Lakshya stopped playing and threw the strummer somewhere across the room. His anger did not reduce much.

He tried to calm down, taking deep breaths, and as his eyes moved across, he found her.

Standing at the right side of the door frame was Shreya. She tensed up when his eyes caught her. She was in nothing but her innerwear and a translucent lingerie covering them. Had more lights in his room been on, her breasts would be visible too. It was a lavender coloured almost transparent, save for the embroidering near the neck, hands and hem, cloth. It had long sleeves, and reached beyond her ankles. It hugged her body from her chest to her hips.

"Lakshya..." Shreya wanted to explain herself in that instant. Perhaps because of the sound the strummer made on impact with the wall, perhaps because his eyes were so unforgiving, or perhaps because he had stood up and was walking towards her like he wanted to kill her.

He caught her wrist. "You are a master at seducing guys, aren't you?"

Maybe it was their proximity, maybe it was the woman's helpless face, he dragged her into his room and pushed her down on his bed. It was also all the frustration that piled up in the last couple of weeks.

"I'll make sure you won't think about sex ever again in your life," he whispered. His anger needed a vent and he... chose her.

However, he still gave her a chance to flee as they both stopped in a stalemate.

But unexpectedly, he heard her say...

"I... I love you."

With an agitation that came from who knows where, he said, "Heh. Just shut up and remove those. We'll finish this quickly."

Her eyes were blood red. She smoothly took off the delicate cloth covering her body. Tears flowed non stop. But she wouldn't stop reaching behind her back and clicking open her bra.

Lakshya had made out with Moksha a few times. Of course he wasn't going to be that gentle with this woman.

He didn't notice when Shreya's arms reached the back of his neck. He was pulled down abruptly.

Next second, they were kissing.

It was her first kiss. It was her first kiss with the man she loved, with her husband, her lifelong partner. She closed her eyes savouring every moment of it.

On the other hand, Lakshya stared at her face throughout her clumsy kisses.

Then as if intoxicated by her soft lips, he kissed her back. Eventually, he closed his eyes too, falling into the passion. His passion was a mix of anger, frustration and hate.

He stopped kissing and pulled her legs up, without a hint of gentleness.

He did not know what he expected but no resistance from her did not feel right. She pretty much gave in to everything he did and it fueled his frustration even more.

After a point, it was as if he was drunk. He did not care anymore. He pushed into her before she was ready.

∼•∽

Shreya did not know first-time sex could be that painful. Tears had dried on her face. Her whole body hurt. She wished he could give a little peck. A sweet kiss would be enough for all this pain.

She stretched her hands towards him, for a kiss.

Lakshya was out of it though. He thought about Moksha as he lay facing up. What was he going to say to her? Guess nothing as long as the time she needed didn't end. But on a more serious note, as long as it was just a kiss, it would have been fine. She would be understanding. But now?

He noticed Shreya's movements. Pushing away the soft body creeping up on him at this time, especially when the supple shoulders moved to steal another kiss, felt too much. It was too much to resist. "I hate you," he whispered more to himself.

His thoughts were a mush. It seemed he was not that great of a man in the end.

Shreya's lashes were thick and long. Her hair was soft, ending at her neck, making her neck look extra delicate.

No. This was definitely not something he could resist. This was a woman he had already made his, and her sweet scent, having a strange sourness mixed in, cemented this fact.

He hugged her, held the base of her head, feeling the soft ends of her hair as well as the warmth from her neck, and kissed her all over. This time, he kissed for no other reason than wanting to kiss. Then he breathed down every inch of her skin and sucked in one long breath at the crook of her neck for her sweet fruity scent.

Shreya instinctively made herself small, pulling her body together. She blushed red as she tried to hide her face. The desperation on her face remained unchanged since the moment he said he hated her. Of course, she heard. For the first time after their marriage, she did not like him. He hated her. But she liked him a bit more at the same time. He did not deny her kisses.

That he hated her was still a very fresh realisation. Tears were unceasing even as she pushed his words to the back of her head and felt lucky that he had been willing to do the deed at least. As she looked at him and into his eyes, she saw herself, and only herself in those dark reflections. More tears spilled and she kissed him.

She felt so lucky at that moment. He represented everything she kept herself away from. Everything she had to keep herself away from. Her gaze drifted to his arm. The tattoo. She softly touched it. So soft, Lakshya could not tell if it was real.

For a moment, he doubted if she was the same person who was bold and brazen at the door.

She wasn't the same. He made a mental note. So this was how shy and sensitive she actually was.

He pulled away and looked into her eyes. They were misty and darker. Slowly, he lost himself in her. He did not know what he wanted to do anymore. She stole glances at him from underneath her lashes with watery eyes. He was slipping.

Their reactions fuelled each other and they made love another time. There was no stopping. He hugged her soft body and did everything he wanted to. No compromise, no consideration. Except there was a difference. The red stain on his bed constantly reminded him to be gentle, which he heeded to.

∼•∽

When the slumber wore off, Lakshya looked at the woman whose chest was heaving. He was freshly awake and understood nothing.

It was a few minutes later that reality struck him like a thunderbolt. Everything from the previous night flashed in his head.

Confusion. Then utter disbelief. Did he just cheat on Moksha? Because of his lust? Just because this woman threw herself at him? Was he so easy to seduce? He felt like the scum of the world processing it. No.

No, no, no.

She was turned away from him now, perhaps to sleep more comfortably, but with a slight lift of his head, he saw her eyelashes moving.

Delicate. Beautiful.

Then he unintentionally caressed her arm, as if there was a need, and uttered, with much intention, "I love you... Moksha."

That comforted him. He must have confused her with Moksha. That was the only way this could happen.

Shreya stilled.

Right, he loved her, his sleepy murmur confirmed.

She slowly turned to look at him.

Lakshya quickly closed his eyes and pretended to be fast asleep.

It felt like an eternity. Finally, maybe after a whole hour passed, he heard her. "I love you, Lakshya... Sorry... Sorry... I am not her, sorry..."

Lakshya's breath hitched. He could feel her eyes on him. With every last bit of effort, he successfully kept up the pretence of being asleep.

Shreya was sorry, but this was what she wanted. To break them up and to have Lakshya with her.

He took her virginity that night. So now in the morning, she was going to do something about it, maybe go to Moksha and tell her about it. Now she had her bearings.

Sorry was all she could say to him.

∼•∽

Few hours later, after another round of sleep, they found themselves snuggling together.

Both woke up within seconds of each other. Nothing was said. They were both thinking about everything seriously.

They lay in silence.

Lakshya was thinking deeply. Now his head was more clear. He felt calm. He felt he should put his ridiculous act away. Maybe this was it for him, he thought.

He had to own up. It was his first sex, but more importantly, it was her first. She gave him what was precious to every woman. He did not intend for this to happen. She may have. But had he truly been serious about abstaining, this would not have happened. Maybe somewhere his intentions changed.

He wanted to say sorry, that he didn't mean it. But given the situation and who took the initiative, apologising was absurd!

Deep down, however, he knew that would be nowhere enough compensation. Strangely enough, he no longer blamed her for coming to him.

Shreya broke the peace. "Since we did it, break up with Moksha."

"What?" Lakshya was not just confused; he felt her words were astounding. This was not how it was supposed to be. He would apologise and tell her that he would break up with his girlfriend. That, this had to happen somewhere along the line. They were husband and wife, after all. That he would own up.

He knew he wasn't thinking things through when he uttered Moksha's name. It was just a temporary solution.

But when heard her, his view of the situation changed drastically.

She planned this. She planned this all too well. Perhaps her 'I love you' was not even honest. That thought hit him hard. He had not known himself that he had taken those words so seriously. That she was using everything that had happened as just a bargaining chip to force him, also hit him the same. He was a better person than that.

"You were the one who came to me, seduced me! You know it better than me!"

Her voice was meeker as she said, "Sorry. But still... After what happened-"

"Shameless, aren't you?"

Shreya went completely silent this time.

"I won't break up with her! Heck, I actually thought it was her most of the time!" It was a much needed lie. She was to blame for it all indeed. He hated being forced.

And since she thought she had to gain something out of this, he would let her. "What do you want, tell me, how shall we settle this. I'll agree as long as it does not involve Moksha."

Shreya was trying her best to keep her tears at bay.

Lakshya was well aware, since the light of the day reflected in those unfallen drops. He ignored them.

When she did not answer, he shouted, "What do you want?"

"It's... okay." She limped off to the bathroom, to a place where she could cry silently.

Lakshya was left alone to ponder over the red spot. He could not get the scenes of last night off of his mind.

What the heck did 'it's okay' mean?

"Fuck!"

∼•∽

Lakshya was in bed thinking over and over again everything that had transpired. In the end, what she and he wanted was the same thing, wasn't it. Respect the marriage and wait for something beautiful to happen.

He smacked himself on the head. Yes, he was angry, but why couldn't he think before he spoke! Who thought who was Moksha again? He smacked himself another time.

So what if she planned it? At least it was an efficient way to overcome any embarrassment. He probably benefited more than her from this. Moksha did not seem to come back anyway, and he should stop lying to himself that there was a chance with her. A week had passed since she slapped away his kiss. He smacked the other side of head this time, with double the force. Why think about it now?

Then again, why was he berating himself for Shreya's sake all of a sudden? One last smack landed on his head.

But it seemed he should. That was definitely the last smack.

∼•∽

When Shreya came out of the bathroom, she was in one of his used shirts. Her clothes were right beside his, but she did not want to ask him to pass them on.

Lakshya was still in bed thinking what to say when she took her clothes from the cupboard and carried them out of the room.

He paused.

So you are too hurt to smile at me. She had smiled every time their eyes met, sometimes even if he was just facing her and not exactly looking at her. Now he looked at her, but she did not bother to.

Out of awkwardness and a lack of response to her previous words, Lakshya didn't want to speak with her.

∼•∽

The next day, in the evening Shreya realised she had to get some vegetables. But the time was just about right for Lakshya to come back.

She waited.

Then she heard him outside the door. She opened it for him, but did not dare to really look at him.

"I will go and buy some vegetables," she said as he put his bag down.

Her hair covered her eyes and Lakshya noticed her avoidance. Why even tell me then, he thought. Everything just pissed him off.

"And? You want me to come with you?"

The condescendence in his voice saddened her. She slowly shook her head. She did not know if he had seen.

When she stepped out, he stepped out too.

Shreya was moved. They walked together. Shreya slowly reached out for his hand with a thumping heart. She knew it was risky but maybe, just maybe, she thought.

Lakshya felt her hand touch his. He stopped walking.

Shreya quickly retracted her hand.

"What? Wasn't yesterday enough?" he hissed, "Don't you dare hold my hand again."

Shreya clenched her jaw and held back her tears.

Weeks went by.

She packed his lunch, set the table for herself and never again showed up in front of his door.

But Lakshya saw her. He saw her every morning in the kitchen. He saw her on the sofa some evenings and in the kitchen on some.

Perhaps due to time, perhaps due to just those silent non interactions, his anger dissipated quite a bit. And, every time he saw her, he stared at her longer, and longer.

He tried not to remember that night, but he failed. Random images sometimes invaded his mind at work even.

He was not sure but it seemed she was stealing away her clothes from his wardrobe one at a time. Her pile dwindled slowly. He had never seen her put back her washed clothes. One day, there were just his items.

She still opened the door before he unlocked it though. He had become quite slow at unlocking the door, but that's besides the point.

She still did not smile at him. She rarely glanced at him and she never held his gaze.

"Shreya," he called her name one evening, not knowing what came over him. Was it the first time he was calling her name?

She looked up with a blank stare.

They spoke after such a long time and he finally saw her full face. It was beautiful. Even more beautiful than what was in his memory from that night.

He collected himself and spoke with a blank face mirroring hers, "It's Utpal's birthday. You have met him."

Then he saw a faint smile. Lakshya's lips parted soundlessly. Her stare was not so blank anymore.

"When? I will make sure to attend... with you." She reduced her volume when she said the last two words.

"Lunch on Wednesday. It's near your lab, The Honey Hill. You can come directly. I have a meeting I can't miss on that day, so I'll probably rush there directly as well."

Shreya blinked at him.

"What?"

She quickly shook her head. He had never spoken so much after marriage. She definitely missed his voice. "Okay."

He nodded and turned back soon.

∼•∽

The next morning, Lakshya gazed at her as usual as he had his breakfast.

He looked at the pickle. Usually, some pickle remained when he completed his upma. But this time he ate pickle with upma, instead of upma with pickle and went into the kitchen.

"Shreya, I need some pickle."

He put his plate on the counter and held his phone. The screen displayed Microsoft Teams. He was busy catching up with work related issues, it seemed.

"Oh!" Shreya quickly moved away from his boxes and fetched the pickle bottle for him.

Seeing his hand occupied, Shreya glanced at his face once. His eyes were focused on his phone. She carefully moved closer and put a spoon of pickle on his plate.

"Thanks," he said nonchalantly.

As if preoccupied, he shuffled to the table in the kitchen and started eating the rest of his food.

Shreya had almost finished packing his boxes. Her eyes darted to him thrice already. Then she looked at the clock. She had to eat and start moving.

Lakshya's whole mind was on her. When he reached the latest message and could no longer scroll down, he swiftly scrolled up. He leisurely ate as he smoothly scrolled down.

He did not sit in her chair. So what was her problem?

After another minute, Shreya finally picked up her plate and served herself some upma. She slowly approached the table and dragged out her chair.

Then she stopped suddenly. The screech startled her and she was worried Lakshya felt disturbed. She did not want him to move away.

At her sudden pause, Lakshya looked up. She looked startled. Like she was scared almost.

"Everything okay?" Lakshya softly asked her. Everything was normal, wasn't it? It was.

Shreya came out of her trance. "Yes."

She sat down since he did not object.

That morning, not realising Shreya was on tenterhooks, Lakshya accompanied her throughout breakfast.

∼•∽

At the lab, Shreya was unfocused throughout the day. She just did not understand.

At his office, Lakshya was in high spirits. He smiled when his mind went to Shreya.

"Yo? What's so funny?" The senior engineer of the team questioned as he frowned at Lakshya with a marker in his hand.

Lakshya stopped smiling at once. He checked the white board. He did not miss anything. The senior was just so boring that his mind had to wander off.

Shreya had 10 more minutes.

She bent and looked at the cat which was licking away at its leaf bowl.

"He was nice when we first met. Then..." She sighed.

"Can anyone just forget how their life got spoiled?"

She stood up straight.

The breeze rustled the foliage and some yellow leaves dropped.

"Am I not even worth that thought?"

Sunlight sparkled.

"You don't even think of me as a person, perhaps?" How could he behave as if nothing happened? How can he not be mad anymore? How can he not be guilty for his girlfriend? How can he not be angry with her for making him guilty? How can he not hate her?

Shreya rubbed her forehead.

That night, Shreya lingered around the hall when she saw it was time for his call with Moksha.

She waited and waited.

"Not sleeping yet?"

Lakshya had never seen her out and about that late into the night. He was immersed in work and he had not realised the time.

"It's close to twelve."

Shreya looked confused and tried not to meet his eyes.

"I'm going to sleep now."

Lakshya nodded and said, "Good night."

Shreya stopped and looked around.

There was no smile on her face. Before Lakshya could say anything, she turned around and left.

Shreya almost ran to her room. She locked the door and buried her face in the pillow. She could not help but cry out.

She had lost all hope when he said he would not break up with his girlfriend. From that moment to this, he was steadfast with his decision. He had not so much as considered that she was also a person with dignity, much less his wife.

Then suddenly to speak to her with care and concern... It made her happy. Maybe too happy. She cried until she suffocated. Even then, for the fear of making any sound, she held her breath as she calmed down.

She fell asleep soon after.

In the morning, her eyes were red and puffy. She could not wash off the swell like she had the tear stains. She did not know what to say if Lakshya asked. She felt he might ask.

Lakshya was once again scrolling through old messages as he casually walked into the kitchen. He served himself with his right hand while his eyes only looked at his phone in his left hand. Then he settled on the table.

When he was sure Shreya would not question him for sitting there, he put his phone down.

She was packing his lunch as usual, but she was turned away from him. The angle was odd and unusual.

Her clips were also missing. Whenever she did chores, she had two clips on either side to keep her hair from covering her face. They were always there. Even if she put her hair in a little bunch, her hair escaped and necessitated the clips. This time, her hair wasn't even secured.

He titled his head, yet he could not really see her face.

"Hey," he called out before he thought.

"Hm." She did not turn though.

"Chutney is nice."

She hummed again.

Lakshya did not say anything else. It was clear she did not want to talk to him like she did before their marriage or during those days that followed.

When Shreya eventually finished making their lunches, she sat down to eat.

That was when he finally saw her face. She looked drained and her eyes...

"What happened?"

Her eyes remained downcast.

"Nothing."

"Then why did you cry until your eyes swelled up like that?"

Shreya looked to the side, refusing to say anything. She did not know what to say.

"Well?" Lakshya pressed on. His tone was firm, leaving no room for compromise. "What happened?"

"Nothing." Shreya said softly with a small frown of distress.

Lakshya's eyes turned sharp. "Fine. Don't say."

He quickly finished the rest of his food, grabbed his lunch and left. What urgency he had at the office, he did not know. He just didn't want to stay around her at that moment.

∼•∽

A/N:
Life has been great with minor hiccups. Pretty busy. Could give enough mental capacity to write... for one, the story is just so depressing (yeaah, that was the aim) and academics took up all my mind. Finals in 10 days. Coming back to India in 20!

I will get back to writing then! Believe me, once summer vacation starts, I'll see the end of this book and when that happens, bulk updates will be on!

Take care, bye!

Oh, as always, thanks for reading!