Running. Darkness. The forest.
She was breathing heavily, running through the night. She knew he wasn't coming after her when she decided to leave. I ruin everything! she thought. Pretty much her whole life was going down the drain right now and she didn't know another way to cope but running from her problems. The tears stung in her eyes but she didn't care, stumbling through the woods. "Fuck- ow!" She wiped her eyes, cursing the entire time on her way to the clearing. Boughs sticking out from the bushes, leaving scratches on her arms and legs - she ignored the little amount of blood running down her legs and she didn't stop once. Only when she reached the clearing she came to a halt. A slight, sad smile spread across her face as she sunk to the ground, letting her emotions flow freely. She assumed her tears didn't stop for another hour. She was sobbing so hard that she sometimes had to fight down her retching and the need to vomit. Her phone rang but she just took it out of her pocket without answering the call, letting it go to voicemail. His voice was so full of concern that she felt even worse. "Okay. I know you can hear what I say. How could you think this is your fault?! You did nothing wrong, we can fix this! Okay? You don't need to run, I'm here for you. If you just come back we can solve this together, just come back, please!" His voice cracked at the end, evoking another sob from her. She couldn't. How did he not understand that if she hadn't assumed so quickly, if she hadn't been so furious over something of which she didn't even know the whole story, if she'd just listened, there would be no problems at all? He paused for a second. "Please, I worry about you, okay? You're not alone and I'm not the only one concerned about you! Just... think about your sister for an example! She's scared as hell. Scared that you'll do something to yourself and honestly I am, too! Come back, okay? Just come back here and we can start over, you can explain to him what the problem was and that you misunderstood and-" He sighed. "I know how you feel but he is not holding a grudge against you. Yes you hurt him, physically and mentally but he did the same to you! He understands and he's... he's sorry, too, okay? He just wants to hear an apology and that would be enough..." She could hear how he was fighting back the tears. And she laughed shortly. It was an empty laugh, empty and dry. She would never be able to look at him again, let alone apologize. How could this have gone so wrong? A few days ago she felt like the happiest girl alive. But her best friend had been suffering the entire time, silently, and she didn't notice, too caught up in being in love. And now she had managed to scare her boyfriend away and even get him into hospital and had almost lost her best friend due to her selfishness. How could he still think so kindly about her? Her boyfriend had already broken up with her and she was sure he hated her, despite everything said in the phone call. She shut her phone off and laid down on the grass. The moon was covered by clouds, so it was almost completely dark. "Please... just stay away..." She whispered. "I don't want to hurt you more than I already did... I don't think I could take that..." Eventually, when another two hours had passed, she became tired and slowly fell asleep. She awoke with sunrise, so she hadn't slept more than about 4 hours at most. She sat up, her clothes were soaking wet,she was freezing and feeling like she had a hangover. She knew he'd come looking for her. She knew he'd look in this forest first, since she always told him she loved it here and it was her favourite place. She told him about the clearing but only ever showed it to one person. One person that couldn't move out of bed, with two broken legs, and wouldn't even want to help finding her. She slowly got up off the ground, looking around, causing all those happy memories to come back and she groaned as if she was in pain. Well, she was. Just not physically. Her heart was aching. But she was just going to run further from him. If she was completely out of his life she couldn't hurt him anymore. She was already out of her ex's life, that was clear. She needed to get rid of every pleasant memory she had with her best friend. Then it wouldn't be hard to leave. And then she couldn't cause him more pain, though he never seemed to mind. He stuck with her even when she almost destroyed him.  She knew she was stupid for not realizing. For being so in his face with her relationship, not seeing how, every time she did that, she just crushed his heart a little more. And when she finally realized it was almost too late. When she realized he was just a few steps away from breaking, from leaving. And then she found out about that other girl. Thought her boyfriend was cheating on her. She was short tempered, easy to anger and when she tried to talk calmly to him she exploded not even two minutes into the conversation. Yelling and throwing insults, punching and kicking him until it ended with him falling down the stairs. He ended up in hospital and he dumped her. He broke her heart and she had no one to turn to, because she had driven her best friend away. And she knew she couldn't handle living without him. Stupid. She was just so stupid. But she'd rather die than cause him more pain, cause him to break. And somewhere deep down in her heart she knew that he mattered to her the most. Even while she was still with her boyfriend he was more important to her, even if she lacked the ways to show him. And then she heard his voice. Startled she jumped back. He sounded exhausted, his voice cracking ever so slightly each time he yelled her name. He didn't know where the clearing was but he was definitely near. For a moment she panicked. She didn't know what to do, since running was probably going to make him hear her and she was too uptight, anxious to walk slowly. But he was coming closer nonetheless. And when he stepped into the clearing and saw her, he just sighed heavily in relief, happy that he finally found her. He had dark circles underneath his eyes and he looked like he could pass out any minute. She just stared at him like a deer in headlights. "Wait!" He begged when she was about to turn around and flee from him yet again. She stopped dead in her tracks and he slowly approached her. He stopped just a few feet from her and opened his arms. "Come here... it's gonna be alright, okay?" She hesitated for a few seconds before she gave in, closed the distance and buried her face in his chest, starting to cry once more. "It's okay, it's okay" he repeated over and over. She stepped back, stared into his eyes and a small smile formed on her face. She wiped her eyes and chuckled. "I am so sorry" her voice was hoarse and her throat sore. "Don't apologize. We all make mistakes there's nothing wrong with that. We're gonna be fine" he assured her and for that moment she believed him. And then it happened. She didn't mean to but she couldn't control her movements, pulling him down. She pressed her lips on his and he just stood there, frozen, his arms lying loosely around her waist. But then he pulled her closer, deepening the kiss and he didn't care about anything. Neither did she. The only thing she thought about was getting rid of this pain. The pain that filled her chest. She knew her heart was aching for him, her ex and everyone else forgotten. So she gave in. And all her thoughts vanished. She didn't think this through so when, half an hour later, she was sitting in the grass, still panting a little and her brain finally started working again, she was terrified. What had she done?
I only ruin everything!
She made it so much worse. He smiled at her, but when he saw the fear in her face his eyes were glazed over by concern. "What's wrong?" "I- I'm sorry I-" she stood up, taking in short, sharp breaths. This time he couldn't convince her, this time she wouldn't turn around, because this time she had made it her final decision. So she knelt down next to him again, firmly pressed her lips onto his again, whispering another apology. It was clear to see when he realized and he jumped to his feet. "No, wait! Please!" But she just turned around and ran. This time he was chasing her, scared of letting her go, but she knew the woods better than anyone. He soon lost her.

He hadn't seen her in a while. Months, actually, when he was thinking about it. But that hardly mattered. The days just went by. The nights most of the time, restless and lonely. Nobody knew where she was, she was announced missing and nobody found her. He knew she was still alive- there was no way she'd died. But still... sometimes he got so overwhelmed by fear and worry he hardly could do anything. Luckily most of the time when that happened he was at work, which meant there were people around, ready to call an ambulance. They already had to once before. He had passed out in the midst of talking to someone. She, however, had a different reason for sleepless nights. He was always on her mind and she could never get him out. But there was one thing she could use to cover all these emotions, the sadness and guilt. She didn't feel exactly good for doing that but it was better than drowning in her sadness. Almost every second night there was someone new. Sometimes they were older, sometimes younger. Sometimes men, sometimes women. She didn't care as long as they took her mind off of him. One day she was sitting in the kitchen of her new home, it was morning and she had a hangover, when the doorbell rang. Assuming it was the guy from the night before, who wanted his watch back that he had forgotten she opened the front door. She didn't recognize the man at her doorstep. His dark hair, his tall figure in general... it didn't seem fimilar. But then she looked into his eyes. They were full of relief, of worry and of love. Her breath hitched in her throat, the glass of water slipped out if her hand. She quickly jumped back to avoid the glass shards that were flying around to hit her bare feet. "W-what are you doing here? I thought- I mean..." "Please just this once. Don't run"
She looked at him. He suddenly seemed so... broken. His head low in defeat and exhaustion and she realized what she had done. She broke him. She broke him, to safe herself, to avoid hurting him anymore by inflicting the greatest pain she could give on him. She tried to fight the tears back and he stepped into the house. He pulled her into his arms. "This time I won't let you go" he whispered and she could feel his warm tears on her skin. He was crying, too. "I love you" She choked out. "I'm so sorry... I love you" She repeated. "I know... I know..." His voice was soothing, even though he was crying himself. "I love you, too"

* I can either do a continuation of this focusing on her best friend's feelings or write exactly this chapter focusing on him. Because this is mainly just about her feelings and all. Comment which one you'd prefer please ♡*