The moment I stepped inside my dorm, carrying my duffel bag in one hand and a box full of my old stuff from my house (things that I was afraid Mom would get rid of the next time I visited), I knew something was wrong.

Well, not almost immediately.

It was only when I'd greeted Brooke with a cheerful beaming smile and tossed my bag on my bed, carefully placing the cardboard box on the floor, that I realized that she hadn't exactly responded in any way.

Which was strange because Brooke and I were one of those friends who talked a lot normally. I turned around and faced her, unraveling the scarf Aunt Frannie had given me at the last moment from around my neck, and called out softly, "Brooke?"

She was standing near her side of the room, back against one wall, and wide eyes fixed on me. Her appearance was strangely disheveled, oversized t-shirt almost falling off one bare shoulder while her hair remained tangled. A bedhead. That was also the exact moment I knew something was wrong because Brooke, as long as I'd known her, would never willingly let herself look so...ruffled.

"Everything all right?" I asked tentatively.

Her eyes fell on the scarf in my hand and then on my shoes I think--on my yellow converse.

"Y-Yeah." She finally replied, albeit a bit shakily. She looked pale.

"Are you ill?" I asked, furrowing my brows as I threw my coat aside and wiped my hands on the back of my polka dot dress that almost reached my knees. Mom had looked at me disapprovingly, though she hadn't said anything about my choice of clothing, not to my face at least, as I'd said my goodbyes and climbed into the cab that had driven me here to campus. "I can get you some soup from the cafeteria? The carrot one? It's warm and well...I mean, it usually helps me when I'm sick."

That seemed to work--not in the way I'd hoped but still--since Brooke shook her head, long dark strands of her hair slapping her cheeks before she pushed herself away from the wall and slumped down at the corner of her unmade bed--another thing that made my stomach knot up in concern.

Was something really wrong? Was it her family? I knew, and only because she'd once told me, that Brooke's mother wasn't physically well. Had something happened to her while I was away? Was this why I hadn't once seen Brooke the whole day before I'd left for home?

"Is it... Is everything all right?" I asked her again, a lot more worried now.

I stepped forward and kneeled down carefully right in front of her, the hard floor digging into my knees, though I didn't pretty much care at that moment. Not when Brooke wasn't even looking at me.

"Brooke," I whispered. She glanced up at me and my eyes widened almost instantly when I realized that she was crying. "Oh no. What happened? What's wrong? Is it your mum?"

I had my hands on her jean-clad knees way before I could've thought twice. Not that she pulled away. She only squeezed her eyes shut and I watched as a tear slowly trickled down her face, shoulders trembling with the effort to keep it all in.

I stared at her, wide-eyed and concerned, and a lump formed in my throat. What was wrong? Why wasn't she speaking to me? Had I done something that I wasn't aware of?

"It's not my mom." It was only a whisper, a broken whisper, but at least she'd said something.

"Okay." I nodded and gave her knee another gentle squeeze. "Wanna tell me what it is then? I'm a little worried here."

Her eyes found mine again and my words only managed to make them fill with fresh tears.

"Shit." I grew alarmed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I'm so sorry. Please don't cry!"

A small, shaky sob left her lips. "I-I can't."

I scrambled up and sat down on the bed beside her, pulling one knee under myself and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. It was utterly heartbreaking when she curled a little into me and let me tug her closer and wrap both of my arms around her. Like she'd really needed that but wasn't sure how to ask.

"Alice." She kept saying between the tears. "A-Alice."

"I'm here," I told her; reassuring her as I ran a comforting hand down her back.

She kept crying and trembling in my arms but didn't say anything more. And even though I wanted to know, I didn't push her. I couldn't have.

At least not just then.

•••••

"I don't understand what exactly your problem is." Nico aimed a pencil at me but I dodged it just in time.

Or I think he didn't aim it well enough since it flew right over my shoulder. The pencil smacked against the bookshelf right behind me and landed on the floor with a sharp clatter. Nico raised his hands in the air exasperatedly.

"There is no problem," I told him in a hushed voice since we were in the library. "I'm just trying to make sure you're not too stressed about not making it into the debate club."

He scowled at me.

"Nico," I spoke softly, furrowing my eyebrows.

"I'm fine, Alice." He emphasized the second word. "I swear to God, it's almost as if you want me to start bawling so that you can fucking cuddle me and pet my hair."

I blinked and shrunk a little back in my seat. I didn't want him to notice that his words had stung a little so instead, I busied myself with the empty college form that was spread out right before me.

Nico groaned and rose his hands in the air again. "And now you're making me feel guilty for being mean! I don't like feeling ashamed for being mean!"

One of the librarian's assistants walked by us and gave Nico's back a glare. I grimaced and leaned a little towards Nico. "Hush a little, will you? And it's all right. You weren't being mean."

Nico looked up at the ceiling in a forlorn manner.

"I'm sorry," I replied sheepishly and a little worriedly. "You're not gonna cry, are you?"

"No, Alice. I am not going to cry."

I managed a small smile.

Nico frowned. "It was just a debate club. They're lousy fuckers for not picking me. I swear, it's their loss, not mine, so get over it. I have. Can we talk about you, please, and the fact that you haven't let me ask you even a single thing about that godawful family dinner of yours?"

I shrugged, though I was somewhat finding the forms distracting all of a sudden.

Nico perked up. "Soren didn't come."

"He...did." I hesitated.

"Hah. No, he didn't. I saw him at campus when you were away. Lying won't get you anywhere, Rhodes." He grinned maliciously. "Spill."

I leaned down and picked up the pencil he'd thrown at me earlier. I curled my fingers around it until it dug painfully into my palm. "I wasn't lying. Soren was there. Well...not really Soren. But, you know, my family doesn't know what he really looks like. Where did you see him anyway?"

Nico's eyes widened as it hit him. I wasn't surprised since a) he was smart and b) my ideas were pretty awfully easy to guess. He looked seconds away from cackling like an evil witch if only his nose wasn't so adorably red from the cold.

"You convinced someone to be Soren for you?" He asked, threw his head back and laughed. "Seriously? Who is this unlucky guy? Why would anyone in their right mind want to be Soren Kline for even a night?"

I bristled a little because Ryder's name was on the tip of my tongue but I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell Nico about him. If I wanted to tell anyone about him, to be honest.

"You didn't answer me." I looked at Nico. "Where did you see Soren?"

"At the nurse's office."

"What? Why?" I asked worriedly. "Wait, why were you at the nurse's office?"

Nico waved a nonchalant hand in the air. "I was having a headache. Your man--ex-man--was there. He was...um, how should I say it in the nicest way possible?"

I waited and watched him as he seemed to contemplate, then grinned.

"He looked like someone had thrown him off a running airplane."

My eyes widened in horror.

"Or, actually, he looked more like someone had kept punching him for at least a minute straight and then thrown his face alone off a cliff."

"Nico!"

"What." He scowled. "I'm not lying. No, seriously, his face was all bloody. I would've gone over and asked him if he was okay but I personally didn't care so...I didn't?"

I leaned forward. "Is he all right? What happened? What do you mean thrown off a cliff?"

Nico sighed. "I'm exaggerating. His...condition wasn't that bad or he would've been at a hospital and not in the nurse's office. And besides, he had friends checking up on him just well. Come on, Alice, he got what he deserved. Now tell me who's the unlucky guy that got stuck with pretending to be Soren at your family dinner."

I didn't say anything. At least not right then when my eyes flickered across the bottom form sheet and I realized that I'd accidentally picked the wrong one. It wasn't the form for the library volunteering week. It was the form for the Christmas Orchestra volunteers. The one Professor McAdams had been talking about that one time I'd stumbled into him.

Another pencil flew my way, except that it hit me this time. On the forehead. "Ow!"

Nico had the decency to look a bit sorry. "Sorry. Or not. Why aren't you answering me?"

"Well."

"Could it be," he narrowed his eyes, "that the answer's too troubling for you to put into words?"

"No." I looked down at my lap.

Nico scooted his chair towards me. "Was it the mysterious somebody that you've stolen that leather jacket from?"

It was truly horrifying sometimes how easily Nico figured things out.

"What leather jacket?"

Nico gave me a look.

"Fine. Whatever. Yes, it was him." I pointedly didn't look at Nico again. "But it doesn't matter anyway. It was just one day. It's not like...well, it's not like."

I trailed off helplessly.

"Is he from here?" Nico asked. The worst thing was that he actually looked curious. "I'm sure I'd know him if he's from here."

"No."

"No, what?"

"I told you it doesn't matter, Nico." I frowned. I wasn't going to start telling him everything I knew about Ryder, which still wasn't much. I didn't even know his last name.

"So what?" He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "He just agreed to be your fake boyfriend without asking for anything in return?"

I sighed.

"I'm just bewildered, Alice." Nico shrugged. "Why would anyone just willingly offer themselves to be someone's fake-boyfriend for the night? Do you know him? Was that it? A long lost friend?"

"Not a friend."

Nico's eyes narrowed even further. "Are you telling me that you let a stranger mingle with your entire family? Just like that? What if he's a murderer in disguise? A stalker who's had his eyes on you for a while? A creep? A pervert, for fuck's sake?"

I bristled in my seat.

"Alice." Nico pressed.

I shook my head. "Just drop it. It doesn't matter. Really."

He frowned for a second or two, staring at me, before finally (thankfully) dropping it.

"All right, I guess." He waved his hand in the air again before raking it through his dark tousled locks. "What's the form for? You've been staring at it for hours now."

I picked at one of its corners and contemplated what exactly should I say next. I knew I should give the form back. I couldn't possibly be thinking of the offer Professor McAdams had made so long ago. Being near music majors sounded like a nightmare. Being near people who'd be playing all those beautiful, brilliant instruments sounded like a troubling nightmare. But it was just...that...I wanted. I wanted to do it.

The violin back at home, my violin, was gone and even though I was trying my best not to think too much about it (trying to forget that it had meant the whole entire world to me once) I still wanted to be near it. A dark, hidden part inside of me wanted it. Wanted its peace.

It wasn't like Mom would know. No one's going to tell her, I told myself.

"It's... It is for the music volunteering program." I cleared my throat and still refused to meet Nico's gaze--this time for a different reason though. Would he laugh at me? "I had some free time so I thought I'd volunteer."

"I thought you were going to volunteer for that library thing."

"That too." I nodded.

"Well, I suppose that'd be good for college credits." His hand appeared in my vision as he slid the form towards him. "Interesting. Should I fill one as well?"

I looked up at him expectantly. "Do you wish to? You should!"

"I'll see." He drawled, then gave me a look I couldn't quite decipher. "Is Brooke going to be volunteering as well?"

Brooke's name made me instantly think of the morning when I'd dropped by my dorm and seen her crying. It made me sad all over again.

"I don't know," I replied earnestly. "Nico, there's something going on with her."

He gave me an odd look. "You don't say."

"I'm serious." I furrowed my brows. "She was crying, really badly crying when I saw her this morning."

He made a distinct sound at the back of his throat, looking away and dragging a hand down his face.

"She wouldn't tell me..." I trailed off uncertainly only to be hit with one of Nico's looks.

"Of course, she wouldn't, if it is what I think it is." He grumbled out. "I hope for your sake it's anything but that, Alice."

"Anything but what?" I asked him quietly and placed the pencil in hand on the desk, worried.

Nico gritted out, "She was the friend visiting Soren at the nurse's office. I've seen them together plenty of times, now that I'm really thinking. At first, I thought they were just friends. Now I'm not so sure."

I blinked in surprise. Surprise, that's the only thing I felt then.

"That's..." I looked around. "Um. I didn't know they were friends, but maybe...maybe they became friends somewhere along the way? He used to drop by my dorm when we were together. Brooke used to be there sometimes and they sometimes chatted. Also, he's in one of Brooke's classes too."

It was a little pathetic that I was speaking too fast and trying to come up with reasons. Surely, Nico couldn't be right.

Nico's gaze turned strangely sympathetic. "Maybe I am just wrong then." Which was followed by him scrunching up his nose in distaste. "I frankly don't like being wrong."

I gave him an uncertain smile, my heart thudding loudly in my chest.

With fear, with sadness, I didn't quite know.