surprise and swallowed, not sure if I should step back or stay put. "Where the fuck is Brooke?"

I opened my mouth only to close it shut the very next second.

"What the fuck did you say to her? What's wrong with you? Why would you--" He broke off and shook his head, jaw clenching before he was jabbing a finger into my shoulder. I flinched and stepped back. "You ruined it for me! Why the fuck can't you let me be happy for once?"

I took another step back, only this was more in shock and an unconscious move. I didn't understand what he was talking about.

"What...What are you talking about?" I asked, furrowing my brows as I instinctively looked behind him. What was going on?

"You damn well know what I'm talking about!" He was yelling now. I nearly flinched again at the sharp, angry edge in his voice. "You couldn't fucking let me be, you couldn't bear to see me happy and so you destroyed it. You ruined like you always do!"

I frowned and I tried, I really did try not to let his words hurt me like he was clearly meaning them to hurt me, but they still did. They pierced me in a way that made an alarming chill run down my spine. Soren had never spoken to me this way with such hate in his eyes.

"Soren--"

"Where is she?" He asked again, closing the distance between us. I felt hot all over. Burning and ashamed and embarrassed even though only a few people were on the grounds besides us. "Where, Alice? I swear to God--"

"I don't know." I shook my head, heart hammering with newfound anxiety. "I don't...I don't know why you think I've got anything to do with..."

And then it hit me. It hit me fair and square in the chest. In the most vulnerable part of my heart. The one that's been bruised too often.

"You and...Brooke." I stared at him, frown vanishing and shoulders slumping. Oh. Nico had been right. "But."

Soren only looked angrier now. I didn't think I'd ever seen him this angry. I didn't think I'd ever seen him being even a little angry at me.

"Don't pretend, Alice. God, I'm so fucking tired of your shit! Can't you for once think of others around you and not just yourself? She was your friend too! You never made me happy but you could've done it for her!"

I heard footsteps behind me, stepping down the library stairs, nearing me. But I only registered it at the very back of my mind--the only conscious part when everything right now felt like a nightmare. A sad nightmare.

"What the fuck is going on?" Nico stopped beside me. I stepped a little towards him, another unconscious move, because I realized I was a little scared too. Scared that Soren might do...something.

"Why the hell are you shouting at her?" He demanded.

Soren only blinked, swallowing before darting his glare from me to Nico. "This doesn't concern you."

"It sure as fuck does if you're yelling at her," he seethed, "when she wasn't even the one who cheated. Newsflash, golden boy, you fucking did. You fucked someone else behind her back."

I winced and looked around once again, eyes wide and scared as I realized two--no, three--people were watching us, gazes curious and lips whispering hushed words. What were they saying? What were they thinking? Were they blaming me too?

Soren frowned, though I saw the moment all that anger dimmed in his eyes. He lowered his voice, aiming his glare back at me. "I wouldn't have fucked anyone behind her back if she'd been enough for me."

A short, surprised laugh left my lips even though it hurt. There was this awful twisting near my heart, inside my chest, and it hurt. "Don't say that."

Nico scoffed in disbelief.

"You didn't know how to..." Soren cursed out loud. "You weren't good enough for me! I don't think you'd ever be good enough for anyone."

"Oh, for fuck's sake." Nico grabbed my arm and I stumbled into him, dazed. Not good enough for anyone, Soren's voice echoed in my head. "We're leaving." He gave Soren a look and added, "I'm glad to see that ugly bruise on your face, by the way."

Soren's face reddened. He took another step towards me only for Nico to pull me back behind him. I would've been so touched by it, the fact that Nico thought of protecting me even though he had no real chance of fighting Soren off, if I hadn't felt so out of breath.

"If something happens to her, Alice." Soren's throat bobbed as he swallowed, his voice lowering again. "I'll never forgive you. I swear I'll never forgive you for it. She means...she means everything to me and if you said something to her... God, just apologize or something so she comes back! You don't know what it's like for her back with her family--"

"Save it for someone who cares." Nico snapped, tugging on my arm again as he turned towards the other direction. "Come, Alice."

I let him drag me away. But I did glance over my shoulder one last time, one more time to look at Soren who stood right there, still looking at us--at me--with anger and fear. Scared, his eyes looked so haunted.

Like he was aware, truly knew that something bad was about to happen. Something bad and evil lurking just around the corner.

•••••

By the moment we stepped into an empty hallway, it felt like something hot and fiery--a burning sensation--was crawling all over my skin, and my chest was still aching, twisting painfully when I couldn't get Soren's words out of my head.

Had he really meant them?

It hurt. Perhaps that was why I stopped and snatched my arm away from Nico's grasp.

He stumbled to a halt as well, eyes wide as he faced me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to... Are you all right?"

I nodded hastily and realized I'd almost crumpled the form that I still held in my hand. I had this sudden urge to throw it away. I almost even did.

"Alice," Nico spoke slowly, carefully. "I'm sorry. For whatever that he said."

I couldn't speak. My throat was squeezed shut and my tongue felt like it weighed a ton. I wiped my left wrist on my jeans, feeling the rough surface scrape along the sensitive skin there.

"You know he's an ass." Nico's voice was still soft--so unlike him. Almost as if he thought I'd do something brash.

"What do you think he was talking about?" I asked him, a little proud that my voice came out steady. Though that was all I felt proud about. The rest I felt about myself were just...bad things. Hate, anger, disgust. "About Brooke?"

Brooke, Brooke, Brooke. Brooke, my friend, the first friend I'd made when I'd arrived at college and this strangely new city, the friend who'd gone behind my back and hooked up with my boyfriend. With my Soren.

It was her then, I thought. When I'd visited Soren's apartment that day and heard him with a girl behind his closed bedroom door. When he'd texted me that he was busy but he hadn't really been. He'd just wanted to get me to stay away from him.

Nico made a face. "He confirmed my suspicions, is what I can conclude."

"He...wanted me to apologize so she'd come back," I said, repeating his words and thinking back to the anger and desperation I'd seen in his eyes. My heart thudded. One, two, three. "I'm pretty sure I saw her at my dorm just this morning." Though she'd looked so distraught. She'd not talked to me, told me why she was crying. Was this why? Because she couldn't face me after hooking up with Soren? Because she thought I'd found out? Because she had feelings for him as well?

And Soren did love her, I think, because he'd seemed...genuinely scared for her back there. Scared, but why?

"Do you think Brooke--"

"Brooke can go fuck herself for all I care, Alice." Nico looked annoyed now. "Why are you not even a little angry at her? At Soren? At them both? This isn't your fault. You did nothing!"

It was only that I hadn't been enough. Not good enough, I corrected myself mentally. Not good enough, Alice, Mom used to say. Learn to be the person people prefer you to be.

"I just." I swallowed. "I'm sorry."

Nico was silent. He just stared at me.

"Should I go back and apologize?" I asked, looking up at him. "Maybe I can convince Brooke. Can you submit this form in the office for me?"

"Alice."

"Nico." I shook my head. "I don't want to keep ruining things. Please. And it wasn't like, it wasn't like what Soren and I had was real anyway. I was using him. If he's found someone better than me, someone who's good enough for him, I don't want him to lose her just because of me."

Nico looked like he'd tasted something foul. "I am not letting you do that."

I opened my mouth to say something but he beat me to it.

"No." His voice was firm. "We're going to the offices together and submitting our forms. Then we're going to the cafe downtown for some iced coffee, am I clear? Whatever you're thinking of doing, you'll do it once I've got some coffee. Come on."

He didn't wait for me to say anything, stop him even. He only plucked the form from my hand and started heading across the hallway.

I swallowed before forcing my legs to follow him.