Fen

Astrea and I were already in the dining room, waiting for Undine and Zale so we could eat, when a man I didn't recognize walked into the room. He carried a little silver tray, which held an envelope. When he approached us, he bowed low and said, "Sir Fen, Lady Astrea. A message from Prince Zale."

Sir Fen? Sir? The title fit me funny and Astrea did me the favor of reaching out for the envelope when it became clear I was too awkward and too surprised to take it, myself.

"Thank you," she said with a dismissive wave. The man bowed again and left us.

Astrea opened the envelope and pulled out thick card stock with loopy black writing on it. She rolled her eyes. "Such unnecessary pomp," she muttered even as her eyes scanned the contents. Her brows raised and she passed the letter to me.

"He wants us to have lunch with him and a friend in the public dining room," she said. "Did you know he had friends?"

The question was clearly asked as a joke, but I found myself shaking my head, anyway. I never really thought about it before. Zale never brought up friends and I never asked... was I a terrible bond mate or what?

I was so upset over realizing I must have missed an important part of Zale's life that I almost forgot to worry about eating in a public dining hall. Why couldn't we just eat here? Maybe friends weren't allowed, only family? But I liked this dining room. It was cozy and nice and I never felt judged by anyone.

"We'd better go get dressed," Astrea said, standing and tugging at my elbow.

"What?"

She rolled her eyes. "Well, we can't very well go dressed like this."

She gestured to her clothes and I frowned. Astrea wore a white linen dress that was cut to accentuate her meager curves, with a high neckline and a narrow waist and a swishy skirt that looked sort of fun. What was wrong with it? "I think you look pretty," I said.

She got all bashful, but I could tell she was pleased. "Well, regardless, if we're going to be out in public then we should dress smarter."

"Help me?" I pleaded. I still had no concept of how to dress for all the different places and events in Zale's life. Another reason I didn't fit right here.

"Of course! Ugh, I love Zale for bringing you into my life. He'd never let me dress him. You've got to be the world's greatest almost-brother-in-law."

Astrea said the words flippantly, but they made me so happy. "You're going to be a pretty great sister-in-law," I replied, even though the idea of marrying Zale was still weird and unsettled.

She laughed a little and wrapped her fingers around my arm. "Can you take us to my room? We don't have a ton of time."

I didn't know if we were really in that much of a hurry or if Astrea was using this as an excuse to teleport, and I didn't much care either way. I obliged and watched as Astrea dug through her closet at dizzying speeds, pulling out dress after dress until she settled on one that looked almost identical to the one she was already wearing, just with some purple embroidery on it. Did the embroidery make it that much fancier? Really?

But then she switched out her shoes and put on a necklace, then did some kind of twist-and-braid thing to her hair, and I had to admit, it made a big difference. When she was done, she stood in front of the mirror, twirling this way and that and frowning whenever she looked away from her dress and at her face.

"Astrea, you look beautiful," I said sincerely, because she did.

She grimaced at her reflection before her eyes cut away again. "I look like a man playing dress-up."

Her words made my chest hurt. "You don't," I protested. How could anyone look at her and see a man? Every part of her appearance signaled femininity.

Her grimace morphed into a glare. "My jaw's too square, my hair's too short. My nose is too defined. And look at this! Girl's necks don't have Adam's apples!" She covered the small lump in her throat and looked seconds away from crying. "Gods, and my voice! It's so low. It was cracking the other day, and I think it might be getting even deeper."

She squeezed her eyes shut and whirled away from the mirror, her skirt fanning out around her before gently settling back down. Even like this, she looked so pretty. "I wish you could see yourself like I see you, just for a second," I said. "Then you wouldn't feel this way."

She shook her head and stayed turned away. I didn't know what to do, what to say to help her. Maybe words weren't what she needed at all.

"Can I hug you?" I whispered.

She turned and flung herself against me, and I did my best to enfold her in my arms. She was getting taller, and I thought she might outgrow me soon.

Astrea pulled away after a long moment. "I love you, Fen," she said, dabbing at her eyes.

In that moment, I would have done absolutely anything for her. There wasn't a lot of love in my life. Luin and I loved each other as friends, and I loved Zale... but that was really about it. Apart from Astrea.

"I love you too, Astrea. You're the sister I wish I had growing up."

She tried to smile, but it wobbled. "Whew! Enough of that. Let me just touch up my makeup and we'll get you dressed. There's not a lot of time."

She did a good job acting like her normal self after that, chattering while she got ready and then enthusiastically searching through Zale's wardrobe for something I could wear. Of course, his clothes were all too long, so we made a detour back to my suite at the school. When Astrea finally proclaimed we were both ready, it was already time to meet Zale.

He had said in his message that he would meet us in our usual dining hall so he could escort us to where we would be eating today, so Astrea and I went back to where we began. Zale was already waiting there for us, sitting across from his mother in the little cozy seating area.

"So, I'm to be abandoned today?" Undine asked with an unoffended smile.

"I thought it was about time I introduced Fen and Astrea to Evander," Zale said.

Undine's countenance brightened at his words. "Now that's a name I haven't heard in too long. You'll have to bring him around soon, okay?"

But... if Undine was okay with Evander joining us, why couldn't we have lunch with him here?

"I will," Zale promised. He stood and kissed his mom on the cheek, then turned to offer me and Astrea each an arm.

Wouldn't this make us more of a spectacle, walking all linked together? But I didn't think I could make it through the halls without his support. It was too intimidating. I linked my arm through his and wondered how close I could walk to him without tripping either of us up or looking too clingy. Then I decided I didn't care and sidled close enough that we shared body heat. Zale looked down at me with a raised brow, but I could feel that he didn't mind.

"Ready?" he asked unnecessarily.

"Ready!" Astrea answered cheerfully. We started walking and she chattered like nothing at all was wrong, which should have made me feel better. It only made me worry about her more, since I started to question whether she was always so sad and whether her usual cheerful self was just a façade. I hated the idea, mostly because I thought there was some truth to it.

"I can't believe you're finally taking us out into the rest of the castle!" Astrea said, and she seemed like she was really excited. I thought there was something a little wild in her eyes, though. They betrayed her nerves.

"You could have gone without me," Zale pointed out.

Astrea leaned around him so I could see the face she made at that. "As if. You think I don't know how people have been muttering about me? They don't understand how you have a sister. They wonder who I am, who my dad is, who your dad is, where I've been all these years. I tried checking it out on my own one time, heard someone theorizing that I'm your secret love child instead of your sister like you claim, and went straight back to the family wing."

"They didn't!" I gasped.

"I assure you, they did," Astrea said gravely.

"Ew," Zale said.

She flicked at his nose with her free hand and almost tripped when he dodged. "You'd be lucky to have a daughter like me," she said. "I'm the one who should be offended here."

They laughed, but I didn't think it was very funny... because we all knew just how untrue that was. I was pretty sure anyone would be a better father than Euripides.

Maybe Zale caught my feelings through our bond, but his smile died down and he said, "Astrea, I'd be honored to have a daughter like you."

She blushed and looked away. "Well, thanks. I guess you wouldn't be such a bad dad. Though you're pretty dour."

The more we walked, the louder the hum of voices talking grew. We had to be getting close to the public dining hall, the one where non-family members ate. Zale's arm pulled me in even closer against him, and it made me feel braver.

"Astrea? If you had such a bad experience going out, why are you so willing to do it again now?" I asked, because I had to know.

"Zale's here," she said simply. "With him, we're untouchable. No one's going to talk crap where he can hear it."

I looked up at Zale, at his stern countenance that did look rather forbidding. Astrea was right, a person would be crazy to anger him. Especially since he was going to be in charge soon. A lot of my fear eased, and I felt Zale relaxing in response.

He leaned over a bit so he could whisper just for me, "I've got you."

"I know," I whispered back. And it made all the difference.

--

When we got to the dining hall, I peeked in and saw that it held four massively long tables in parallel, with dozens upon dozens of high-backed chairs lined up along each one. Just how many people could this room hold? I could spend an afternoon counting, I thought.

What had Zale gotten us into? And in what universe would eating in a place like this hold any appeal for him?

But Astrea's eyes lit up. "This is awesome!" She stepped inside, but Zale gently pulled her back.

"We're meeting someone."

Ah, right. His friend. The one I had never heard of before tonight. Since I didn't know what Evander looked like, I watched Zale instead of the crowd. It was easier to focus on him, anyway. I saw the moment he caught sight of his friend. His posture straightened and his eyes flashed in recognition and some emotion I couldn't place.

"This way," he said, and led us toward the end of one of the outer tables. It was the quietest corner of the dining hall, and I felt a little better that we weren't going to be in the center of the room. Zale positioned me so I was facing the wall instead of the rest of the room and took a seat in the chair next to mine. Across from him was a man, one with big green eyes wide with curiosity and a wide grin that instantly disarmed me.

Once Astrea had settled in next to the stranger, Zale offered introductions. "I want you both to meet Evander. Evander, this is Fen and my sister, Astrea."

I noticed that Zale didn't offer an explanation for who I was. Did that mean he'd already told this man about me? Evander smiled and nodded in my direction before his eyes settled on Astrea.

"I didn't know you had a sister," he said with raised brows.

"It's new," Zale said. Astrea snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Who are you, then?" she asked, perhaps a little rudely. Evander didn't seem upset, though.

"I'm going to be Zale's grand council."

I didn't know what that meant, but I didn't have to ask. Zale leaned in and whispered, "My chief advisor."

Oh, so this was a political lunch, then. I wondered again why we were having it in such an open setting.

A server came and put table settings in front of each of us, poured us all glasses of water, and finally put large trays of food in the middle of the table. As soon as she was gone, Zale reached out and started loading up my plate with food. He seemed to know exactly what I'd want, with half the plate taken up by salad and only small portions of roast and potatoes. He gave me an extra dollop of gravy with a wink before filling his own plate.

I glanced up and caught Evander looking between us appraisingly. There was a little smile on his lips I wasn't sure how to interpret, until his eyes crinkled and his smile widened when I caught him looking. "You're cute together," he said.

Evander jolted under the table before my blush had even finished spreading. "Don't embarrass him," Zale snapped.

Evander held up his palms in surrender. "I wouldn't dream of it. I just meant that you seem happy together. It's good to see."

My embarrassment melted away under his approval. That was the most intimidating thing about being out in the public part of the castle like this. Everyone could see me and Zale together, and I knew they thought my fey-ness was weird. I wasn't what they expected or probably wanted for their prince. It was obvious from the way they gawked at me.

It made me worry about what they'd think of Zale for being with me. I wasn't a smart political choice. I knew that. He should marry someone with an impressive lineage, someone who knew about court functions and etiquette and could avoid humiliating him. Zale needed someone that wouldn't make other nations feel threatened or like he was inferior. I was all wrong in every way, except that I loved him.

Or so I had always thought.

But if Evander was going to be Zale's grand council and approved of us... then maybe I was just being paranoid? Maybe I wouldn't bring Zale down too much by being with him. Because wasn't it an advisor's job to keep Zale from making any big, stupid decisions?

"Do you mean it?" I asked Evander before I could bite back the words. His brows furrowed, and I knew this wasn't the kind of thing you asked a new acquaintance. But I had to know.

"Do I mean... what?" Evander asked, leaning forward and focusing all of his attention on me. I got nervous and Zale rested a reassuring hand on my thigh, squeezing comfortingly.

"It's okay," Zale whispered. "Evander's a good friend."

That helped to know. "You don't think it'll hurt him, that I'm fae?"

Evander's eyes crinkled again with warmth. "No. If you can make him happy, you'll only make him stronger."

That was a perspective I never considered before. Stunned, I leaned back and looked up at Zale, who seemed remarkably unconcerned with how personal this conversation had gotten. "He's right," Zale said in a voice pitched to reach my ears alone.

I exhaled a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "Okay. Good. That's... good."

My mind raced as I considered this new perspective. Talk turned away from my relationship with Zale, but still I couldn't help thinking about what Evander had said. I could make him... stronger?

It surprised me that I could be anything but a burden to him, but I had to admit it made a certain sense. After all, Zale had a way of shoring up my weaknesses. Maybe I could do the same for him.