"I'm telling you, I can fucking teach." We're standing in the open space just outside the school building, among a small crowd of students, completely exposed to the chilly winds that vigorously blow past us, with nothing but a thick concrete strip of a roof to protect us from the icy blades of the rain. "We could try using new reference material this time or something." I hug myself tighter and step closer to the boys. "I'll go slower—"

The threads of Akito and Ren's voices cut through the pitter-patter of the rain, weaving together wonderfully, miraculously to form a conversation. One that probably isn't heading in a pleasant direction, but regardless of that, I love listening to these sounds.

"Ren, teaching simply isn't one of your strengths. There's nothing to be done about it," Akito says, his voice steadily growing strained and wary with every word.

I love listening to these sounds, but I'm becoming increasingly aware that my voice isn't a part of them.

"That's not true," Ren huffs. "I can help." When Akito doesn't respond, he takes a staggering step forward. "One more chance," he says quietly, his gaze silently pleading with Akito's stone-hard eyes. "Please." His voice cracks at the last syllable, along with a small piece of my heart.

Akito simply shakes his head. "I'm sorry. The test is this Friday. There just isn't any time to spare." Isn't Ren being unreasonable? Shouldn't Akito choose his words more carefully? Say something. Open your mouth.

"Fine," Ren spits, forcing his hands down his pockets and violently whipping his head to the side. "Fuck off. Just fuck off. Bastard. Dumbass." I don't miss the twitch in Akito's eyebrows at those words. "Idiot. Idiot." He swivels and storms away from the shelter, out into the rain. My breath catches in my throat.

Stupid jerkass! I want to call after him and tell him that there are always other ways he can help and that even if there weren't, it wouldn't matter. That I like having him around anyway. Stay.

But my feet remain planted to the ground, my voice burried under the aching in my chest. It was clear from the second they looked into each other's eyes, cutting everything else out, that I'm not a part of this moment. These words and these feelings belong only to Akito and Ren. It feels like no matter what I say, no words will help Ren unless they're from Akito's own mouth.

They may have needed me in the beginning to give them a nudge towards each other, sometimes even a shove. But now they're used to being around each other enough to be able to look each other in the eye and speak. Given some time, Ren's fire will melt Akito's ice, and I will no longer have a role to play in any of it.

When the time comes, will I be able to say mission accomplished, and move on? When I become a passerby, will I be able to look at them from across the street and smile to myself?

Beside me, Akito breathes a heavy sigh, sharply anchoring my attention back to what's important. This isn't about you. His hand reaches up to clasp the front of his shirt as he helplessly stares after Ren's retreating form. "Hey, it'll be okay," I whisper. This is what I'm here for. "It had to be said. He'll come back."

I'm the only one who can see the bond between them, see how deep the connection runs, and so I'm the only one who can tell him about it. It's so, so wonderful. That's all I'm good for.

Akito looks down at me, his hard eyes softening as a sheen flickers across them. "He will?"

"Of course he will." He'll always come back to you. It's what his heart wants. It's what the thread represents.

Despite the foot I put over my invasive thoughts, a little voice calls out from underneath. What about what my heart wants? I steel myself against it, recalling the words I repeat to myself every night. We had yesterday, and no matter what happens tomorrow, I'll always remember it. Even if I'm alone, I'll have the memories they left me. It's enough. It's enough, it's enough, it's enough. For someone like me, it's more than I could ever ask for.

Be grateful.

"When?" he whispers. "When will he come back?"

When? "I don't..." Should I go after him and bring him back right now? Should I tell Akito to go after him? I don't know where he is, though, do I? And it's raining. I can't allow Akito to get wet; he won't be able to make it to school if he gets sick, and I don't want that. Maybe I should...ah. I don't know. I don't know.

"Rubi." He looks at me, the last of the glass over his eyes shattering, and suddenly, we're back in the library, to the day I told him about the lone scarlet string laced tightly to his pinky, and the ones tethering everyone else to each other, alive and stretching across the world. Help me. "I don't know if I want him to come back. I think I'm losing control. What should I do?"

I had all the answers for him that day. I have nothing for him now—absolutely nothing—and it's all I can do to hold back my tears and give him one less thing to deal with.

I look back towards the rain, just in time to catch sight of a figure, slender and tall—Irina, striding over, one hand gripping Ren's tie and dragging him along, seemingly against his will, the other holding a transparent umbrella over their heads. I stop breathing, and stare.

She stops before Akito, takes his hand and closes his fingers around Ren's tie, then purposefully looks him in the eye and says, "Don't let him get away. If he catches a cold again, Rubi will needlessly worry."

Ren curses in bewilderment when Akito slowly nods. The tension in his shoulders eases up, almost as if all his questions have been answered simply by Ren's presence. "Let go," Ren growls. "I'm not some puppy." In response, Akito only strengthens his grip on the tie, his knuckles turning white. The barest of blushes tinges Ren's cheeks. "What the fuck are you doing? Let go, dammit."

Akito shakes his lowered head. "Fine, I'm not going anywhere! Now for fuck's sake, let go." Akito meets his eyes, dubious. "I'm s-saying I'll stay. This is embarrassing, idiot."

At that, he sighs and finally lets his fingers go slack around the tie, allowing Ren to pull free. They each take a step away from each other, turning in opposite directions. Ren crosses his arms, Akito hugs himself, and just like that, the moment is over.

Ordinarily, I'd be thrilled at the idea of getting to see Akito put Ren on a leash. But right now, I feel like the lowest of thieves, tucking away this priceless memory into a hoard of moments that don't belong to me. At least they're both here now, I tell myself, then turn to my side to thank Irina for getting Ren out of the rain.

She's already watching me, her eyebrows ever so slightly furrowed. "W-What?" I stutter.

She wordlessly stretches her arms and bundles me into a hug, my face pressing into her shoulder. "Irina~" I groan, my face hot from the neck up. "Let me go."

"No."

"Please," I breathe. "Look, the rain isn't heavy anymore; we need to leave while we can."

She sighs heavily, then pulls back enough to press a kiss to my forehead before releasing me, her elegant features twisting in a disgruntled frown. I feel giddy, like the world will tip any second and I'll get to fall back into her arms. Snap out of it. "Thank you," I say hurriedly. "For bringing Ren back, that oaf can't be trusted to look after himself."

"It's fine," she says, unfurling the umbrella in her hands and holding it over my head, and it strikes me now how musical her voice is. Like a breeze. "Those idiots are growing on me." She sounds a little surprised herself when she says it. I can't help but grin. She stares at me for a second before her own lips curl in a small smile. I cough, my heart leaping unpleasantly in my chest.

"Catch," Irina says, tossing a spare umbrella to Akito, who fumbles for it unsuccessfully until it lands on the floor. I snicker at him, but seal my lips shut when he fixes me with a pouty glare. He picks the umbrella off the floor, takes one look at the one Irina is holding over the two of us, then peers at Ren.

Ren scowls. "No fucking way. I'm not getting under an umbrella with this fucker."

"Ren, don't be a baby—"

"No! Forget it, I'll just—" I catch him by the arm before he can flounce off into the rain again. "Don't even think about it," I say sternly.

"But—"

"No buts."

Before I can say anything else, Irina exhales in disappointment. "I was looking forward to sharing an umbrella with you, but..." She glares at Ren. "These two are hopeless without you, after all." She steps into the rain. "Go with them."

"Irina! Are you sure?" I call over the sound of the pouring droplets of water.

"I have somewhere to be anyway. I'll see you tomorrow?"

I smile and nod. Once Irina takes off, I loop my arm around Ren's and tug him over until we crash into Akito, the three of us staggering out into the open. They're both taller than me, so when I hold up the umbrella, my arm hurts. It's cramped, it's wet, and it's awkward.

It's so much fun.

━━━━━━━⊱✿⊰━━━━━━━

"Okay, next. Favourite food. Mine is vegetable yakitori." I give Akito a nudge. "Shortcake," he murmurs from beside me as we walk on the wet pavement, our steps completely in sync. I smile. "Didn't expect you to have a sweet tooth." I turn to Ren. "And yours?"

"Why do you care?" he grumbles for the millionth time.

"I just want to know more about you!"

"Fine," he groans. I can feel Akito keenly watching him over my shoulder. "Rice cakes," he finally says. I snort. "Rice cakes? Even I can make those. You're surprisingly low maintenance, huh?"

He scoffs. "Not just any rice cakes! Only the ones Kurumi-senpai makes. They're the best in the world."

An uncomfortable silence settles over us, and I look to my right in time to see Akito level his gaze with the floor again, lips in a thin line. Stupid jerkass. I slip my free hand into his and study my surroundings until my eyes latch onto a small ice cream parlour on the other side of the street.

"Let's go there," I suddenly say. Some ice cream ought to cheer him up.

The boys stop walking and follow my line of sight. "Why?" Ren asks, confused.

I shrug. "I just feel like getting some ice cream."

Akito looks unsure. "I don't know...it's cold out, and we might miss our train—"

"We've still got time," I say persistently. "Plus, treating yourself once in a while will really boost your morale! What do you say? It'll be my treat."

"Okay. But we have to be quick." I blink, surprised. That didn't take a lot of convincing.

"What the fuck?" I grab Ren by the arm before he can make any further protests and usher him along as we cross the street. I've decided that because he hurt Akito, he doesn't get a say in this.

We're greeted by a pool of golden light and the pleasant clinking of chimes when we enter the store. Walking past an array of empty wooden tables and art pieces lining the walls, we stop before a long case displaying a multitude of colorful flavours. Akito splays his hands over the glass, his eyes gleaming adorably as he studies his options.

"Can I really pick anything I want?" he asks, silently eager.

I laugh. "Anything."

"Strawberry," he mumbles.

"You got it." I turn to Ren, who's standing by himself a few feet away, uncharacteristically quiet, eyes fixated on Akito. "And what are you having, mister?"

"I'll have what he's having," he mutters.

"Okay! Then I'll go for strawberry too."

We take our cones and move to a warm corner of the shop. Akito takes a slow bite, his eyes sparkling comically. "It's good," he whispers. "Thank you." Ren, on the other hand, sticks his tongue out after one lick. "Fuck, it's too sweet." He gazes at Akito, who's too preoccupied with his ice cream to notice. "You can have mine," Ren mutters, not meeting his eyes.

Akito looks up, startled. "N-No thanks."

He frowns, then brings his cone dangerously close to the lid of the bin. "If you don't want it, I'm gonna have to—"

Akito urgently grabs his wrist. "If you're going to throw it away, then," he says, clearing his throat. "I'll take it."

I take my phone out of my pocket. The fact that I don't have a single picture of these boys with me suddenly feels unacceptably ridiculous. I hold it up and manage to snap a few shots before Akito and Ren catch me in the act.

"The hell do you think you're doing?"

"I just thought...I can delete the pictures if you want me to..." I say, heart sinking.

"It's fine," he mutters reluctantly when he sees the look on my face.

I smile in relief and fondly eye the last photo I took of them. They're both looking at the camera in this one, Ren with that good old murderous glare and Akito with a strawberry cone clutched in each hand, his eyes wide with surprise.

There's some ice cream smeared on his cheek, but by the time I lower my phone to tell him about it, Ren is already reaching for him, unconsciously swiping his thumb across Akito's skin. When both of their brains catch up to what he just did, their cheeks simultaneously flare up. Ren whirls away, violently scrubbing his hand against his pants.

Akito meets my eyes, his face puffy and uncertain. I smile broadly and snap another picture. I could watch these two all day.

"Hey. You're not in it."

"Hm?" I ask, confused.

"The picture," Ren says. "You're not in it." His fingers play around with his piercing. "Take another one."

My smile slips.

A picture.

With Akito and Ren.

I never dreamed that I'd get to walk out of this place with a picture of the three of us. Together. I'll treasure it forever. "It's fine if you don't want to—" I feel tears coming on. "No." My chest feels so full. "I'd love to." I'm so, so happy.

I position myself between them and raise the camera, my lips stretching in the widest smile I can muster. Just then, the chimes by the door jingle, signalling the entrance of a customer. I instinctively look to see who came in and gasp happily. Irina?

She's talking to someone. I crane my neck to see and spot the girl who walks in behind her—frayed curls and freckled skin, confident round eyes and a sure smile. Sayuri. My hand drops back to my side as a sense of doom heavily descends over me, and I slump forward as I feel myself deflate. The sight of the taut string between them, radiant and alive, is enough to slice my heart in two.

Irina's eyes widen a fraction when she notices me, but it's Sayuri who enthusiastically approaches me first.

"Rubi! I'm so glad we ran into you! We didn't get a chance to catch up last time," she says cheerily, taking my slack hand in hers and shaking it frantically. "I've heard so much about you! Irina—"

Her voice morphs and turns fuzzy in my ears, and once the static clears up, the sweetly deep sounds leaving her mouth are replaced by the high-pitched prattling of a seven-year-old girl. My one childhood friend. It's so hard—to see her face and not remember it. All of it.

Do you know why nobody wants to play with you? The little girl's voice drones in my ears. You're boring, Rubi. They only play with you because you're with me. My stomach churns as I try to breathe. Don't worry; nobody missed you today either. Suddenly, it feels like all the air in the room is out of reach.

Can't you take a hint?

Your face makes me sick.

Go away.

I feel a single tear trickle down my cheek without a sound. It's okay, I desperately tell myself. It's not your fault. You're not boring. The threads. It's because of my lack of threads that nobody was able to form a connection with me. It's because I was isolated by fate that I couldn't make any friends. It's a fact of nature—I can never be important to anyone, and that's why Sayu was never interested in me. That's why, no matter how hard I tried, I could never please her.

It's not my fault.

A second tear dribbles down my face, and a third, and a fourth, until they start to flow in an unstoppable stream.

Slender arms fly forward in an instant, enveloping me, and I fall forward, curving into their embrace. A sturdy hand comes to rest on my shoulder. A voice, soft and concerned, asks over and over, "Rubi, what's wrong?"

I can't have you. Any of you. What should I do?

END OF CHAPTER