E R I C

I scurry down in haste as I hear her coming in.

She sees me and raises her brow, "I hope you didn't burn Nonna's kitchen down?"

"Nice to see you too Miller!", I comment cockily.

She shakes her head, trying to stop herself from smiling. I take it as a chance and move forward to engulf her in my arms.

Time for a proper apology, Ashton.

She tries to wiggle out of my arms, but I cage her tight.
"Don't try to go away. You know I spent all those hours working out for some reason. Including this."

"What are you trying to do!? Ordering me to keep my self respect aside, so I could be all girlfriend-girlfriend to you?"

Stubborn woman.

"Listen here, you grumpy cat! I am sorry for my behaviour. You know I get all defensive when things go out of hand. I am trying to be better than this, and I know I'll get there, with you by my side. I have been a shit all through my life. It will take me time to be your perfect man, but I'm determined."

My words soften her eyes and she slowly pulls  out her arms from between us, and cupped my cheeks, "If you have been shit, you should know I love this shit. But if my anger sends some sense in your head, I will do it everytime. Now I am going to kiss this shit, and he better reciprocate.", and with that, she captured my lips in hers.

I swear this woman makes me fall in love with her, like everytime I look at her. She always gets me on the right way. And that's what every man wishes for, including me.

*

"Can I know where you were?", I asked again hoping she'll answer as we are on good terms now.

She quirks her brow, "Google the word 'surprise'."

"Please Erica!!!!", I whine.

"Oh Eric! The soup is so tasty!!", She moans taking a spoonful of it. I sigh defeated but as a result, she grins wide. Some string tugs hard inside me.

What if she sees that letter from her mother?
Hundreds of questions were popping in my mind.

She never ever mentioned her mother or father. Was her relationship with them that bad?
As far as I know, she is very forgiving. Then what could have happened that resulted in this.

Well, I was sure Mom and Dad had answers to everything, but I am never getting anything without her approval.

On top of everything, my prior concern was that her mother is dying and she is completely unaware of that.

I felt a hand on mine, "Eric!? What are you thinking?"
I shook my head, "No nothing.."

*

Later that night, as I held her close on my bed, those thoughts again occupied my mind. She was using her phone when I tightened my hold on her.

"I can't breath Eric!", She said chuckling.

I loosened my hold, took away her phone and turned her, so she was facing me now.

I have to ask her.

"I want to give you a nickname!", I said formulating a plan in my mind.

She looked at me curiously, "You sure you are not ill.."

"No I am not...I just want to do some couple shit... because I know you like it!", I said in a light tone.

"Okay...let's see what you have in store.", She was staring at me with love.

But sorry, I had to do this, to initiate a talk between us.

"Angel..."

As the word left my mouth and she registered it, her body stiffened. I could feel it turning cold beneath my touch. And just the next second, she harshly pulls away from me.

"Er...!", I am shocked when I see her breathing hard and fast, as if that name triggered something hellish.

I take no time in closing the distance between us and cupping her in my embrace. That particular moment, I felt like she drifted away from me.

I rubbed her back smoothly, trying to bring back her to her original breathing. It was as if she was having a panic attack, and all after that single word 'Angel'.

"Shh! Shh! It's alright..."

Her voice turns from shallow gasps to deep breaths in the matter of minutes.

"A.. anything but that Eric!", She said in a hushed voice.

For a moment, I lost my mind. I was scared initially, but now I am terrified.

I nodded my head, and laid her back in a comfortable position, my thoughts swirling a havoc in me. Things are not as simple as they seem.

I could sense she was not sleeping, but her eyes were closed.

One thing, however is clear. Erica cannot be straight away given that letter which she was meant to receive.

"You will not ask me why? Eric?", I heard her meek voice.
Her eyes opened, and all I could see were unshed tears in them.

I kept my head just beside hers staring deep in her eyes.

Past can be ruthless. No one knows this better than me. When I had to tell her about Eve, I only told the good part, not the bad one. Why!? Because it still shakes me like hell. Instead of this twenty seven years old man, I become a vulnerable boy, who lost his sister to the worst of this world.

Why I hate everyone so much? This is the reason. Other than the one right now in my arms, it has not given me anything or anyone who I can cherish. My mind constantly keeps on drifting to the people I love, afraid they will be taken away the moment I blink an eye.

Right now, at this moment, I wanted to tell her so badly that I love her. And no past is capable to come and take us away from each other. But she doesn't deserve to told so, while she's still surrounded with that darkness of her past.

Well, that didn't stop me from saying,

"I want to tell you something so bad!! Like right now."

Her eyes suddenly turned to concerned ones, "What is it?"

"Something you will love to hear from me. Something that will give us more meaning.", Her eyes widened as if realization dawned upon her, but she was quick to compose herself.

One more reason why I love her. She will never force her expectations on me. Although she loves me, she wouldn't demand me to say it back to her, no matter the thought of her love being one sided bothers her.

"My name was Angel before I met your parents. They were the ones to name me Erica, and a random surname."

I blinked, "Why didn't you keep your first name?"

"That reminds me of everything. Everytime my name was addressed with hate, disdain, disgust and..."

"And??", I prompted.

She closed her eyes, breathed once, and then finally uttered, "...lust!"

My body went rigid at that.

But that didn't stop her. May be my partial confession gave her some strength.

"I..I..was...Eric..I was born in a Brothel."

And then followed silence. Dead beat silence.

I couldn't process her words initially, but when I did I felt myself going numb.

She sat up and moved away from me.

"I was a illegitimate child, who never met her father. My father, whoever he must be, was too ecstatic to have a momentary orgasm, he forgot that his pleasure will destroy someone else's life. My mother on the other hand, hated me because I rendered her useless in her profession. Her customers started rejecting her body, because my birth made her unattractive."

She breathed, "She called me a misfortune, a burden, a memory of my father, a failure of her contraceptions."

A dark chuckle escaped her lips, "I was named Angel there. They said I will take forward my mother's legacy. For the same, they started training me at the age of six, and other girls of my age some explicit stuff. Things that I was never comfortable in doing."

"One of the woman, who used to take care of me, because my mother was too ignorant, heard me one day singing to the radio. To utilize my extra skill, she suggested the managers there, one of whom happened to be my mother, that I can be a singer in their bar, where the men drink before taking women to bed."

The rawness of her word slashed me everytime she uttered a syllable. I was rendered wordless, strentghless.

"That how I became a singer, everytime conscious of men's lustful gazes, yelling at the top of their voices, my name, Angel. I knew it was wrong. My soul never approved of it, but when my mother gave me attention, because I was making money for her, I was ecstatic."

I looked at her, admiring how brave she is to utter everything like it's nothing.
"Although with taunts, I was finally being acknowledged by my mothers. And for that sake I resisted the urge to rebel, even when I used to cry to sleep because some men touched me inappropriately at the bar."

She sniffed, and looked up. Shaking her head, she again continued, "One night she was drunk and told me how she made a mistake of falling in love with my father. That night she revealed he was one known billionaire of Italy. And to her surprise, was already married and had a son, which she found through a newspaper. That night, when I tried to wipe her tears, she looked in my eyes, and then slapped me in disgust, because I apparently had my father's eyes. From the next day, I stayed out of her ways."

"I was thirteen years old, when puberty hit me. I started showing some curves and probably my first glimpse as a girl, they could put to better use, became clear. The managers decided I shall be given the other training. And that training involved wearing skimpy clothes, that did me no good, while I sang at the bar."

She wrapped her arms around her knees, as if self conscious of her body.
"That training, and the things they asked me to do, strengthened my resolve to leave that place. I was just waiting for an opportunity. On my fifteenth birthday, I heard my caretaker, that I will be serving a man in a closed room. A private song for him. A birthday gift for me. And that was when all the hell broke loose. A girl who was more in age than me, told me that I will be doing everything but singing. And at that age, I was aware what she was talking about. She even wished me luck as I will be losing my virginity to the best customers the brothel had."

My body was shaking due to the anger I was feeling. I wanted her to stop, but I knew there is no going back.

When I looked at her, I realized she is not here. She was swirling in her adolescence where although she managed to save her physical virginity, her mental virginity was destroyed at the age of six.

I wanted to wrath every character of her story! Be it her selfish mother, her bastard of a father, that brothel, those managers!

"I ran to my mother for help. Help to anyhow send me out of that place. I had dreams Eric...", She smiled, "...I wanted to become world's best singer. I wanted to explore the world. Go on world tours. I wanted to escape all pain and sufferings and become a free bird. I wanted to find my father, and make him beg for an apology to my mother. I wanted to have a family."

"I told her that I want to go out of that brothel, but you know what she did. She said I deserve that. I deserve to be robbed off my innocence at that age. Why? Because she experienced the same. And since I was born to a slut, I deserve to be a slut..", her voice cracked at the end.

I forwarded myself towards her but she held a hand to stop me, "Let me finish!"

"I was distraught and heartbroken. That day, all that affection I had for my so called mother, vanished in thin air. When they made me change into those disgusting clothes, I put my plan into action. I left that make up room of that bar. With the crowd, drunk and horny, no one noticed me as I left that place.
When I left that place, and breathed in the air of this happy world, I knew I have become addicted to it, and there is no going back. In the fifteen years of my life Eric, I was finally happy! But my happiness was short lived, when six familiar men surrounded me. I was beaten endlessly for hours, and was awarded with those marks.
All the managers were so pissed off with me, they kept me in the cage meant for rebellious prostitutes.
And you know what is the best part, my mother was a silent spectator to everything.
I knew then, that this woman will be the subject of my hatred till I die."

Tears escaped her eyes and I wanted her to stop it now. Because as much as it was a torture for her to tell, it was equally painful for me to hear.

"I..I never hid my rebellious side then. No matter for how many days, I was denied food and water, I didn't give up. They even offered me more money for my consent to work for them. But I denied. I was left to rot at that place. That woman, I call my mother came one day, with some decent clothes and ointment for my wounds. That was probably the only instance in my life when my mother decided to be my mother. Not that this lessened my hate for her. She said I should wear this clothes to face the outer world."

"The next day, the otherwise organised place was turned into a mess. Everyone including the guards, the women, the managers were running like mad people, shouting and yelling. I grabbed that opportunity to run. And this time I did successfully. And here I am.", She spread her hand painfully smiling.

"For how many days, did you stay in that cage?", I knew the answer will break me but I asked anyway.

"Eighteen months.", A shaky breath left my lips, as I registered her words. After months I felt something warm running down my cheek, but I was quick to wipe it away before she sees me.

"I know everything was too much to hear Eric. But whenever you say that you love me, you should be aware of what kind of woman I am. I had my fair share of rejections. Even my own mother rejected me. But don't be kind enough to compromise with your reputation and respect. James worked well in wiping my past, but he couldn't wipe the haunting memories of past I have. I love you and that is the reason I don't want you to settle for anything but best. Even if that best is not me. I will stay in the guest room tonight, so you could think clearly.."

And with that she stood up.

"Erica you don't need..."

"I do need to stay alone for a while Eric.", She came round the bed, leaned down and kissed my forehead and then in a flash of a second left.

*

I was restless and in pain. No matter how much I tried to sleep.

Picking up myself from the cold bed, I went out of my room and walked to the sitting area. I went to the huge glass windows and stood there, staring at the shady moon.

It was the silent numbness of the situation, that I was in, which rendered me mindless. I knew nothing about what I should do. And I being the crude man I am, I hate being so.
Things are always in my control. I am the one, who likes to hold all the strings of my life.

My eyes then drifted to a figure, lying on the makeshift couch.
Her eyes were shut, and the way were figure was resting, I knew this is the sleep one gets after years of wandering. Her body was radiating relief tonight.
And when I looked up, my eyes met with that silly portrait of mine, where I was smiling at Nonna, as she clicked my picture. That was the day, I won an InterCity soccer match. My eyes weren't cold like usual, and probably that's why she loved staring at them.

How can I not love her?
I'll be a madman if I don't.

But I have to set certain things straight before telling her that.

I left her careful to not disturb her sleep, and started making calls because after looking at her, I knew my way forward.

*

Eric(Sighing): you are cruel.

Me(Wiping my tears): I am not. The difficult the story, the more you need to love her.

Eric(for the first time in this freaking universe, smiling at me): I will.

Me(trusting him for the first time in my life): I know you will, you asswipe!

*

Okay so I observed something...the chapter where I use more cuss words, have more votes than the chapters I decide to be a human in.
You badass readers! Vote properly!😂