When I walk into the classroom early on Monday, Ren is already in his seat, which is a little unusual. He's leaning back in his chair on the far side of the classroom, his posture relaxed. Weak sunlight illuminates a side of his face, softening his features as he gazes out the window. He has a soft, gleaming look in his eyes that makes my breath catch in my throat. He looks peaceful and happy, and...I don't recognise this Ren.

I move away from the door with a jolt when I realise that I've been obstructing the flow of students filing into the room. The sight of Ren often tricks my mind into a fleeting moment of suspension, where my world starkly zeroes in on him in this way. It feels like everything slows for the one timeless second that I look over to see what he's doing, my senses going soft. It's becoming a growing inconvenience to me. Time waits for no one, and each second I spend pointlessly watching him is a second wasted.

I push forward and pause in the space between our desks. Ren trains his gaze on me, expressionless. The crease between his brows doesn't make an appearance. My stomach squirms.

"Good morning," I say, and immediately chide myself for the hasty decision. Rubi instructed me to greet him every time we saw each other, but Ren has never responded to it well. I spit it out without thinking, thrown off balance by the inexplicable shift in his demeanour, blinded by a restless drive to do something. This is not going to be good. I should have given it more thought—

"Morning," he mumbles.

I almost sag from relief. Then, once my brain catches up to my ears, I go very, very still.

"What?" When I fail to form an appropriate response, a hint of a frown invades his face. "Sit your ass down; do you need a fucking invitation?" he barks. The change in tone makes me feel oddly at ease. "I'm sorry, I...didn't mean to stand in your way," I say carefully and get into my seat, splaying my notes out onto the table. Ren grumbles something indecipherable under his breath.

I'm taking up Rubi's suggestion and allowing myself a trial period of sorts. For a short time, I will acknowledge Ren's presence. I will answer when he speaks to me. I will consider anything he asks me for. I will be patient when he disrupts my plans.

I think about Ren on the track field, the smile on his face as he ran, and the calm that descended over me, if only for a moment, when the echo of his worries inside me evaporated. The pounding of my heart, the cold air nicking at my face, all the feelings that were steadily stirring in my chest in response to every concrete thought that formed in my mind—without Ren's incessant presence there to distract me—my body and all its sensations finally truly belonging to me alone.

A blanket of blissful silence—the feeling of watching dark clouds clear away to an expansive blue sky after a seemingly endless storm. This is the feeling that I want to chase.

I need him to be happy.

I've long since been caught in this turbulent current that is Ren Ichijou, and it's all I can do to desperately hold on to my rationality and keep myself from being swept away.

I can't know what waits for me at the end of all this—if the current will carry me to shore or if it will drag me further into the depths of a raging whirlpool. I can't know unless I give in to the danger of it, and if it ends up being the latter, I can only hope that I find a way to climb out and dry myself one day.

When class begins, I push aside any stray thoughts and attempt to clear my mind, letting my concentration narrow to the text book laid out before my eyes and the teacher's voice in my ears.

As the lesson goes on, something nags at me—an unsettling hollowness, like a large piece of the puzzle that forms my morning is missing. My senses tune in to the sound of the chalk scraping against the black board up ahead, the rustling of paper as pages are turned, and the shuffling of shoes below desks. The mundane sounds of the classroom are unusually clear, and I blink, looking down at my notebook, to realise that I've fallen behind on taking notes.

It's quiet; I think distractedly. It's been quiet for a while now. Focus. Instead, I steal a glance at Ren. He's writing in his book, his eyes leisurely trailing down the page, the line of his mouth relaxed, and...

Something isn't right.

He coughs suddenly, a short, dry sound tearing from his throat as his chest heaves, and I watch with a sinking feeling of dread as he tries to muffle it down with the back of his hand. My heart stops. Is he sick? Is that why I can't sense him? I contain the urge to reach across the space between us to touch his face, make sure he's okay, that he doesn't have a fever, and that he's really here, because I can't feel him at all, and it's making me so nervous.

He coughs again, and my brain rapidly loses hold over the concept that is being taught in class. The minutes fly by in a blur, and nothing really registers until Ren rips out a scrap of paper from his book and furiously starts to scribble something onto it. When he's done, he slams it down on my desk. I swallow and glance at the teacher to ensure that he isn't looking this way.

What the fuck are you looking at?

His writing is terrible.

He doesn't like that I've been watching him.

My heart crumples, and I warily pick up a pencil and begin to scrawl an answer into a corner of the note in small letters. You shouldn't be passing notes in class, my brain warns. But I can't ignore Ren anymore. I can't afford to upset him.

He's watching me, eyes burning.

Sorry.

He looks at the word for one second before violently crumpling the paper in his hands. He whips his head towards the window, and his presence in the room goes back to being noisy once again.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

The moment that fourth period comes to an end, Ren leaves the room to buy lunch. I stay put and take advantage of the silence from his absence to fill in the gaps in my notes. I've worked to make my schedule flexible, and I've stayed on the committee, all because studying Ren and understanding the precise nature of my connection to him is necessary, even if it takes time.

But being distracted in class is unacceptable.

I cannot let what happened today happen again. Focus.

But all my concerns instantly flip over the moment Ren returns, ten minutes later. He walks over and kicks his chair out before collapsing into it, and all I can do is stare at the packet of processed chips in his hand. He must have bought it for a hundred yen from the vending machine down the corridor. "That's...your lunch?" I ask without thinking. Again.

"What's it to you?" He snaps, tearing the pack open.

My first instinct is to look for Rubi, because she never hesitates to tell Ren when he's being ridiculous. But she's standing three rows over, speaking to her friend with the braided hair, and I don't know how to get her to look this way. I press down on my lip.

"But...you've been coughing," I try to reason. "I don't think you should be—"

"I don't want to hear that from someone who spends their lunch break with books, you fucking goat."

I don't neglect my health. I've adopted a diet that I follow to the last bite every day. I eat a heavy breakfast at home, and a flask with some soy milk or vegetable soup is waiting for me in my bag as we speak. I usually only need a few minutes to finish it, which leaves me a better part of the break to study. I walk to and from school twice a day, despite knowing that the commute by train is faster, because the exercise is good for me. But I can't see myself explaining any of this to him.

"I'm sorry," I say, and instantly know that I've made a mistake when I feel a reflection of anger bubbling in the pits of my stomach.

"I don't care if you're fucking sorry," he cries, then rapidly turns his face away as another cough rumbles out of him.

Why is he like this? So stubborn. So unreasonable. So childlike. "Please don't raise your voice. You'll disturb the others," I say, struggling to keep my voice even. The anger boils hotter for an instant before dropping exponentially. His eyes flick to the remainder of the students in the classroom, nervous, his sprawled legs and arms drawing minutely closer. A knot forms in my throat, hot and tight.

Forcing myself to look away, I gather my books together and stand up to leave.

"Where are you going?" he asks, whipping his head back towards me.

"The library," I answer dutifully, talking around the lump in my throat.

The set of his face tightens. "Fine."

The flash in his dark eyes says that he's not finished. "Is there a problem?" I feel inclined to ask as Ren's emotions pull at my stomach.

He crosses his arms, jutting his chin towards the window in forced indifference. "You want some peace and quiet, right? Not gonna find that here, so be on your fucking way." My insides quickly turn stormy. Eyebrows pinching together, I watch him. What is he upset about now?

A ridiculous thought plants itself in my mind. Is it because he doesn't want me to go? Should I stay? Should I eat lunch with him? Maybe. Maybe if I do, I'll get to see him smile again. I'll get to hear his voice some more. Make sure his cough doesn't get worse. I stare at him, at the vein twitching in his jaw, a rush of air in my lungs, and think...No, that can't be right.

He hates me.

I feel a stab of pain in my chest at the word hate, as if a single needle were taking its time piercing my skin. This isn't what you want, I tell myself again. You're being made to think you want it.

Nee-san, scholarship, job—I recite over and over. Not Ren.

When I don't move, Ren gives me a sidelong glance. "You're not going?" he asks softly, and it's hard to place the emotion in his voice.

"I'm..." I waver. No, I can't. I shouldn't. "I'll see you after the break," I say and turn, fixing my eyes on the door. Walk. He doesn't like me. I'll only make things worse for both of us by staying. Think logically. There is no need for me to spend more time with him than is necessary. Besides, this is my one chance to escape into the quiet atmosphere of the library and get some work done.

I pause outside the door to catch one last glimpse of Ren, despite the protests of the rational side of my brain. Rubi has approached him, and I feel the tight grasp on my lungs loosen all at once as I watch her snatch the pack of chips right out of his hands.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

Just as our teacher exits the classroom, having wrapped up the last period, it happens again. The feelings swirling around in my chest settle down; my surroundings becoming starkly clear, as if a fog has just lifted, and I'm consumed by an almost blissful silence. Confused, I straighten as Ren abruptly shoots to his feet beside me and as good as runs out of the room.

I rush to pack my things, my fingers fumbling with the zipper of my bag, my brain keeping pace with my rapidly accelerating heart. Why is this happening? A fear clutches at my heart. Is he alright? Is he sick after all? Where is he going in such a hurry?

"Akito!" Rubi catches up to me at the door, hauling her bag over her shoulders. "Ren left already? That's weird." It is. He hates going home. Normally puts it off for as long as he can. It's probably why he's stayed in the committee with us this long—an excuse to stay out of that house for a couple hours longer. It's hard to imagine what it's like for him there, why he's...not now. That's not important right now.

"Hey, is everything alright?" Rubi asks, concerned.

I slowly bring a hand to my chest and clutch it. "It's quiet," I mumble. Her eyes widen. She understands. Together, we hurry down the stairs, leaving each floor behind in a blur. When we burst out of the school building, we find Ren leaning against a wall beside the main entrance, bowing his head as he speaks to... 

Nee-san?

Students flood through the gates at his side, talking over the overlapping voices of the crowd, but Ren remains completely unaware of his surroundings, his attention undivided as his gaze remains locked on my sister. They're standing close together, her chin tilted upwards as she excitedly runs her mouth, and Ren is quiet as he listens to her, nodding intently—all his rough edges smoothed over by her smile. The look in his eyes is so tender and honest that it makes my heart throb with pain. I don't recognise this Ren either.

When the crowd clears, my sister finally notices us, her face brightening. She jogs over and pulls Rubi into a long hug before releasing her to ruffle my hair.

"What are you..." I begin to ask, conflicted.

"I'm here to pick you up!" She laughs. She never minds being the only one laughing. "I texted Ren  about it this morning, but I wanted to surprise you!"

Ah. That explains it. That's why he was in such a good mood this morning. That's why he's so happy now. I grip my chest. That's why it's so quiet.

Nee-san turns her head around to say something to Ren again, smiling, and Rubi comes up to my side, her hand tightly circling my arm. "Akito, this isn't..." she helplessly trails off, and we just stand there, watching the two of them joke around as they playfully nudge and poke at each other, and it might be the first time I've ever seen Ren smile this way. Wow. It really, really hurts.

Rubi's words ring in my mind. You can make him happy. But it's never been me.

"They have it too, don't they?" I ask quietly. "The thread."

She doesn't answer. Of course. The stab of pain returns, stronger.

I know what I have to do.

END OF CHAPTER

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

A/N:

Chapter 12 successfully concludes the first story act of Ruby Red Threads, so

I wanted to drop in for a bit to wholeheartedly thank everyone who has made it this far into the story and has paused even for a moment to vote on my chapters and tell me what they think. It means everything.

I know the chapters are quite long and might be tedious to read, so I'm going to try my best to shorten them and pick up the pace a little bit — is what I want to say but that's starting to look impossible after all (ಥ﹏ಥ)

I do promise lots of Rento fluff in future chapters though :)