I spend hours making research, watching videos, reading pamphlets and exploring the course structures. I start with psychology but then find out many other branches and from there I expand. I don’t even notice how time passes by and when Mum comes to call me because dinner is ready, I tell her I will have to skip because I’m doing something incredibly important and that she has to trust me.

I haven’t made a decision just yet, but I do think I’ve found what I was looking for, something that combines all my interests and that would fascinate me until the end of times. So once I have that I think it’s time to talk to my parents about the prospect and ask them for their opinion.

It’s fairly late when I get out my room and ask them to spear a moment to talk to me.

“What is going on, Allison?” Mother asks with a curious expression.

I’ve noticed since I started changing and treat them more lovingly they have softened a bit. Mum smiles more and even Dad doesn’t seem so severe all the time.

“I think I found what I really want to study,” I blurt out and they look at me with wide eyes. “The University of Cambridge offers these Natural Science Tripos and there’s a Psychological and Behavioural Science course that is so fascinating. I have great chances to expand and study other things if I take the Natural Science Tripo and I really think I want to specialise in neuroscience. Cognitive neuroscience. Most students end up staying for PhDs so I think I will also do that and it’s all so exciting, Mum, Dad! Everything looks so thrilling and enlightening.” I end up giggling and making such nervous gestures with my hands because I can’t seem to stand still. My parents look at me still impressed but I notice a little smile coming to my father’s lips.

“And what would you do with that later on, Allison?” Dad asks.

“Research! I want to understand what happens in our brains with certain emotions and how everything works and I want to be able to do something, to help. I want to understand human behaviour because I don’t think there’s something more fascinating than that!” I exclaim and I have to fight the giggles. “It’s so wide and that’s the point, I have so many options because I’ll be able to understand and if I understand I can do something about it. I love helping, Mum, Dad. I want to do more than just offering comforting words or a hug. I want to also give a practical and working solution, I want to give clarity.”

Mum and Dad look at each other in that way that tells me they are communicating without words, then they smile at each other before Dad stands up and walks up to me. His hand lands on my shoulder and he gives me a tight squeeze.

“It seems you found what you love, Allison. We are very proud of you for making a decision and we do believe you’ll excel in this area. You will do an outstanding job and help many people,” he says and my throat closes up at the same time that my eyes well up.

I don’t say anything back, I just wrap my arms around his waist and hug him tightly, feeling so light after finding what I really want to do. I squeeze him even tighter when he hugs me back, burying my face in the crook of his neck as I feel him patting my back. My father has never done this before and it couldn’t have happened in a better moment.

When he pulls back I notice Mum is next to us, smiling. “We love you, Allison,” she says and I can barely keep my tears at bay because they have said it first, not as a response to my words so I just grab mum’s wrist and pull her to join us in the hug.

“Allison, this is too much,” Dad complains but I’m just chuckling. “Allison.”

“Five seconds, let’s have a group hug for five seconds,” I plead and I hear him sigh.

“Fine.”

At the end he allows me to hug them both for more than five seconds. After that they ask me more questions about the courses and whether I need time to prepare better or anything. It gets late when we notice the time and go to bed. I feel so much better and I’m pretty sure this is the path I will follow and I couldn’t be more excited. I can’t wait to tell Zeke and Sam about it. It’s not exactly what they suggested but their idea helped me to get here and I just love the prospect.

That is the reason why when I wake up I almost run to school, dying to find my friends and tell them what I’ve found and how my parents reacted. I bet Sam and Zeke will be equally thrilled that I found something that makes me happy and they’ll also wish me the best. I know I’d have their support even if I decided to quit college and join a circus.

When I make it inside the building and walk —practically run— down the corridors, I hear the typical cacophony of a fight. By know I do recognise the shouts and chants so I head directly there instead of looking for my friends. Maybe someone is in trouble and will need help. I make way among the crowd until I get to the front and can see who are the people involved in the fight.

“You touch her and you’re dead!” Zeke threatens, grabbing Butch by the collar and keeping him against the lockers. Even today it surprises me that Zeke, such a skinny guy, can be stronger than Butch who’s larger and more built.

“Uh, afraid I might hurt your little girlfriend? I just wanna make friends, that’s all,” Butch says with a bloody smile. It seems Zeke already punched him.

“Horseshit!” Zeke spat, smashing Butch against the lockers. “You hurt her and you won’t—”

“Zeke!” I shout to stop him from threatening Butch any furhter. That will only cause him more trouble.

People around me step aside, giving me space and as they do that I get hit by a new sense of déjà vu and I just close my eyes, too familiarised with this already. I carry on, even if it feels like I’m the echo of someone else.

“Oh, looks who’s—”

Zeke doesn’t let Butch finish, he just smacks him against the lockers again and tightens his grab on his collar.

“Zeke, stop it! You’ll get in trouble,” I remind him, walking up to him although it feels like I’m following someone. I can almost see myself walking in front of me and I’m just a ghost following her.

I blink quickly, scanning around to see if there’s someone around who might have been Butcher’s victim until Zeke intervened, but I only see people with mobiles recording the show. I haven’t seen him properly, but I know Zeke’s not hurt, Butch hasn’t hit him, I don’t even have to ask him. I know it. I don’t know why I know it.

“He wants to do something to you, I know it. He—”

“I just want to meet the girl that changed this bad boy over here. We barely talk nowadays, he’s always following you,” Butch interrupts. “I thought you had to be this wicked girl and I just wanted to get… closer.” The way he says it makes my stomach twist and Zeke growls.

I keep walking and I know that I’ll put my hand on Zeke’s arm before I even raise my hand. “Let him go,” I tell Zeke. “Even if Butch wants to get closer, I wouldn’t even look at him. I don’t find anything interesting in people like him and I rather spend my time with people with a bigger IQ than their shoe size. Let’s go?” I ask next and I can hear some people snickering.

I have to squeeze Zeke’s arm for him to stop him from keeping a hold on Butch and make him look at me. I need him to calm down so I offer him a smile. He takes a deep breath and pulls away, so I make sure to grab his hand immediately and step away with him.

“That’s right, Bristow, go with your little bitch. You lost your balls the moment—”

Before Zeke can do something or Butch finishes his sentence, I follow what I know I will do because I can see myself swirling on my heels as I ball my right hand and make it land in Butch’s throat. I’m not strong as to cause real harm but I surprise him and hurt him enough to make him stop.

“If you’re going to insult me,” I say above the gasps and shouts that have arisen from the crowd around us. “Use only non-gender adjectives because I don’t like dealing with underdeveloped creatures. If you’re going to insult my boyfriend, make sure to cover your weak points. Now, my apologise for hurting you but I also have my limits. Good morning,” I say and turn around just to find a surprised Zeke watching me, his mouth hanging slightly open. “I detest using violence. Please, let’s go. I wanna wash my hands,” I say in a cool tone, grabbing his hand and leading him away.

The reason why I feel so detached and chill about what I did is because I knew exactly what was happening, I could see myself acting before Butch said the words. I followed an Allie that was three seconds ahead. I knew things would turn out okay and I knew what to say because I heard it in my mind before. But once that that Allie starts moving at the same timeframe as me, shame and disappointment sink in.

I hit Butch. I insulted him and hit him. I’m no better. Oh dear.

“Allie, are you okay?” Zeke asks when I stop and I feel all my blood getting drained. “Allie, it’s okay, he deserved that. I’m sorry you had to see that… and do that but—”

“Why did you hit him?” I ask, blinking, fighting the shame.

“He was provoking me. Insulting you, saying the things he would do to you and I couldn’t control myself. I’m sorry, Allie. Maybe I only made it worse but I just can’t let him hurt you just to get back on me. I’m sorry,” he keeps apologising and only then he gets into focus, I notice he’s standing in front of me, grabbing my shoulders.

“I hit him. I really did that,” I mutter and I can see a small smile appears on his lips.

“I know you’re probably scolding yourself mentally, but it was really wicked, Allie. You surprised us all and that was a nice move.”

I chuckle, most likely because I’m in shock for what I did. Maybe I need a blanket.

“Did I look badass?” I ask trying to keep my mind away from what I did.

“The most badass girl out there. You were amazing,” Zeke replies, pulling me towards him and giving me a hug. “You totally gave him a lesson.”

“He won’t think I can’t take care of myself ‘cos I’m petite,” I say lightly and he chuckles. “I can kick his arse, too.”

“Sure you can, Allie.” Zeke kisses the top of my head and I relax in his arms, wrapping mine around his waist. His warmth and scent are calming and comforting, I can feel the shame slowly drifting away as he holds me close.

“By the way,” I mumble to change topics. What I did is done, I can’t change it now so I better move on. Even if I could change what I knew I was going to do, I didn’t want to and that’s because I wanted to hit him, for being a bully and the ultimate twat he is. “I’ve found out what I really want to pursue and it’s not psychology as such.”

“Really?” Zeke asks, pulling back enough to look me in the eyes. “What is it?”

So like that I jump into telling him all about what I found out and how I’ve decided what I really want to study, combining all the things I like and with a new goal in mind. Later I also tell Sam and of course both support me and are really happy for me now that I’ve solved this issue and things seem to finally fall into their rightful place.

But then I face a new problem that makes me anxious and scared: the date of my dream is one week away.

-:-:-

Allie has changed so much since the beginning of the story, don't you agree? Please le tme know your thoughts. Remember best comments gets dedication.

We are approaching to the climax of the story. Are you ready?

Bel, xx