On our way back Zeke is by my side the whole time and even if we don’t say much, it’s comfortable. He holds my hand and I lean on him as we watch the landscape pass by. I have a smile on my lips that I can’t get rid of and I still feel the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I mean, the feeling of having butterflies although I’ve never had so I really don’t have any idea if I’m providing an accurate description or not.

“What are you thinking about?” Zeke asks me, drawing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

“Butterflies,” I reply meeting his eyes and I see him tilting his head in confusion. It’s not butterfly season, after all. I chuckle and lean in to peck his lips.

Who would’ve ever thought I would be doing this? But it’s not that weird after all for I’m a scientist and scientists are always proving theory, carrying out experiments to provide concrete data. We need to prove all our theories or they will just be words. Knowledge without experience is so substantial and I love being in the lab.

A relationship is just another kind of experiment and in order to prove all the things I’ve learn about it, I need to experience it myself. I haven’t said my feelings out loud, neither has Zeke but I don’t think it’s necessary. We’re both very aware of what we feel for the other and no matter how much I rationalise these, it’s still awkward for me to say out loud how I’m feeling. And I think Zeke also feels embarrassed talking about his feelings so it’s better like this for the both of us.

Last night, when we went to Beth’s friend’s flat, we stayed on the sofa, cuddling and just talking about nothing and everything. And as I lied in his arms, staying up all night without doing anything but talking and occasionally snogging, I knew we weren’t just friends anymore. We left that label behind and moved forward, together. No, Zeke didn’t officially asked me to be his girlfriend and I haven’t asked him about it because I don’t think it matters. What we have exists regardless of the label. Naming things is just to facilitate the understanding of the phenomenon for everyone, because humans need to name things in order to apprehend them. But the phenomenon is still the same, no matter the label, it still happens even before people realise it’s taking place. I think it’s the same with relationships. Saying Zeke is my boyfriend is mostly for other people, to explain things and make them understand what we feel for each other, but it doesn’t change what I feel for him. Whether I call him boyfriend, friend, partner, study object, or anything else, he still means the same to me, he makes me react the same way and aren’t relationships between two people only?

“How so you’re thinking of butterflies?” he asks me and I smile at him.

“I was thinking of the feeling of having ‘butterflies in the stomach’ and how did someone come up with that? I mean, I do think I feel like that, but I’ve never had butterflies inside so how do I know the description is accurate? Am I being fallacious when I think about it?” I question out loud and he laughs.

“Of course you have to question that and not the fact that I’m making you feel butterflies in your stomach,” notes Zeke and I smile sheepishly.

“Ah, that’s because I accepted that fact long ago. There’s no further question regarding that subject,” I let him know and his smile widens. “That was one of the things that helped me to figure how I feel about you, even if the analogy makes me a bit uneasy.”

“I have the feeling you’ll get home and look this up and then on Monday you’ll tell me the whole story,” comments Zeke and my expression must give me away. “I’ll listen to the whole story. Don’t worry.”

I kiss his lips shortly before changing subjects. “What do you think Sam will say when we get back?” I ask him very curious considering how much our friend has pushed me to do something about Zeke and I. She was more excited than I was for this trip.

Zeke shivers and that makes me chuckle. “By chance can’t you not tell her how it happened?” he requests and I furrow my eyebrows, confused. Does he want to keep this secret? Why would we have to hide it from Sam? “I mean, the part in which you kissed me first. Can you leave that behind?”

“Why?” I question sincerely because I don’t understand why he’s asking this and something feels uncomfortable inside of me.

“Because she’ll never let me hear the end of it,” explains Zeke and I stay silent for three seconds before I understand and when I do, I laugh out loud but Zeke only looks more mortified.

“I’m sorry,” I try to say but I’m still laughing. “I don’t think Sam will let me keep a single detail for myself.”

“True that,” he accepts defeated so I just lean in closer, kissing his cheek. “However, I think it would be worse if nothing had happened and we came back just like we left. I think in that case she would’ve used violence.”

I laugh out loud again, even louder although I’m conscious Zeke is being serious. She would’ve probably forced us to confess to each other, tired of us beating around the bushes. It would’ve been so embarrassing.

“True that,” I echo his words and he lets go of my hand just to pass his arm around my shoulders. “She’ll be happy. She’s the one that helped me to be aware of my feelings.”

“She’s the one that made me accept mine out loud,” shares the boy next to me and we smile at each other. “I think we owe her, then. I would’ve given you more time to get comfortable and even then I don’t know if I would’ve done something. I kind of saw you as someone out of my league.”

I laugh out loud again because that sounds so outrageous. “How could you even believe that?” I enquire trying to hold my laughter.

“How could I not?” he retorts. “You’re this bright and amazing girl, and you’re so… innocent. You’re just starting to see the world and you know I have a bad reputation and no one would approve of us. It would bring you problems with others and I didn’t want to bring any kind of uproar to your life. I didn’t see myself suitable for you.”

“What changed?” I ask next, not so amused with the situation anymore.

“I couldn’t stop feeling the way I do,” he confesses and leans in, putting our foreheads together, sighing deeply.

“By someone who doesn’t care about what others think about him, you care a whole lot about what others think about me,” I comment and he chuckles.

“It’s because I care about you and whatever happens to you.”

“Well, not many care and I’m very capable of explaining my decisions. I don’t do things unless I’m sure of what I’m doing, right? I told you that when we became friends and it’s the same now. So don’t worry about that, okay? This is what I want,” I state wholeheartedly and I close the distance between our lips, kissing him softly.

I might be new at all this but I’m determined to improve and I can only do that with practice, moreover, the good thing is that Zeke is willing to help. Very willing.

•••

When Sam opens the door of her house she doesn’t do this as a normal person. She knows it’s us so she makes sure to put a show for of it, opening the door in one dramatic swing and then posing for us, a mischievous smile on her lips and wiggling her eyebrows. I feel the familiar heat in my cheeks so I hold Zeke’s hand a bit tighter.

“Hello, Sam,” I say and her eyebrows keep wiggling. Should I hide behind Zeke?

“Hi, Sam. We didn’t die,” Zeke contributes to the awkward greeting and Sam’s smile widens.

“My little lovebirds, please, come on in,” she says but her eyes are so intense on us. “And yes, you too, Zeke. You’re not just dropping Allie and then escaping. I want details and I don’t mean only the concert but yes, I am very curious about that so I want to know everything about it, too. Do you want a cup of tea?”

I love my friend. She’s going to tease us now but even if it’s going to be a very awkward moment, I know I’ll laugh a lot.

So we walk in and go upstairs. We greet Mrs White she comes into Sam’s rom with tea for the three of us and some mini sandwiches. She must notice Zeke and I sitting next to one another, closer than usual, and she must understand something changed because her smile is a knowing one.

When she leaves us, Sam leans in, grabs a sandwich, and then asks,” So, first things first. Allie,” her eyes are serious even if she has a sandwich halfway to her mouth. “Aren’t Snow Patrol just amazing? How much did you love them?”

I chuckle because I was totally expecting her to ask who told whom first. “They are amazing, Sam. I love them so much. I felt like crying when they played Run,” I reply and she squeals.

“I know! When they come to Manchester the three of us will go, promise?” Zeke and I nod. “Great. Don’t worry, I won’t ask who did the first move because let’s be honest, the whole world knows it was Allie,” she continues and I burst out laughing but Zeke looks seriously offended.

“Oi! Don’t you have a little bit of faith in me?” he enquires and Sam looks at him with a bored expression.

“Are you telling me you did the first move?” Zeke doesn’t reply, he just looks away. “I thought so. And don’t worry, I’ll keep my word, Zeke,” she adds and I wonder what they are talking about. I look at Zeke but he only seems resigned and very, very embarrassed. “Regardless of that, I just wanna say I’m happy for you two and it was about time. Man, you two are slow.”

I join Zeke in the who-can-look-more-embarrassed game, blushing furiously. Technically, I know it’s not been that long, but I still shy away when she says that.

“You two look happy. Embarrassed yes, but happy nonetheless. Now promise me you won’t make me feel like the third wheel, okay? We’ll keep hanging out the three of us and you’ll have your moments alone, too.”

“Totally,” Zeke replies before I can say anything and I look at him grateful because I don’t want our friendship to change. I enjoy hanging out with Sam and Zeke too much to jeopardise that. All these things are new and important for me, I don’t want to lose any of it. “And if the PDA bothers you, then you can look away. Let’s practise!” he exclaims and before I can say or do something, he grabs my face and kisses me, catching me totally off guard. Sam shrieks before she covers her eyes with her hands, still giggling.

We break the kiss and Zeke is doing his best to hold his own chuckles. I smile at him before focusing on my best friend, still covering her eyes and giggling.

“Well done,” Zeke says and now I laugh out loud. Yes, I’m sure our friendship will remain the same no matter the changes in my relationship with Zeke.

“Another question, though,” Sam ponders uncovering her eyes and staring at us both seriously. “What are you gonna tell your parents? Are you gonna tell them at all?”

I lose my smile for a second, thinking about it. I don’t think they’ll approve of a relationship, especially at this stage that’s so crucial. I’m in Year 13 after all, I’m about to take the A Levels, I’ll be a uni student next year. Relationships demand time, time that I could use to study in their eyes.

“Maybe not yet. I want to enjoy it without arguing with them for a while,” I reply and look at Zeke, wondering if that’s okay with him. He nods, offering me his support.

“Okay, I think that’s wise. Plus, if you tell them now it’ll look suspicious because you came to study, not to see Zeke. However, you better control your face because if you go home smiling like this and giggling without an apparent good reason, they’ll suspect something is wrong or just assume you lost your mind.” I laugh even if what she’s saying is true. “I mean, not even you can look that happy after studying the whole weekend.”

“Okay, I’ll try to control my facial expression for now,” I propose, leaning against Zeke a bit more as he wrap his arm around my waist.

It’ll be hard not to look as happy as I feel, but I’ll try. Once I tell them I’ll be able to show my happiness without any reservation, even if they don’t understand. Or who knows, maybe they will. My parents keep surprising. I’ll have to wait and see.

-:-:-

I was gonna save this for Sunday but then I said: "Nah, I can write another one on Sunday. Let's update!" so that's why I did. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope you all have a wonderful 2015.

Bel, xx