• • •

3 Years Earlier

Winning a Super Bowl felt exactly how Noah thought it would.

Loud. Bright. Heavy.

Reporters ran around, shoving microphones in his face:

"Noah, you ran for a career high two hundred yards tonight. How do you feel?"

"You've only been in the league for three years, how does it feel to win a Super Bowl so early on?"

"What is going through your mind right now?"

Teammates placed a hat on his head, handed him a shirt. Hugs. So many hugs.

Noah felt exhausted, his body seeming to understand that it was over and shutting down by the second. It didn't matter, really. He'd do it all over again.

At twenty-five years old, Noah Walker was a Super Bowl champion, and Super Bowl MVP.

He remembered being grabbed by the back of his helmet before the final kneel down, something yelled in his face Noah couldn't even hear over the crowd. He remembered finding his people in the crowd, they were celebrating before the game clock hit zero.

His best game of his career, on the biggest stage of his career.

How does it feel?

The truth? Noah didn't know.

• • •

The party had started three hours ago. Maybe four. At some point he'd stopped checking.

Dancers surrounded them, Noah struggled to keep his focus, the months of no alcohol catching up to him fast.

"I like her." Kelsey shouted in his ear, "Her ass is real— touch it!"

His hand reached out on its own accord, checking, "It is." He gave her the stack of money he had, "Throw it, I gotta throw up."

"Lame ass nigga." Trey turned his bottle up, "We needa' get you back in the streets."

Noah stood, "I'll be right back."

He made his way to the restroom, the music pulsing in time with the headache he was getting.

The walk was crowded. What should've taken a minute at most, took ten.

People congratulated him, grabbed him. He took another shot he didn't want, another picture he wasn't interested in taking. Posed with the trophy he didn't even remember making it into the club.

Finally, the restroom door closed behind him. He leaned against the door for a second, feeling safe to stumble to the urinal— to the sink where he splashed cold water on his face after he finished.

He stayed there longer than necessary. Hands braced on the sink, water dripping off his jaw, eyes closed.

Outside the door, the bass was relentless. He could feel it in his teeth.

Noah opened his eyes, his reflection staring back at him. The championship hat sat crooked on his head.

He was too far gone to fix it, too tired to care that his phone kept vibrating in his pocket.

Anybody who he cared to talk to, he'd already done it. They came to the game.

His parents.

Kelsey.

Jared.

Trey.

Her parents.

Noah paused, pulling his phone out.

If it were anything else, any other time, he would've talked himself out of searching for her contact. He wouldn't have pressed the call icon.

Maybe he would've hung up after one ring. Or, not called again after she didn't answer the first time.

"Hello?"

"That's how you do me?" Noah asked.

There was a pause, "I said congratulations."

"Fuck that. How everybody here but you?"

Laken sighed, "Noah, I told you I couldn't make it in the group chat."

"And never said why."

His balance was gone again, he leaned against the wall to steady himself, "Everybody else moved shit around except you."

"Did it ever occur to you that I couldn't move shit around?"

"What's more important than this?"

It sounded wrong out loud, confirmation in the humorless laugh that left Laken, "Life, Noah. Your life revolves around football— mine doesn't. I'm so fucking happy for you, so proud of you but that doesn't stop what I have going on."

"It never did."

"Why is that a problem? It's other shit to worry about besides running up and down a field in fuckin' tights."

Noah shook his head even though she couldn't see, "That's crazy."

"No, what's crazy is calling me at three in the morning 'cause I missed a football game."

"The fucking Super Bowl."

"See?"

Noah rubbed a hand over his face. The room tilted slightly. Maybe he did.

He was faintly aware that someone was pounding on the door.

Noah settled on, "I never would've missed shit that meant that much to you. Tell me why you weren't here."

"Would it matter?"

"Yes."

She was quiet on the other end, taking a while to respond, "I'm leaving for the airport in like two hours. You're actually fucking up my trip before it starts."

"Where you going?"

"Italy."

Anyone Laken would've made that trip with was already with him. It had to be someone else, "With who?"

"...Wes. His dad stepped down, he's the CEO now, so we're celebrating."

Noah laughed once. Not mean, not happy. Just the sound a person makes when something lands that they weren't prepared for.

He didn't even know who Wes was.

"I don't give a fuck— do both. You really played in my face like that?"

"I wasn't playing in your face."

"What you call it? You let your brother come, your mama all them, and nigga can't show up 'cause she fucking on somebody else?"

Laken was growing impatient, irritation lacing her tone, "Noah, you're overly drunk right now. That's the only reason I haven't hung up— where's Jared?"

"Why it matter?"

"Somebody must've laced you. Don't ever in your fucking life call my phone talking crazy."

He snorted, "I'll never call this motherfucka' again."

Laken hung up.

He stood there with the phone in his hand, his reflection in the mirror, pounding on the door.

Jared was waiting as soon as he opened it, "I leave you alone for five seconds, and you go starting shit."

"Fuck her."

"Crazy— she said the same thing."

Music swallowed them again. More shots, more women.

Somewhere between smiling for a picture while his cheek was pressed against a dancer's ass, and pouring drink in another's mouth, Noah realized he needed to go back to his hotel.

Kyser probably had enough shit to complain about tomorrow.

"Kels."

"Hm?"

"I'm finna leave, you staying?"

She had shades covering her face, pushing them high to make eye contact, "I'ma' say something— don't ever repeat it."

"Okay?"

"I think Jared flirting with me. I asked Lake about it, but she being dry as fuck I'm wondering if it's because she don't want me to rock her brother world."

Noah laughed, "Why you think he flirting?"

"I know men. That nigga flirting." Kelsey leaned closer, "I'll fuck his ass to the floor I just don't wanna cause problems."

"You don't have no friends to tell this shit to? I don't wanna hear about you fucking nobody to the floor."

"Well, Lake taking too long to respond. I need immediate feedback."

Jared chose then to approach, squatting down in front of them, "Lake asked me to take you back to your room."

"She called you?"

"Been texted me. Why you think I was beating on that door?"

"I don't need no fucking babysitter."

Kelsey shifted uncomfortably as Jared responded, "Stay or go nigga, I don't give a fuck. I just said she asked me to do it."

"And I already told you fuck her."

Jared stared at him, "I let you have the first one, 'cause like I said, she said the same thing. I'm giving you this one too. You ain't got another one before this turn into some more shit."

"It's cool." Kelsey interrupted, "Noah said he was leaving anyway."

The three of them made it out without incident.

The night air hit Noah immediately — thick and warm, but still a relief after hours of recycled club air. He stood on the curb for a second, letting it land on his face while Jared handled the car.

Kelsey appeared beside him, bumping his shoulder with hers. "You good?"

"I'm straight."

She looked at him the way she looked at people when she'd already decided not to believe them but wasn't going to argue about it tonight. "Okay."

The car pulled up. Black, quiet, exactly what he needed.

Then it was the three of them and the driver, the city sliding past the windows.

Noah leaned his head back against the seat.

The silence was different out here. Not empty — just absent of everything that had been filling it for the last four hours. No music. No cameras. No congratulations from people he didn't know.

His hotel was twenty minutes out.

Noah made it about five before he pulled his phone out.

He wasn't drunk enough to dismiss that Jared and Kelsey were there, but enough to know he didn't care.

Two rings, "Mr. I'll never call this motherfucka' again."

"You know I ain't mean that."

"I do. That doesn't make it less disrespectful."

Noah leaned his head against the window, the cool glass felt good, "I'm sorry, Laken."

They had the decency to pretend they were ignoring him, Jared looking out of the window, Kelsey scrolling on her phone.

"I wanted you here as... Whatever I could've had you as. You just ain't come and sent me 'congratulations'."

The line was quiet.

Then, "Can you name the last thing you showed up for?"

Noah hesitated just long enough for her to keep talking, "Exactly. I don't hold that against you, so I'm telling you not to hold it against me."

It was so easy to blame it on the long day he'd had.

So he did.

None of it answered her question. The early wake up. The game. The afterparty.

He chose, "I'm on the other side of the country."

"So are we." Laken replied, "And you still expected to see us there."

The city moved past the window. Jared was very interested in something on his phone.

"You saw all the shit I went through to get here. I thought you would've wanted to see it pay off."

"The pay off is only for you, Noah." Laken hadn't raised her voice once, "The rest of the world continues."

"What happened to being proud of me?"

"I am. I'm proud that you were MVP, that you won, had the best game of your career... But now what?"

Another season.

Another ring.

Another record.

Another championship.

The problem was he didn't say any of it.

Because for the first time all night, it sounded hollow.

Her question hung there. A simple question, an answer that should've been just as simple.

"You spent so much time chasing this. You got it. Now what?"

"I don't know."

"Let me know when you figure it out. I have to go."

Noah closed his eyes as their car approached the hotel, "Have fun."

"Drink water."

"I love you."

Laken hesitated, "I love you, Noah. Water."

• • •