CH 1

January 1999

"Oh for fucks sake, do you mind?" I turned in my seat and faced the girl that was giving me the motivation to murder someone. "At least use a code name when I'm around, so I don't know that you're talking about me. And that's for your benefit not mine." I turned back to the front and in a matter of minutes class was dismissed.

"Miss Rosier!" Professor Lupin had called after me but I walked out. It was the end of the day and  I needed to do something. Or someone. I went to the previously visited location at the time that has been previously mentioned and my activity had walked in after me. 

"Ah, the apple of my eye," I joked and he laughed. 

"It's stuff like that that makes me question my reason of why I decided to do this no strings situation with you."

"Yes but then your mind is crystal clear afterwards. So let's get into it. Mr Berkshire," I teased. 

 Our little sex relationship has been going on for a few weeks and it's been almost every single day. We were the only two left out of our friend group who stayed during the Christmas break and some things happened. When it did, I felt so relaxed, like my mind had a break from its pain, so I kept doing it. Well, doing him.

Draco had stayed with Bellatrix to try and figure out a way to get Narcissa out of Azkaban. Both had agreed that Lucius should rot in there for the rest of his life.

There was nothing from Morana or Voldemort. None of us had heard anything since. The papers however were trying to find Voldemort and had pinned it all on him, saying they had "suspected that Voldemort and his acolytes were returning". They had also mentioned that it was "shocking" how he murdered his own son.

I crashed my lips on him as we started to rip each others clothes off. He unbuttoned my shirt and lifted me on a desk in the abandoned classroom and lifted my skirt. I unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down along with his boxers. 

He massaged my breasts as I stroked him and then he was inside me and began thrusting in and out at our usual vigorous and fast pace. 

"Oh fuck," he groaned. His arms were wrapped around my waist, allowing him to pound inside me. Mine were wrapped around his upper back so I could hold on. 

"Don't stop." I  moaned into his ear as I climaxed and he continued to thrust as I orgasmed which made me shake. He held me tighter, laughing at my body's reaction, and then he began to groan. He pulled out and I dropped to the floor sucking him off as he released himself in my mouth. I swallowed and stood up, buttoning my shirt.

"That never gets old," he said and I agreed. 

"So, tomorrow? The usual." I asked as we straightened up.

"Um, I actually have plans with Theo."

"Oh wow, I wonder what I'll do with my time."

"Maybe study."

"I don't know." I knew exactly what I'd be doing. Anytime I wasn't with Enzo, or in class I was in Draco's dorm pretending to spend time with him but I'd actually just lie on Mat's bed. 

There wasn't much of me left, but whatever was left of me would ache for his presence. There wasn't enough in me to cry about it anymore, but I thought about him all the time. 

<><><><><><><><><><>

"Wow, you're uncharacteristically hungry," Draco stated and I glanced up at him in between mouthfuls. 

"I eat," I protested. 

"You eat? I'm sorry, have you met you?" I gave him a look. 

"He's right. You must be feeling better then," Theo said, chiming in also. No, I'm just hungry after a weeks straight of rough sex with Enzo who was sitting next to me and eating... characteristically. 

"Uhuh, sure. Why aren't you talking about him, he's scoffing down food just as much as I am."

"That's because he always eats like that," Theo said. 

"Very true," Enzo replied and I gave him a look for him to help me in this conversation because it's his fault. "But maybe she used her brain a lot today, which can make one hungry." They shrugged and I smiled. He definitely blew my brains out earlier today.

"Alright I have a date with some Hufflepuff girl. Merlin, they're so easy," Theo exhaled and stood up. Draco yawned and I laughed at him.

"Why are you so tired?"

"Well, I stayed up reading about the law, for my mother."

"Ah, well why don't you sleep."

"I thought you'd want to hang out, because you uh, don't sleep."

"I sleep sometimes, it's just not very pleasant. And I'll be fine, Enzo can keep me company."

"Okay, goodnight love," he kissed my forehead and walked out and I turned to Enzo.

"So, you wanna head up to the astronomy tower?"

"Why don't we actually hang out. We're still friends."

"Okay," I shrugged. We walked down to his dorm that he shared with Theo, who would be out for the night shagging that Hufflepuff. I laid back on his bed that we've done it in plenty of times and he joined me. 

"So, how are you going?" He asked, looking at me for a response. A certain response. 

"What do you mean?" I questioned, already knowing the answer. 

"Well, just in general you know?" Liar. 

"If you want to know how I'm feeling about... Mattheo, then just ask."

"Okay, how are you feeling about him?"

"I'll keep it brief. Nightmares every time I sleep, and pain all day everyday because of his lingering presence." 

"How are you getting over his... death."

"I don't know if I ever will. I just have to get better at living without him. I need to become myself again. Right now I just have sex, which numbs the pain."

"You're welcome," he said and I laughed. 

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm fine. I get to fuck the girl I'm attracted to and I don't have my father found anymore." Ever since Mat died, Enzo says he's attracted to me and I've been too afraid to ask if he's still in love with me.

 "That's great, I'm happy for you."

<><><><><><><>

"You doing anything today?"I asked Draco, seen as how my afternoon was now clear.

"Uh, I was just going to study in my dorm."

"Okay, I'll join."

"You can't just bring a book and lie on his bed the whole time."

"Fine."

We walked out of our last class and I met him in his dorm after I showered and chucked on some clothes. I grabbed two books so he wouldn't be mad and I went in and collapsed on Mat's bed. 

"What did I tell you?" He asked, walking over to the side of the bed. 

"You said I couldn't bring a book, and I brought two books so technically I'm listening." He laid next to me. 

"You know what I meant though Davina. You have to move on. You've already improved so much. Remember the end of last year? You didn't speak at all. You drank most of the time, skipped majority of your classes and you didn't even remember turning eighteen. Then Christmas came and you were all of a sudden somewhat like yourself."

"I know, I'm trying Draco."

"Talk about how you feel, it'll make dealing with it easier, I know you'll never move on but you can at least live on." I understood what he meant and so I deep breathed and let the one thing that's been haunting me off my chest.

"The last thing he heard mere moments before being killed is that I cheated on him with the one person he was most insecure about."

"It's not your fault, you can't blame yourself Dav. He loved you so much. As much as me, which is a lot." Tears filled my eyes and he cuddled me into him. I was contemplating whether to mention the worst part.

"But Draco, there's more."

"What?"

"I didn't just kiss Enzo that night, I slept with him. I did the worst thing possible"

"It was months ago Davina, and you didn't do anything again while you were with him."

"How do you know that? If I was able to cheat once, then I could've done it again, why do you trust me?"

"Because I do." He exhaled, continuing, "I know that it was the heat of the moment and you had just seen Michael and you had just found out Voldemort was back to his old ways. 

"I know I was drinking gallons that night but I am always sober when it comes to you. Especially after what had happened to me with Pansy, ever since that, I'm always on high alert, I never want anything to happen to you. Thats why when I saw Enzo help you after you had fallen in the crowd, I let you walk out with him."

"You knew?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't think I was horrible? You didn't stop me?"

"No."

"That's a bit to take in."

"Just make sure that you stop blaming yourself, I mean you've got to eventually, you're doing it with him now."

"You just know everything."

"Like I said, I'm always on high alert."

"Thank you, I'll try."

"So you really don't have feelings for the poor guy. Is it too soon or do you just not feel that way?"

"Well, I never allowed myself to, because of Mat. But looking back, I've always had a slight crush on him."

"I'm not going to tell you to go for it, but once you've moved on enough, I think you should pursue that. He makes you happier. Mat would've wanted that for you." I know, he wrote it in his letter. He told me to do what Draco is suggesting. 

"I know, we'll see. I'm just going to let things pan out and see what happens."

"Okay, well if you ever need to talk or just need some affirming that you are not a horrible person, come to me."

"I know Draco, you are my life support."

"That's touching," he joked, "but be your own life support."

"I'll consider it," I said and he smiled, lifting me off Mat's bed and bringing me to his.

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