REMILIZA

I WAS traversing the streets where it was surrounded by illuminations coming from the street lights. The sun already subsided hours ago and the atmosphere has been cloaked by the nightfall.

Naglalakad ako sa labas para bumili ng makakain. Ngayon ko lang din kasi naisipang lumabas ng condo unit ko para mag-dinner. Tinapos ko pa 'yong commissions na pinagagawa sa akin ng client.

I stopped by to a nearby convenience store. Dito na lang ako nag-decide na bumili ng pagkain kaysa lumayo-layo pa ako.

"Good evening po," pagbati sa akin ng staff na nasa cashier. Pagkatapos, dumiretso ako sa shelf ng mga microwavable food at kumuha roon ng kakainin ko. Pagkatapos, kumuha na rin ako ng soda sa may chiller, but I decided to get some ice cream, too.

While grabbing a cone, naalala ko tuloy si Branden—lalo na 'yong time na una kaming nagkakilala. Natutuwa ako kapag nagkakasama kami habang napupuno ang bucketlist ko. Well, it's strange that I've grown attachments to him in the short period of time. Dahil ba in a way, pareho kami ng pinagdaraanan? Not that he-can't-remember part, but that we're both feeling lost in this world.

I know we were both strangers but I can't figure out why I can feel that we have this sort-of connection with Branden. Maybe it's just the law of proximity.

"Remiliza."

I was about to leave the store when someone approached by calling my name. Napalingon ako at nakita ang isang babae.

Nagsimula akong kabahan dahil hindi ko kilala ang babaeng kaharap ko. I don't know if we already met.

"Ano po 'yon?" I asked the lady with shoulder-length hair. Alam kong isa rin siyang doktor sa suot niyang white coat.

"Do you want to know something about you, Remiliza?" she volleyed back the question to me.

"S... sino po ba kayo?"

She smiled. "Relax, I'm just a friend." Ang hirap ding basahin ng mukha niya at hindi ko alam kung pagtitiwalaan ko siya o ano.

"Papaano mo nalaman ang pangalan ko?" Alam ko, hindi ko dapat pagkatiwalaan ang kung sino-sino.

"Hindi na importante 'yon, hija." Pagkatapos noon, lumapit pa siya sa akin at saka humarap. "I know you have questions on your existence. Baka naman gusto mong i-clarify ko iyong mga katanungan mo?"

"Excuse me lang po, wala po akong tanong at hindi ko alam ang mga sinasabi n'yo."

"Oh, really?" She raised her eyebrows. "Alam kong deep inside, marami kang katanungan sa sarili mo." She paused for a while. "Bakit nafi-feel mong hindi mo pa nagagawa ang isang bagay kahit naalala mong nagawa mo na 'to? Bakit feeling mo, hindi mo talaga na-experience ang mga nasa memories mo?"

My fierceness subsided as she threw those thoughts to me. How on earth why she knew everything about this?

---

"Would you like some tea?" the lady asked me while I sat in one of the highback sofa chairs. Malayo ang agwat namin na pinagigitnaan ng mahabang table.

Pumayag akong sumama sa babae sa bahay niya kapalit ng mga kasagutan sa kuryosidad ko. She offered to drive me in a small mansion which is just a few minutes away from the condo unit. But still, I have this suspicious look to the lady which I guess her age is around mid-forties.

"Anything goes," I answered sabay inilibot ang aking mata ang buong lugar. The entire area was furnished with different flowers. I do feel some ethereal vibes with the lightings.

Minerva, pag-ready mo kami ng tsaa, okay?" pag-utos niya sa maid na inutusan niya para mag-ready ng tsaa.

"Sino ka ba talaga? Ano ba'ng intensiyon mo?" Diniretsahan ko na siya. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pakay niya sa akin.

Napakrus ang braso niya. "I'm Althea. Dr. Althea Vigor. I'm a clinical psychiatrist." I always noticed her straight face. Hindi man siya ngumingiti, which I find creepy.

"Bakit ako talaga ang puntirya mo? Why it seems you know everything? Is there anything I've done to you before?" I started to get impulsive by spitting those questions. 

Wait, kailan pa ba ako naging obsessed sa paghahanap ng kasagutan?

"To someone, actually," she answered with her straight face once again. Pagkatapos, isa-isang inilagay ng maid 'yong mga tasa sa harap namin kasabay ng pagbuhos niya ng mainit na tubig sa teapot.

"Branden. Does the name ring a bell to you?" Nagtanong ulit siya pagkatapos humigop ng tsaa.

Natigilan ako sa tanong niya. "Y... yes. He's my neighbor." Wait, ano ba'ng kinalaman niya rito? I started to wonder.

"So alam mo naman 'yong nangyari sa kaniyang accident months ago? And kaya nawala ang memories niya, tama ba?" pagfa-follow-up pa niya.

"Yes po." Napayuko ako kasabay ng pag-inom ng tea.

The atmosphere started to become more ominous. Hindi ko na makayanan ang pagiging seryoso ng doctor na kausap ko. "Kung sabihin ko ang totoo tungkol sa 'yo at ang connection nito kay Branden, magbabago pa kaya ang pagtingin mo sa kaniya?" Inilapag niya ang teacup sa saucer at saka niya ako tiningnan nang seryoso.

"Bakit? Ano ba'ng mayro'n sa kaniya?"

"Ayaw ko nang magpaligoy-ligoy pa. Maybe this is already the time to tell you the truth." Hindi ko alam kung bakit lumakas ang kabog ng puso ko. Hindi naman sa epekto ng tsaa ito, pero parang sinisimulan na akong kabahan.

"The memories you're having are not actually yours." I paused for a while and started to think. Hindi naman siguro joke ang sinasabi niya.

"Everything that you know, everything what you have, everything that you remember are actually Branden's."

Out of impulse, napakuyom ang kamao ko at napahalakhak bago nagsalita. "Excuse me, but I have no time for this joke." I am here for answers, pero bakit joke ang ibinigay sa akin? Pinaglalaruan ba niya ako?

"Do you think I am joking?" Pero hindi ko inakalang sa ilang saglit lang, pagkapitik ng mga daliri niya, naramdaman ko ang pagsakit ng ulo ko. Bigla ring lumakas ang pintig ng puso ko at patuloy na namalipit sa sakit ang ulo ko.

After that, different visions flashed into my mind like a slideshow. Paisa-isa silang nagpapakita sa isipan ko.

May isang vision kung saan may grupo ng mga lalaking nagbibisikleta sa ilalim ng paglubog ng araw. May isang vision naman na may isang lalaki na umiinom ng kape sa coffee shop.

How weird that I remember all of these. These visions were also from the walls of my condo unit. But the most weird thing is, all of them... I see Branden. Branden is present in all of these visions, as if he's the central person.

I realized that they are puzzle pieces. They are interconnected until I become aware that all of these memories I remember... are actually Branden's, and not mine.

I screamed because of the excruciating pain that I cannot bear. Pakiramdam ko, nawawala ako sa sarili ko. Hindi ko kinakaya ang mga nalalaman tungkol sa akin at kay Branden.

Hingal na hingal ako habang iniisip ang mga pangyayari. Hindi ko alam ang iisipin o gagawin ko sa mga oras na iyon. That mind-blowing truth made me despise everything.

Napatingin ako kay Dr. Althea nang may pagkamuhi. I feel I've been cheated.

I feel like I'm in need of explanation. I need a justifiable answer to everything.

Dr. Althea started to talk once again while I'm still feeling the guilt. Napatingin pa ako sa mga kamay ko.

"Years ago, our organization established Project Mnemosyne. A joint project aiming for the longevity of human life. By means of this, person who is footsteps away from death can be extracted to create a new persona. Its goal is to continue someone's legacy for longer period of time.

"Nangyari lang na six months ago, may isang lalaki ang naka-experience ng malalang accident and he undergone comatose for three months. The organization took his body for a while and experimented by creating a new vessel from his memories."

Ipinakita niya sa akin ang iba't ibang journals na tungkol sa mga research ng mga scientist. Sa mga nagawang trial. Hindi rin mag-sink-in ang mga salitang na-encounter ko.

Transmaterialization.

First vessel.

Second vessel.

I would never thought that there will be someone who will do such inhumane act.

"The experiment was a success. And that materialized being just happened to sit in front of me. But you are still in the incomplete state, kasi buhay pa rin si Branden hanggang ngayon."

Gusto kong maiyak sa mga narinig ko kay Doctor Althea. Nagkakanda-halo-halo ang aking mga emosyon: guilt, poot, lungkot, panghihinayang.

I realized that my entire existence is a total faux. I should never existed in the first place. Why I was created?

"I actually left the project because of how lucrative my ex-colleagues envisions. And I don't want these innocent lives be wasted by this stupid project. Kaya nandito ako... para tulungang maibalik ang mga alaala ng mga katulad ni Branden."

"Now you know the truth, I want you to make a choice."

"You want to continue living? It's okay with me. Pero kapalit noon ang buhay ni Branden. Mamamatay siya once ipagpatuloy mong mabuhay sa mundong 'to."

"Hindi! Hindi totoo 'yan!" I screamed while standing up the chair. I don't know what to do anymore with this body—this decoy that I'm not supposed to have.

"Or you want to already cease your existence in order to go back to Branden as his memories?"

"This is reality, dear. Lahat ng bagay may kapalit. Every action reciprocates and create an impact to our lives. May I excuse you for a while."

Umalis ulit siya at saka may kinuha. Pagbalik sa table, may inilapag siyang isang box na pinabukas sa akin. At saka naman bumungad ang isang maliit na dagger.

"I created this weapon specially for beings like you. This is used to eliminate personas from extracted memories in order to get back to the original persona." I glared at her at gusto kong magalit sa kaniya. But as emotions emerged, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko sa mga oras na iyon habang hawak-hawak ang dagger na ibinigay sa akin.

"Malaking bagay ang magiging decision na 'to kaya pag-isipan mong mabuti."

Should I really accept my fate?

-O-