"Crash, crash, burn... this hurricane keeps chasing us all underground."

Song: Hurricane

Artist: 30 Seconds to Mars

No.

This isn’t real.

This is just another nightmare and Harry is going to wake me up any second.

I opened my eyes after slamming them shut immediately after seeing him, my tentative squint guarding my eyes from the sight I was desperately hoping would be gone.  My heart plummeted in my chest when he stood there still, observing me with a derisive look on his face as the blood in my veins turned to ice.  My mouth dried instantly, the sudden fear rising in me taking over my body.  I could feel my jaw clamp shut as I held my breath against my will, my lungs unable to expand and draw a breath as I was paralyzed with fear. 

No.

“Not going to greet me?” he said in mock sweetness.  My body felt rigid as I tried to believe he was actually here. 

“What are you doing here?” I managed, my voice tight behind my clenched teeth.  I could feel my heart pounding in my throat as I spoke. 

“Ah, what am I doing here…” he repeated, pretending like he was thinking it over.  His tone was laced with an unnerving calm and casualness that set a chill to my bones.  “We have some things to discuss, darling.”

“Don’t call me that,” I said immediately, my reaction to his overused pet names making me feel sick to my stomach.  He shot me a disapproving look before taking a step toward me. 

“Now, now, don’t be rude, Halle,” he said calmly.  I would have been less afraid if he had been angry; this disturbingly calm manner was unpredictably chilling.  I swallowed and took a shaky breath before speaking.

“Where’s Maggie?”

“Not here,” he said vaguely.  My already existing fear intensified as I worried he’d done something to her.  It must have shown on my face because he waved his hand casually before speaking again. “I didn’t do anything to her.  Stop being ridiculous.”

“Is it really so ridiculous for me to think you’d do something like that?” I snapped before I realized it probably wasn’t wise to speak to him in that tone.  Every time I saw him, he appeared more and more deranged so it wasn’t really a far stretch for me to imagine him hurting her in some way.  Now that he stood in front of me, I couldn’t help but notice he looked thinner than the last time I’d seen him.  When we had been together, he had been slim but athletic, his body in great shape from years of hard work.  Now, he just looked skinny and unhealthy, his skin taut over his atrophied muscles and his face slightly sunken. 

What had happened to him?

“I’m insulted from your opinion of me,” he said smoothly.  I stared at him, blinking as he tore me from my thoughts. 

“Well you’ve earned it so I’m not sure why you’re surprised,” I said slowly.  I knew I shouldn’t be provoking him but I couldn’t help it.  He smiled slowly, the happy expression not reaching his cold eyes as he watched me. 

“Always so spunky, aren’t you?” he commented.  I didn’t like the condescending way he was looking at me; it reminded me of the way Miles seemed to constantly look at me and it made my stomach twist into knots.  Clearly they’d picked up a few habits from each other. 

“What do you want, Ben?” I sighed, my arms crossing defensively over my chest as he took another step toward me. 

I didn’t like him getting closer and I didn’t like the way he was slowly decreasing the space between us.  The calm façade that had settled on his face was just that: a façade.  He appeared to be casual and collected, but there was something slightly off in the carefully controlled expression.  His eyes didn’t reflect the emotion from the rest of his face; they looked too dark, empty, hollow, and they were the only thing that gave away the fact that beneath the surface, he was surely anything but what he was trying to project.  He had already proved himself to be violent, indulgent, entitled, and ruthless, but that wasn’t what scared me the most; what did, however, was the barely-controlled unpredictability lurking beneath the surface, the deranged workings of his mind that caused him to see a skewed version of the way the world actually was. 

“I think you know what I want, Halle,” he said, his voice menacingly quiet.  He stared at me, the blank, hollow expression in his eyes making me take a step backward.  He matched it with a step of his own, keeping the distance between us the same as it had been before. 

“Me?” My voice cracked slightly on the word I hardly managed to speak. 

He nodded slowly.  “You.”

I watched him closely, my eyes never leaving his as I waited for him to continue.  “You can’t have me, Ben,” I said slowly in an attempt to keep him calm.  Something flashed in his eyes and I could see he was just on the edge of snapping into an unstable state.  “I’m with Harry, you know that.”

He flinched at the words, his lip curling into a derisive sneer at the mention of Harry’s name.  I had tried to keep my voice as even as possible to try and reason with him, but I could see it hadn’t worked.  His carefully controlled calm was quickly breaking.  I should have known he was beyond reasoning with. 

“You don’t listen, Halle,” he spit suddenly, his brows pulling down tightly as his fists clenched at his sides.  I swallowed audibly and took another step back.  “How many times do you need to hear it?”

“Hear what?” I asked shakily.  I jumped as he slammed his hand down on the counter top, a loud slam ringing through the room.  My heart, which was already pounding in my chest, increased its pace at the sudden loud noise. 

“What did I say?  What did Miles say? What did fucking everyone say, Halle?” he growled, the casual tone to his voice nearly completely gone now.  He was quickly transforming into the unhinged man I had seen flashes of over the past few months- the man that terrified me.  I was silent as I took another step back, my attempts to be subtle catching his attention anyway as his eyes flashed to my feet.  My back collided with the wall as I reached the extent of my space while his lip curled up into a jeering smile when he saw I was stuck.  He took another menacing step forward, the terrifying smile on his face chilling me to my bones. 

“I don’t know,” I said stupidly, my brain unable to process what everyone had said even though it had been lurking in the back of my brain for ages now. 

Leave Harry, they’d said.  Leave him or he’ll get hurt. 

It was what Miles had very clearly implied the day he found me at the mall, the menacing group of what I could only imagine as henchman more than enough evidence that that was exactly what he’d meant. 

He shook his head slowly, an angry disappointment flashing across his face. 

“I warned you, Halle.  We all did, but you were too stupid to listen.”

Again I was silent as I gulped loudly, my heart hammering against my ribs as I drew short, shallow breaths. 

“You were supposed to leave him for me, yet here you stand, defiantly telling me you’re with him.  Is that something you really want to rub in my face, darling? Does that seem wise to you?” he said, his calm composure suddenly returning as he took yet another step toward me.  It was unnerving how quickly he flashed between calm and borderline insane.  He was about six feet away now, but it felt like only inches as I watched him.

“I-I’m not rubbing it in your face,” I said honestly.  That was the last thing I wanted to do because despite his unstable state, he was right: that wouldn’t be wise to do. 

“Oh, but you are.  You’re pushing me, Halle.  I’ve been trying to give you a chance to save your pretty boyfriend but you just keep making it more and more difficult on yourself,” he remarked coolly, glancing down at his hand.  I noticed a few cuts that were nearly healed, the faint red lines evidence of his fight with Harry.  “Do you remember what we said would happen if you didn’t leave him?”

I could feel my hands shaking against my ribs, my crossed arms doing little to make me feel protected from this unhinged man standing in front of me. 

“Yes,” I said quietly. 

“What did I say, Halle?” he said lowly, his tone growing impatient at my reluctance to answer.

“You said… well Miles said… you’d hurt Harry if I didn’t.  You said you’d have me again whether I liked it or not,” I said tightly, my voice strained with fear. 

Now that I repeated the words, I wondered how I had even arrived in this situation.  How did my ex-boyfriend of three years suddenly become so insane?  Why was he so hell-bent on getting me back when he had hardly wanted me when we were together?  Why couldn’t they just leave me alone and let me be together with the man I loved so desperately?  It was all so unfair and frustrating that I nearly started crying on the spot. 

“That’s right, sweetie.  But still, you didn’t listen.  Still, after more than your fair share of warnings, you haven’t listened,” he said slowly, cocking his eyebrow condescendingly and shaking his head deliberately.  “So stupid.”

At this moment, I almost agreed with him; I had indeed been stupid to let things go this far.  I watched him closely, unsure of how to respond.  His eye twitched slightly as he stared at me, and again I noticed the hollowed look of his usually handsome face.  His hair had grown out, but not in a purposeful way.  The dirty blonde strands were scraggily and limp as they hung around his face, and the hair covering his chin made him look like he hadn’t bathed in weeks.  He looked so different from how I remembered that I wondered if he was sick or something. 

“You know what has to happen now, don’t you?” he asked slowly.  The space between us was down to about a foot now and I couldn’t help but press myself further into the wall to try and distance myself as much as possible.  Up close, he looked even more unhinged and unstable.  The hauntingly dead look in his eye seemed to intensify as he narrowed them at me. 

“No, Ben, I don’t,” I said quietly.  I hoped if he saw how much he was scaring me, he would back off a little.  If he wanted me back so badly, there had to be some semblance of emotion in him, didn’t there?  I doubted even that, however.  His motivation for wanting me back so badly was mysterious to me, although I suspected it had more to do with losing me to Harry than actually wanting me.  He didn’t like the fact that I’d moved on from him at all. 

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to hurt your precious boyfriend,” he said casually, actually lifting his shoulders in a shrug as he glanced up and down my tense body.  Panic flashed through me as he uttered the words I had been dreading hearing. 

“No,” I said immediately, my instinct to protect Harry kicking in and making me speak before I had even fully processed what he’d said.  “You can’t.”

“Oh, yes, I can,” he said, his head tilting to the side slightly as he nodded assuredly at me.  “I very easily can.”

“Why?” I asked desperately for what felt like the thousandth time.  No matter how many times it was explained to me, I would never understand.  His mind seemed to have been warped in the time we’d spent apart and he was an absolute stranger to me now. 

“Because you’re mine,” he said angrily, the intermittent calm disappearing quickly now as rage showed through the cracks.  His eyes were wide and bulging slightly as he leaned into the space between us.  I took a shuddering breath, my entire body shaking now as I flinched away from him.  My eyes squeezed shut in pure terror.

Ben had lost it.  The man I had once known and thought I had loved was completely gone.  Something in him had snapped, shattering all the good parts that had once been inside him.  Something had caused this change in his mind, making him think any of the things he was doing were justifiable.  Whatever it was had taken him over, altering his mind, his reasoning, his judgment, even his body.  The physical changes I had noticed seemed even more pronounced now that he was inches away from my face and I couldn’t help but wonder what could have possibly altered a person so much. 

Whoever this man was, he was dangerously unhinged, and I was terrified at the thought of what he was capable of. 

“Please don’t hurt him,” I begged, my strained voice cracking once again as the tears I had been fighting to suppress built up in my throat.  I opened my eyes to look at him and noticed my head had turned subconsciously to the side in an attempt to create more space between us.  I was practically clinging to the wall while he stood inches away, pressing me further into it.  I took a deep breath before letting my eyes dart to his, the slightly cracked look that met me causing me to take another stutter of a breath. 

“It’s too late, Halle,” he said with mock remorse.  He shook his head slowly.  “You had your chances and you blew it.”

“Please,” I choked out, my eyes pleading desperately with his. 

“Do you want to know what we’re going to do to him?” he asked, ducking his head to force me to look fully at him.  I drew a shaky breath and shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut once more in an attempt to block him out. 

“I’ve made some friends, Halle,” he informed me slowly, his tone calm once again yet clearly holding a menacing threat as he spoke.  “Some friends who have been involved in some stuff that way scare the hell out of you.”

Funny he said that, because he was scaring the hell out of me right now.  I opened my eyes to meet his, my terror choking me and stopping me from speaking as silent, shaky tears forced their way from my eyes.  My breathing was ragged through my nose thanks to my clenched jaw and I couldn’t really feel the rest of my body because I was so scared of what he was about to say. 

I held back the squeak of fear that tried to escape my lips as he placed his hands suddenly on either side of my head, pinning me to the wall and preventing my escape.  He ducked his head so it was inches from my face, his eyes burning into mine yet freezing the blood in my veins. 

“These people… these friends… they don’t fuck around, Halle,” he explained further, his tone dangerously low.  “They have some resources at their disposal and I think it’s come to the time where we access them.”

 I swallowed harshly, not liking the sound of that at all.  When he said he’d hurt Harry before, I imagined another fight, perhaps more people this time, but just another fight.  Now, however, I wasn’t so sure and grew more and more petrified with every word he spoke. 

“Wh-what do you mean?” I stuttered, the shaking of my body and the tears interfering with my ability to talk. 

“I think you know what I’m saying,” he said coldly.  I felt like my heart actually stopped in my chest.  My jaw clenched even tighter and my entire body seemed to be vibrating in terror.

“You… you don’t mean… they don’t have weapons, do they?” I asked in horror, my eyes widening as I realized what he was implying these men were capable of. 

“Yes, they do.  Guns that they are more than capable of using,” he said as he nodded slowly, confirming my statement and causing a hysterical sob to escape my lips before my hand clamped over my mouth to stifle it.  A heavy gasp wracked my body as my eyes squeezed shut again.  Pure, unadulterated terror flooded through me. 

This couldn’t be happening; it wasn’t possible.  There was absolutely no way this deranged lunatic who I had, at one point in my life, been with, was actually threatening to have Harry shot.  This was too much, too drastic and irrational and unrealistic but very much the reality in this moment.  He was, without a doubt, absolutely insane.

“No, no, no, no,” I muttered, my fear taking over completely.  “You’re fucking crazy!”

I couldn’t stop myself from saying it as he barked a derisive laugh at me, absorbing my blow as if I’d hardly insulted him.  My vision blurred as his face swam before my eyes.  I couldn’t feel any of my body, not even my surely pounding heart, as I rested my entire weight against the wall, my stiffly locked knees the only thing keeping me up.

“You can’t, please, you can’t kill him, that’s fucking insane,” I said hysterically, tears flooding down my face now as I tried to gasp a breath.  

“I’m not insane, Halle.  This is your fault.  You left me no choice,” he said coldly, his tone contradicting his words in every way as he sounded absolutely out of his mind. 

“You can’t do this, I’ll go to the police,” I threatened shakily.

It was what I should have done a long time ago, but he had gone too far now.  He had actually threatened Harry’s life, and there was no way I could let him.  I would do anything.

I jumped when he let out a derisive laugh.  “You can’t, you fucking idiot.  You go to the police, my boys take care of Harry.  That’s it.  You can try to take me down, but you can’t take them all down.  All you’d manage to do is get your precious boyfriend hurt, if not killed.  Is that what you want?”

A choking sob strangled my throat again as my hand pressed over my face.  I tried to draw a breath but couldn’t as I shook my head vigorously. “No, I don’t want that.”

“That’s what I thought.  Just think, if you had listened to me sooner we wouldn’t even be in this situation.  This is all your fault,” he spit again, inching even closer.  I could smell his putrid breath and it made me want to vomit. 

“You can’t…” I cried, my body and voice shaking uncontrollably.  This entire thing was a nightmare that I felt trapped in, every single one of my worst fears coming true and haunting my existence.

“You left me no choice, sweetheart,” he snarled at me.  He had me pressed so far into the wall that I could hardly breathe.  Despite my hazy mind and numb body, I knew what I had to do. 

“I’ll do it,” I said, my voice suddenly firm as I made up my mind.  I had always said I would do anything for Harry, and right now was the biggest test I would probably ever face.  I had no choice. 

“What?” he said sharply, his eyes blinking as he stared at me intently.  My eyes locked with his. 

“I’ll do it,” I repeated brokenly.  “If you leave him alone and don’t hurt him, I’ll do it.”

My voice was hollow as I spoke, the absolute terror in me masked by the resignation.  This was the only thing I could think of to do to keep him safe and it absolutely shattered me to do it. 

“You’ll do what? I want to hear you say it,” he growled, the unmistakable tone of victory ringing through his insane voice.  I swallowed harshly, the movement of my throat painful as I struggled to take an even breath.  It was no use- my body was fighting every single action I made as if trying to stop me from what I was about to do. 

It was too late.

It had to be done.

“If you promise Harry will be safe, I’ll do it.  I’ll leave Harry and come back to you.”

My words held no conviction and sounded even more hollow than I felt as I said them, the words physically painful as they spilled from my lips.  A satisfied, victorious sneer pulled across his mouth, mocking me as I crumbled into a thousand shattered pieces on the floor.  He had finally done it- he had gotten what he wanted, and absolutely broken me in the process. 

"Tell me, would you kill to save a life? Tell me, would you kill to prove you're right?"