Who she is doesn't matter but how she hurts me without knowing it does

1.) I feel scared of her so scared that I can't even say some of the things I feel without wanting to hide from her like she'll actually hurt me to the point where I don't feel good from it and I just hurt

2.) I don't even know if she loves me anymore and it hurts to think of her without constantly getting the dreadful feeling that my heart will be broken again

3.) I love her so much though to the point where I feel so different... so broken apart from her not being there that I always come back

4.) When she gets information out of me by saying she won't talk to me it hurts it hurts so much I have flashbacks of the mentally and emotionally abusive relationship I had to go through where he just left me only to make me sad and want him more I don't think she notices but those flashbacks of him are painful to remember

i'm too scared to put anymore so I'll s-stop............