♡♡♡

The days drag on, longer than usual.

It's scary to think that I rely so much on seeing one person. I crave to see his warm smile, his blonde hair and beautiful blues eyes. But I know he's going to betray me.

He is razor-sharp and I'm going to get cut if I'm not careful. There are so many reasons why I should despise him. But I just...don't.

I press my palms to my eyes, breathing out slowly. The mattress squeaks under my weight.

It's clear that he's been avoiding me. Now I only see Ridge, and occasionally Marcos when Ridge is too busy to bring me my food.

I've hardly spoken to Ridge since my nightmare when he stayed with me. An occasional few words pass between us, but we are lucky if we speak two sentences combined.

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying not to think of Hunter's stupid hand on my face when he'd told me what his dad would do to me if he found out about the phone call. He actually sounded pained and worried. But then again, he didn't seem to stop his dad when he hit me over and over.

It's just a waiting game now. Only time would tell what my fate will be.

I constantly find myself daydreaming about what it would have been like if we had met under different circumstances, different lives even. I start to wonder if this is what it was like for Stacey and Ridge in the beginning, before everything started to spiral out of control between them. I wonder if this is how she felt about him when she smiled at her phone, glad he had replied to her messages.

I've never understood why she would fall for a Haswell, but now I'm starting to see the appeal of it. Even if I can't ever do anything about the way I feel. Stacey is lucky in that aspect. She has the freedom to be herself, something I've never even tasted.

Thinking of her brings a stabbing pain to my chest, and I clench my teeth. I wonder what she's doing right now, at this very moment. How much did Stacey and Carmen know about my whereabouts? Did they know anything at all?

A knock at the door jolts me out of my thoughts.

Ridge comes through the door, leaving my food on the small fold-out table I've been given. "Here's your food," Ridge says.

"Thanks."

"Um," Ridge clears his throat. "I'll leave you to it then."

Before he can reach the door, I'm talking without thinking. "Wait," I blurt."Can you...could you stay for a bit?"

He frowns, looking sceptical. A slight blush covers his cheeks and I wonder if he's been trying to avoid talking to me since he held me while I sat in my room, frightened.

What if he thought...

I laugh nervously. "Oh, no, you've got the wrong idea. I didn't mean...well, all I meant was would you stay because I'm...lonely?"

My pride takes a major hit and can hardly look at him.

Ridge suddenly grins, nodding. "For a second there, I thought you were cracking onto me and then I was going to have to let you down easy."

I blush, looking away. "Yeah, well, as soon as the words came out of my mouth, I should have noticed how it sounded."

"It doesn't matter anyway, I know how you and H—" he cuts himself off, frowning.

I think I know what he's going to say, and I'm grateful that he doesn't finish it.

"So," Ridge says," finding a spot to sit down of the floor. "What do you want to talk about?"

I lay back down on the mattress. My brown hair fans out around my face, some landing over my eyes. I pick up a piece, realising just how long it's grown over the past few weeks.

"Anything at all. What's on your mind?"

He raises his eyebrows. "Honestly? I can't stop thinking about Stacey, actually."

I sit up quickly, facing him. That's caught me by surprise. I wasn't aware that Stacey ever crossed his mind at all anymore. "Really? I ask, surprise evident in my tone. "How come?"

He shakes his head. I see the slightest flash of pain in his own brown eyes and it confuses me. "It's stupid, really."

"Oh, come on. You can't bring something up and then not tell me. Why have you been thinking about her?"

He sighs, brushing a hand through his hair. "Honestly, it has a lot to do with you."

"Me?"

"Yeah," he says, pulling his lips into a thin line. "Lately, just when I've been bringing you food, I just keep seeing...her. I don't know why, but I guess you guys were pretty much always joined at the hip. I only ever saw you when you were with Stacey and so now when I walk into this room," he says, gesturing at the space around us, "I just think of her and how life used to be so much more simple."

He rubs a hand over his face. "It just makes this situation so much worse, too. I keep imaging her here and how it would just..."

He doesn't continue, but I watch as his hands ball into fists at his sides. I realise exactly what's going on. It's clear that Ridge still loves Stacey. Clearly, the breakup hadn't been very mutual.

"You know," he says, suddenly. "While I was dating Stacey, I always thought you were a bit of a bitch."

"What?" I gasp, hitting his arm, laughing. "What did I do to make you think that?"

"When we first started going out, I saw that you would purposely avoid me. Like getting up from sitting with Stacey at lunch when I walked over. I didn't know for months why you would do that, until..."

"Until?"

"Until Hunter told me who you were. I should have realised straight away, really. I think it was just because you never hung out with The Skulls at school. That was why I was so oblivious. It bugged me that you would always just randomly get up when I came over. At first, I didn't think it was even about me, that maybe you actually needed to go somewhere every lunch. Then you glared at me one day and I realised it really was about me." He runs a hand through his hair before continuing.

"Then Hunter told me I should have been paying more attention during our club meetings. You were always a hot topic. I'm so oblivious in those meetings, they just get boring and—"

"Wait, what?" I cut him off. "I'm talked about at club meetings?"

He gulps again, looking away from me. "I shouldn't be telling you this," he whispers. "Your kidnapping wasn't just a spur of the moment thing. The Razors have been watching The Skulls working in our territory for months, waiting for the perfect time to do something. Then my dad remembered that you go to school with us and he thought it would be just perfect," he laughs angrily, his hands forming fists again.

"At first, it was planned to happen in the school parking lot. Some of The Razors who go to school with us started realising that you stayed at school late on Thursday's to study in the library."

I shiver at Ridge's word, bring my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. I can feel my eyes growing wide with all the new information.

"They started to plan how they could make it all happen. My dad was getting angrier every day that you were taking our jobs, even selling more drugs than us. It was his new obsession. You were his new obsession."

"Why wasn't I kidnapped at school then? If they've been thinking about doing it for a long time, why didn't it happen sooner?" I ask.

It scares the hell out of me to think I've been watched for months.

"Well, the day that it was supposed to happen, about a month or so ago, Hunter pulled out. He was supposed to be the one to...grab you. He suddenly just came up to me after school and told me that it wasn't a good day to do it. I asked him why and—"

"Wait," I say, low. "A month ago? Do you know exactly what day?"

"Well, um, I think it was the 10th? No, 11th?" he says, looking at me strangely. He probably doesn't realise the significance of this.

The 11th, one month ago. The timeline matches up. It had to be the day that Hunter almost hit me when I stepped in to stop the fight between him and my brother. I remember that day so clearly. I remember the look of panic in his eyes, the remorse. I know he felt bad that day, it was evident in his expression. I still remember the shake of his fist as he pulled away, thinking that he was about to hit me instead of Noah.

"Oh," I whisper.

"What?" Ridge asks, looking genuinely worried. "What is it?"

"It...never mind, it's nothing."

Ridge eyes me sceptically but doesn't press me further. "Of course, when we got home, dad was livid, screaming and shouting about how useless we were. He didn't talk to us for ages. Until, well, you can probably guess."

"Until you found out that I was doing a job with my brother in your area," I sigh.

"Yeah."

I close my eyes, laying back down.

This is so much information to take in. For most of my years in high school, I'd thought I'd been invisible to nearly every single Razor, except maybe the Haswell brothers. But to find out that the whole gang had been waiting for me to make one wrong turn was utterly mindblowing. To make matters worse, Hunter was supposed to be the one to grab me.

"This is crazy," I mumble.

"For what it's worth, even though I know it doesn't make a difference, I promise you that we didn't want this. We didn't want this to happen to you."

I close my eyes again, nodding. I don't want to think about that. I don't want to see them as kind people who feel bad.

"I'm really sorry about everything, honest."

I don't answer him, scared that my voice might actually break. I'm being so, so foolish.

"And Hunter, god," Ridge continues, shaking his head. "Hunter was so angry when he found out what was going to happen. He actually thought that dad would let it go, but he obviously doesn't know him well enough if he believed that."

Why can't I just will myself to hate them both? It is such an easy emotion. So much easier than forgiveness. Easier to live with. Easier to stop yourself from becoming attached.

"Don't forget to eat your food before it gets too cold, alright? We don't need you starving yourself again like last time," he smiles weakly, before walking to the door.

I hear the lock turn as he leaves and my chest almost caves in on itself. I pick up the measly amount of food, bringing it to my lips. My hands shake, but I force the food into my mouth, gulping it down quickly.

Maybe talking to Ridge just made everything worse. Now I can hardly stay angry at Hunter when I know that he decided not to kidnap me when he had the chance. I try my hardest to stay mad, to think of all the things he's done, but it's impossible.

The stupid boy already has a hold on my heart and he isn't letting go.