"Hi. My name is Leonard Church. But, nobody calls me Leonard. Most people call me Church. Sometimes they call me Alpha, and a few people even know me as the Director. But I haven't been called that in a really, really long time. You see, I know that when you look at me, I know I look like a super badass space warrior, but I'm really not. I'm actually a-!"

"Hey, Church!"

"Uh, h-gh- just uh, ignore, uh- I'm actually a computer program, that's been reincarnated in the memory of--"

"Church!"

"I'm actually a computer program--"

"Hey, Church!"

"That's been reincarnated in the memory of a--"

"Where the hell are you?!"

"Okay, uh, I'm just gonna start over. Uh I'm just uh- I'll just ta- I'm just gonna go back to the beginning."

"Church!"

"Hi."

"Church!"

"My name is Leonard Church."

"Church!"

"But, nobody calls me--"

"Hey, Church, come on!"

Church, a light blue armored soldier, grunts and shouts in frustration, "Hhhhhngh. Goddammit, what!? What do you want!?"

He looks up in the direction of the annoying voice, and over on the cliff side, a soldier in teal armor, Tucker, is waiting for him, "Come on, get up here!"

"Yeah, okay, hold on, for God's sakes I'm coming. Shut up!"

Church starts to trek over the small barren field he resides in, known as Blood Gulch Canyon. As he takes the small journey, he continues to curse under his breath, "Goddammit, I can't even have one fucking moment to myself. Can't even be alone with my thoughts, not even for a second. Someone's always gotta fucking yell, or scream or, "come look at this; what's going on over here" or "hey Church, help me out, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing." Fucking assholes. God, I forgot how much this place sucks."

Back by Tucker, he turns around to meet with his other teammates. Caboose, with dark blue armor and an older helmet with an orange visor, and Ghost, with lime green armor and royal purple accents.

"Now when he gets up here, remember the plan," Caboose speaks, sounding determined underneath that helmet.

"Plan? What plan?" Tucker asked, dumbfounded.

"We only have one shot at this, don't let it fall apart."

You would think it was a serious situation, but this was Caboose of all people. Nothing about him should be taken seriously. This is something Tucker knows, "Why are you talking to me like this is supposed to make sense? Is this another one of your idiot schemes to make Church your best friend?"

"Honestly, I think he comes up with all these plans of his in his head, and then just assumes we can hear his thoughts," Ghost pitches in. And as it turns out, Private Ghost is a female. She leans against the side of the box canyon, folding her arms and smirking underneath her helmet as she watches the show play out in front of her.

Caboose hears Church approaching and starts whispering, "Okay shhh- remember, let me do the talking."

Tucker reverts back to being tired of Caboose's bullshit, "Do the talking about what, idiot?"

"Don't worry, I got this."

"Famous last words," Ghost remarks.

"What would I be worried about? I don't even know what you're doing," Tucker deadpans.

As he says this, Church comes jogging up the slope of the cliff, winded from his jog and gasping for air. Caboose pays no attention to this however and talks as if he was a computer or someone trying to memorize their lines, "Hey Church, welcome to the cliff."

Church wheezes, "Hey guys, hey guys-hhh, man, whoo!"

"Okay, abort. The plan did not work," Caboose panics.

Tucker isn't amused, "That was it? Okay, now I actually wanna know, what was the plan? 'Cause apparently phase one was saying hi. What was next, were you gonna wave?"

"Abort. Abort."

"I think he was expecting Church to just go on and on about how much of a good best friend he is right after he says hello. Classic," Ghost deducts like she spoke Caboose's language.

Church is still gaping like a fish, his hands to his knees, "How... what're you guys... what do you guys want?" He gasps.

"Dude, are you fucking dying?" Tucker asks, "You sound like my vacuum cleaner when it picks up a penny."

"You have a vacuum cleaner?" Ghost asks with a sarcastic tone, clearly used to the male idiocy surrounding her.

"Sure!" Tucker confirms, while underneath his helmet he's wiggling his eyebrows, "Come to my room tonight and I'll show ya. Bow chicka bow wow."

Church finally tries regaining his breathing as he pushes the conversation on, "I'm just a little uh, out of breath. I'm not used to this, it's been a while since I uh, had a human body."

Caboose stutters excitedly, "Oh God I know, I- I hate having one of those; i-it's like, it always wants to pee. Like all the time."

"What the fuck is everyone talking about today?" Tucker exclaims, "Did I miss a staff meeting? What other body would you have?"

Church catches himself and clears his throat, "It's uh, it's a long story. Remind me to tell you some time. So uh, what's up, what's goin' on?"

"We have movement over at the Red Team's base. I thought we should check it out. Actually, I thought we should ignore it, but there's really not anything else to do," Tucker admits.

"Movement? What kind of movement?"

"The red kind," Caboose comments.

"They can't do any other kind of movement, honestly," Ghost scoffs.

The four Blues look over the cliff side and towards the other end of the canyon, where a similar base to their own lies. Tucker turns them back on the subject at hand, "Remember that new vehicle they got?"

"Yeah, the Puma?" Ghost asked.

"What? No way, it's totally a Warthog. Anyway, they've been making modifications to it."

"Well that doesn't sound good," Church observed, "How're they modifying it?"

"I don't know, why are you asking me?" Tucker sassed, clutching his gun tighter.

"Wait- you've been up here watching them all this time, can't you make a guess?"

"Well I don't know man, they sure as hell ain't installing a stereo."

"Thanks," Church muttered sarcastically, "Caboose, what do you think it is?"

"Yeah, actually I was gonna say stereo, but now it seems like a bad idea to say that so now I'm going to say... radio."

"That's the same thing, idiot," Tucker groans.

"Yup I know, but I still think I won somehow..."

"Here, let me see the sniper rifle, I'll check for myself," Church grunts while switching out his usual melee with their one and only sniper rifle, looking through the scope.

"Do you even know how to use that thing?" Tucker asked.

"Do I know how to use- of course I know how to use it," Church exclaims, before he suddenly trails off while examining the rifle, "Don't uh... hey where's the um... how do I make it do the thing, the... the thing, where everything gets closer? Everything gets closer and bigger? How do I do the closer, bigger thing, with it?"

"You mean zoom?"

"Zoom, yeah that's it, zoom. What's that- oh are you saying, do I say zoom? Zoom. Zoom! Rifle."

"Press the black button," Tucker orders with a non-impressed sound in his voice.

"Oh..." Church does so and what follows was a small string of silence, "Shut up.

"Hey, I didn't say a word, dude."

"I think your age is showing, Church," Ghost's voice clearly was amused.

"Shut. Up," Church growls before going back to spying on the Reds from across the canyon, "Huh. Yeah, looks like they've modified their jeep. They changed the turret. What is that, like some kind of radar dish?"

"I think it's a rocket launcher," Tucker noted.

"That's impossible. You can't fire rockets from a jeep, dumbass. There'd be too much uh... torque, or something like that. It's probably some kind of like a microwave transmitter."

"Well, they were loading rockets in it earlier, so, unless they were microwaving explosives for a tasty snack, it's probably a rocket launcher," Tucker sassed back.

"Oh great, now I want a snack," Caboose's shoulder sunk.

Ghost pats his shoulder, "I'll fix you up an MRE when we get back."

"Hey, didn't you hear what I said about the torque?" Church snapped at Tucker, ignoring Caboose and Ghost for the moment, "It's probably like-!"

He couldn't finish his sentence as the cliff they were standing on suddenly explodes in their faces, sending all four of them back, the explosion ringing in their ears and causing their hearts to race.

Ghost feels her back slam against the rock wall behind her during the impact and screams out in frustration during the sudden blast, "FUCK!"

Church appeared to be in the same boat as his teammate, "Son of a bitch!"

"Yeah, I'm feeling pretty confident about my rocket launcher guess," Tucker groaned once he regained himself.

Caboose tried shaking off the effects of the blast while shaking his own head, "Yeah, I don't know, I think Church was right. I'm pretty sure I just torqued in my pants."

The Blues suddenly find themselves taking fire yet again, another rocket from the Reds blasting and exploding in their position, causing Tucker to fly back again, "Ah! I hate being right all the time."

"Was that Donut?" Church asked in pure disbelief when he heard a familiar, flamboyant voice giving orders to the other Reds to fire again.

"I don't know, that's the chick who was working on the jeep," Tucker grunts.

"He's not a girl, Tucker, he just wears pink armor. It's a guy."

Tucker's voice suddenly dropped of its sarcasm, feigning in disbelief, "It is? Are you sure?"

Church sighs, "Yes, I'm sure."

Tucker began to stutter, "Uh, then I suddenly feel pretty awkward about something I did twenty minutes ago."

"During Alone Time," Caboose confirms.

"What the hell is Alone Time?" Church demands.

"When Tucker questions being a raging bisexual," Ghost chuckles.

"Fuck off, Ghost! I'm not into dudes!"

"I don't know..." the female soldier trails off for dramatic effect, clearly enjoying this, "I'm sure even if the one in pink armor wasn't a girl, you wouldn't have cared. You're just saying that you feel awkward about your thoughts during Alone Time because you're still closeted."

Church wasn't so amused, "What. The Hell. Is Alone Time?!"

"Hey, it's one of the rules of the cliff, dude. What happens in Alone Time STAYS in Alone Time," Tucker defends.

Ghost scoffs playfully while turning to Church, "Like I said: RAGING bisexual."

"You're a terrible person," Tucker simply states.

Ghost sighs, "I know. It keeps me up at night."

"What do you do during Alone Time, Caboose?" Church asked the private.

"Oh, I do the same stuff I do during Together Time... only half."

"What?"

"Another benefit of Alone Time, not listening to him for a few minutes," Tucker groans.

"More so to think about him," Ghost teases.

Tucker gets defensive, his voice raising a little, "Oh, yeah, bitch? What do YOU do during Alone Time?"

"Oh, you would just LOVE to know, would ya, Tucker?"

"Bow chicka bow wow."

"Dammit. Rocket jeeps? Donut giving orders? This is getting ridiculous. I'm putting a stop to this," Church growls as he suddenly stands up, being completely open to any fire the Reds send their way.

"Church, wait!" Tucker calls after him just as the ground began to shake and Caboose starts to panic.

"Tucker, get down! They're firing again."

"That wasn't a rocket," Tucker observes, "That was something else."

"And since when did YOU care about Tucker's well-being?" Ghost accused Caboose since she clearly had every reason to believe Caboose didn't like their flirtatious teammate.

"Church, where are you going?" Tucker runs after their leader, "Church!

"To set things straight, Tucker," Church calls back, "If we're gonna do this, it has to be done the right way. Or there's no point in doing it at all, okay? There's an order to things, Tucker, an order!"