"She's late," I groan, emptying the stack of books in my arms into the shelf before me, ramming them straight into the rack, one by one. "Do you think she conveniently forgot to come?" I continue grumbling, now surveying the bundles of freshly bought books splayed across the floor. "How the fuck could she forget though!? We do this committee shit everyday!"

From where he's standing in front of the bookshelf to my right, Akito throws me a wary glance. "Ren...I think you should keep your voice down. This is the library," he mumbles.

"It's fine, nobody can hear us from back here," I say, picking another half a dozen books off the floor. "We would be done with this crap a lot faster if she were here by now, don't you think? Look at all this. We'll be stuck here all evening, and my arms already fucking hurt." The committee incharge brought us in here after school and left us to arrange some fifty million new books in the shelves, in alphabetical order. And what's more is that Amari's not here yet, and it's pissing me off.

It's not like her to forget.

"Sorry you're stuck here with me," Akito murmurs, eyes glued to the book in his hand.

My arm extending into the shelf before me, freezes mid-air. "What—the hell?" I whirl to face him. "I didn't mean it like that! I just...this work is just fucking boring." He gives me a tired look. "Not that...that being with you is boring, that's not-shit," I stutter, failing to amend myself. Without a word, Akito goes back to arranging the books in the shelf, sticking them in the gaps with slow movements.

"Hey," I start, as desperation climbs within me, grabbing him by the arms and forcing him to look at me. His face breaks into a startled expression, but he doesn't move.

I was wrong about this guy. I jumped to conclusions on my own and pegged him for an apathetic asshole. I thought he didn't care about anyone else. I thought he was just like my mother. But he's actually...a pretty decent guy. He works so fucking hard, all the time. He might even care about me. And yet, I've treated him like shit this whole time, when he did nothing to deserve it.

He used to think I hated him, and I can't let that happen again.

I need him to properly understand. I can't leave any more room for misunderstandings.

"I told you before, didn't I!? I like your stupid face! I don't mind having it around all the time! Fuck. Do you understand?"

Akito shrugs me off and takes a step back, his eyes downcast, as a light shade of pink starts to colour his cheeks. I feel a similar warmth crawl up my neck, and it instantly makes me uncomfortable. Bastard. What's he getting all shy for?

"I know...I—I know that." He looses a nervous breath. "I realise that I was being petty when I said what I did, and I'm sorry. Please don't worry about it," he utters, once he's recovered himself.

I resume arranging the books, my previously rapid movements somewhat slowing down. "I hate it when you apologize. Sorry doesn't mean shit to me," I grumble.

Sorry is just one word. How could it possibly make up for any hurt feelings? It's just people's way of getting away with doing things they shouldn't have done, or saying things they shouldn't have said. Oh fuck — I messed up? Nevermind, sorry — there you go. Now all's forgotten! My ass. A sorry, on its own, doesn't make anything better. "If you want to make it up to me, then find another way."

"How can I make it up to you?" he asks, and when I glance over, I see a face that's been hardened with sincerity. So I say, "Omurice. Make it for me next time."

"On Monday, then," he replies, facing away, and I think I catch a smile playing at the corners of his lips. I'm not sure why, but a strong urge surges through me. I want to turn him around, so that I can look at his face. If he's really smiling, then I want to see it. But I hold myself back, because I don't want to weird him out by grabbing him again, twice in the same day.

When he looks my way, questioningly, to see why I've been standing so still, my eyes fall to the even line of his mouth, and the inside of my chest suddenly feels damp, like it's been draped within a wash cloth. It's the sort of feeling that blooms inside you when you hear someone shout that they've spotted a shooting star, but then you look up at the sky, only to see that it's gone. The hell is wrong with me?

"Ren. Are you okay?" he asks, his fingers clenched around a fistful of his shirt front.

I avert my eyes to the work laid out before us, and mutter, "No." We heave a synchronous sigh.

"Do you think Irina will come help out?"

I laugh. "You know the answer to that." The two are a set piece. If Amari's out, she is too.

Akito's gaze falls on his wristwatch, distressed. I study him for a while, then slowly walk over to his side and pry the book he's holding out of his fingers. "I'll finish up. Go." He stares at me for a moment, with misty eyes, before they flutter open in understanding. "What?"

"Go stick your face in a book or whatever. I'll do the rest."

He shakes his head. "It's alright. Thank you for offering, but this is too much work for one person—"

"I won't fuck up," I hiss through gritted teeth. "You have shit to do, so go do it. There's nowhere else I need to be right now, I've got time. You can leave this to me." He doesn't answer, and I feel my nails dig into the binding of the book in my hands. "You promised," I whisper.

"Okay."

I blink up at him in surprise.

"I'll leave it to you then. Thank you, Ren."

He starts to leave, then pauses, angling his face towards me again. "Can I come study here? It's quiet, a-and there's better lighting."

"Oh." I nod, the weight in my chest easing up. "You can sit right here, it's a good place," I say, pointing at the wooden round table behind us.

"Yes," he agrees, eyes bright. "My textbooks are in the classroom. I'll be back."

"Better not make me wait too long," I warn, and once the idiot disappears, a stupidly wide grin fights it's way onto my face.

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I'm crouching on the floor, cramming a set of books into the bottom rack, when a wisp of air floats into my ear and a shiver breaks down my neck. I tumble to my side and crawl away, pressing a hand up against the side of my face. "What the — Senpai?" My eyes latch onto the figure of a laughing Kurumi-senpai, hovering over me. "Fucking hell," I mutter, pushing myself up to my feet, but I can't help the smile that crosses my lips.

This is a game we used to play — sneaking up on each other from behind and blowing into each other's ears to catch the other off guard.

"Surprise~" she sings.

"You're not working today?"

"Shop closed early." Her eyes flit around the room. "Where's Akito?"

"He went to get his text books. He'll be back." He's been gone for fifteen minutes already though, wonder what's taking him so long. I take a peek at the entrance again, to check if he's here. Not yet.

Senpai nods, and cranes her neck up to study the bookshelf before me. "Can I help?"

"I don't think so." I unpack another pile of books and start to stack them inside. "I already finished the lower half and you're too puny to reach the top."

"Ouch," she says, but there's a smile in her voice. "So honest. You can word your sentences to hurt lesser, you know?" She runs her hand along a line of books, straightening the ones that are slanting, a wistfullness clouding her expression. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a hint of fuzzy blue disappearing out the entrance to the library. I fix my eyes to the space to see if Akito will re-emerge, but he doesn't.

Huh?

Where's he going off to? He said he'd come back here.

Bastard, making me wait.

Urgency pulls at my feet, and I realise that I want to bolt out the door, follow him, but Senpai's next words root me to place.

"Always giving us your rawest thoughts on a platter. It's what I've always liked about you, though." Her eyes flicker towards me, and I go impossibly still, my heart crunching.

The years I've spent with Kurumi-senpai have been the only years of my life swathed in deep colors, bright hues and fresh scents. Like perpetual summertime.

When we were in school together — everyday, she'd stop by my classroom to see what I was doing. Everyday, she'd come visit. She'd invite me to eat lunch with her, and during exam season, she'd sit by my side as I flipped through my books, guiding me through any concepts I didn't understand. She was always surrounded by other people, but everyday, she'd set aside a chunk of her time for me, and we'd spend it talking and playing around with our heads bent together.

When she stepped out — out of my grasp, out of my sight, the days grayed, the months blackened, and the years melted into bleak emptiness. Losing her had been like losing everything life had to offer.

I was happy, having her by my side, actually happy. And when she left, it sucked the life out of me. My days used to begin and end with Kurumi-senpai. She was fucking everything to me. And if that's not love, what the hell else is?

I arrived to this conclusion months after Senpai stopped talking to me, and by then, it had been too late. I thought I missed my chance to tell her how I feel. I thought I majorly fucked up. I wanted her back, no matter what. And so, in a frenzied attempt to put things back to the way they used to be, I stumbled to her side and told her that I loved her.

But then a certain pesky, meddlesome girl barged into my life and stuck her nose in my business, and nothing has remained the same since.

I didn't understand then.

I understand now.

Senpai is important to me.

But this is not love.

Ever since Amari's started hanging around me, I've felt it all again. The classroom lights up when she steps inside every morning, transforming from some place foreign into a place that's mine. She carries with her an air of familiarity that warms me up to anyone and anything, as long as she's there. She keeps me company, and tells me things like you're not alone. It's scary, but she's somehow become important to me, and I don't think I could bear to lose her either.

Heck, lately I've even started to feel comfortable around demon girl. She's the only one who lets me copy her homework.

Calling this feeling love just doesn't feel right. I'm not in love with Amari. She's more like — I don't know, my granny.

It's a pretty awesome feeling, but it's not love.

There's no way I can tell Senpai any of this without sounding like a jackass, but it wouldn't be fair to her if I left my confession unaddressed. I need to tell her. I need to properly explain.

Steeling myself, I force the words out. "Senpai, about what I said to you at school awhile back..." Fuck, I'm such a jerk. "I don't — I was still figuring stuff out. I shouldn't have said it," I admit, a tremor in my voice. "I'm sorry." I'll do whatever it takes. If she doesn't want to see me anymore after this, I'll...stay away. "I'm so sorry." I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to her.

For a long moment, Senpai says nothing. I watch her, my throat clogging up.

Then, she takes a step forward, and goes back to absently straightening the books on the shelf, the set of her features relaxed. "It's alright, you don't have to explain anything to me, I understand. We don't have to talk about this, really. Let's just pretend it never happened," she says, and tilts her head towards me with a soft look in her eyes that says, is that okay?

Relief pours over me. I don't deserve her. "I feel like such an asshole," I mutter.

She laughs. "I won't deny that you are." Her hands drop to her side and she crosses them behind her back. "And for the record, I'm completely over you, and I'm rooting for my brother." Before I can ask her what she means, she surveys the room, as if to ensure we're not being watched, and presses closer, leaning in. "Speaking of my brother, I need a favor. Tomorrow is Akito's birthday."

"Birthday?" I breathe, surprised.

Senpai nods, a gleam lighting up her excited eyes. "Rubi and I are planning a surprise party for him! You're invited, of course, but before that, we need you to keep him out of the house for a while to give us time to set everything up," she finishes, looking up at me expectantly.

"I've never been to a birthday party before," I murmur.

She cracks a smile. "Neither has Akito. But as they say, life is full of firsts. So?"

"I'll do it," I concede. There's not much else to say.

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I find Akito on the bench under the Momiji tree at the edge of the sports ground, a text book splayed open on his lap. I'm not sure how I found him so fast — my legs seemed to move on their own, as if tracing an old memory and finding him at the end of it. The second I spot him, I break into a run and cross the length of the field in an instant.

"What are you doing here?" I huff, glaring down at him.

He closes the book and blinks up at me. "I...Nee-san hasn't been able to stop by in a while, so I thought you might want some time alone with her." What the fuck?

"Well I was waiting for you, so don't go assuming things on your own, idiot," I grumble. Then, heart hammering, I look into his eyes. "H-Hey," I start, swallowing hard.

"Yes?" he asks, face pinched with confusion.

I hesitate. I'm about to ask him to give me some of his time, aren't I? No way in hell will he say yes.

I shove my hands into my pockets and avert my gaze to the soccer players running about. I already agreed to help Senpai with the party. It's too late to back out now. "Come over to my house tomorrow," I mumble, a barely intelligible sound. The words seem to float in the air between us, unsettlingly, and I resist the urge to plug my fingers into my ears. I know what he's going to say, but even so, I don't want to hear him say it.

I know it's going to piss me off.

"Why?" he finally asks, befuddled.

"S-Secret," I manage.

"Ren..." It's coming. I look down at my muddy shoes and hear him sigh in resignation. "I can't stay long, but if it's only for a while..."

My head shoots up. "You'll come?" I ask in amazement.

Akito nods.

I watch him, bewildered.

"Is it really something to be that happy about?" he asks uncertainly, noting the rapidly spreading grin on my face.

"Hell yeah."

I take his hand and drag him to his feet. "Now come back inside." He doesn't respond, but allows me to lead him across the ground. His hand, in mine, feels cold. He'd been sitting out here in the wind, all my himself. What a dumbass. Partway through the field, I feel his previously limp fingers curl tightly around mine. I turn back, and look at him. He looks at me too. I don't let go.

END OF CHAPTER

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A/N:

I'm late in saying this but THANK YOU for 1K votes! It's been months already, but still feels so surreal.