~Somi's POV~

The past month had been undeniably traumatising, that even the knowledge that justice has been served to my late mom offered me little solace. Despite the circumstances, Adams had been an unwavering source of support, taking the lead in shedding light on the entire ordeal. In contrast, all I could do was wallow in self-pity. I found myself withdrawing from him, plagued by the perception that I had become a burden in his life, constantly burdening him with my problems.

Lying on the bed, I felt my body ache in every fibre, exhausted to the core. I had accomplished little work yesterday with house agents showing me shitty Lagos houses bearing ridiculous amounts and today, and the weariness permeated every inch of my being. It seemed as though I was destined to be confined to this bed again, cut off from the world and trapped in my thoughts.

"Somi," Sarima called, concerned. "I thought you had a contract with Madam B today?"

"I had to call in sick."

"Hmm." She sighed, placing her hand on my forehead. "You're burning!"

"I told you na, I feel horrible. I don't know where all of it is coming from. I don't think I've been at up to seventy percent alertness this week." I explained. "Where's Homa?" I asked

"What do you want her to do for you, I'll do it?"

"To get me some drugs from that pharmacy."

"I don't think you should self-medicate. What if it's not malaria?"

"As in what now?"

"The pad you bought last month is still in the drawer..."

"Sarima abeg stop all these dramas. Have you not ever had your period delayed? Were you pregnant?"

"I'm going to buy a test kit. There's no harm in being sure." She said and soon enough she was out of the house.

What is the probability of getting pregnant the first time you have sex with somebody? Malaria is what Sarima wants to diagnose as pregnancy.

God forbid.

The thought of it forced me up from the bed to the mirror. I pull my top up to scan the shape of my tummy from the front and side angles. It looks flatter than normal because I haven't had an appetite for any food.

What if I'm pregnant? God forbid one hundred times.

God please.

I promise I won't do it again, please let it not just be pregnancy in Jesus name.

Amen.

As the possibility of having a stranger in my uterus becomes more plausible the feelings of fatigue are replaced by dread.

God please.

I hear Sarima coming in and I instinctively cup my mouth with my hands.

"You've stood up?" She asked. "Good. See the kit. Just go and pee on it so we'll see. I bought two in case we need to be very sure."

"I'm not pregnant, Sarima." I say almost pleading.

"Pee first, don't worry." She said, assuring me.

I walk gradually, unenthusiastically towards the bathroom. I sit for some minutes until I'm ready to pee, then I bring the strip in contact with the stream of pee, allowing it to drench fully.

"Are you done?" Sarima asked, standing at the toilet door.

"Waiting for the three minutes." I replied.

Time saunters when you're in misery. Suddenly three minutes feels like 3 hours. When my timer finally goes off, I can't summon the courage to look.

"Sarima, look for me. What does it say?" I asked.

She took the strip from my hand and I closed my eyes to brace myself for impact. When I don't hear her say anything I open my eyes. I find staring at me, her eyes and mouth are wide open.

Jesus. My heart sank.

"Somi, it's positive o." she said.

Jesus.

"Sarima, are you joking?" I asked as my heart thundered away. She wasn't joking. When she turned the strip towards me and I saw the deep pink plus sign, I couldn't believe it but I started crying. My hands found my head as the tears found my cheeks.

The word echoes in my mind, sending shivers down my spine. I can feel my heart racing, and I can barely catch my breath. I stare at the strip in disbelief, hoping that it's just a mistake, but deep down, I know it's not.

My mind is flooded with thoughts of what this could mean for my life. I'm not ready to be a mother. I don't ever want to be someone's baby mama. I have so much I still want to achieve before I take on that kind of responsibility. Panic sets in, and I feel like I'm suffocating.

"Maybe there was an error?" Sarima starts to tear too. She tears out the second strip. "Pee again." She urged.

My icy fingers take it and wait a while to feel like peeing again, all the while my thoughts are a cocktail of worry, regret, fear, and annoyance. I repeat the process and three minutes later, we're both staring at another bright pink plus sign. My legs are too weak for me to stand on them.

I find my way to the floor.

It felt like my world had crumbled.

"I don't want it. I can't keep it, Sarima. I can't."

I can't begin to think about a pregnancy now. I have all my life ahead of me, My masters, what will I do with this?

"Will you tell Adams?" Sarima asked. "It's his child right?"

"Of course it's Adams' I haven't slept with anyone else." I looked at her annoyed that she would dare think it was for someone else.

"At least that one is out of the way. What do you think he'll say?"

"I don't know. I was supposed to get ready for service and get my masters and...Why did I go there that night? Why didn't I say no or why was I so careless I didn't even think of using protection? God help me. I can't do this. I can't now. Sarima I can't o."

"I think you should call Adams now. He needs to know. I think both of you will decide how to proceed." Sarima suggests, slightly calmer.

Call Adams. I dial his number. He picks up immediately.

"Mama?" Hearing his voice makes me start to cry more. "Why are you crying?"

"Adams..." I can't get it out.

"Babe? Somi? Did anybody hurt you?"

"No."

"Then why are you crying so hard? I don't understand."

"I took a pregnancy test and it's positive." I hold off on the tears and sniffling to hear what he says.

He is silent.

"Mama, okay. Relax, are you at home?" He asked.

"Yes, I have been sick since this week and Sarima suggested I take the test. I took it two times and they're both positive."

"Is Sarima still there?" He asked.

"Yes." I answered.

"Okay, I'll be there soon. Don't do anything funny. Relax. Okay?" He said and I hung up.

Everything irritates my soul. From within my abdomen, I feel the revolt begin to build and I run to the bathroom at first retch, sending the digested particles of my breakfast into the toilet. I keep going, vomiting and retching. Sarima comes in, rubbing my back and pouring cold water on my head until the revolt subsides.

She takes me to the bed and I lay down, quiet, my body folded in foetal position under the light blanket. My fever spiked, a headache suddenly took my head hostage and the remaining tears flowed freely and without urgency onto my pillows. Sarima is watching me.

Adams is at the door in a few hours, Sarima lets him in and he walks to the bed to meet me. Dressed as sharp as he usually is and looking so out of place in this environment, even though we'd done some renovations and it looked better. I sit up and scan his face, his countenance is sombre, his eyes look strained.

"Mama. Come here." He reached out and I hugged him tightly.

"I'm so scared." I cry, "I don't want to do this Adams. It's not in the plan."

"What do you want to do?" He asked

"I don't know..." I looked up at Sarima and then back to Adams, "I just don't know."

"Do you want to get rid of it?" He asked, his jaws clenching as the question leaves his mind. It was so hard for him to ask that I can tell. It's hard for me to answer too. But it's a huge consideration. If I have an abortion done, all of this will end, right now. It's been just a month, still early.

But why does my consideration of it feel wrong?

It's not even on moral grounds, pregnancy is scary and birth is even scarier but it just feels like this child will be robbed of a future it's already blessed to have.

I'm not afraid that Adams is wrong or that I won't be supported through it, heck Adams will do everything to make sure I have the best experience and that our child is loved, but me, if I get rid of this baby now, it's not because I can't keep it, it'll be a selfish one and truly, my life won't be broken because I have so many options for support, I'll just lose time.

"What do you think?" I asked

"Honestly?" He asked, cleaning off the tears on my face. I nodded. "I think the moment we had sex we allowed this possibility..."

God.

"Babe, will you calm down? Please?" He asked after I broke into more tears at his last statement. It was the truth. Pregnancies don't just happen. We made it happen and now I'm crying. He wiped my eyes, allowing the last heaves to pass before he continued.

"I'm scared."

"I know you are, babe," he said. "But the way I see it, I think we can do this." He swallowed.

"I don't want to put you through the trauma of getting an abortion. I know this pregnancy is not in the plans, Mama, and really whatever you decide is what we'll be doing but maybe let's just consider that this child is part of the future we hope to build. Maybe it deserves to get to meet us, and for sure, you will still get to achieve every one of your plans. If you choose to go through with it, just know that I'm taking the full responsibility of our child, and if you choose not to, I understand and it changes nothing. I'll be with you through it."

Am I really pregnant?

What is the error margin of those tests?

I am.

It's not just the test, it's the sickness, the fatigue, the missed period. I am truly pregnant. I'll have to tell mama, Adams' parents will find out.

I can't tell if Sarima is happy or not. She looks like I do, confused. If she was in this situation, Sarima would keep it. Mama always told us as teens to abstain from sex but she also made it clear that we could come to her if we ever got pregnant instead of having abortions. We didn't get pregnant as teens. If not for me and my carelessness, I wouldn't even be considering an abortion now.

What did I even think would happen?

Pregnancy. 9 months. Labour pains. Breastfeeding. A whole human being.

"Your parents will flip, they'll now say I want to use pregnancy to trap you."

"You trapped me before this. The pregnancy is innocent." He said, smiling.

"I see. It won't work."

"What won't?" He asked

"You're trying to make me laugh. I'm not in the mood." I said, frowning.

"Won't be bad if you laughed, for a change." He said, "just a suggestion."

I'll maybe resemble a pufferfish in about six or seven months.

"What if it's twins?" Sarima suddenly asked.

It took being weak to not get up and give her a hot slap. I shot daggers at her from my eyes though.

"What if you just don't share your weird contributions? This is not the time for those what ifs."

"I'm just saying, it's a possibility when you remember that we are..."

"Rest in Jesus name, Sarima. Rest please." I pleaded with her.

I know it's possible, it's fifty if not seventy percent more possible than average pregnancies but who's going to do that? God knows I'm not built to carry twins at this point in my life. I'm not even playing that play.

"Okay. Let me kuku leave you to it. My need here has expired anyway. I'll be outside when you need me." She said, walking out. I want to beg her to stay but I think I already acted like an ingrate and a proper apology doesn't fit into this moment so I allowed her.

Left in the room is Adams and me and the little stranger that has decided to make room in my uterus. I can't wrap my head around it.

"Twins will be..."

"Adams please, we're not having twins. Reject it."

He laughed and I smiled a little. It's not a very confident smile, the fact still remains that I never planned to be pregnant now, at 23, a fresh graduate, unmarried and in a relationship that has many enemies, but the most wonderful lives are not linear.

Shit happens.

This is bad shit but it's not the worst thing that can happen. It has some beauty to it and even if I'm yet to see that, maybe it's not too bad if I hope to see it. And Adams, I look at him, he's even more ready than I am.

I'm scared but I'm going to do it.

"Okay, but are we having this one?" He asked tentatively.

Yes.

"I might be posted for service soon."

"Are you going pregnant?"

"Maybe it can wait. Or, I'd probably not do it. What do you know about pregnant women and infants?" I asked and his eyes lit up. You know like the emoji that's all smiley with an open mouth and stretched eyes.

"I'm about to learn everything I can." He said.

"You should." I let out the breath I had held up and scooted closer until I could rest my head on his thigh.

I'm going to be a mom. Adams and I are going to be parents to the luckiest child in the world.

"Are we telling the girls?" Adams kissed me and asked.

"Homa and Amira will be thrilled. Easy for them, they won't be the ones being stretched to the max and struggling to stand up."

"I think you'll crush it." He put a kiss on my forehead again. "You crush everything. This won't be different."

I believe him. I can do this. I took a big breath, placing my palm on my lower abdomen. Adams' hand joined mine. Our stranger is there. I can do it. I can. We can.