I zone out during my parent's lecture. There's no other way to describe my state and I don't think someone would be surprise about it. I know exactly all the arguments they will give me to stop me from making friends or doing anything but studying. I'm not naive to think I could make them understand my position, there's no way to explain it and I rather not waste time and efforts on a lost cause. Unless they feel that paralysing fear themselves, I doubt they will understand what it feels to see your life and realise you have accomplished nothing and you might die tomorrow.

They want me only to focus on my studies but I want more. I want to prepare for a big future but I also want to make friends and have fun now. Is that a crime? I did nothing wrong by going with Zeke today. On the contrary, I did something good, something that showed me how selfish I've been my whole life. I went to an orphanage, how can that be a bad thing?

"You can't afford to waste your precious time, Allison. You don't need friends like him who'll distract you from your path," I kind of hear Mother say at some point and I sigh.

She didn't even see Zeke but surely with Father's descriptions she already has an opinion on him and it's not good. But how can I defend him without making things worse? I know that the moment I say something to make them understand he's not a bad person, things will only get worse. Plus, I don't think Zeke minds if my parents have a bad opinion on him. If I learnt something today is that he doesn't care about other's opinions, he doesn't do anything to please or displease others. He does things because he wants to. I think it's enough if I know this for now.

"I'm not wasting time, Mother. I'm just expanding my horizons as to get a better understanding of things. A narrow-minded view of life will only affect my future work. I need to see the world I want to improve at least once before I start working for it. Isn't that what scientists do? They study the case first, understand them before they can provide a solution. I'm doing the same in a way."

I know my parents, I know their logic, hence I can work around that. I know exactly what to say and how to say it for them to be at ease. I'm not lying or anything, I'm just presenting the information in the way they can process it. That's all.

They look at each other, still a bit unsure but then sigh and accept my explanation. "As long as you do things in order to prepare your future I guess it's okay," Father gives in and I smile with a nod.

"Now if you excuse me, I'll go study," I state and they nod.

"Don't worry about coming down for dinner, I'll bring it up for you so you don't lose more studying time," Mother offers and I sigh. I wish family time were more important for them than studying, but oh well, we all have priorities, don't we?

Human beings organise their belongings according to relevance in their lives, including how they spend time. Depending the human being's necessities, their priorities will also vary.

So without much ado I can leave and then focus on my studies. It's a good thing that I have my mind trained for a study mode. Once I enter in that zone I can push every other thought aside. I can ignore everything, even my mobile ringing, until I'm done. So it's late when I see Sam's texts.

I hope you're still alive —Sam

I chuckle at her words as I lie down on my bed, tired after all what I've done today. Mother brought my dinner but I haven't touched it. I'm not exactly hungry as to even think about eating.

In fact no. I was offered as a sacrifice to the gods. It was a nice ceremony. Such a pity you missed it —Allie

I didn't know I could joke or that I had that in me until I started talking to Sam. It's not hard and it doesn't feel unnatural. Anyone would've thought that someone like me, who has been so immersed in studying, would've never been able to joke, but here I am.

Damn! I always miss these. Next time send me an invitation, will ya? —Sam

Joke aside, how did everything go? —Sam

I smile at her concern and I realise I really want to tell her how things went. I want her to know that Zeke is far from what he looks like. I know she is scared of him and doesn't have a good opinion on him, and contrary to how I feel with my parents about this, I really want Sam to know the truth and see Zeke for who he really is.

It was better than I could've expected. I'll tell you everything tomorrow. And I'll make sure I send you an invitation next time I'm offered as sacrifice —Allie

And I'm really excited for tomorrow to come. To tell Sam what happened and what I found out about Zeke, and also to see him again. I want to know how he's going to act around me in college now that I know the real him. He doesn't have to keep the rough and unapproachable façade with me. And it's because I'm so excited that I have a hard time falling asleep, yet I don't feel tired the next day.

It's already Friday and I won't have classes with Zeke today, but I'll surely see him at lunch break or between some classes. I don't see him when I arrive at college or when I go to my locker, and I do look for him.

"Looking for the bad boy?" someone asks next to me and I jump, startled.

"Sam! Don't scare me like that," I whine and she only laughs at me.

"Sorry, I couldn't help it when I saw you looking around with those doe eyes. Don't tell me you weren't looking for him. Where is he, by the way? I thought now that you two are besties I was gonna have to fight for your attention, you know? I was thinking a dance off would solve it," Sam rambles making me laugh.

"I'm sure you're gonna wipe the floor with him in a dance off. Poor guy," I say and she blows her nails in a very confident motion.

"Some people are born too talented, and we can't do anything about it. But leaving my amazing self aside, where is he?" Sam asks as I grab the textbook I need and close my locker. She grabs my arm and we walk side by side.

"I don't know," I reply taking one last look around, hoping to find him but to no avail. "It's not like he's hiding or anything."

"Well, until he shows his face, can you tell me what happened? How on Earth did you end up leaving with him yesterday? And willingly, because kidnapping would've made more sense."

I laugh and shake my head at her absurd jokes.

"After class he asked me to go with him. I guess he was curious as well because I just didn't assume the worst of him, you know? He wanted to know how's that instead of just regarding him as a troublemaker I wanted to find out the truth. He let me see that with my own eyes," I explain as we still walk together.

"What did you exactly see?" Sam asks.

"That he's a good guy. He doesn't just picks up fights, Sam, he stands up for those who can't. He helps others without asking even recognition in return. He doesn't mind if he is the only one to blame at the end, he doesn't care about that. He does what he thinks is right."

Sam looks confused, trying to put this new information with what she's seen so far.

"He volunteers at an orphanage and he took me there yesterday. He looks so different when she smiles, like a complete new person."

"Then why does he look so grumpy here? I mean, he looks pretty scary and I feel like bowing and apologising when we make eye contact, which I avoid, you know?" Sam interjects and I nod, understanding what she says.

"I still don't fully understand why he looks so intimidating in school but I think he does it to test people," I propose my hypothesis and Sam looks confused. "He said something about people jumping to conclusions, which is true, so I think he looks like that because he wants to see who's judgemental and who's not."

"And you passed the test," my friend offers and I stop.

"I-I guess," I mumble.

"Totally. I mean, he showed you the real him and you're probably the only one who's passed his test. I totally failed, because I just thought he was a bad guy. And I say this with the upmost shame, okay? I know what I did was wrong—"

"But normal," I cut her off. "Human beings form judgments with the few information they can access to and they tend to look after themselves only, unless they have an offspring. One thing is making a wrong judgement and another very different is wanting to remain blind to certain prejudices."

Sam chuckles even if I wasn't joking. "You're coldly comforting, Allie." Sam shakes her head and I'm not sure what she means with that. "Anyhow, I’m surprised to find out he's not some gangster after all the things I've seen. It's hard to put the image I have of Zeke and what you told me, but I trust your logical judgment more than my own."

I laugh but Sam looks serious so I stop.

"I guess I'll have to apologise, then," she ponders and I'm taken aback. "I mean, I totally misjudged him. I just thought he was like Butch and the others. Another bully. But you said he is not."

"No. The times I've seen him fighting it's always been because he's stood up for someone else. He fights the bully in name of the bullied… something like that."

"Still, fighting is not good. You don't solve violence with violence so he's also at fault, even if his intentions are good," Sam reminds me and I nod because I'm aware of that.

"I know that his methods are not the best, but he still means well," I say softly.

"Yeah, but just don't lose sight of what's good and what's not. I know things are not black or white, but some greys are closer to black than others. That's all I'm saying," she says and I nod.

I don't have a chance to add something else to our conversation because we've made it to my classroom so I walk in after a promise to meet for lunch.

By that time I still haven't seen Zeke and when I meet with Sam again she hasn't seen him either. Maybe he didn't come to school today, I think but for some reason that doesn't sound plausible. Why would he skip classes?

It's when we are heading to my last class that I see him at the end of the hall. I smile widely when I finally spot him and when he turns to meet my eyes. I'm about to walk up to him, but he doesn't smile back, he doesn't even look happy to see me. He looks as pissed as the first time we made eye contact. I swallow the sudden lump in my throat and grab Sam's wrist when I see him turning his head and walking away as if he didn't see me at all.

"Oi, what's wrong with him?" Sam makes out loud the same question I have in my mind. "I thought he was nice. You said that. Why is he looking at you as if you carried the plague?"

"I-I don't know," I say feeling something funny inside and I don't know what it could be. "I don't know."

-:-:-

I'm so sorry for not updating for two weeks! I know it's terrible but I've been... well, just not well. I'm doing my best to be on me feet again, but it doesn't happen from one day to another. Be patient, please.

Bel, xx