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I hear feet shuffling along the hardwood floors outside my bedroom door as I lay down in bed, my eyes on the ceiling.

I watch as the old fan spins around and around, not cooling down any of the humidity that is causing my discomfort.

The door opens with a whine but I don't look over to see who it is.

Tonight, I feel drained. Drained of energy and drained of caring about anything. I'm not phased about the person about to walk into my room. As if I can control who it is, anyway.

I can see the mop of blond hair in my periphery vision. Hunter's wearing loose tracksuit pants that hang low on his hips and he's bare-chested. I gulp.

"You can't stay in here again. It's wrong, Hunter," I whisper, tucking my hands behind my head, resting them on the pillow.

I continue to stare unblinkingly at the ceiling, feeling the weight of the world crushing me.

"I don't care if it's wrong, Ellie. I just want to make sure you're alright," he whispers, leaning against the door.

He crosses his arms over his chest, but I make sure that it doesn't seem like I'm looking. "I'm fine," I whisper.

"No, you're not."

I sigh, closing my eyes. "I'm not in the mood to fight with you about this. If you already know my answer, then why ask?"

"Because I wanted to give you the opportunity to be truthful with me."

I don't know what he expects from me. It's so abundantly clear that I have feelings for him, but my whole life, I've only known how to hate him. This new found development isn't something I know how to handle.

"Please, just leave," I whisper, keeping my eyes shut in an attempt to stop any unwanted tears.

"No. I know you need someone right now," he says, sitting on the floor next to my mattress. "I know you really want to talk."

"And what? You think that just because I want to talk to someone, that I want it to be you?"

I'm purposely trying to hurt him in an attempt that he'll leave me alone. I'm not in the mood to have a heart-to-heart with someone I'm trying to let go of.

"I'll go first," he says, completely ignoring my response.

I groan softly as he begins, turning to face the wall away from him.

"It's been a shit couple of years for me," he says and I roll my eyes.

"Oh, and it's just been sunshine and rainbows for me," I say, sarcastically.

"I lost my mum," he blurts, and my chest instantly tightens. "To cancer. Five years ago."

I almost open my mouth to tell him I'm sorry, but I stop myself. I know when mum left I never wanted pity. So, would Hunter?

"I want you to know that I will never excuse my father's behaviour anymore, but he wasn't always like this, El. When my mother was around, he was never like this. I never saw him frown or threaten to kill someone. She was the light of his life and when she died, his world turned to darkness. He can't live without her, even now. I still see the pain in his eyes."

A part of me wants to reach out to hold his hand but the more sensible part of me doesn't. Instead, I focus on my breathing. I don't like to admit it, but I can see why Hunter has such a hard time comprehending who his father really is now.

Maybe when you grow up with someone who is always perfect but suddenly turns dark, maybe it's harder to let go of the good in that person. Maybe he doesn't want to lose hope in the one parent he has left.

Maybe Hunter and I have this in common. Maybe that's why I give my father so many chances to be better. My mum left me, and I don't want to lose him too.

"I don't think I've ever been the same since she died, either. I never used to be like this."

"Like what?" I whisper into the darkness, watching as the moon sweeps in through the fraying curtains.

"Like a broken, fucked-up, idiot. I've made a lot of mistakes, Ellie. One of them was not saving you."

"You can't take back the past," I whisper, "you can only make the future."

"That's some real poetic shit you're spewing there," he grins and I watch as his face lights up, even in the darkened room.

"Shut up," I say, unable to suppress my giggles.

I quickly clear my throat, watching as Hunter laughs at my attempt of being mad at him again.

We fall into silence. All I can hear is the sound of the old fan again.

"Why did you tell me all that?" I ask, pulling my knees to my chest. I look over at him as he lays on the floor, mirroring the way my arms are folded behind my head.

"Because I wanted to. Because I trust you and sometimes it's nice to get shit off your chest."

We lapse into comfortable silence, but I can feel the need to spew my own secrets brewing too.

"I've lost my mum, too."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know that," he says, genuinely surprised.

I had always thought that all The Razors would have known about my mum's sudden decision to leave her family. It's weird to see that Hunter really didn't know.

"At least your mum loved you though, Hunter. At least she stayed until she couldn't fight anymore."

"What are you talking about? I'm sure your mum loved you, too."

"No," I laugh, angrily. "She definitely does not love me, let alone care."

"How can that be true? Who wouldn't love someone like you?" he says, and my heart stupidly swarms.

"If she did, then why did she leave me?" I say, sounding like my ten-year-old self all over again. "Why did she decide to pack up and leave me without a mother?"

"See, the difference between you and I, Hunter, is the fact that you had a mum who loved you and stayed until her death. Whereas, mine, she left me when I was ten just because she could. One day, she walked out the door and never came back. Haven't seen her since."

I feel the tears prick the corners of my eyes. I hate that I still care so much, even after 7 years of trying to move on.

Hunter's hand moves to my cheek as he brushes away the single tear that lands softly on my face.

"I didn't know that. I shouldn't have brought up my mother. I wouldn't if I had known that—"

"No, stop that. Your mother's death is a lot sadder than my screwed up story. It must have been so much worse seeing someone you loved disappear right in front of you."

"It's the worst," he croaks and I instantly sit up.

He comforted me and now I'll do that same.

I know that we shouldn't be doing this, we shouldn't be getting closer to each other. It will only make it more painful to say goodbye.

I sit on his lap, wrapping my arms around his bare chest. I rest my head on his shoulder, holding on tight. He instantly returns the gesture, resting his face on the top of my head. He kisses my hair softly and it makes me feel even sadder. This is what normal couples get to do, and I will never have that with him. I will never get to hold him like this ever again.

"I didn't realise how complicated your life was. I always thought that you were probably stuck-up, like your brother," he says and I laugh softly.

"Noah's not stuck-up, he's just—he likes to win and he thinks he always will."

"I'm pretty sure that's the definition of stuck-up," he mumbles into my hair.

"He isn't always like that, though. He's always there for me. Especially when we were younger, after mum had just left us. He was always the strong one who protected me."

"He's really the only person who's ever been there for me. Not even my dad really cares anymore, not since mum left. I think it hurts him to look at me because I look so much like her, my mother I mean. But doesn't he realise that I'm the one who has to live with this face? Doesn't he realise that every time I look in a mirror I almost cry at the resemblance?"

"Don't say that. I don't believe that's true," he says, rubbing his hands up and down my back, causing goosebumps to rise.

"But now I'm scared," I admit. "I'm scared for Noah because he's changing. He's turning into the man I never wanted him to be. A true Skull member."

"He's always been a true Skull member, El."

"Not around me, he hasn't. He's always been my sweet, protective brother. But now he's different. Now he's almost like my dad."

"Are you surprised by that?"

"Not really," I admit in defeat. I've always known there was a chance Noah could become obsessed.

He guides me to lay down with him, my head now on his chest.

"How are you, anyway? Does it still hurt?" I run my fingers over the bandage covering his stomach.

"It doesn't actually hurt that much," he whispers, rubbing my hair soothingly. My eyes flutter closed involuntarily.

"I heard the good news," he says, monotone. "You get to go home tomorrow."

"If everything goes to plan, that is."

"Trust me, I'll make sure you get out of here safely."

I look up to meet his eyes and suddenly, he's leaning down to kiss me gently. We both sit up and I'm in his lap again as he moves his mouth against mine.

Butterflies explode inside of me and I wrack my fingers through his blonde hair, wondering if I will ever get sick of this feeling. I don't think it's possible.

He pushes me closer to him as he deepens the kiss, gently placing a hand against the back of my head.

"God, you're beautiful," he whispers in between kisses.

I pull back, removing my shirt, completely forgetting for a moment that I had taken my bra off for bed. His eyes rake down my chest but I quickly draw my mouth back to his, leaning against him.

"I don't think I deserve this. I don't think I deserve to ever have you."

I pull back, frowning. "If we could be together...trust that I would want that."

"Then why not be? Why not just say, 'fuck it', and be together?" he says, bringing his hands to my face.

"You know why, Hunter."

He sighs, leaning his head against the wall and raking a hand through his hair. "I hate this," he mutters.

"I do too," I say, rubbing circles over his shoulder blades. "I wish it could be different."

"It shouldn't have to be like this," he says.

"No" I agree. "It shouldn't, but it is. We can't keep doing this, it isn't helping either of us move forward."

"But what if I don't want to move on? What if I just want to be with you?"

I look away, pulling my top back on. I sigh, squeezing my eyes shut. If I say something back that gives him hope, he will never be able to leave this room. I need to stop this now before it goes any further.

"We would never work anyway," I say, climbing off his lap. "You'll find someone more accustomed to your lifestyle eventually."

I won't lie, it stings to think of Hunter being with anyone else. I don't want to picture him kissing, touching or even hugging another girl.

"Don't do this, Ellie. I know you're just trying to push me away to make it easier for both of us, but it won't work," he says.

"No matter what, the knowledge that we are supposed to be enemies will always be there," I say, my voice cracking.

"No one will ever accept us. Your dad would probably kill me."

I know it's a low blow to bring up what his dad would do to me, but I know it's the only thing that will get him to leave this room.

Unintentionally, I start to break down. Everything is suddenly too much. I can't take it anymore.

"El—"

"Please go, Hunter. Don't make this harder than it already is."

He's silent for a while, like he's contemplating what to do. Then suddenly, his lips are on mine, hard and fast. Before I can even respond, he's opening the door and shutting it behind him.

"Goodbye, Elena," he says, leaving before I can respond.

He's never called me that before, and it hurts that he's now going to pretend that we don't care about each other at all.

But this is what I want, right?

I never expected to feel such an immense pain building in my chest. It knocks the breath out of me.

After everything, my mum leaving, my dad letting me stay here, not being able to be with Hunter, my brother changing, I can't take it anymore. I've had enough. It's all too much, too much pain to take.

So instead, I let the pain consume me as I sob helplessly on the floor of the room I've called mine for so many weeks. Tomorrow, I will be going home. Not without the nightmares of this place. The thought only makes me cry harder.

How I wish things could be different.