-SIN'S POV-

Lizzie's hands trace the waistband of my boxers, as her lips brush against my cheek. Her pink acrylic nails desperately tug, begging for my underwear to come off.

I freeze. I feel nothing.

Determined, her hand enters my boxer, beginning to stroke my length.

"You're not hard." She sighs, removing her hands from my boxers and falling back to my sofa.

I look at my gorgeous girlfriend in pure guilt; why does this keep happening?

"Do you know what, Sin? We haven't had sex since she's been back. Have you noticed that? Since she's been back, I'm like some grotesque monster to you, you're not interested. Am I that old? Be honest, is it me, or is it her? Do you still love her?" Lizzie looks at me, her eyes full of anxiety and insecurities.

I place my hand on her cheek, caressing the underneath of her eye gently. "It's not you, babe. You're my girlfriend, aren't you? I think I'm just really stressed."

"Why can't you get hard for me anymore? It would literally help you destress."

"I don't know, Liz. I don't know what it is, I can't help it. But it's not you." I reply confidently.

"So it's Catalina?"

I sigh, "No. I'm not interested in her like that. I told you babe, I'm just stressed."

"What's stressing you out then? I'm your girlfriend, I'm here to help."

"I'll be fine, can we just drop it?"

"Sin! I want us to be able to communicate with each other."

"I want to drop it." I repeat sternly.

She stares at me again. "I don't want to argue with you, baby. Why are you so defensive? Is she the reason you're stressed?"

Silence.

"I knew it," she gulps, "i knew it. Is she always going to have this immense hold over you?"

"Liz, I didn't even say anything." I reply in a sigh, not in the mood for her bullshit.

She shakes her head, "And that's my point, Sin, there's no communication, already. Silence speaks louder than words, anyway."

"What kind of Pinterest bullshit is that? I asked you to drop it, is that not communication?" I respond slightly angrier, adrenaline starting to build up at the idea of an argument.

She shakes her head again, like a nursery teacher telling off a toddler. "No, Sin. Why is she stressing you out?"

You really want to fucking know? We nearly kissed, Elizabeth.

"I don't think it's just her. It's just everything is stressing me out really and her return isn't helping, you get me? Doesn't mean I like though her, does it babe?"

"I guess you're right," she sighs, "but stress wouldn't stop you from getting hard. It just makes me feel like you aren't attracted to me."

"Do you want me to go? For a bit? So you can calm down, then I can come back and show you just how attractive I find you?" I question, hoping if I return later in the night I'll have some energy inside of me.

She grins, "Now. I like the sound of that, Sin."

When I leave, I head straight to Rhiannon's house. It's the day where Brandon and Marie have their "Daddy and Daughter day" (apparently it assists in healthy relationships or some shit like that) and Rhiannon has the day to herself.

I only come if I know it's safe now. The other day, Marie was at her grandma's and let's just say...

It was not a pretty sight.

At least it was assisting a healthy relationship though!

When I arrive, I am welcomed with warm arms.

"Sin, babe! Missed you. Do you want a coffee?" Rhi asks, engulfing me in a hug.

I shake my head. "Nah, just water, please mate."

"Okay. Are you comfortable with me having a drink? I wanna make the most of alcohol while I can. If you're not, I completely understand and I'll wait till you leave."

I tilt my head, looking at her. "Rhiannon, I own a fucking pub, I can handle people drinking at me."

"I was trying to be nice! So, what happened with.. Elizabeth? Cat? Which one?"

"Why would something happen with Lina?" I raise an eyebrow, wondering what's been said about me.

She shakes her head. "Nothing, nothing. Anyway, we haven't had a catch up in ages, so spill the tea."

Rhiannon adds a slight amount of vodka to her glass, before filling the rest with lemonade. One day, I hope I can do that. Put a safe, casual, normal amount of alcohol in a glass and practically drown it in mixer. Bonus points if I enjoy it, even more bonus points if one day it's enough to make me tipsy.

"Well, before I say anything, what do you mean make the most of alcohol? Some wedding thing?" I ask, raising an eyebrow once more.

She grins. "Do. Not. Tell. A. Soul. Basically, the first reason is boring. After this weekend, I don't want to drink before the wedding, purely because I want to get absolutely pissed at my hen-do and don't want it to cost loads of money. Would be a bonus to lose a few pounds for my dress too. Secondly, after the wedding, Brandon and I are ready to try for baby number two. It'll take a while, so if we start now, we will be in a secure enough place when it's born."

"Wow, are you sure you're ready for another kid? How do you think little Marie will feel?"

"I think Marie will love it," she nods, "maybe not so much if it's a sister, she loves attention. But she would adore a baby brother- she'd protect it with her all. Now, that's my stuff, what's going on with you?"

Taking a sip from my water, I shuffle side to side on the chair. My face becomes a rosy red and I feel my hands clam.

"Well, it's a bit awkward, but, um, I can't get hard for Lizzie."

"Sorry, what?" Rhiannon replies, her eyes widening.

I shrug. "What I said. I don't feel anything when she touches me anymore. I don't know if it's because the thrill has gone now we are dating, I don't know what it is. She's convinced it's because Catalina's back, because apparently we haven't shagged since then."

"And do you think it's because Catalina is back?"

I gulp.

"No, no, of course not. I wouldn't have asked Elizabeth to be my girlfriend if I still had any feelings for Lina, I'm not an asshole. Perhaps the stress of her being back plays a partial role; I don't know. All I know is I can't get hard and it's fucking shit."

"Have you considered taking viagra?" Rhiannon questions, looking serious despite the fact I thought she was joking.

I shake my head. "No. Never. I'm all for a natural orgasm, personally. And I don't think it'll help- she'll know something is off. She's convinced it's because of Catalina, but it's not. I don't know why."

"Fuck, talking about Lina, have you seen her or heard from her recently by any chance?"

"No, why?" I find myself raising an eyebrow for a third time.

I'm lying.

I drove past her hotel the other day. Four days ago, to be precise, is when I drove past. Well, I'm lying again. I drive to her hotel, sat outside and contemplated going in for not ten, not twenty, but thirty minutes. That was, until, I saw her enter the hotel with darling Apollo.

Rhiannon puts her face in her hands. "I'm an awful friend. I completely forgot. She texted me two days ago, saying she was sad, then deleted it. You know what Cat's like-"

"-She will never admit she's sad, I know. Then what?"

"She texted me saying she loved me this morning. I think that's how it was meant to read, anyway. It was more like I looorveg you."

"And you haven't heard from her since?" I reply, the clammy feeling returning to my hands.

Rhiannon shakes her head. "No, no, no."

"Okay. I need to nip to the shop anyway. Do you want me to go to the hotel on my way and check in her?"

Catalina is one of the last people I want to see right now, but I can see the pure fear in Rhi's eyes and although I won't ever admit it, trepidation eats away at me.

Rhiannon nods, looking at me desperately.

"I'd really appreciate that. I can come with you, if you want?"

"No," I shake my head, "chill out, have a good day. If she's not okay, I'll deal with it, alright? Destress, it doesn't mix well with vodka- trust me on that one."

"I'm proud of you, Sin. We all are. I hope you know that."

I nod graciously, trying not to highlight how emotional and meaningful that sentence is to me. I've worked my ass off to get to where I am today, so some acknowledgment isn't awful. Those four words, I'm proud of you, mean more than anyone could ever comprehend.

They repeat through my mind as I drive to the hotel. Someone's proud, someone's noticed. The positive changes within me have affected another; isn't that wonderful?

When I arrive at the hotel, a sickening feeling churns in my stomach. Whether it's from the anxiety of somehow getting in the lift without a key card or not, everyone  always says to trust your gut, and I know my gut is not telling me something good right now.

She's not okay. Whatever's happening, it's not good.

It takes a lot to get the door open. Thankfully, I didn't have to break it, which is quite worrying when you consider safeguarding, but anywho.

"Catalina?" I yell, getting no response.

She's lying on the bed.

Her hair is tangled in a frizzy bun. Her pillow and her face are tear-stained, her eyes glazed over and empty as she looks forward. Her hand is shaking, shaking, shaking, whilst the rest of her stays eerily still.

Over the bed, you can see papers, packets of medicine, an empty bottle of pink gin.

It looks like the still image of a definition of a state.

I grab a water bottle beside her bed and take a sip, making sure to clarify it's water before giving it to her. She doesn't want to accept it, so I place it against her lips, forcing her to take in the H2O.

"Catalina, what the fuck? What the fuck? Why did you do this? Keep drinking, don't reply yet, keep drinking." I urge, my eyes welling up at the sight of her like this.

She opens her lids slightly more, staring up at me, her pupils glazed over yet somehow maintaining the image of raw pain.

"Leave me be." She whimpers, coughing up some of the water slightly.

I shake my head. "Don't be a fucking idiot. Who was there for me when I was like this? If you need to be sick, just do it, I can clean it up."

"No," she shakes her head, "I don't need to.. to.. to be sick. Please don't," she hiccups, "please don't hate me."

I had planned that the next time I saw her I would make a rude comment about Apollo entering her hotel with her, but that desire has gone. I just want her to be okay.

She needs to be okay.

I wrap her in my arms, rocking her back and forth like a baby, as she sobs on my shoulders.

"Trust me, Lina, I've tried. I can't ever hate you." I respond, as she sobs into my chest.

How is she not sick? She stinks of weed, her bed is filled with shit that would have at least made her sick, if not worse.

"You do.. hate..me," she stutters, her face turning a pale white, "else, you wouldn't have ignored my voicemail."

"I don't hate you, Lina. I don't hate you. I don't know what voicemail you mean. My phone's been off the past few days, that might be why. I don't know. Let's not focus on that, you need to get better."

She gags.

"Right, I'm carrying you to the toilet, it's two seconds away, okay? Just stay with me baby, stay with me."

I hold her hair back as she is sick not once, not twice, but three times.

She continues to drink the water, being more responsive now she's sick. I try and scan her room for anything dry like digestives, crisps, or bread.

"Lay down. You can put your head on this pillow, or my shoulder- I don't mind. I need you to speak to me. Okay? There's no judgement."

Lina nods slowly, resting her head on my shoulder.

She looks weak. Fragile. Broken. It makes me nauseated seeing her in this state, knowing she would normally be mortified that she was displaying even an ounce of emotion in front of anyone.

I think she needs serious help. But she's an adult, it's up to her to get it.

"Why would you do this, Lina?" I whisper, rubbing my hand along her arm.

She murmurs in an insecure voice, "I miss my madre, my abuelo, everyone. I hate myself. I hate this world, without them. Without yo- without having a place."

"I told you. Catalina, you'll always have me. There is so many people in this world who care so much for you, it's unbelievable. This shouldn't be your last resort, you can always come to me in a crisis. I won't talk about this right now, but I need to know what you've taken."

"I don't know." She whispers back, her eyes full of anxiety and regret.

I bite my lip, looking down at her. "Okay. Okay. I think I need to call an ambulance then, to be safe."

"No!" She half-yells, her voice too broken to do so but the intention was clear, "no. Please, no. I'm fine. You can go, you can stay, whatever, but don't call an ambulance."

"Catalina...."

"Please." She whimpers, her eyes looking up and straight into mine.

I sigh. "Okay. Okay. I won't. But you need to keep drinking this water. And, I know it sucks, but you need to puke it out your system."

She winces at the idea, her hand clutching her stomach, her throat hoarse from when she was last sick. Nobody likes being sick, but if she gets it out the system I can feed her and she can continue drinking water. I can help her, she just needs to let me.

"I don't want to be here, Sin. Nobody wants me here."

"I'm not having this conversation with you, not right now, anyway. You're not in the state. But remember Catalina. people love you. You mean so much to all of us, you're amazing, okay? You have so much worth in you, you need to see it for yourself." I reply, rubbing her back gently.

Catalina's eyes gaze into mine. "Is that including you?"

I shake my head. "Now is not the time for that, Lina. We can talk when you're better, okay?"

"I.." she gags, putting her hand over her mouth, shaking her head.

Quickly, I pick her up and carry her to the toilet. I hold her hair back as she's sick in the toilet, my heart shattering with every sob that comes with the sick.

"You're doing so well, princess."

She gags again. "Don't call me that, you soppy shit. Get me. g.. get me water, please."

"Here you go. Don't worry, I forgot that I already have the perfect nickname for you. Drink up, little red."

"You haven't called me that in ages." Lina replies, going to tilt her head but I presume it was too much for her body as she winces.

I shrug. "This was giving me deja vu."

Catalina stares at me for a second, then laughs. A genuine, somewhat happy laugh. Despite this situation, I managed to get that beautiful sound to escape from her lips.

Fuck.

"Fuck, laughing hurts my head. I think I need some medicine to help...."

"I reckon you've got enough in your system. Drink more water, then you are going to have a nap. And whilst your napping, I'm going to get food."

"Okay, bed sounds like a good idea." She nods, taking another sip from her water.

With my support, we manage to walk her to her bed. I help her get into the bed whilst resisting the urge to make many inappropriate jokes- there's a time and place. I tuck her under the blanket and check her bottle is full.

There's a Chinese about three minutes away, which I nip into. I order: egg fried rice, chicken satay sticks, spring rolls and a shit ton of other stuff, but those three are Catalina's favourite.

I also grab a huge bottle of water, to make sure she can have one by her bed without needing somebody to top it up every two seconds.

I want her to be okay; any friend would want her to be okay.

"Lina, I'm back! How you feeling?" I ask, walking into the hotel room.

She looks up at me, rolling her eyes practically into the back of her head. "Yes Sin, I'm fucking amazing. How do you think I feel?"

"And there's the Cat we all know and love." I tease, putting the Chinese on her bed.

She crosses her arms. "Tell me why there is food on my bed, Mr Moon?"

"Shut the fuck up and enjoy it."

After an hour of feeding Catalina water and chinese, she seems to be feeling slightly better. Her emerald green eyes, normally filled with a tempting spark, are still glazed over and cold. I think she's still high, still feeling the effects of whatever drugs she took.

She needs help. I made that change and I know she has it in her too. She's so unbelievably strong. She always has been. She's been through so much, yet she's still here.

I'm so fucking proud of her.

"Sin. Before I threw up, I asked you if it included you."

I shake my head. "We agreed it's not the time."

"Then when will it be, Sin?"

"I should go home. Are you going to be okay?" I check, tucking that silly strand that always falls in her face behind her ear.

She bites her lip. "Okay. We are ignoring it. Okay."

"Lina, please. Are you going to be okay?" I whisper, begging her to convince me.

She rolls her eyes. "I'm fine. I'm going to sleep. Bye."

Catalina yawns, pulling her duvet over her head. I sigh, placing her water bottle beside her bed. Next, I collect all the rubbish and dump it in a carrier bag beside the bin- the size of the hotel bin is too small for all the food we stuffed ourselves with.

When I've all cleaned up, I glance at Catalina, seemingly asleep in her bed.

"You know I'll always love you, little red." I whisper, planting a soft kiss on her forehead before I leave.

A hand grabs my arm. "Stay, you soppy shit."

Fuck.

"I shouldn't..."

"Lizzie, I know. I'm not asking to fuck, I'm asking you to stay. Please." She murmurs in a sleepy voice, patting the empty side of her bed.

Surely a little sleepover wouldn't hurt?

I mean, she clearly needs me.

"Okay. Okay. Okay, I'll stay."

~~~~~~~

Hey guys,
a lot of dialogue for you all today, my bad.

I loved writing this chapter despite my heart breaking for Catalina. Maybe in the third book I'll let her be happy, who knows.

Sin is staying with Lina tonight!

I wonder what Lizzie will think of that?

love you guys <3