Seems like everyone else but me is happy

It hurts more to laugh than to cry

I try to hold it in, I try to endure, every day

But it's not easy, right now, I need your hand

-

'Why can't I be happy?'

Izuku finds himself asking that question more and more frequently. Seeing his friends and classmates around him, shoulders jolting with laughter, cheeks hurting from smiling too much, he wonders; why can't he experience the same?

It's not like he's had it rough, he's surrounded by people who love and care for him, he achieved his dreams. There's no reason for him to feel like this.

Right?

As he leans further into the wall of the class 3-A common room, viridian eyes scanning the crowd of the rest of class 3-A, taking in the moment of their final moments as students. Graduation was upon them, merely days away and the beginning of their hero careers dawning on them like the sunrise after a stormy night. It hadn't been easy, the hardships of their time studying at UA was unlike any other, with the principle himself admitting he'd never wished for them to have gone through just as much as they had to. Izuku would be lying to himself if he said he knew they'd all make it- what with his classmates suffering horrendous injuries and phycological torment not even a year into their high school lives- the relief of them all staying alive and together was unlike any other feeling.

Seeing as it was finally the weekend, all exams completed and almost forgotten about, they'd decided to host an end of year party for the entire third year hero course, with both class 3-A and 3-B currently mingling together in the shared space of the common room.

Izuku was content, he really was, or as much as he could be with the feeling of dread weighing at the back of his mind with no explanation behind its presence. A plastic cup clamped in his hand, leaning further and further still into the wall, his eyes settle on a particular head of ash blond spikes, currently situated on the sofa in the middle of all the action, leaning carelessly on his red-headed friend as they talk quietly amongst themselves.

A sigh leaves his lips as his mind wanders. What did he do wrong all those years ago? Why did he reach out to Katsuki all those years ago under the rotten log? Why did he continue to reach out, knowing that rejection was always going to be the response?

Those same questions revolve around his mind like a broken record, seeing how Eijiro managed to breakdown those barriers in a matter of weeks, compared to the 14 years and counting the Izuku has had to endure.

He didn't realise he was still staring until crimson eyes are locking back onto his, the blond having fully turned around to stare back. He swallowed thickly, breathing slightly heavier as Katsuki's gaze bore into him. He was transfixed, unable to look away as he watched his childhood friend's face morph into a scowl, catching the attention of Eijiro, who simply followed his stare and waved happily at Izuku, beckoning him closer.

Shaking his head, the shorter of the three pushed himself forwards from the wall, waving a dismissive hand and offering a small smile as he turned his head, making his way towards the doorway leading to the outside.

'Maybe some fresh air would do me good.'

The cold night air brushed past his skin as he slowly walked outside, sighing in relief as he felt his body begin to cool down. Sinking onto the steps of the dorm blocks, he finally takes a sip from the drink he'd previously been clutching to his chest, his eyes shutting as he felt the bitter liquid pour down his throat. Aizawa had put them under strict orders that alcohol was prohibited for the party, but what he doesn't know wont hurt him, right? As long as they didn't drink too much and kept it under the radar, they could do as they pleased.

"Deku?" The sound of the door opening and closing behind him and a cheerful voice calling out to him brought his attention back to reality. Turning around, he saw Ochaco walking slowly up to him, a warm smile gracing her features. She'd changed a lot since they'd first started at UA, growing slightly taller and her cheeks thinning out slightly to make her look a lot older. He smiled back.

"Hey." Was all he managed to release before she plopped herself down besides him and slung an arm around his shoulder.

"Whatcha doing out here? It's freezing." She sighed, shivering slightly.

"Ah, it was getting way to hot in there, just needed a bit of a breather." He wasn't lying, it was boiling in that room with 40 or so bodies shuffling around and mingling. Although it wasn't the exact truth as to why he actually left, she seemed to buy it, nodding her head and humming in agreement.

Izuku really did love Ochaco, albeit, not the way she wanted him to. He'd figured out her feelings at the end of the second year, behind the dormitory block after classes had finished. She was the first person he'd told about his sexuality, and her being his best friend, supported him no matter the heartbreak she was experiencing herself over her crush not reciprocating her feelings. Meeting her had made Izuku realise there was more to being friends than bullying and hardships, she was his first real friend, one that stayed a friend and didn't turn on him for being any lesser than she was. He would forever cherish her for that.

"I'm gonna head back in now, as long as you're okay? I thought id come out and check on you since you left so suddenly." Her voice was soft, angel like against the silence of the night air. He nodded in response, unable to conjure words in fear he'd burst out crying. He never managed to kick that habit, still being the 'crybaby hero' everyone first saw him as.

One last sideways hug and she was gone, leaving him alone again with his thoughts. He didn't understand his feelings still, after all this time, everything he'd been through, his own emotions were still something he had a hard time understanding, specifically romantic ones. The romantic feelings towards his childhood friend, to be even more precise. Even he didn't understand how he could love someone who put him through so much torment up until the middle of their second year. Someone who tortured him, bullied him, made him feel worthless just for being born without a quirk. Someone who fought him just to feel better about himself when he won, so he could get the rush of power he so desperately needed.

His and Katsuki's relationship was broken, it was battered, bruised and beaten. Sure, it was on the mend, after Katsuki's apology towards him about everything he put him through in middle school, but even so, Izuku still felt lost. He shouldn't love the blond, he knew that. It would only end in heartbreak. How could someone as great as Katsuki ever love someone like Izuku, a quirkless nobody turned to a struggling future symbol of peace? Hell, he didn't even know if Katsuki swung that way, let alone would feel the same towards him.

At the same time it felt like fate. Like someone higher up tethered them together for eternity.

Soulmates.

A bitter laugh escaped him, a feeble attempt to cover the pain that was resting heavy in his heart. Laughing seemed harder than crying nowadays, he found himself doing the latter a lot more than the former. Not that he'd let anyone see it, waiting until he was back in his room before he let the hot tears roll down his cheeks, sliding down to sit with his back against the door, releasing shaky breaths as he tries to piece himself back together. It became a routine, somehow managing to mask it in front of his classmates, friends and peers, who all were none the wiser. After all, he wanted to see them all happy, see them smile and laugh and joke with each other without a care in the world. He wanted peace, and he was going to be the one to make it happen. It was his destiny, as All Might's successor.

The door swung open again, slammed shut, and harsh footsteps made their way towards him.

"What are you doing sitting out here like a loner? People are starting to go up to their rooms." That voice. Gods, that voice. Izuku turned his head slightly, staring behind him at the blond who remained stood a few feet away, hands in pockets and swaying slightly.

"Got too warm." He managed to mumble out, turning back to rest his chin in both of his hands, still staring into the night sky, now littered with stars. Just how long had it been? A few minutes? Hours?

A snort caught his attention once more as he turned back again, this time making full eye contact with Katsuki. They remained silent for a moment, the air thick between them for some reason, as if there were unspoken words from both parties waiting to come out. Katsuki stepped closer, Izuku held his breath. A thud next to him, indicating the elder had dropped down besides him, like his bubbly friend had done not so long before.

"You're gonna catch a cold out here, y'know?" Like he would know, not like he can feel the cold unlike Izuku. Thinking about it, he was rather cold.

"'M fine. Don't need babysitting, y'know?" He retorted as a sharp inhale made him flinch. He didn't mean to anger him, he just wanted to breathe. He wanted to be able to relax next to the blond but at the same time, he wanted to do every unspoken action, all at once. He forced himself to stay still, gaze fixed on the ground in front of them as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. A breath he didn't know he was holding was shakily released, hoping that's Katsuki wouldn't hear it.

"I dunno what's gotten into you lately, nerd, but your friends are worried. They haven't said it tome myself but I'm not a fucking idiot. I can see how they look at you like you're gonna break," he hissed, "how can you be a hero when everyone treats you like you're made of glass."

That was more of a statement than a question. Izuku's head shot up, brows furrowed and teeth clench.

"What like the way you've treated me is any better?"

"Touché."

Silence falls upon them once more, Izuku feeling slightly more calm than he was before, the tension releasing from his shoulders, allowing him to breathe a bit more clearly. They sat like that for some time, silently enjoying each others company as the soft, muffled sound of music began to simmer down, stopping altogether once it got too late for the party to carryon. By then, Izuku was shivering, trying to hide it as much as possible by leaning further away from Katsuki, turning his body away.

He was going to miss this, being around his friends constantly, enjoying times like these with Katsuki. He feared that it'd all stop the moment they become actual heroes, that the workload and all the antisocial hours would cause them all to part. The idea of being isolated from everyone, especially Katsuki, pained him. It was hard, fearing the unknown, unable to tell the future and simply having to sit back and accept everything that came towards him with a smile on his face, as if he had no worries, no burdens.

A rustling sound came from besides him again as he heard Katsuki stand up to leave. Painfully, he dragged his gaze over to the blond now stood by his side, eyes widening as he stared at the outstretched hand coming towards him.

"Come on, lets get you inside, you're freezing."