Derek~

The pack meeting is in an hours time and already I feel nervous like hell.I'm not used to any of these emotions.It's been two years since I've seen Stiles, two damn years.I feel awful for not waiting.He said he would come back, I should have had more faith.It's done, I can't change what happened I can only wait.

We were never just "friends" it was always something deeper between us, we both knew it.I never handled emotions well.It was always my weakest point.Every single one of my relationships ended badly leaving horrible scars that seemed like they would never fade.When I first met Stiles, he was just Scott's friend.I always considered him pack.That's where our relationship ended.When Scott started dating Allison, Stiles had more or less lost his best friend.That was the start of a platonic relationship developing to something else.We never considered each other as friends, the word didn't do our relationship justice. We worked on cases together. He practically lived in my loft and the scarce amount of time he spent at his house,I always joined him.The relationship between his father and me improved as well when he saw I was all his son had left.I mean sure Isaac was there as well, but he was often just the third wheel.I spent so much of time with Stiles I memorized him, the sparkle in his eyes when he figured out the answer to something he had been pondering over.The way he would never sit still for more than a millisecond.The way he had this smile that he only showed to me, I memorized the sound of his laughter, the way it sounded echoing throughout the loft.When he slowed down only to remember the joke and burst out laughing again.The way he curled up at my side, his body curved perfectly to fit into mine while we watched a movie every Friday.Those were moments that belonged to just the two of us, we never shared them with anyone else.We had something special between us that didn't need words to name it or acknowledge it.We were just happy with the bond that had formed between us, that made us inseparable until that dreadful day happened.

When Stiles' dad passed he was shattered.After the death of his last family member he couldn't tolerate it, he was completely shattered.He felt absolutely guilty that he wasn't there to help to be there for his dad.Prior to the incident, we were all engaged in a gruesome battle with a trespassing pack.It was one of our toughest battles, we were all severely injured, Stiles had taken quite a bit of damage.All I knew is that the next day I had received no calls or texts which wasn't very Stiles-like.I went to see how he was doing and found the house with police tape, and the stench of death and sadness.The week that followed was when Stiles distanced himself and at the end, he announced he needed to leave. We all tried to make him stay, but all our efforts were useless.We knew he needed a break.

Flashback

"When are you leaving?" I asked him as he sat outside his house."Derek, I know you don't want me to leave.I just can't handle this right now.It's too much to process.I need a break, I need to be normal for a while have a normal life and try and heal.I'll come back when I'm ready.I swear.I'll never forget...Anything." he gave me a look that I understood that he wouldn't forget me, he wouldn't forget whatever we were.I knew I needed to let him go, I needed to let him heal.I exhaled deeply and willed myself to not lose my composure."I'm leaving now, I just wanted to say goodbye to you before I left, that's why I called." he said with glassy eyes. He walked up to me and took both my hands into his, I won't forget the unusual warmth they had. He looked me straight in my eyes it was like he was looking into my soul."I'll never forget you Derek.I'll be back as soon as I'm ready." with that he kissed my cheek and disappeared into his baby blue jeep and he was gone.

"I love you," I whispered as the jeep disappeared from sight.I then realized how much he meant to me.I realized how much I didn't want him to leave.I wanted to run after him and try to stop him or go with him, do anything to stay with him.Then it sunk in that he was gone, and I had no idea when he would return or  where he went.

I remember breaking down after that, I had cried for him, it was the first time in years I felt pain like that.I felt awful.I knew Stiles would keep his promise and return. I waited for a year and a half.I started wondering when and if he would come back.It was around that time I met Braeden.She was smart, funny, sarcastic and never afraid to stand up to me.I feel awful that I tried to replace Stiles with the first person that reminded me of him, I honestly do.I just wanted what we had.When I saw Stiles after that it hit me that all I wanted was him.I was just trying to find what we had.I kept trying to feel what I felt when I was with him, no matter who came into my life there was just this emptiness as long as it wasn't him. 

He always seemed to be able to get under my skin, and go straight to my heart and crack my walls and before I knew it, they were gone...