Confidence warmed my chest. Blindly, I groped for the one thing that could save me. The bridge sloped sharply, I went down too fast, knees knocking together, tripping over my feet. The steep incline from the bridge to ground, propelled me along.

My shoulder crashed on hard, cold metal. A shed. House. Car. Camper. Any one of those would do.

Relying on iced over hands that couldn't feel, I searched for an entry point. There had to be something! A door knob, a latch. My heart slowed, a headache pressing an invisible vise to my skull. Pain. Numb. Sleepy. All was not a good combination. Think!

I couldn't think. Or move. My legs crumpled with a sudden drop, belying the urgency. My head slammed on the metal, stars sparkled, pain cut deep.

Get up.

The groan that escaped came deep from my chest. Desperate, wanting, longing, clinging. A spark of hope. I wanted to live. My body did the opposite. Warmth crept over me, cradled, wrapped, soothed. Blanketed.

Get your ass up, now Raven!

My eyes fluttered, not quite open, frosted lashes stuck together. Through narrow slits, I saw it. A shift in the pattern. Snow ceased, parts, goes away. A handle, impossibly smooth, no ice.

I reached up, my fingers frozen in a permanent curve, bent at the joints. They caught the handle then slid off the slick metal.

Again.

With the Voice urging me on, I grabbed the handle once more. Arm heavy laden with fatigue and cold, dropped down, landing on my chest. Chest aching, I flipped over onto my knees.

They wobbled and I toppled over, further away from the door. So close yet so far. Safety, shelter was at hand and I couldn't reach it. "I can't."

Yes, you can. Do you want them to win?

I tried one last time. Something beyond the physical surged through me. A determination beyond my weakened state. I twisted, turned and flopped onto my stomach. One thing at a time. Think this through.

First, knees. I positioned them under my torso, legs folded, feet iced. Then elbows. Bony elbows, half starvation sharpened them to points with very little meat on them. Stretched out paper thin skin. I no longer felt pain as I leaned on my upper body, my full weight on knees and elbows. Now, hands.

With a guttural cry that tore through me, splitting atoms, nerves, muscles, bones. I shifted my elbows to my arms then my hands. I crawled to the door, hoisted up on my knees, grabbed the handle and twisted it. The door swung inward, I fell, carried in by its momentum.

I laid half across the threshold, gasping for breath. The effort cost me. My vitals responded erratically, heart rate up, blood pressure down. I made it to a shelter but life ebbed, drained, and slowed. With an effort I didn't have, strength lost from my run, I drew in my legs and rolled. The door slammed with a decisive boom rattling the structure.

Thoughts slowed to a crawl. Must. Get. Warm. I sat up to fast then toppled over. Dizzy. Too dizzy. I breathed slowly, head down. In. Out. Zero energy. Muscles dead. Numb. Frosted over. Iced. To my very core. Yet, I breathed. In. Out. In. Out. In....Out. In........ Out.

Lost to my breaths, frozen over, fingers held in a perpetual curve forever. Knees bent in a permanent position, like an ice statue, sculpted, cut, shaped into the form that was me.

In. Out.

In.....out. In, out.

In..........

Instead of rising, I fell deeper, shadows enveloping, consuming, taking what it needed. I fell, further down into the inky black darkness.

Drug induced haze captured me and I saw them. Ravens. Sharp beaks. Yellow eyes.

The Ravens carried me, a bird cyclone, whirling faster and faster. Dizziness had me in its grip. I knew nothing, not of time, of the hour, nor of myself. All I saw was the swirling of so many wings, feathers, beaks, claws. "No!" In this nether void, I could hear myself. A desperate cry to be left alone. To be free.

You can do it Raven.

"Who said that?"

Look.

"I'm not seeing anything."

Look down.

A mass of black swirling at my feet. Ravens too many to count. I cring, fear clambering at my throat. "Go away!"

They are helping you. The voice is disembodied, non corporeal, ghostly. Yet familiar. So familiar.

"Why?" My own voice trembles. I never heard it before. A bit on the thin side, childlike.

You have to allow them to help. Surrender.

"No. I can't. They will peck my eyes out."

No. They won't. The Ravens belong to you.

"No way."

Think of your name. What does it mean?

"I don't know."

Yes, you do. Tell me.

"It means to be wise."

There you go. Use your wisdom.

I let out a short, sarcastic laugh. "If I used my wisdom, I wouldn't be here right now."

Neither here or there. Focus on the now.

"Who are you?"

Surrender.

"Tell me!"

Let go.

"No. I'm not doing anything until you tell me who you are."

Very well. I'll show you. From out of the darkness a figure emerged. Black wings, beady eyes, sharp beak. "No, go away!"

What are you so afraid of? It's me. The beak move as the words tumble forth.

"It can't be you."

Of course it is.

"No." I cover my eyes. "It can't be." I trembled. Anxious. Nervous.

You're terrified.

"Please, go away."

I'm here to help.

"A bird? Helping me? Never."

What do you have against Ravens?

"Let me see, sharp claws, beak, creepy eyes, flapping wings. The way they hover, dive, peck. Need I go on?"

I won't hurt you. I promise.

"How can you promise anything? You are a Raven."

Not really. You're just perceiving me as such. I'm human. I can help you. Trust me.

"I don't know you."

Yes. You do. You just don't remember.

"I really don't know you." I whispered the words, afraid. Who was this person, why were they talking to me?

You do know me. Your memories will come back in time. But for now, you have to wake up.

"No," I murmured sleepily. The Ravens continued to swirl around me. "Too tired."

You must hurry.

"Why?"

Wake up.

"No."

You must.

"I don't want to."

You have to, Raven, you'll die if you don't.

"I don't care."

I won't let you give up.

"Please. No. Don't make me." I curl into a ball, head tucked, arms around my legs. "Go away."

Raven.

"I said, go away!"

The mass of Ravens below me increased speed. Swirling, whirling, a torrent of feathers, claws and beaks. They surrounded me, a bird hurricane. Wind whipped my hair. Claws ripped, tore, pummeled my body. "Leave me alone!"

I fought back, kicked, punched, jabbed. kicking, jabbing. Wings turned into hands, ripping off the jacket, my pajama bottoms. Claws changed into feet, stomping, kicking, jumping.

Wake up, Raven!

"I can't."

Yes, you can. Do it now!

In my out of body state, I climbed, fingers cringing, spine crawling with loathing and fear. So many feathers, beaks and claws. They somehow held my weight. I went up, just as steadily as I fell. Faint in the darkness, light. Tiny, miniscule, miniature. I saw it. The light was beckoning, calling.

I climbed faster, in a rush to get to the light. It was all about the light. Significant as it meant redemption for me. Me, who deserved to be thrown into the lowest pit of hell. Too much blood on my hands. I wanted it wiped clean.

"Help me!"

I am.

"Stop them."

Keep climbing.

I climbed and climbed. Exhaustion weighed heavily. Weariness drags me back down. "I can't."

You can.

"I'm too tired."

You have to. Wake up.

I slid back down, lost in the whirling vortex of birds of every shape and size. In the midst of wings, claws and beaks, I drowned. Went under. Lost to the void. "It's not working."

Surrender.

"What?"

Surrender.

"I don't understand. "

Let go.

"You told me to climb. And now you're saying surrender? Which is it?"

In surrendering, you will climb.

"You're not making any sense."

Let go, Raven.

My eyes closed. Unable to keep them open any longer, I gave in. I fell once more then hovered. Raven wings were holding me. Feathers soft, strength in their wings. They lifted me up, up, up.

I came to myself, shivering, breath frosting the air. I was alive. Awake.
Feeling returned, my fingers twitched, easiest part of the body to move first. Like a person dragged out of the ice, fingers melted first. My arms thawed. My toes, vitally warm, wiggled. The rest of my body took longer. The warmth lingered, the light faded. What happened?

No response. The voice was gone. Cracked tile jabbed into my back. I shivered uncontrollably, warmer yet not warm enough. A delicate spiderweb played into my vision. It was woven underneath the cupboards, swaying softly.

A strange scent permeated the structure. Animal droppings piled in a corner. I noted the tattered curtains, the porcelain sink. Dusty boxes and ripped furniture. I was in an old camper. Rest beckoned, called, cajoled. Out of the wind, my body recovered slowly. I needed more than a shirt and pajama bottoms.

I flipped over onto my stomach and belly crawled down the short hallway. Please let there be blankets. Exposed nails in the floor ripped at my pajamas, cut into skin. I got on my knees then my feet. Unsteady, I walked to the bedroom. A pile of blankets laid on the corner of the bed. When I shook them apart, bugs scurried out. Who cared? Not me. The three tattered blankets made up one whole one.

I wrapped one around my legs and one around my feet. The most intact blanket I burrowed under. Despite exhaustion, I didn't go to sleep right away. The hallucinations I had coming down from Euphoria, kept me awake.

Had I imagined the voice? Was it just me talking to myself? I guess I will never know. Drug induced hallucinations could have produced the Voice. Anyway why would anyone help me? I'm a monster.

No you're not.

"You're back. Are you real? Or are you just me talking to myself?"

Sleep first. I'll tell you in the morning.

"Who are you?"

No more talking. Sleep.

"I'll sleep when you tell me your name."

You were always so damn stubborn Raven. Go to sleep.

The voice left my mind. I was alone. A single thread of a thought floated between reality and dreamland.

My name is Raven.